“Yeah. Predators always go for the weakest animal.”
Ava was so broken on the inside. I wished I could dissect it all, help her figure out the truths and the lies.
“You know, I don’t even really know what my ability is. I mean, it’s telekinesis, but not the garden variety. I think Jack knows, and I think he took away anything I knew. He’ll use it against me again. If he gets another chance.”
A couple of raindrops splattered against the sidewalk. “We’ll make sure he doesn’t.”
“It won’t be easy. I was valuable to him. Valuable enough to seduce. I just don’t know why, or when he’ll come back for me.”
“Ava, I’m so sorry.”
“The worst part is … I don’t even know if I … did anything. With him.” She shuddered and closed her eyes. “But the fact that I thought about it is bad enough. He made sure to leave those memories intact.”
I understood her blackness a little bit better now.
Ava opened her eyes. “Sorry. That’s too much information, I know. I just don’t really have anyone to talk to about that kind of stuff.”
“If you don’t feel too awkward, you can talk to me whenever you want.” I frowned down at Ava in dismay, shocked I’d made the offer.
Her expression must have mirrored my own. “Let’s take twenty-four hours to think about that. Then we’ll reassess.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” she said. “But thank you. I need an ally. I feel like he’s three steps ahead of us in some crazy game, and he already knows who’s going to win.”
“We will,” I promised her. “We will.”
“I hope you’re right.” She shook her head. “Because if you aren’t, Hell’s going to come down on us like rain.”
Chapter 38
I went home.
A month ago, I would have taken off for downtown Nashville, found a bar, and drunk myself into oblivion. Now, instead of holding a beer, I had a measuring cup. And all the ingredients for peanut butter cookies. And chocolate chip.
I fumbled and lost them all when I saw what was on the kitchen island.
A box with the Crown Royal label sat in the exact, dead center. The beam from the pendant light above it shone on it like a spotlight. I dropped the cookie ingredients and picked up the box. Brand spanking new. When I ripped it open, I saw that the seal on the bottle was unbroken.
We had a stare-down, me and that bottle. It won, of course. Whisky doesn’t blink.
I twisted off the top with a snap.
Smelled it.
Got down a glass from the cabinet.
There were so many things to run from.
Things Jack wanted me to run from.
I realized then who had left the bottle.
I thought of my dad, and all the things he’d finally trusted me with. Michael, and the understanding we’d come to.
And then I heard Lily’s voice. “You’re worth more than what you’ll find at the bottom of a bottle.”
I put the glass back in the cabinet and upended the liquor into the sink.
“I question your sanity sometimes, Ballard, but I know you aren’t an idiot.”
“Thank you for the compliment, Shorty.”
I was on the couch in my living room, balancing a full plate of cookies on my chest. Emerson stood over me like some kind of military general, wearing her Murphy’s Law work clothes.
“You kissed a random girl on a street corner? In the middle of the afternoon?”
“It wasn’t what it looked like.”
“I’ve heard that before, maybe I’ve even said that before, and only because in that case, it actually wasn’t what it looked like. I’ll listen.” She picked up my legs by the bottom of my basketball pants, dropped onto the couch, and then lowered my feet to her lap. “What did you do?”
I didn’t even bother trying to argue that it wasn’t my fault. “This girl comes up to me out of nowhere, writes her number on my hand, and then lays one on me. Yes, on a street corner, and yes, in the middle of the afternoon.”
“And now we’re going to discuss why this is a problem.”
“Because it happened at the exact same time Lily walked out of Murphy’s Law.”
“And you care about this because?”
“You’re leading the witness.”
She crossed her arms.
I sighed. “I care because I like her.”
“In that way?” She sounded like we were in third grade, hiding under the slide on the playground at recess.
“Good grief, Em, yes, in that way.”
Her smile almost extended past her ears as she reached out to snag a chocolate chip cookie. “So who was the girl?”
“The one I was with the night before I met you. The night Michael came to rescue me. I didn’t even remember her name.”
“Not knowing her name does not make it better. Why didn’t you go talk to Lily right that second? It’s afternoon already. Why haven’t you tried to talk to her today?” she demanded. “Why are you ignoring her?”
“I’m not ignoring her. Ow!” She grabbed a few leg hairs and pulled, and I was quickly reminded that tiny and irritable didn’t make the best combination.
Especially when you poked it with a stick.
“I didn’t. I avoided her because I didn’t know what to say. Did she tell you anything?”
Leaning over conspiratorially, she whispered, “You want to know what she said about you?”
“Emerson.”
She sat up. “Fine. She said that the two of you had a weird conversation about feelings, and she told you she wanted to bite you?” At this, she raised her eyebrows. I nodded. “Oof. No wonder seeing you with that girl on the street hurt her.”
“It hurt her?”
“Why do you think she was so mad?” She asked the question like I was an idiot. Which, apparently, I was.
“I don’t really understand how this stuff works.”
“I love you both. You know that,” Em said.
I nodded, and a little bit of the fire in her voice died down.
“If I’ve learned something from all this crap with Jack,” she continued, “it’s that living anywhere other than in the moment is a mistake. Like Michael always says, the future is subjective. The past could be a lie—not just my past—but all of our pasts. Even Lily’s.”
“You still don’t think Lily’s being here is a coincidence.”
“No. Because every time I think I’ve dealt with Jack and all the ways he’s screwed with me, I prove myself wrong.” She shook her head. “Do you have any idea how much it kills me that so many of the good things in my life are there because of him?”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t stop him when I had the chance,” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t take my dad’s files before he stole them, before he could find you.”
“Where would I be now if you had?”
I sat up and put the plate of cookies on the table, frowning at her.
“If you’d taken the files before he could get to them, Jack wouldn’t have known about me and my ability to travel to the past. I’d still be a crazy lump in a bed. Lily could be living somewhere else. Your dad would be dead.” She gave me a grim smile. “You could chase the circles of consequence for days. If this had happened, then this wouldn’t have. Vice versa. It’s mind-boggling.”
Ava was so broken on the inside. I wished I could dissect it all, help her figure out the truths and the lies.
“You know, I don’t even really know what my ability is. I mean, it’s telekinesis, but not the garden variety. I think Jack knows, and I think he took away anything I knew. He’ll use it against me again. If he gets another chance.”
A couple of raindrops splattered against the sidewalk. “We’ll make sure he doesn’t.”
“It won’t be easy. I was valuable to him. Valuable enough to seduce. I just don’t know why, or when he’ll come back for me.”
“Ava, I’m so sorry.”
“The worst part is … I don’t even know if I … did anything. With him.” She shuddered and closed her eyes. “But the fact that I thought about it is bad enough. He made sure to leave those memories intact.”
I understood her blackness a little bit better now.
Ava opened her eyes. “Sorry. That’s too much information, I know. I just don’t really have anyone to talk to about that kind of stuff.”
“If you don’t feel too awkward, you can talk to me whenever you want.” I frowned down at Ava in dismay, shocked I’d made the offer.
Her expression must have mirrored my own. “Let’s take twenty-four hours to think about that. Then we’ll reassess.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” she said. “But thank you. I need an ally. I feel like he’s three steps ahead of us in some crazy game, and he already knows who’s going to win.”
“We will,” I promised her. “We will.”
“I hope you’re right.” She shook her head. “Because if you aren’t, Hell’s going to come down on us like rain.”
Chapter 38
I went home.
A month ago, I would have taken off for downtown Nashville, found a bar, and drunk myself into oblivion. Now, instead of holding a beer, I had a measuring cup. And all the ingredients for peanut butter cookies. And chocolate chip.
I fumbled and lost them all when I saw what was on the kitchen island.
A box with the Crown Royal label sat in the exact, dead center. The beam from the pendant light above it shone on it like a spotlight. I dropped the cookie ingredients and picked up the box. Brand spanking new. When I ripped it open, I saw that the seal on the bottle was unbroken.
We had a stare-down, me and that bottle. It won, of course. Whisky doesn’t blink.
I twisted off the top with a snap.
Smelled it.
Got down a glass from the cabinet.
There were so many things to run from.
Things Jack wanted me to run from.
I realized then who had left the bottle.
I thought of my dad, and all the things he’d finally trusted me with. Michael, and the understanding we’d come to.
And then I heard Lily’s voice. “You’re worth more than what you’ll find at the bottom of a bottle.”
I put the glass back in the cabinet and upended the liquor into the sink.
“I question your sanity sometimes, Ballard, but I know you aren’t an idiot.”
“Thank you for the compliment, Shorty.”
I was on the couch in my living room, balancing a full plate of cookies on my chest. Emerson stood over me like some kind of military general, wearing her Murphy’s Law work clothes.
“You kissed a random girl on a street corner? In the middle of the afternoon?”
“It wasn’t what it looked like.”
“I’ve heard that before, maybe I’ve even said that before, and only because in that case, it actually wasn’t what it looked like. I’ll listen.” She picked up my legs by the bottom of my basketball pants, dropped onto the couch, and then lowered my feet to her lap. “What did you do?”
I didn’t even bother trying to argue that it wasn’t my fault. “This girl comes up to me out of nowhere, writes her number on my hand, and then lays one on me. Yes, on a street corner, and yes, in the middle of the afternoon.”
“And now we’re going to discuss why this is a problem.”
“Because it happened at the exact same time Lily walked out of Murphy’s Law.”
“And you care about this because?”
“You’re leading the witness.”
She crossed her arms.
I sighed. “I care because I like her.”
“In that way?” She sounded like we were in third grade, hiding under the slide on the playground at recess.
“Good grief, Em, yes, in that way.”
Her smile almost extended past her ears as she reached out to snag a chocolate chip cookie. “So who was the girl?”
“The one I was with the night before I met you. The night Michael came to rescue me. I didn’t even remember her name.”
“Not knowing her name does not make it better. Why didn’t you go talk to Lily right that second? It’s afternoon already. Why haven’t you tried to talk to her today?” she demanded. “Why are you ignoring her?”
“I’m not ignoring her. Ow!” She grabbed a few leg hairs and pulled, and I was quickly reminded that tiny and irritable didn’t make the best combination.
Especially when you poked it with a stick.
“I didn’t. I avoided her because I didn’t know what to say. Did she tell you anything?”
Leaning over conspiratorially, she whispered, “You want to know what she said about you?”
“Emerson.”
She sat up. “Fine. She said that the two of you had a weird conversation about feelings, and she told you she wanted to bite you?” At this, she raised her eyebrows. I nodded. “Oof. No wonder seeing you with that girl on the street hurt her.”
“It hurt her?”
“Why do you think she was so mad?” She asked the question like I was an idiot. Which, apparently, I was.
“I don’t really understand how this stuff works.”
“I love you both. You know that,” Em said.
I nodded, and a little bit of the fire in her voice died down.
“If I’ve learned something from all this crap with Jack,” she continued, “it’s that living anywhere other than in the moment is a mistake. Like Michael always says, the future is subjective. The past could be a lie—not just my past—but all of our pasts. Even Lily’s.”
“You still don’t think Lily’s being here is a coincidence.”
“No. Because every time I think I’ve dealt with Jack and all the ways he’s screwed with me, I prove myself wrong.” She shook her head. “Do you have any idea how much it kills me that so many of the good things in my life are there because of him?”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t stop him when I had the chance,” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t take my dad’s files before he stole them, before he could find you.”
“Where would I be now if you had?”
I sat up and put the plate of cookies on the table, frowning at her.
“If you’d taken the files before he could get to them, Jack wouldn’t have known about me and my ability to travel to the past. I’d still be a crazy lump in a bed. Lily could be living somewhere else. Your dad would be dead.” She gave me a grim smile. “You could chase the circles of consequence for days. If this had happened, then this wouldn’t have. Vice versa. It’s mind-boggling.”
