Zach looked into her eyes and saw they burned black as night. In them writhed the shades and shadows of the things she’d seen and done; things that he couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine.
Nodding, Zach glanced away.
“Very well. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you this week.” He stood up. “You’ll have my snide, churlish, cantankerous and bitter best from now on,” he pledged.
“God, I love a man with a big vocabulary.” Nora wrapped her arms around his neck. Despite how much he wanted to leave them there, Zach took her arms and pulled them off him.
“But this can’t happen,” he said. “Saturday night can’t happen again.”
“It can, and will in a few days. Saturday night happens at least once a week.”
“No more jokes. You know what I mean.”
“And you know I’m right. We could f**k all we wanted—”
“Perhaps I don’t want to.”
Nora took a step back and Zach cursed himself for his inability to say what he meant without hurting her.
“Zach, you had how many shots Saturday night, and I was still able to get you off with, let’s be honest, minimal effort on my part? Don’t pretend you aren’t attracted to me.”
“Attracted or not, we can’t sleep together. And not just because of the book.”
Nora moved closer. She seemed to be studying him.
“You act like you’re afraid of me, Zach. But you’re not afraid of me at all, are you?”
“I’m terrified of you.”
“No, you’re not. I know guys like you. You worship women, put them on pedestals, think they’re fragile and perfect. That’s why even though it was you on your back in the handcuffs Saturday night, you’re the one doing the apologizing. Zach…you’re afraid of yourself.”
“I’m not—”
“You are. I’ve never known a grown man to be so afraid of his own desires. What happened to you? What did you do that’s made you so afraid to let go?”
“This meeting is over.”
“Tell me. Whatever it is, I promise I’ve done worse.”
“Believe me, Nora, you’ve never done this.”
“It was Grace, wasn’t it? What did you do to her?”
Nora’s words pummeled into him but he couldn’t tell her to stop. He knew whatever pain she inflicted he deserved.
“Please,” he whispered.
“You know how to beg. That’s a good start.”
“No more games, either. I’m not like you.”
“We’re more alike than you want to admit.”
“I’m not—” he paused and looked for the right word “—free like you.”
“You could be.” She took another step closer. “I can show you if you’ll let me. The world I live in, you’ve never seen such freedom. Freedom like you can’t even begin to imagine. Try, Zach.”
“I can’t.” The sadness settled over him again.
“Come with me,” Nora said. Zach felt himself falling under the spell her words were weaving. “Let me show you what life is like lived in the moment. No past, no future, just the one perfect moment you’re standing in and there’s no guilt and there’s no shame and there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of…”
Zach closed his eyes and tried to imagine her world. But once his eyes closed he could see only darkness and he could smell only the copper of fresh fallen blood.
“I’m sorry.”
Nora was still looking at him when he opened his eyes.
“Fuck your sorry,” she said with angry eyes and turned on her heel. “I’ve got a book to write.”
16
Three weeks left…
“Why do you stay with me?” William asked. With his fingertip, he traced the outline of a welt that ran shoulder to shoulder across her back.
Caroline turned over in bed to face him. “Because of the Wives of Weinsburg,” she said as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.
“I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the ladies of which you speak.” William ran his hand over her hip and she shivered at the sensation. For all the pain he inflicted on her, he resolved every day to inflict equal pleasure.
“They may only be a legend. I like to think they were real. Once the city of Weinsburg in Germany was under siege. The enemy emperor was dangerous but not unmerciful. When it became inevitable that the city would fall, the men of Weinsberg pleaded for their women, that they be allowed to flee with their lives. The emperor relented and allowed the women to leave the city with only the valuables they could carry on their backs. The day came and the gates of the city opened and the emperor watched in shock as the women stumbled through the gates nearly breaking under the weight of their husbands and fathers who they carried on their backs. Their love humbled the emperor and he declared all would be spared.”
“For these women who may or may not exist you stay with me?” he asked, laughing at her as usual.
Caroline reached out to touch his face but pulled her hand back. He’d taught her so well not to touch him without permission. There were moments he regretted how well he’d trained her.
“Every day you battle an enemy I cannot fight with you or for you. But if there is ever a chance for a reprieve, then I will bear you across the world on my back to see you finally at peace.”
Nodding, Zach glanced away.
“Very well. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you this week.” He stood up. “You’ll have my snide, churlish, cantankerous and bitter best from now on,” he pledged.
“God, I love a man with a big vocabulary.” Nora wrapped her arms around his neck. Despite how much he wanted to leave them there, Zach took her arms and pulled them off him.
“But this can’t happen,” he said. “Saturday night can’t happen again.”
“It can, and will in a few days. Saturday night happens at least once a week.”
“No more jokes. You know what I mean.”
“And you know I’m right. We could f**k all we wanted—”
“Perhaps I don’t want to.”
Nora took a step back and Zach cursed himself for his inability to say what he meant without hurting her.
“Zach, you had how many shots Saturday night, and I was still able to get you off with, let’s be honest, minimal effort on my part? Don’t pretend you aren’t attracted to me.”
“Attracted or not, we can’t sleep together. And not just because of the book.”
Nora moved closer. She seemed to be studying him.
“You act like you’re afraid of me, Zach. But you’re not afraid of me at all, are you?”
“I’m terrified of you.”
“No, you’re not. I know guys like you. You worship women, put them on pedestals, think they’re fragile and perfect. That’s why even though it was you on your back in the handcuffs Saturday night, you’re the one doing the apologizing. Zach…you’re afraid of yourself.”
“I’m not—”
“You are. I’ve never known a grown man to be so afraid of his own desires. What happened to you? What did you do that’s made you so afraid to let go?”
“This meeting is over.”
“Tell me. Whatever it is, I promise I’ve done worse.”
“Believe me, Nora, you’ve never done this.”
“It was Grace, wasn’t it? What did you do to her?”
Nora’s words pummeled into him but he couldn’t tell her to stop. He knew whatever pain she inflicted he deserved.
“Please,” he whispered.
“You know how to beg. That’s a good start.”
“No more games, either. I’m not like you.”
“We’re more alike than you want to admit.”
“I’m not—” he paused and looked for the right word “—free like you.”
“You could be.” She took another step closer. “I can show you if you’ll let me. The world I live in, you’ve never seen such freedom. Freedom like you can’t even begin to imagine. Try, Zach.”
“I can’t.” The sadness settled over him again.
“Come with me,” Nora said. Zach felt himself falling under the spell her words were weaving. “Let me show you what life is like lived in the moment. No past, no future, just the one perfect moment you’re standing in and there’s no guilt and there’s no shame and there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of…”
Zach closed his eyes and tried to imagine her world. But once his eyes closed he could see only darkness and he could smell only the copper of fresh fallen blood.
“I’m sorry.”
Nora was still looking at him when he opened his eyes.
“Fuck your sorry,” she said with angry eyes and turned on her heel. “I’ve got a book to write.”
16
Three weeks left…
“Why do you stay with me?” William asked. With his fingertip, he traced the outline of a welt that ran shoulder to shoulder across her back.
Caroline turned over in bed to face him. “Because of the Wives of Weinsburg,” she said as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.
“I’m afraid I’m not familiar with the ladies of which you speak.” William ran his hand over her hip and she shivered at the sensation. For all the pain he inflicted on her, he resolved every day to inflict equal pleasure.
“They may only be a legend. I like to think they were real. Once the city of Weinsburg in Germany was under siege. The enemy emperor was dangerous but not unmerciful. When it became inevitable that the city would fall, the men of Weinsberg pleaded for their women, that they be allowed to flee with their lives. The emperor relented and allowed the women to leave the city with only the valuables they could carry on their backs. The day came and the gates of the city opened and the emperor watched in shock as the women stumbled through the gates nearly breaking under the weight of their husbands and fathers who they carried on their backs. Their love humbled the emperor and he declared all would be spared.”
“For these women who may or may not exist you stay with me?” he asked, laughing at her as usual.
Caroline reached out to touch his face but pulled her hand back. He’d taught her so well not to touch him without permission. There were moments he regretted how well he’d trained her.
“Every day you battle an enemy I cannot fight with you or for you. But if there is ever a chance for a reprieve, then I will bear you across the world on my back to see you finally at peace.”
