Thoughtless
Page 43

"But...don't end this, please." He cringed and searched my face.
"I have to, Kellan. Denny knows something's not right. I don't think he suspects what...or you...but he knows I've been distracted." I bit my lip and looked down. "Denny and I haven't...done anything, in a long time and he's hurt. I'm hurting him," I whispered.
He looked down too. "You don't have to. I've never asked you to not...be with him. I know you two are going to..." He shifted uncomfortably. "I told you, I understand."
"I know, Kellan, but I've been so preoccupied, wrapped up in you..." I sighed heavily. "I'm ignoring him."
Immediately, he grabbed my arms and pulled me close to him, his eyes searching mine almost frantically. "You're wrapped up in me. What does that say, Kiera? You want to be with me. You want to be more than friends. Some part of you, wants me too."
I closed my eyes and tried to block out his pleading face. "Please, Kellan, you're tearing me in two. I can't...I can't do this anymore." I tried to steady my breathing. I tried to keep the tears from stinging my eyes. I had to keep them firmly closed. If I opened them, if I saw his perfect face, his pleading eyes, I would surely cave again.
"Kiera, look at me...please." His voice wavered on the end, and I had to squeeze my eyes even tighter together.
"No, I can't, okay. This isn't right, it doesn't feel right. You don't feel right. Just don't, please don't touch me anymore."
"Kiera, I know you don't really feel that way." He pulled me in tight and whispered huskily in my ear. "I know you feel something here..."
I opened my eyes, but kept my gaze on his chest as I firmly pushed him back from me. I needed him to leave me alone, and I was going to have to hurt him to do it. "No. I don't want you. I want to be with him. I'm in love with him." I looked up to his eyes and instantly wished I hadn't. He was hurt. His eyes were filling with pain. I almost caved, but I needed to end this. I made myself say it...and hated myself for it. "I'm attracted to you...but I feel nothing for you, Kellan."
He immediately dropped his arms and left, without saying another word.
I didn't see him for the rest of the day. I didn't see him at work. I didn't see him when I came home from work. In fact, I didn't see him until the next morning. Relief and guilt flashed through me when I did see him. Relief that he wasn't hiding anymore, and guilt that I had hurt him enough, that he'd felt the need to hide from me.
He was sitting at the table, sipping his coffee, when I came into the kitchen. He looked tired. Perfect...but tired. He glanced over at me, but said nothing as I sat across from him. I wondered if he'd be cool towards me again, like he had been so long ago.
"Hey," I said softly.
The very edge of his lips curled up. "Hey," he whispered.
Well, at least he was talking to me. I resisted the urge to lace my fingers in his as he set down his coffee mug. We had been so close to each other for so long, that it was more natural for me to touch him, than to not touch him. His fingers twitched on the table and he moved them underneath it. I searched his eyes, wondering if he was struggling to not touch me as well.
A sudden tension filled the room, with our joint effort of no contact, and I blurted out, "My sister is coming in tomorrow. Denny and I are going to pick her up from the airport in the morning."
"Oh...right," he said quietly. "I can crash at Matt's. She can stay in my room."
"No...you don't have to do that. It's not necessary." Sadness swept through me. "Kellan, I hate how we left things."
He tilted his head to the side and stared blankly at the table. "Yeah...me too."
I again resisted the urge to touch him, to cup his cheek. "I don't want this...weirdness between us. Can we...can we still be friends? Truly, just friends?"
He looked up at me and smirked. "Are you really giving me the 'let's be friends' speech?"
I grinned at him. "Yeah...I guess I am."
His expression turned very serious and my stomach flared painfully. I suddenly didn't want to hear his answer to my question, so I interrupted him when he looked about to speak. "I should probably warn you about my sister."
He blinked and looked at me, confused. Then his face relaxed and he smiled softly. "I remember...man-flavored candy." He pointed at himself.
"No...I mean yes, but that's not what I was thinking of."
"Oh?" he said curiously.
I looked away, a little embarrassed. "She's kind of...well..." I sighed softly. "She's very beautiful." And flirtatious, confident, alluring, interesting...`
"I figured she was," he said simply, and my eyes snapped back to his. He added quietly, "She's related to you...right?"
Him comparing me to my sister was beyond ridiculous, but then, he hadn't seen her yet. I sighed. He really shouldn't look at me that way. "Kellan..."
"I know," he mumbled. "Friends."
The look on his face made me ache with sympathy. "Are you still coming with us to the club?"
He looked away. "You still want me to?"
I clasped my hands together, to not reach out to him. "Yes, of course. We're still friends, Kellan, and my sister expects..." I let my voice trail off.
He looked back at me and seemed to understand where I had been going with that. "Right, we wouldn't want her asking the wrong questions." His voice had a hard edge to it.
"Kellan..."
"I'll be there, Kiera." He finished the rest of his coffee and stood up.
"Thank you," I whispered. As he started to leave, a sudden panic swept through me. "Kellan!" My soft voice had an edge to it as well, and he stopped at the entryway to look back at me. "Remember your promise." I couldn't quite keep the heat out of my tone.
He looked at me thoughtfully for a second, and I wondered if he would snap at me. His eyes seemed to get even more tired however, and shaking his head, he quietly said, "I haven't forgotten anything, Kiera."
Chapter 15
Clubbing
"Oh...holy...fuck!" Griffin muttered as he smacked Matt, who happened to be sitting next to him at their table, across the chest. "Dude, I'm in love. Look at that piece of ass!"
Knowing Griffin's types, I studiously ignored him while I handed the guys their beers. I glanced at Kellan from the corner of my eye the whole time. He was glancing at me from the corner of his too. He looked...resigned. I had worried about how Kellan would be towards me today, after our conversation this morning in the kitchen. But he had given me a ride to school like normal, picked me up like normal and driven me to work, all just like normal...if a little more quietly. I had told him it wasn't necessary, and he had given me the look. You know, the look that clearly says, 'don't be ridiculous, of course I'll still take you where you need to go...since we're friends and all'. Well, that's what the look had said to me anyway.
I was wondering what he was currently thinking about, when I noticed Griffin grin stupidly and sit up a little in his chair. I looked over at him curiously when suddenly hands covered my eyes.
"Guess who?"
I pulled down the hands and spun around. "Anna?" I pulled my sister in for a hug. "Oh my god! We were supposed to pick you up from the airport tomorrow. What are you doing here?"
She looked at me briefly then her eyes drifted over to Kellan, sitting casually at the table near her, watching us. "I couldn't wait...hopped an earlier flight."
Ignoring who her gaze was focused on, and Griffin's impatient cough (he obviously wanted an introduction), I stepped back to look at her. My crazy, impulsive sister - she looked exactly the same. We had nearly identical heart-shaped faces, with high cheek bones and our Mom's perky nose, but that was where the similarities stopped. She was tall, almost as tall as Denny actually, and she emphasized that with slinky, black high heels. She was voluptuous, where I was more...athletic, and she also emphasized that with an absurdly tight, red dress. Inwardly I sighed; she looked like she had just walked off a runway, not an airplane.
Her lips were perfectly full and painted a bright red, the same shade as her dress. Her eyes were a deep, constant green, where my hazel ones seemed to continually change color. Where my dark brown hair was wavy and unmanageable, hers, so dark brown in color it was almost black, was so luxuriously shiny, that it rippled like water when she moved. Currently, she had half of it effortlessly pulled up in a clip. The hair that loosely spilled around her shoulders was streaked with red as bright as her dress.
I picked up a strand of the bright red locks. Well, not everything about my sister was the same. "This is new. I like it." I smiled at her.
She shrugged, still gazing at Kellan, who was annoyingly gazing right back at her. "I dated a hairdresser..." she turned to look at me with a charming grin on her face, "...for like, an hour." I heard Griffin behind me groan indecently.
I sighed inwardly again. My sister was adventurous and provocative. She was everything I was not. She was the one that my parents could never seem to mention, without adding glowing adjectives like beautiful, gorgeous, and stunning. Although the end of their sentences usually involved the phrase, "What did she do now?" She was much too attractive and alluring, and now I had to introduce her to my equally attractive and alluring roommate.
"Guys, this is my sister-"
"Anna," she interrupted, holding her hand out to Kellan warmly. My sister was anything but shy.
"Kellan," he responded politely, shaking her hand for an annoyingly long time.
Griffin abruptly stood up and took her hand away from Kellan. Mentally, I actually thanked him. "Griffin...hey." My sister giggled attractively and said hello.
Matt and Evan politely introduced themselves, while I felt a little stupid, realizing that she didn't need me here to make introductions for her. She was doing just fine on her own. Kellan watched me curiously as I blushed. Anna smiled, and said hello to Matt and Evan, perfectly at ease with this group of good-looking guys that she'd just met.
Griffin grabbed a chair, forcefully taking it from a nearby customer, and plopped it down at the end of the table near him. He patted the seat and Anna smiled and thanked him. Then she scooted the chair to the other side of the table to sit beside Kellan. Matt and Evan both chuckled quietly. Griffin and I scowled in exactly the same way, but my sister didn't notice. Her attention was all on Kellan as she moved the chair so that it touched his. She gracefully sat down, and smiling charmingly, leaned against his side. He irritatingly grinned back at her.
I hated this already. She had been here a whole of maybe ten minutes and I was already wishing she would leave. I felt a little guilty about that. I did love my sister. I just didn't want to see her all over Kellan. We may have ended our...flirtations, but, well...it bothered me. He had better honor his promise.
"Well, I've got to get back to work. I'll bring you a drink, Anna."
"Okay." She never looked back at me. "Oh, some guy named Sam put my jacket and bags in the backroom."
I sighed at what my sister could get men to do for her. "Okay, I'll call Denny. He can give you a ride home."
She looked back at me and winked. "I think I can manage." She looked back to Kellan. "So...you're a singer, huh?" She eyed him up and down. "What else can you do?" She laughed huskily while he grinned again.
I hurriedly walked away. Like it or not, I was calling Denny, and he was giving her a ride to our house. I quickly phoned him and explained what had happened. He laughed at my sister's exuberance and said he could swing by in a couple hours. He had to finish up a project for Max first. I was pretty sure his "project" was something ridiculously not-important for late on a Friday evening. Filing or something.
My sister was invested in a conversation with Kellan when I came back with a vodka-cran, her preferred drink. They were chatting easily while Griffin tried to interject as much as possible. She looked over and thanked me for the drink, then immediately looked back at Kellan while I frowned. Kellan peered up at me from the corner of his eye. He seemed amused, that I was not amused.