She frowns at me, her little lips pouting, and jabs her finger at her bedside table. I look over to see a picture of myself, holding her as a baby.
Leah told her about me? I don’t understand. I don’t know whether to be grateful or furious. If she wanted to make me think this little girl wasn’t mine, why would she bother making Estella think anything different?
“Stella,” I say cautiously, “can I give you a hug?” I want to pull her to me and sob into her beautiful red hair, but I don’t want to scare my daughter.
She grins. When she answers, she lifts her shoulders up and tilts her head all the way to the side.
“Sure.” She leans forward, arms outstretched.
I hug her to my chest, kissing the top of her head. I can barely breathe. I want to pick her up, put her in my car and drive her away from the woman who has kept her from me. I can’t be like Leah. I have to do what is best for Stella. I want to hold her to my chest all night. It takes everything I have to separate from our hug.
“Stella,” I say, pulling away. “You have to go back to sleep now, but guess what?”
She makes a cute, little kiddie face. “What?”
“Tomorrow, I’m going to come pick you up so we can hang out.”
She claps, and again, I’m tempted to pick her up and carry her out tonight. I curb my enthusiasm. “We’re going to go eat ice cream, and buy toys, and feed ducks, and kick sand at the beach.”
She slaps a hand over her mouth. “All in one day?”
I nod.
I help her snuggle back under her covers and kiss both of her cheeks and her forehead. I kiss her chin for good measure. She giggles, so I pull back the covers and kiss her toes. She squeals, and I have to press my fingertips to the corners of my eyes to stop the tears.
“Night, pretty baby.”
I close her door softly. I don’t make it five steps when I find Leah sitting against the wall. She doesn’t look at me.
“I’ll be here first thing in the morning to pick her up,” I say as I walk toward the stairs. I want to get out of the house before I strangle her.
“She has school,” Leah argues, standing up. I double back and come within an inch of her face. I am breathing hard, my chest heaving. She squares her jaw. I hate her so much in that moment; I don’t know what I ever saw. My words are gruff and full of anguish.
“She has a father.”
It’s then that I hear the sirens.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Hey, handsome, what are you doing here?”
I lifted my sunglasses and smiled.
“Cammie.”
She smirked and stood on her tiptoes to give me a hug. My eyes darted past her and searched the crowd walking into the mall.
“Is she-?”
She shook her head. “Not here.”
I felt myself relax. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing her. Out of sight, partially out of mind was what was working for me at the moment.
“So, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home with the pregnant wifey witch?”
We fell into step and I grinned at her. “I’m here for a pretzel actually. She had a craving.”
“God, that’s embarrassing — once the big man on campus, now the bitch’s errand boy.”
I laughed. Cammie was always good for a laugh. I held the door open for her, and the air conditioning blasted me in the face.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, you know me,” she sang, stopping at a rack of skirts. “I like to spend money.”
I nodded and stuck my hands in my pockets, feeling awkward.
“Actually,” she said, turning to me, “I’m looking for a dress to wear to a wedding. Help me?”
I shrugged. “Since when do you need help shopping?”
“Oh, that’s right.” She tucked her lips in and shook her head. “You have to get back to your pregnant wife. Don’t let me hold you up.” She dismissed me with a wave of her hand and pulled a slinky white dress off the rack.
I scratched the back of my head. “White makes you look matronly.”
She narrowed her eyes and put the dress back, while still looking at me. “Who asked you?”
She held up a blue silk dress for me to see and I nodded. She shoved it at me and I took it.
“So, do you know what you’re having … boy … girl … seed of Chucky?”
“We’re not finding out.”
She tossed another dress my way. I re-shelved it when she turned away.
“I own a nanny agency, you know. So, when the little bundle comes along, I’m sure I can find it a new mother.”
She held up a Gucci dress and I nodded. “She’ll be fine. You know I’m traditional about those things.”
Cammie snorted. “You might be, but I highly doubt your lovely wife will be offering up the breast any time soon.”
I ground my teeth together, which she noticed right away.
“Sore subject much? Don’t worry C-Dizzle, I’ve seen this before. Tell her you’ll buy her a new set when it’s all over. That should bring her around.”
I cocked my head. That wasn’t a bad idea.
I followed her to the changing room.
“So,” I said, leaning against the wall outside. “How-”
“She’s fine.”
I nodded, looking at the floor.
“Is she-”
She burst out wearing the blue dress and spun in a circle.
“Don’t even bother trying the others on,” I said.
She made a kissy face at the mirror and nodded. “You’re right.”
The door slammed closed. A minute later, she came out dressed and carrying the garment on her arm.
“Well, that was easy.”
I walked with her to the register and watched as she plucked out her credit card. “Now a gift and shoes and I’m all set.”
“What’s the dress for again?”
She leveled her eyes on me, a wicked smile playing on her lips.
“Didn’t I tell you?” she said innocently. “This dress is for Olivia’s wedding.”
A tremor of shock passed through me. Suddenly, all of the colors around me were bleeding together, hurting my eyes. I felt sick, my chest constricting with each second that passed. Cammie’s lips were moving; she was saying something. I shook my head to clear it.
Leah told her about me? I don’t understand. I don’t know whether to be grateful or furious. If she wanted to make me think this little girl wasn’t mine, why would she bother making Estella think anything different?
“Stella,” I say cautiously, “can I give you a hug?” I want to pull her to me and sob into her beautiful red hair, but I don’t want to scare my daughter.
She grins. When she answers, she lifts her shoulders up and tilts her head all the way to the side.
“Sure.” She leans forward, arms outstretched.
I hug her to my chest, kissing the top of her head. I can barely breathe. I want to pick her up, put her in my car and drive her away from the woman who has kept her from me. I can’t be like Leah. I have to do what is best for Stella. I want to hold her to my chest all night. It takes everything I have to separate from our hug.
“Stella,” I say, pulling away. “You have to go back to sleep now, but guess what?”
She makes a cute, little kiddie face. “What?”
“Tomorrow, I’m going to come pick you up so we can hang out.”
She claps, and again, I’m tempted to pick her up and carry her out tonight. I curb my enthusiasm. “We’re going to go eat ice cream, and buy toys, and feed ducks, and kick sand at the beach.”
She slaps a hand over her mouth. “All in one day?”
I nod.
I help her snuggle back under her covers and kiss both of her cheeks and her forehead. I kiss her chin for good measure. She giggles, so I pull back the covers and kiss her toes. She squeals, and I have to press my fingertips to the corners of my eyes to stop the tears.
“Night, pretty baby.”
I close her door softly. I don’t make it five steps when I find Leah sitting against the wall. She doesn’t look at me.
“I’ll be here first thing in the morning to pick her up,” I say as I walk toward the stairs. I want to get out of the house before I strangle her.
“She has school,” Leah argues, standing up. I double back and come within an inch of her face. I am breathing hard, my chest heaving. She squares her jaw. I hate her so much in that moment; I don’t know what I ever saw. My words are gruff and full of anguish.
“She has a father.”
It’s then that I hear the sirens.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Hey, handsome, what are you doing here?”
I lifted my sunglasses and smiled.
“Cammie.”
She smirked and stood on her tiptoes to give me a hug. My eyes darted past her and searched the crowd walking into the mall.
“Is she-?”
She shook her head. “Not here.”
I felt myself relax. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing her. Out of sight, partially out of mind was what was working for me at the moment.
“So, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home with the pregnant wifey witch?”
We fell into step and I grinned at her. “I’m here for a pretzel actually. She had a craving.”
“God, that’s embarrassing — once the big man on campus, now the bitch’s errand boy.”
I laughed. Cammie was always good for a laugh. I held the door open for her, and the air conditioning blasted me in the face.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, you know me,” she sang, stopping at a rack of skirts. “I like to spend money.”
I nodded and stuck my hands in my pockets, feeling awkward.
“Actually,” she said, turning to me, “I’m looking for a dress to wear to a wedding. Help me?”
I shrugged. “Since when do you need help shopping?”
“Oh, that’s right.” She tucked her lips in and shook her head. “You have to get back to your pregnant wife. Don’t let me hold you up.” She dismissed me with a wave of her hand and pulled a slinky white dress off the rack.
I scratched the back of my head. “White makes you look matronly.”
She narrowed her eyes and put the dress back, while still looking at me. “Who asked you?”
She held up a blue silk dress for me to see and I nodded. She shoved it at me and I took it.
“So, do you know what you’re having … boy … girl … seed of Chucky?”
“We’re not finding out.”
She tossed another dress my way. I re-shelved it when she turned away.
“I own a nanny agency, you know. So, when the little bundle comes along, I’m sure I can find it a new mother.”
She held up a Gucci dress and I nodded. “She’ll be fine. You know I’m traditional about those things.”
Cammie snorted. “You might be, but I highly doubt your lovely wife will be offering up the breast any time soon.”
I ground my teeth together, which she noticed right away.
“Sore subject much? Don’t worry C-Dizzle, I’ve seen this before. Tell her you’ll buy her a new set when it’s all over. That should bring her around.”
I cocked my head. That wasn’t a bad idea.
I followed her to the changing room.
“So,” I said, leaning against the wall outside. “How-”
“She’s fine.”
I nodded, looking at the floor.
“Is she-”
She burst out wearing the blue dress and spun in a circle.
“Don’t even bother trying the others on,” I said.
She made a kissy face at the mirror and nodded. “You’re right.”
The door slammed closed. A minute later, she came out dressed and carrying the garment on her arm.
“Well, that was easy.”
I walked with her to the register and watched as she plucked out her credit card. “Now a gift and shoes and I’m all set.”
“What’s the dress for again?”
She leveled her eyes on me, a wicked smile playing on her lips.
“Didn’t I tell you?” she said innocently. “This dress is for Olivia’s wedding.”
A tremor of shock passed through me. Suddenly, all of the colors around me were bleeding together, hurting my eyes. I felt sick, my chest constricting with each second that passed. Cammie’s lips were moving; she was saying something. I shook my head to clear it.
