This Regret
Page 97

With each squeeze of the trigger, a tear trickles down my face, blurring my vision even more. This is doing nothing for me. I can't even see where to aim and in this emotional state, someone could get hurt. Why? I can't even have this! This has been my release for so long, but the pain of losing Kellan and finding out the truth about my brother is far too great. I didn't discover my desire of target shooting until well after Adric was gone, but I imagine this wouldn't have helped for that situation either. This was all just crap that I assumed was my own personal therapy. I was wrong.
Setting my pistol down, I drop to my knees in the grass and bawl. I can't hold it in any longer. I let it all out and curl into a ball, burying my face into my arm. The pain of finding out about Adric and losing Kellan reminds me too much of eight years ago. I feel dead inside. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't do this alone.
I sit in the grass for a good hour, staring off into nowhere, until I hear Kade approaching. It has to be him. No one else pays attention to me being out here but him. I don't look up though. I don't want to. I can't handle him and his stupid questions right now.
"Will you talk to me now? What did he do to you?" He takes a seat beside me and picks at the grass, reaching for my leg, but I move it. He huffs and throws a piece of grass in front of him. "I told you he's an ass. That son of a bitch. You should have listened to me. He's no good. He proved that to us eight years ago, Phoenix."
As much as Kellan has hurt me, I'm sick of Kade bad mouthing him. Regardless of what Kellan has done, they are still brothers. I could never talk about my family that way and he's really pissing me off. Family should always stick together. I turn to him and yell, "Don't talk that way about him!" As mad as I am, I feel the need to protect him, the one I love. Who the hell does he think he is? He hasn't spent any time with Kellan since he's been back. I have. "Kellan has been nothing but good to me. Don't just don't."
More tears fall and I feel like a complete fool as I listen to my own words. Kellan has been so good to me over the years. He always protected me. He is still trying to, although I don't want to be. I just want to know the truth. Someone has to tell me the damn truth.
This is worth a long shot but . . . "Did you know about Adric's drug use and where he got them?"
Kade's eyes go wide, before shaking it off as if it never happened. He clears his throat. "Not a thing. Maybe you should ask Kellan." He stands up. "He's the one that left, not me."
He walks away, leaving me alone to hate myself and drown in my own misery. That's exactly what I do.
Kellan
__________
I can't believe I just let her go. I'm so f**king stupid. I stare at the window, barely breathing as I watch her make her way down the street, no doubt hating my guts. Shit! What the hell was I thinking? I messed up. I really messed up. Losing her will be the death of me, but her hating me on top of it, is like pouring acid to my flesh, searing it to the bone.
I pick up the table next to me and toss it across the room, breaking it against the wall. Then I stomp over and push my TV over, the screen shattering at my feet. None of this shit matters to me. She does. It's all replaceable, she isn't. Why the f**k did I have to mess up? I grab the couch, flipping it over and into the wall. Nothing else in my life matters except her now. She's the only thing that keeps me sane.
I pace around the living room, kicking at the mess. I need to stop her. Maybe I should just tell her everything. She's going to hate me no matter what now. When she hears about what I did to Echo, that I almost killed a man, she will never look at me the same. She will see a f**king monster. That's not who I am though. I had no choice. He left me without another option.
Flinging the front door open, I run outside into to the street, barefoot. I can't see her anywhere. She must have turned somewhere to make it harder in case I decided to chase her down. She doesn't want to see me. Shit! She really is done. Why am I so f**ked up in the head?
I need to find her. I don't have much time before I'll be ran out of town again. Cape has already sent his message loud and clear by showing up at the bar to see Phoenix. He knows what that will do to me. He knows it will leave me with no choice but to do what he says. That son of a bitch has had me in my place since I f**ked his brother up.
Shit! I'm going after her. I have to keep her close until I leave. I need her probably more then she needs me. It's either now or never.
I slip on my boots, grab for the first shirt I see and run out to the garage, hitting the garage door button on the way. The door screeches as it slowly opens to Kenny and Larry grinning like fools. Shit, they always have bad timing.
"You have got to be kidding me! Not now, mother f**kers." I reach for the door to my truck, but stop as Cape comes around the corner shaking his head.
He grins and runs his hand along my truck as he steps into the garage. "No need to be in such a hurry." He walks over to my f**king bike and laughs. I swear on everything, he better not touch my shit or he'll regret it. "Don't worry, Phoenix is nice and safe," he says pleased with himself. "Trust me, old friend."
"You piece of shit!" I growl as I rush over to him, tossing my keys behind me. "If you f**king touch her-"
Cape holds his arm out, placing it to my chest to stop me, just as we get face to face. "Don't worry. She left with Kade." It's kind of pathetic really. Kade is always there to come running when she calls, even knowing you've f**ked her.” He takes his hand from my chest and pulls out a knife, flipping it around in his hand, before opening it. "I'm sure your brother will keep her safe. He's had his eye on that sweet piece of ass for a long time. He might just get her when you f**k up, as I'm sure you will, if you haven't already. Maybe they can keep each other safe. You know, in case you decide to f**k me over. How does that make you feel? The thought of Kade f**king your woman. Sliding inside the tight little pu**y you just enjoyed. To share her. I'm sure he won't mind. "
Okay, now he's really pissing me off. He knows my buttons and he's pressing them all. Him and his goons need to leave so I can go. "What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want?" I growl. "I still have one more day. Now get the f**k out of my way."
He looks at me, smiles and runs his knife down the length of my bike, scratching the paint off. I reach for him and grab his shirt, but Kenny and Larry must have gotten closer since last time I'd checked, because I'm suddenly pulled backwards. "I would watch yourself if I were you. Don't forget who has the power to ruin every last thing you care about, you crazy shit. Don't forget who has all the power here."