“I’ll go check on your room and make sure you have everything you need,” her mother said, taking Elle’s duffel bag from her. “I’ll be back. Don’t worry. You’re in good hands with Sister Aquinas.”
“Okay,” Elle said, too relieved to have a place to stay for the time being to worry about anything much at the moment. “I’ll see you soon.”
Her mother kissed her on the forehead.
“Thank you.” The two words came out of Elle’s mouth entirely of their own volition.
“You’re thanking me?” Her mother sounded utterly baffled.
“Well, you got them to let me stay here. I know we haven’t gotten along the past few years...ten years.”
“Twenty-six years,” her mother said, but she said it kindly.
She paused to laugh. “Okay, twenty-six years. But yeah, I appreciate it, Mom. Sister John, I mean. Sorry.”
Her mother cupped her face and looked her in the eyes.
“Every morning for the past three years I’ve woken up and prayed the same prayer. Do you want to know what that prayer is?”
“What?” Elle asked, even though she was certain she didn’t want to know.
“Dear God, please don’t let today be the day he finally kills her.”
Once more her mother kissed her on the forehead and then hurried away before Elle could say another word.
Something turned in Elle’s heart, turned like a knob on a telescope. For the first time, Elle looked through the eyepiece of her mother’s heart, and now, this moment, the light had come into focus and Elle saw what her mother saw—a daughter she didn’t understand in love with a powerful, dangerous man twice her size who couldn’t make love to her without hurting her first. And every day she feared he would go too far and kill her only child. Every time her mother looked at Elle, that’s what she saw. For one second, Elle saw it, too.
“Behind the curtain,” Sister Aquinas said. “I’ll be right there.”
Dazed by her vision, Elle did as told, walking behind the curtain and sitting numbly on the hospital cot.
Sister Aquinas came around with a towel in her hand. She tossed it on the side table and put her hands on either side of Elle’s neck.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Oh...I’m fine,” Elle said.
“Are you sure about that? Your eyes are bloodshot. Are you on drugs?”
“Nothing illegal. I had some nausea.”
“Have you been vomiting?”
“A few times.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“Not since Monday night.”
Sister Aquinas blinked at her. But it was only one blink, one pause.
“Miscarriage?”
“No.”
“I see.” Sister Aquinas took a long breath. “Surgical or medical?”
“Medical.”
“Miferprex?” Sister Aquinas asked.
“Yes.”
“When?”
“First pills on Monday. Second pill on Wednesday.”
“Today’s Friday,” Sister Aquinas said. “So five days then.” She was speaking to herself. “Have you been to a doctor since Wednesday?”
“No.”
“How severe was the bleeding?”
“Heavy. Very heavy.”
“It’s lighter now?”
“Much.”
“Did you take anything else?” Sister Aquinas pulled out a scope and looked in Elle’s ears.
“Nothing else.”
“They should have given you Tylenol and Compazine.”
“I had a prescription for them,” Elle said. “But I was too sick to go get them filled.”
“You didn’t have anyone to help you? The father?”
“No.”
Sister Aquinas sighed heavily. “It’s times like this I remember why I became a nun.”
Elle laughed. “Because you hate men?”
“No. I never wanted to go through anything alone again.”
“Thank you for being nice about this,” Elle said.
“I’m a doctor. Just because I don’t agree with a certain medical procedure, it doesn’t mean I didn’t learn about it in medical school.”
“You’re a doctor? I thought you were a nun.”
“I’m both. I have some painkillers here. I can give you something for your nausea if you still need it.”
“I think I’m done puking.”
“You’ll probably bleed for a few weeks. That’s normal. But I want you to come back here in a week. We can do a sonogram.”
Elle stared at her wide-eyed.
“You can do that here? You get a lot of knocked-up nuns in here?”
Sister Aquinas smiled. “Kidney stones. I see a lot of those.”
“I see.” Elle rolled back onto the cot while Sister Aquinas prodded her stomach. “I’m going to be okay, aren’t I?”
“Okay? Physically, yes. You’ll be fine. Emotionally and spiritually? That’s between you and God. But if any place can help you get right with God, it’s here.”
“I don’t regret it,” Elle said, and she meant every word.
“Pride is a sin, young lady.”
“Put it on my tab.”
“God sees the heart,” was all Sister Aquinas said to that.
Sister Aquinas continued her perfunctory examination. She made no further comment about Elle’s choice or her spiritual state. But when Elle took her shirt off, Sister Aquinas froze. It was only for an instant, and unlike Mother Prioress, no Catholic oaths were released.
“Okay,” Elle said, too relieved to have a place to stay for the time being to worry about anything much at the moment. “I’ll see you soon.”
Her mother kissed her on the forehead.
“Thank you.” The two words came out of Elle’s mouth entirely of their own volition.
“You’re thanking me?” Her mother sounded utterly baffled.
“Well, you got them to let me stay here. I know we haven’t gotten along the past few years...ten years.”
“Twenty-six years,” her mother said, but she said it kindly.
She paused to laugh. “Okay, twenty-six years. But yeah, I appreciate it, Mom. Sister John, I mean. Sorry.”
Her mother cupped her face and looked her in the eyes.
“Every morning for the past three years I’ve woken up and prayed the same prayer. Do you want to know what that prayer is?”
“What?” Elle asked, even though she was certain she didn’t want to know.
“Dear God, please don’t let today be the day he finally kills her.”
Once more her mother kissed her on the forehead and then hurried away before Elle could say another word.
Something turned in Elle’s heart, turned like a knob on a telescope. For the first time, Elle looked through the eyepiece of her mother’s heart, and now, this moment, the light had come into focus and Elle saw what her mother saw—a daughter she didn’t understand in love with a powerful, dangerous man twice her size who couldn’t make love to her without hurting her first. And every day she feared he would go too far and kill her only child. Every time her mother looked at Elle, that’s what she saw. For one second, Elle saw it, too.
“Behind the curtain,” Sister Aquinas said. “I’ll be right there.”
Dazed by her vision, Elle did as told, walking behind the curtain and sitting numbly on the hospital cot.
Sister Aquinas came around with a towel in her hand. She tossed it on the side table and put her hands on either side of Elle’s neck.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Oh...I’m fine,” Elle said.
“Are you sure about that? Your eyes are bloodshot. Are you on drugs?”
“Nothing illegal. I had some nausea.”
“Have you been vomiting?”
“A few times.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“Not since Monday night.”
Sister Aquinas blinked at her. But it was only one blink, one pause.
“Miscarriage?”
“No.”
“I see.” Sister Aquinas took a long breath. “Surgical or medical?”
“Medical.”
“Miferprex?” Sister Aquinas asked.
“Yes.”
“When?”
“First pills on Monday. Second pill on Wednesday.”
“Today’s Friday,” Sister Aquinas said. “So five days then.” She was speaking to herself. “Have you been to a doctor since Wednesday?”
“No.”
“How severe was the bleeding?”
“Heavy. Very heavy.”
“It’s lighter now?”
“Much.”
“Did you take anything else?” Sister Aquinas pulled out a scope and looked in Elle’s ears.
“Nothing else.”
“They should have given you Tylenol and Compazine.”
“I had a prescription for them,” Elle said. “But I was too sick to go get them filled.”
“You didn’t have anyone to help you? The father?”
“No.”
Sister Aquinas sighed heavily. “It’s times like this I remember why I became a nun.”
Elle laughed. “Because you hate men?”
“No. I never wanted to go through anything alone again.”
“Thank you for being nice about this,” Elle said.
“I’m a doctor. Just because I don’t agree with a certain medical procedure, it doesn’t mean I didn’t learn about it in medical school.”
“You’re a doctor? I thought you were a nun.”
“I’m both. I have some painkillers here. I can give you something for your nausea if you still need it.”
“I think I’m done puking.”
“You’ll probably bleed for a few weeks. That’s normal. But I want you to come back here in a week. We can do a sonogram.”
Elle stared at her wide-eyed.
“You can do that here? You get a lot of knocked-up nuns in here?”
Sister Aquinas smiled. “Kidney stones. I see a lot of those.”
“I see.” Elle rolled back onto the cot while Sister Aquinas prodded her stomach. “I’m going to be okay, aren’t I?”
“Okay? Physically, yes. You’ll be fine. Emotionally and spiritually? That’s between you and God. But if any place can help you get right with God, it’s here.”
“I don’t regret it,” Elle said, and she meant every word.
“Pride is a sin, young lady.”
“Put it on my tab.”
“God sees the heart,” was all Sister Aquinas said to that.
Sister Aquinas continued her perfunctory examination. She made no further comment about Elle’s choice or her spiritual state. But when Elle took her shirt off, Sister Aquinas froze. It was only for an instant, and unlike Mother Prioress, no Catholic oaths were released.
