Thirty-One and a Half Regrets
Page 71

As I stared down at the journal entry, a wet spot appeared on the page, slightly smearing the ink. I wiped my face, which is when I realized I’d started to cry. I set the book on a table next to the chair and lay back against the cushions, closing my eyes. Reassured that she is deeply loved and cherished. I had never really felt loved and cherished until meeting Joe. His love had helped me blossom into the woman I was today. Jonah insisted I had done it on my own, but I didn’t believe that was entirely true. Joe had given me the gift of fun and happiness and joy. He’d loved me unconditionally. But Joe’s love had been wrapped in secrets and each time a new one had unfolded, more distrust had seeped in. Part of me still loved Joe, but the bottom line was that I didn’t trust him and never could again. And without trust, we had nothing.
I stood and wiped my eyes. Enough wallowing. Joe was in my past, and it was time for me to move on, whether with Mason or not.
Movement caught my eye behind the house. I parted the curtains to see a figure in a tan sheriff’s uniform heading for the barn. I couldn’t see his face, but he had dark hair. Deputy Miller.
I picked up the journal and stuffed it back into the drawer. I was supposed to be looking for Mason’s phone and I hoped he hadn’t resorted to looking for it himself. Grabbing the now cold cup of coffee, I headed down to the kitchen to grab the coffee pot before heading to the office.
Mason was still bent over his desk. “I didn’t find your phone,” I said.
He looked up with a worried expression. “That’s so odd. I could swear I set it down right there—” he pointed to the corner of the desk “—when I came in here with Jeff. I don’t remember seeing it after that. I wonder if he picked it up accidently thinking it was his own.” His gaze shifted to the coffee pot in my hand and he grinned. “If you’re here to give me a refill, you really are an angel sent from heaven.”
The similarity to my mother’s journal entry caught me off guard and I hesitated before refilling his cup.
He noticed the change in my face. “Is everything okay? Did something else happen with that deputy?”
Frowning, I shook my head. “No. Nothing like that. I read some of that journal I found, which is why it took me so long to come back down. Dora called me her angel sent to save her.”
His face fell. “Rose…I’m sorry… I didn’t know….”
I offered him a smile. “Of course you didn’t.” I waved my hand. “I’m fine. She’s just beginning to feel more real to me, is all.”
“Well, I’m here if you need me, okay? Don’t worry about bothering me.”
“Thanks.”
I headed out the front door, Muffy trotting along. She ran down the steps and claimed a bush. I was going to offer fresh coffee to the deputies, but Deputy Miller wasn’t on the porch. He came running around the corner of the house and skidded to a halt when he saw me.
“Ms. Gardner, I hear you’re a landscaping expert and I saw a bush on the side of the house that I don’t recognize. I’d like to get one for my mother. Could you come look at it and tell me what it is?”
My back stiffened. “I don’t…”
Deputy Gyer sat up and gave the other man a look of disgust. “What are you thinking? She’s not supposed to be outside. Now get your ass up here.”
Deputy Miller slowly climbed the steps to the porch and sat in his chair. His whole body seemed to hum with agitation.
Giving me a smile, Deputy Gyer lifted his open travel mug. “If you’re offering refills, I’d be obliged.”
I stepped in front of Deputy Miller to top up the mug. I had already started to pour when my vision began to fade.
I was running through a field, out of breath. The sky overhead was dark and gray. Continuing to push my way through, I shouted, “I don’t see them!”
“Well, find them, dammit,” a familiar male voice snarled.
Just as suddenly, I was back on the front porch, coffee overflowing from the mug onto the floor. “You’re looking for someone.”
Deputy Gyer jerked his hand back, splashing more coffee on his coat. “What?”
Who had he been looking for? While all fields looked similar, I was certain it was the one on my farm. And suddenly something registered—I knew the other voice from the vision.
I needed to tell Mason immediately, but first I needed to cover my tracks. “Isn’t that what you’re doing? Looking for Daniel Crocker?”
He shot me another glare before turning away to look at the driveway.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket.
“They’re trying to find him, Rose,” Deputy Miller said, offering me an apologetic look. “Hopefully, this will all be over soon.”
I looked away from his face and down to his chest. A necklace half-hung out of his shirt. My breath caught in my throat.
It was a St. Jude’s medallion.
Chapter Twenty
I nearly dropped the coffee pot. “Let’s go inside, Muffy,” I called out, worried that my voice was shaky.
“She can stay outside,” Deputy Miller said. “I’ll watch her.”
“No.” My voice broke and I told myself to get it together. “It’s getting colder and I want her to come in where it’s warm.” I’d be the first to admit it was a lame excuse, but it was the best I could come up with on the spot. I went down two steps toward the yard and shouted, “Muffy!”