Thoughtless
Page 25

A song started playing that I had heard before, but never really listened to before. Maybe it was because I was trying so hard to ignore watching Kellan, that I was more intently focused on listening to him. Maybe it was because of our drunken fiasco, but the words were quite suddenly all too clear in my head. I stopped beside a table and stared up at him, my mouth dropping open. What I noticed first, oddly enough, was the look on Griffin's face, which should have been my first clue. He looked giddy...way too excited to play the song; obviously he loved it. Then my eyes shifted to Kellan in disbelief.
The lyrics were all metaphors for sex, and not just any kind of sex - casual, meaningless, one-night-stand sex. The song highly implied that while the sex was great...I've already moved on, and I hope you remember me, because I've already forgotten you. I had heard this song before and had never interpreted it that way, until just now. Maybe I was interpreting it wrong, but with the look on Griffin's face and the steel look in Kellan's eyes, I didn't think I was.
Most shocking of all, was the fact that Kellan was directing that cold stare at me. I felt like he was shouting our one night all across the bar. I couldn't move. I couldn't turn away. I was frozen with shock and I could feel tears start to sting my eyes. Why was he being so cold, so intentionally mean? I startled at a hand slipping around my waist.
"Hey, babe," Denny whispered in my ear. "I'm getting beat...I think I'll head out. Can you get a ride home?" He turned me to make me look at him, then noticed my expression. "You okay?"
I swallowed and tried to fix a smile on my face, hoping no tears fell. "Yeah, I'm..." I cut off as a particularly vicious lyric cut through my head. Kellan was practically yelling the verse, 'What do you think about me now?' The crowd went crazy over the intensity of it. His eyes were focused in my direction still.
Denny glanced over at the crowd's reaction. "Wow, that song's really good...is that a new one?"
I managed to spit out, "No...he's played it before." Forcing back my smile, I turned to him fully. "I'll get a ride with Jenny. Go home. I'm fine...just tired."
Smiling softly at me, he said, "Okay...wake me when you get home." Then he gave me a short kiss and turned and left the bar. I wanted nothing more than to follow him, to leave with him. But I couldn't, I was stuck here for awhile longer, listening to Kellan torture me...
The next morning, I decided it was time to get to the bottom of Kellan's oddness with me. Seriously, I could understand him feeling guilty and being odd around Denny, but why was he so mean to me? Steeling myself to either see him or not see him, since he hadn't been home much lately, I turned the corner and found him reading the paper and drinking his coffee at the table.
He coolly glanced up at me when I entered, and my resolve wavered at seeing his dark eyes. I closed mine and took a deep breath. Giving myself a moment, I made a cup of coffee before sitting and joining him at the table.
"Mornin'," he finally said to me, not looking up from his paper.
"Kellan..." My mouth dried up and I had to swallow.
He looked up at me. "What?" His tone was almost harsh and I considered leaving the room again.
Don't be an idiot Kiera...just talk to him. After everything we had done together, I should be able to talk to him... "Why are you mad at me?" I whispered, not meeting his eye.
"I'm not mad at you, Kiera. I've been exceedingly nice to you. Most women thank me for that." I could hear the smirk in his voice.
My irritation flickered and I glared at him. "You're being an ass! Ever since..."
He raised his eyebrow, waiting for me to finish that thought. I didn't. Eventually he looked back down to his paper and took another drink of his coffee. "I really don't know what you mean, Kiera..."
I gaped at him. Was he just going to flat out ignore what a jerk he's been lately? "Is it Denny? You feel guilty...?"
His cold eyes flashed up to mine. "I'm not the one that cheated on him," he said low and cold, and I flinched and bit my lip, praying for my eyes not to water.
"We used to be friends, Kellan," I whispered.
He looked down at his paper and casually tossed back at me, "Were we? I wasn't aware of that."
Feeling tears of anger starting to form, I snapped back, "Yes...we were, Kellan. Before we-"
He glanced up at me and cut me off. "Denny and I are friends." He looked me up and down, almost scornfully. "You and I are...roommates."
My anger temporarily blocked out my forming tears as I gaped at him. "You have a funny way of showing friendship then. If Denny knew what you-"
He cut me off again as he glared at me icily. "But you're not telling him, are you?" He looked back at his paper and I thought he was done speaking, when he said in a softer voice, "Besides, that's between the two of you - it had nothing to do with me. I was simply...there...for you."
I gaped at him again, not being able to speak anymore. He stared down at his paper for a minute then sighed. "Are we done?" he asked, looking back up at me.
I nodded, feeling like we were done in more ways than one, and he got up and left the kitchen. Moments later, I heard the door open and his car pull away. He didn't come home for the rest of the weekend.
Chapter 9
The Espresso Stand
Denny's new job was for a small marketing company that mostly dealt with internet clientele. It was a far cry from the prestigious internship for one of the largest advertising companies around that he had given up. His brilliance, while so welcomed and encouraged at his previous job, was almost looked down upon here. The small minded people around him were intimidated by his ideas. They turned his job into little more than being a glorified gofer, running their errands and stroking their egos.
He hated every minute of it. He would never flat out tell me that, ever wanting to spare me pain or guilt, but regardless, I knew. I could see it in his eyes when he lingered in the kitchen before heading out for the day. I could see it in the slump of his shoulders when he came into the bar at night after his long day was finally over. He was miserable.
One evening at Pete's, after a long day at work, he sat quietly at a back table sipping on his beer, apparently deep in thought. I wanted to go over and talk to him, but there was nothing left to say. I had already told him it would eventually get better, and it didn't seem to be getting any better. I had already told him I loved him eternally for coming back. That garnered a small smile, but not much more. I had even told him to quit and find work somewhere else, but there weren't any openings anywhere. He was still actively looking, but for now, if he wanted to stay in his chosen field, and if he wanted to stay in Seattle...he was stuck.
I sighed, watching him. I looked over to Kellan, lounging with his band mates a few tables away from Denny, hoping he would finally sit and talk to him, try to cheer him up. But Kellan was at his usual table with his back to Denny, chatting with Matt. From an outside perspective it probably looked like nothing, but I knew that Kellan was avoiding him still. He didn't even like looking at Denny anymore and rarely said more than a few polite words to him. I wished Kellan would just stop it and be his friend again, like he said he was. I understood his guilt, I felt it too, but enough was enough. Denny needed us right now.
A cell phone sitting beside Denny's beer rang and sighing, he picked it up. The company had felt the need to have twenty-four hour access to him, and gave him the phone with instructions that he could only use it to talk to them and if it rang, he'd better answer it. The whole thing greatly irritated me. It was way beyond what an intern should have to do.
He spoke dejectedly for a few minutes, shut the phone, then stood and made his way over to me. "Hey." He tried to smile, but I could see how forced it was.
"Hi." I smiled at him reassuringly, even though I could feel the irritation in me starting to rise, at the conversation I could sense coming.
"I'm sorry," he stated abruptly. "That was Max. I have to go." Max was an irritating, shrewd little man, who seemed to enjoy nothing greater than sending Denny on pointless errands, preferably on off hours. His latest vital assignment had involved dry cleaning and Starbucks.
"Again? Denny..." I didn't mean to sound agitated, but I was, and it seeped into my voice. I was getting really sick and tired of the endless tasks that occupied so much of his time and thoughts, and that were so beneath his brilliant mind.
"Kiera," anger flashed in his eyes, "it's my job. I have to do this."
The irritation in my voice was intentional this time. "It didn't used to be."
Sadness washed over his face. "No, it didn't used to be..."
Guilt mixed with my anger, only increasing it. I roughly turned away from him and started picking up empty glasses from a nearby table. "Fine, see you later then."
Anger turned my thoughts dark. He was the one that had dropped everything to rush back to me. If he had given me time, I would have calmed down and we could have worked something out...probably. I hated feeling guilty over his decision. I felt guilty enough over mine...over Kellan.
Saying nothing else, he turned and left the bar. Looking back over my shoulder, I watched him disappear through the double doors. Sighing, I started to turn back to my work, when I noticed Kellan watching me, watching our conversation intently. Great, more fodder for him, I thought, my mind still in a dark place.
He slowly stood up and made his way over to where I was. My irritation soared even higher. Really, I was not in the mood for being attacked by him right now. He had never actually agreed that he was being mean to me, and his attitude towards me hadn't changed much since our brief conversation in the kitchen. Irritation at that conversation flashed through me, yet again. Apparently, according to him, we were never even friends.
Concentrating on stacking the glasses, I decided to just ignore him.
He came up beside me, pressing his side into mine and staring down at me. The move was decidedly intimate and a strange feeling washed through me. Even though the bar was packed, it was not that packed. It would look odd to someone watching, for him to be standing that close to me. Instinctively I pulled away and glared up at him. So much for ignoring him.
"Denny leave you again? I could find you another drinking buddy, if you're...lonely?" he asked wryly before grinning devilishly. "Maybe Griffin this time?"
"I don't need your crap tonight, Kellan!" I said angrily.
"You don't seem to be happy being with him," he responded calmly, an oddly serious note to his tone.
"What? And I'd be happier with you?" I glared at his perfectly charming face, his sexy half-smile, and his oddly cool eyes. He didn't say anything to that, just kept that annoying, enchanting smile on his face. Suddenly I wasn't just angry, I shot right past it - to thoroughly pissed off.
Leaning in close, so no one else would hear, I whispered, "You were the biggest mistake of my life, Kellan. You were right - we're not friends, never were. I wish you would just go away."
I immediately wished I could take the words back. He was being a jerk, but I didn't want to hurt him by belittling what we had shared together. And I did still think of him as a friend, even if he didn't think of me that way. His smile instantly left him. His eyes went from cool to ice cold and he roughly brushed past me, nearly making me drop my stack of glasses.
He left shortly after that.
When I came home from my shift, Denny was waiting up for me. He was sitting on the bed, watching TV and looking very tired. His face, and the fact that he was waiting to talk to me, softened my anger at our earlier conversation and I smiled over at him. "Hey."
"I'm sorry," he said immediately, shutting off the TV. "I shouldn't snap at you. It's not your fault I'm not happy there."
I went over to sit by him on the bed. He had never admitted he hated it there before. I put my hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to snap either. I just...miss you."
"I know." His accent on the word made me smile. "I miss you too. I'll do better. I promise, okay? No more grump." He smiled for the first time it what felt like weeks.