Thoughtless
Page 74

His eyebrows lifted when I talked about moving in with Anna, and I could tell he wanted to ask about Kellan. Whatever they had discussed between themselves, Kellan must not have told him, or known himself at the time, that he'd be asking me to leave. That he'd be breaking up with me too. Denny didn't ask though. Maybe he was too afraid of my answer. Maybe he'd be too tempted to stay, if I told him Kellan and I really weren't anything anymore. Then again, maybe he just didn't care enough to make himself ask.
Denny stayed with me until Anna came back later in the evening. She gave him a reserved hug, which confused me at first; Anna was usually more exorbitant in her affections. But when she glanced at my face, I understood. He'd hurt me and that lowered him quite a few pegs in her eyes. I should talk with her about that, since technically he hadn't been trying to hurt me, and he really couldn't be blamed for my stupid actions. Like she said, I was the idiot.
Turning to me, she practically glowed when she spoke of our new apartment and her new job...at Hooters. I sighed and listened to her go over the steal she got on the place because the old guy wouldn't stop staring at her rack, and she promised him a free plate of hot wings whenever he popped into the restaurant. That pretty much sealed the deal for him. Again, what my sister could get men to do for her.
Denny quietly said goodbye to us both and kissed my forehead again before leaving, his eyes never straying from the injured side of my face. As he was at the doorway and I felt that familiar squeeze in my heart, I heard my sister say "wait" and she stepped outside with him. I didn't know what they talked about, but they were out there a good twenty minutes. When she came back, my sister only smiled when I asked. Curious, but tired, I let it go. Maybe they had worked out their differences and she'd be nicer to him. My injuries really weren't his fault.
My sister stayed for hours longer and then looking antsy, I told her it was okay if she wanted to go...socialize. She grinned devilishly and told me she'd be back tomorrow afternoon. I was pretty sure a visit with Griffin was in her future. I'm glad he appealed to her in some odd way, but I really didn't get it. And now I had a horridly descriptive visual to go with the image in my head.
She did come back the next afternoon, and told me all about their impossibly long night. If I had to give Griffin anything, it was that he had...stamina. After awhile, other friends came in to visit. Matt and Evan stopped in and each gave me brief hugs. They seemed a little uncomfortable, but wanted to be supportive with an appearance. Evan looked particularly guilty, like he felt he should have been there, or told Denny earlier, or something. As he was leaving, I assured him that he did nothing wrong. He did what Kellan and I asked, and we didn't hold him responsible for anything. He nodded and a big grin lit his happy, teddy bear face as he scooped me into as much of a bear hug as he could, whispering that he was glad I was alright.
Jenny and Kate came in together before their shifts and Jenny's eyes tore up as she looked over my still bruised face. She hugged me tight and repeated over and over that she was so glad I was okay, that everyone at work was glad I was okay, and everybody was anxiously waiting for me to return to the bar.
I pulled away from her hug and watched another tear drop down her cheek. "Jenny...I can't go back to Pete's."
Her blue eyes widened at that. "But...why not, Kiera?"
My eyes moistened now. "I can't... I can't be around...him."
The room got really quiet, as everyone in there understood who I meant. Kate and Jenny shared a look between themselves, and I wondered if Kellan was still here and if Kate and Jenny had run into him downstairs like my sister had. By the look in Kate's eyes and the frown on Jenny's face, I figured they had.
Jenny's lack of any further argument only confirmed that suspicion for me. "Where will you go?"
I shook my head as tears finally spilled down my own cheeks. "I don't know. Do you know anyone who needs a semi-good waitress?"
She smiled sadly and hugged me. "You're better than semi-good. I'll ask around. It won't be the same without you, Kiera...it just won't."
Feeling unworthy of her praise, I could only nod and hug her back. She pulled back to look at me and wiping her tears said, "Well, it's not like we're not going to be friends anymore, just because we don't work together, right?"
I nodded and wiped away my own tears. "Absolutely."
Griffin came in a bit after Jenny and Kate left, which surprised me a little bit. Of course, I think he was there more to pick up Anna than anything else. He did give me a hug...and copped a feel, but I actually appreciated the sentiment, if not the delivery. Smacking his ass, my sister mock scolded him for the feel-up. He feigned innocence and pulled her into a stomach-churning French kiss. Playfully holding each other, they said their goodbyes and went off to, as Griffin put it, "christen the new apartment". I prayed they stayed out of whatever room was being allocated to me.
After they left, my doctor gave me a look-over and feeling satisfied with my condition, had the nurses turn off that damn machine and unplug me from the IV. As I ate a lifeless dinner, I wished I felt as put back together as the doctor had tried to convince me I was. After my meal, once Susie checked on me again and then left me alone, the silence of the room pressed in heavily.
The space was fully lit, but the darkness of the winter night outside seemed to seep in through the wide window, almost as if that blackness was stealing my warmth and my light. I stared at those cheer-stealing windows for what had to be hours, watching the darkness thicken and deepen. I shivered and pulled the covers tighter around me. I felt very cold and alone. Guilt and remorse pressed around me, squeezing to a point at the soft spot in my head. Just as I was wondering how I'd make it through like this, a soft accent spoke to me from the doorway.
"Hey. How are you?"
I peeled my eyes from the window and brushed a tear that I hadn't realized had fallen, off my cheek. I looked over at Denny leaning against my doorframe. His arms were crossed over his chest and his foot propped up, like he'd been watching me awhile. He smiled softly at me, a smaller version of his goofy grin that usually lit my heart. Today...today though, it made the tears flow harder.
He instantly made a move towards me and then stopped halfway to my bed, a torn look on his face. He looked back to the door and through my tears I saw a hazy figure step back from the opening. I couldn't make out the body through my watery vision but I knew who it was. I knew Kellan had come back up here and was making himself stay away from me. Like before, we were back to a no-touching policy. Only now it was worse, now we had a no-visual policy too.
A sob broke free from me and that seemed to firm up Denny's mind. He crossed the few feet to my bed and sat beside me, picking up my hand and holding it in his. It was a simple touch, and far more friend-like than I was used to getting from him when I was upset, but I knew that was all he'd allow himself to give me and I squeezed his hand, taking what comfort from him that I could.
"Don't cry, Kiera...it's okay."
I sniffled and worked to calm down, hating the fact that this beautiful man beside me was comforting me...even though he was the one I'd broken. It seemed unfair. He should yell and be angry, call me a whore and storm out, never to look on me again. But...that wasn't Denny. He was warm and caring and kind, almost to a fault. And by the way his eyes never strayed far from my injury, I knew that a large part of his continual presence here was due to the fact that he felt such enormous guilt for hurting me.
I swallowed back the tears as we silently watched each other. Warmth from his hand in mine calmed me and I eventually was looking at him without sobbing. He smiled again, once my tears dried up.
"I saw your new place," he said quietly. "I think you'll like it. Your sister has good taste."
I cocked my head at that. "You saw it?" He nodded and I held his hand tighter. "What did you and Anna talk about yesterday?"
He looked down and shook his head. "She's a little angry with me," he looked up, "for hurting you." His eyes looked haunted for a moment, and drifted to my injury before he continued. "She cussed me out good." He raised his eyebrow at me. "She's got quite a mouth on her sometimes." I smiled at that and he smiled back in a genuine way that made his eyes come alive more than I'd seen in awhile.
"Anyway, once she was satisfied, she asked for my help in moving your stuff. I needed to move mine too, so," he shrugged, "I told her I'd help. We got all of it done tonight, and Anna got some furniture from Griffin, Kate, Jenny...well, anybody who had anything really." He almost timidly ran a hand out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "You're all set to go."
I tried to see the good in that as I tried to smile, but all I felt was an ache at being removed from a home that, until things got messy, had been nothing but a joy to me. Denny seemed to understand my melancholy and gently stroked my cheek once, before removing his hand and placing it back in his lap.
"What about you? Where are you staying, while you're...here?" I asked, my voice shaking a bit at the end.
"I've been staying with Sam. He's been really kind to me. I've been crashing on his couch for a few days now." He ran a hand through his hair and grinned at me crookedly. "I couldn't stay there with Kellan. My patience with him only goes so far."
"Why are you guys...?" I let my question trail off, not wanting to incite his anger about the affair. Not that it probably wasn't always there, just under the surface.
He didn't let it drop though. "Why are we what? Not killing each other? Not screaming, yelling, carrying on? Why are we civil?"
I shrugged and cringed. He looked at me a moment and I thought I saw that anger in his eyes, but I couldn't be sure. When he spoke again, his voice was controlled but his accent was thick. "I could have killed you that night...and I don't even want to think about that nightmare. But...even with what I did do, things should be so much worse for me than they are. And Kellan is the reason they're not."
I cocked my head, completely confused at that. "I don't..."
He sighed and his face softened. "You know, I never thought much about moving in with him. About how appealing women thought he was. Even back at school, he could just look at a girl and she'd..." He sighed again, while I felt my face heat a bit. "I never even considered how tempting he might be...to you. I just never thought that would matter, because what we had was so..." He closed his eyes as tears instantly filled mine again. At that moment, I completely hated myself for what I'd done to him. I started to reach my free hand out to touch his cheek, but stopped, and let it fall back to my lap when he opened his eyes. Calmly, he kept my gaze. "Once I figured it out...I knew I'd never be able to compete with him."
I blinked at what he said and furrowed my brow. Compete with Kellan? He never had to. I'd always wanted him. Well, maybe a part of me didn't? He noticed my confused look. "When I started piecing things together - looks I'd seen, touches I'd ignored, how distant you'd become, how forlorn you were when he wasn't around - I knew I'd lose you, if I hadn't already. I knew I didn't stand a chance against..." he rolled his eyes and shook his head a little, looking down at the sheets on my bed, "...quite possibly, the most attractive man in the Pacific Northwest."
"Denny...I..."
He cut me off. "I was so angry at him for that." He looked up at me and then back down at his hands, still holding one of mine. "Like I knew you wouldn't be able to resist his charm, so it was up to him...and he failed." I started to look down, right as his eyes looked up, and we met in the middle. "I think that's why I asked him to stay away from you at the airport. I didn't think you'd stray, not really...I trusted you, but only if he kept his distance." He shrugged. "He gets every girl he goes after, and I knew he'd get you, if he really tried, and I just couldn't compete with that."
"It wasn't like that, Denny." I wanted to argue against it more, but there just wasn't much to say. I couldn't exactly tell Denny that I'd started nearly everything that had happened with Kellan and me. That Kellan hadn't deserved his rage, because I'd initiated the contact with him...and he'd already been in love. Whatever good intentions I'd started out with when Denny had left, somewhere along the line, I had strayed, even before the actual...straying.