This Regret
Page 43

She exhales and steps out into the hall. “It was that obvious, I guess. Thanks for the advice, but I can’t make any promises.”
I know exactly what she means. Sometimes the heart can make a person do stupid things. “Just be careful mom, I’ll see you later.”
She smiles and walks away without another word. As soon as she’s out of sight, I close my door and get ready to lay down, before remembering my phone is still in the oven. “Shit.” I hurry down the hall, through the house to see no one is home, that I can see at least. I grab my purse out of the oven, make my way back to my room, and throw myself face first onto my bed.
Reaching into my purse, I pull out my phone, roll over on my back and check my missed calls. My heart races with anticipation, but quickly slows down when I see I have a missed call from both Kade and Jen, but no Kellan.
The only thing that seems better than burying myself into the comfort of these blankets right now, would be to bury myself into the warmth of Kellan’s strong arms. The scent of his cologne still burns in the back of my mind. I can imagine the taste of him on the tip of my tongue. A pleasantly sweet taste. Just the thought of his naked body, perfectly defined muscles flexing above me, as he buries himself inside me, causes my whole body to shake with pleasure. I close my eyes and picture his tongue running down the seam of my body. I can feel the tingle through my body, imagining his lip ring brushing against my skin. Whenever I see him, my body craves to be near him like metal to a magnet. I want to touch him, to have him and to make him mine.
Before I can stop myself, my mind fills with endless thoughts of Kellan thrusting inside of me. I feel a wetness pool in my underwear. My hand slowly creeps its way down my stomach, to my legs, and finally up skirt as my legs spread apart. Just the thought of Kellan alone has my sex slick and ready. It surprises me to realize just how turned on I am. With just the simple brush of my finger over my clit, my muscles clench and I’m on the verge of an orgasm without even skin to skin contact. “Mmm, Kellan,” I moan quietly.
Running my fingers under the band of my panties, I slide them over my bottom and down my legs, removing them and tossing onto the floor. I run my finger over the wetness, imagining Kellan being the one to touch me. This turns me on even more and I bite my lip so hard it almost bleeds. “Why do you do this to me? Ah!” I pull my hand away and place both hands over my face, breathing heavily. Touching myself has never made me feel this way before and the thought scares me. If he can do this to me when he’s not even around, just imagine if he was here.
Shit! Now I really need to finish this off or I'll be miserable the rest of the day. Reaching into the bedside table, I pull out my battery-operated boyfriend I obtained at sex toy bingo and with shaking hands, press the power button. The vibrator has ten different settings and I know that as turned on as I am, I only need the lowest setting, but if it were Kellan then I could only imagine it being rough, so I turn on the highest speed. I’ve only had sex with one guy before and to be honest, he was too gentle and caring and I could use a little roughness. I close my eyes and place the vibrator between my legs as thoughts of Kellan, gripping my waist and pounding into me invades my thoughts. Within seconds, my muscles are clenching and tightening around the vibrator with the most intense orgasm I have ever had.
I throw the vibrator down next to me and close my legs while running my hands over my face and smiling. “Oh shit! That’s what I’ve been missing out on.” Either this vibrator works miracles or Kellan has some kind of special power over my body that works wonders. Whatever it is felt amazing.
I jump, feeling nervous as my phone goes off next to me. “Crap!” I reach for the phone and suddenly feel dirty when I see the name that pops up. Perfect timing to make me feel like shit.
Kade: Don’t ditch me. The party starts in twenty minutes and I’ll be looking for you.
Phoenix: Trust me, I’ll be there. I keep my word.
* * *
I arrive at the Ranch a little later than expected and as I park my car in the clutter of vehicles, I can see most of the party guests have already arrived. I can imagine that Kade is becoming a little nervous by this point and when he sent me about five text messages to be sure I was still coming, I did nothing to ease his mind. I couldn’t. The truth was, I turned around at least three different times in an attempt to change my mind, but the guilt finally won over and I knew I didn’t have a choice.
Nervously, I pull the keys from the ignition and run my sweaty palms over the cloth of the seat to wipe them off. Sitting here, in this driveway on this particular day, I can’t help but to look around for Kellan. As selfish as it seems, I kind of feel as if him being here would somehow make it more bearable.
I step out of my car and take a deep breath, breathing in the fresh air. Although it is hot as hell outside, breathing in the fresh Ranch air helps to calm me down a bit. This place has always helped soothe me in the past. Maybe a part of it had to do with the fact I knew this was where Kellan grew up and although he wasn’t always here when I was, I knew he would be coming back. It gave me a feeling of peace, until he ruined that.
Without realizing it, I’m searching through the mess of vehicles in search of Kellan’s truck or motorcycle. Either one will do. I just want him here. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach takes over, making me feel nauseous when I realize I’m being a silly little girl again with dreams that will never come true. He’s not showing up today. Why would he? He’s probably already long gone now that we’ve found his little shop. He obviously left for a reason, so why would he stick around, knowing we could show up to see him anytime we want? The thought causes my heart to ache.
“Did you get lost?” Kade’s voice comes from over my right shoulder, making me jump. These brothers are so damn good at making me nervous. “Kellan’s not here, if that’s who you’re looking for. I doubt that son of a bitch will have enough balls to show up.”
I swallow hard and close my eyes as he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling my body against his. I can already feel my heart quicken, just by being so close to him. I’m definitely a horrible person for having feelings for the both of them. What the hell is wrong with me? “I wasn’t looking for Kellan,” I lie, trying to sound convincing. “I was looking for Jen. I told her I’d just meet her here instead of her picking me up. Is she here yet?”