This Regret
Page 30

He walks over to the edge and reaches for my hand again. “Come on.” His face softens when I deny his invitation. “You know I’ll keep you safe. I just want to show you something.”
Grabbing his hand, I take a deep breath and let him walk me over to the edge. “I can’t believe I’m even up here right now. I feel like vomiting.”
He snickers and steps back. “Not on the Converse shoes, girl. These are new,” he teases, “You ruined my favorite pair. Don’t think I forgot about that.”
I laugh at the memory. I remember it like it was yesterday. Kellan and Adric talked me into going on the stupid Ferris wheel at the carnival and I got so nervous that I puked all over Kellan’s pant legs and his favorite pair of black Converse shoes. It was humiliating. Adric teased me for weeks.
“Oh, get over it, big guy.” I squeeze his hand as he pulls me next to him and points down at a house across the street.
“See that?”
It takes a few minutes and a lot of deep breathing before my eyes can focus.
When they finally do, I see an old man pacing back and forth in a pair of old, loose whitey tighties and a pair of cowboy boots. It looks like he’s arguing with himself while holding a golf club in his hand.
“What is he doing?” I'm trying really hard to hold back my laughter.
“He's playing golf." He laughs, letting go of my hand. He leans closer over the edge, in a crouching position. I grab his shirt to be sure he’s safe. “He’s free to do what he wants. No one ever bothers him. He does this like twice a week. He comes out here with his golf clubs and hits imaginary balls. Sometimes, I wonder if he thinks he’s talking to some of his old golfing buddies. I catch him arguing with himself and one time it almost looked as if he were proposing to someone. Most of the time." He pauses to think. “He looks happy. He doesn’t need anyone.” He turns to face me, stands up and brushes a loose strand of hair off my face, his fingertips lightly brushing my heated face. “Can you imagine what it would be like to not need anyone? To be able to be happy and content by yourself. I mean yeah, he might be crazy, but all of his friends are in here.” He points to his head. “They’re there whenever he wants them to be. He’s in control of his own happiness. He’s never alone Phoenix." He nods his head toward the ground. “Look now.”
I bring my eyes down to see the old man with his hands behind his back, smiling as if he’s flirting with a woman. He runs his hands through his white hair, kicks his foot in the dirt and then laughs. Somehow, it makes me both happy and sad at the same time.
“I can’t imagine it.” I say truthfully. “I mean, do you honestly think he’s happy? Does he not have anyone at all in real life?”
He rubs his hands over his face and steps away from the edge, finally letting me breathe again. “I don’t think he does. Sometimes when I need fresh air during the workday, I stand outside against the building and just watch everything around me. I’ve never once seen anyone pull into that driveway.”
My heart breaks for the old man. I can imagine my life being like that and I hate it. No one deserves to be alone.
“So . . . now that you’ve shown me what you wanted to show me, are we done up here? I would really like to breathe again before I pass out or puke. ”I look down at his shoes. “We wouldn’t want that now would we?”
Grabbing my arm, he laughs and pulls me into his arms for a hug. Catching me off guard, my body trembles from his strong touch. “I’ve missed you, Phoenix.” He squeezes me while rocking us back and forth. "You’ve always had a way of making me laugh.” He pulls back and walks away. “Let’s get you back to your car.”
He's missed me? The thought almost causes my heart to burst with happiness. So many years I have spent wondering if our friendship had meant anything at all to him. I guess he really did mean what he said all those years ago, when he said I meant just as much to him as I did to Adric. So, the question is . . . why would he leave?
He steps down onto the ladder first before helping me down so that I’m trapped between him and the ladder. The smell of his cologne is intoxicating, causing me to close my eyes and inhale deeply. I hear him laughing as soon as we reach the bottom and he helps me to the ground.
“What?” I turn to face him, nervously, while eying him up. “What are you laughing at?”
He nudges me in the side before messing up my hair. Something he used to always do to me in the past. “Were you sniffing my cologne?” he asks happily as if it made his day.
I huff before slapping him on the chest. “Don’t laugh at me. I can’t help it that you smell so . . . good.” My voice comes out soft and full of want. Again, I just couldn’t stop it.
I look up at him and his eyes go dark. Then, without warning, he turns around and heads to his motorcycle. “We should hurry up and get you back. I have an early morning.” He reaches for the helmet, hands it to me and grabs my waist helping me onto the back. His eyes linger down to my legs and that’s when I notice my dress is riding so high that my thong is practically on display. He tightens his lips and jumps onto the bike. “You might want to hold that down on the ride back.”
“Yeah, thanks.” I grab my dress and hold it down while slipping one arm around his waist.
He starts the bike and reaches back to grab my other arm. “Hold on tight. I told you I wouldn’t let you fall and I meant it.”
Squeezing his body tight, I lean into him and close my eyes as he drives off.
I keep them closed until we pull back up into the parking lot of the park.
The sight before me causes my heart to go crazy. Kade is standing there, his arms crossed over his chest while leaning against my car. This can’t be good. I forgot all about meeting him.
When his eyes meet mine, he looks extremely pissed. He just looks at me, but doesn’t say a word.
Kellan stays on the bike, but grabs my arm to help me off and to my feet. Then he reaches over and slides the helmet off my head. He looks me in the eye and his lip twitches. “You two have fun.” He nods his head at Kade before turning back to his bike. “See ya, bro.”
Kade doesn’t say anything at all. He just stands there, staring as if he’s about to rip his head off.
Kellan revs the engine and takes off.