Thirty-Three and a Half Shenanigans
Page 33

Huh. Billy Jack had told us she’d busted it just a few days ago, right before the bartender picked her up. “Okay, thank you.” I handed her one of my business cards. “If you hear or think of anything, could you let me know? Like I said, her momma’s really worried.”
She looked it over. “This says you own a landscaping business, but you said you work at Gems. Which is it?”
“Uh . . .” I hadn’t even considered that. “Both. Do you have any idea how much business a landscaping company gets in December?”
She gave me a blank stare.
“None, that’s how much it gets. Christmas is coming, and I need to buy presents.”
Tabitha seemed to accept my answer and stuffed my card into her bag. “I hear you there, girl. We’re all desperate in our own way.”
One of the older women walked up and asked, “Tabitha, you said that hip gyration could be used in sexual intercourse. What about with an inflatable pump? Won’t it break it?”
My eyes flew open. “I gotta get going. Thanks, Tabitha.”
She snickered and turned to answer the woman as I hurried out the door.
At least I knew what our next steps should be. Neely Kate and I needed to go to Gems to see if the bartender was really missing and if anyone there knew what was going on. In fact, I couldn’t believe that Neely Kate hadn’t thought of that first.
I had made it out to the parking lot and was walking toward my truck when Neely Kate sat up in the passenger’s seat.
“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me!” Tabitha shouted from behind me, rushing past me. “You get out of that truck, you lyin’ whore!”
I stopped, watching in horror as Tabitha wrenched open the door and started to pull Neely Kate out of the truck.
“I’m not the lyin’ whore!” Neely Kate yelled as she stumbled to get her footing. “You are, you back-stabbing witch! You tried to steal my husband!”
“Me?” Tabitha screeched, lunging for Neely Kate’s hair. “He was mine to start with!”
“Let go of me!”
I finally got my wits about me and rushed forward to save my friend. “Tabitha! Have you lost your mind? Let go!”
But Tabitha was holding on tight, pulling Neely Kate’s hair with all her strength as Neely Kate grappled for her hands. I started searching the parking lot, looking for something to use to stop Tabitha. A crowd of older women had formed around us, and they looked on in shock and horror. One of the women had a mostly full water bottle. I grabbed it from her hand and twisted off the cap. Rushing toward the two women, I started sloshing the water on Tabitha, who began to shriek as she let go of Neely Kate’s hair.
Tabitha turned her murderous gaze on me, and I gave her one last slosh for good measure before tossing the bottle on the pavement, and took off running. But Tabitha had longer legs and tackled me, dropping me hard into the grass. “I’m gonna kill you!”
I rolled to my side as she grabbed my throat, her eyes wide and crazy, and I suddenly wondered what crime she had committed to earn her probation. Oh, crap.
“You let go of my best friend!” Neely Kate screamed, wrapping her arms around Tabitha’s chest and pulling. Tabitha lost her balance and fell to her side, her legs still pinning my waist to the ground.
The two women were shouting at each other while I tried to get out from underneath the both of them.
Suddenly a woman’s voice shouted with authority, “Move out of the way. Get out of the way.” The older women surrounding us let through a redheaded woman in a sheriff’s uniform. Deputy Hoffstetter, the sheriff deputy who had insulted Muffy in my own front yard, looked down at the lot of us with disgust, her eyes going wider when her gaze landed on me. “You all stop that nonsense right now. You’re under arrest.”
Chapter Eleven
If Deputy Hoffstetter thought her command was going to stop Tabitha, she had another thing coming. The crazed woman had managed to grab poor Neely Kate’s hair again. The deputy had pulled out her taser and was about to go to town with it when one of the older women followed my lead and dumped the contents of her mug on Tabitha. Unfortunately, it was a mug full of steaming, hot coffee.
Tabitha started screeching as she jumped up, ready to go after the poor blue-haired Good Samaritan. Instead, Deputy Hoffstetter jumped on top of her, wrestling her to her stomach and slapping a handcuff on one of her wrists.
I managed to crawl away from the pile, rolling over to sit on my bottom as I watched the deputy fasten the other handcuff on the wild brunette. Climbing to my feet, I started to help Neely Kate up. When I saw the tears in her eyes, I panicked as I realized that Tabitha had knocked my pregnant friend to the ground.
I held up my hands. “Don’t get up. We have to make sure the baby’s okay. I’m going to call an ambulance.”
“The only person you should be calling is your attorney,” the deputy said. “Like I said, the three of you are under arrest.”
Everyone started shouting at once. The older women were taking sides—some backing up Tabitha, the others taking Neely Kate’s side after hearing she was pregnant.
Taking advantage of the mayhem, I quickly pulled out my phone and hit call. “Mason,” I said the moment he answered the phone. “I’m in trouble.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding panicked.
“Yes . . . no. I don’t know. Deputy Hoffstetter’s about to arrest me and Neely Kate.”