To the Stars
Page 31
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The loving Collin was back as if a light switch had been thrown, and once again he wrapped me tightly in his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad? I would’ve done anything to let you know that no matter what, I love you, and we’re going to get through this. No result on a test is going to change what I feel for you, baby. But that’s even more of a reason to just do it now; then you won’t have to lose sleep tonight worrying. Let’s just do it.”
“Collin, please don’t—”
“Harlow,” he snapped, then collected himself again. “We’re doing the test. Now.”
Gripping my wrist in his hand, he led me back to our bathroom and bent down to get a test. The tears began forming once the foil-wrapped stick was in my hand, but I kept my eyes away from him so he wouldn’t see them. I’d thought I still had time. I was wrong. I suddenly wanted Knox’s phone. I was wondering why I hadn’t let him take me away, and why I knew even still that I wouldn’t.
Collin took the stick like he always did and set it on the counter before pulling me into his arms to wait. A couple of minutes later his breathing stopped, and I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself.
“Harlow!” he shouted, and my eyes shot open to look at the stick.
“What?” I choked out, and gripped the counter when it felt like I was going to faint. There were two lines instead of the normal one.
Collin turned me so I was facing him, and pulled me close to press his mouth to mine, and I cried through the kiss. I tried to play off the tears as something happy, but all I could think was that my world was crashing down around me, and I had already ruined this baby’s life by letting it have Collin as a father.
Chapter 9
Knox
Present Day—Richland
AS SOON AS we got back to the firehouse and got our stuff ready for the next call, I headed back to my room to relax for as long as possible. I knew it was how the job went, but given the situation, I hated that I’d had to hang up on Harlow. She’d barely come back into my life, but I knew each time I spoke to her that it could be the last. Grabbing up my phone, I saw there was a message from her, and couldn’t open it fast enough.
Harlow: To the stars . . .
My mouth twitched into a smile as I stared at her words, and for a few seconds it felt like I was nineteen again as I tapped out a response. But I wasn’t. And the girl sending me that message was married to an abusive prick.
Knox: Always
As soon as I pushed SEND, I put my phone on the end table and fell onto my bed to try to relax until our next call. But relaxing didn’t come easy these days, and soon my body was tense and I was crossing my arms over my chest to keep them from shaking. All I could see was the way Collin’s fingers dug into her arm, and the marks that were already bruising. I kept seeing flashes of how thin Harlow was now. She looked sick, and after seeing the way her husband treated her in public—and hearing that her family was in danger—it wasn’t hard to see why. I needed to help her; I needed to save her. But I couldn’t do that if she wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t force my way into her marriage. And then all I could think about was the fact that she’d chosen him over me.
The only thing I’d ever done to her was ask her to wait.
Summer 2010—Seattle
“HOW BIG DO you think they are?”
I slowly cracked open my eyes, and glanced over to where Harlow was lying next to me on the blanket. She was leaving for college in a couple of days. This was my last chance to be with her until she finally turned eighteen. My last chance to remind her of what she had waiting for her back home. She might not understand why I was about to do what I’d promised to do over the next few months . . . but hopefully one day she would realize it was all for her. Everything always had been.
We’d been out at a secluded spot for hours, and when just kissing hadn’t been enough, I’d rolled away from her and started counting the days until her birthday, over and over again to calm down. But her question about how big something was wasn’t helping.
“Hmm?”
Harlow gestured toward the sky with her eyes, then moved her body so she could face it. “How big do you think the stars are? They’re so far away, but they look so close. And if you said the closest star is the sun, then I want to know how big the others are.”
“I don’t know, Low.”
She elbowed my side and rolled back over so she was leaning over me. “You said you got an A in astronomy.”
I laughed and brushed away the hair hanging in front of her face. “I only paid attention in that class because it had to do with stars, which makes me think of you.”
She didn’t respond, just continued to look at me expectantly.
“I don’t know how big they are, but I know they vary. Some are really small, and some are bigger than the sun.”
Harlow’s head jerked back, and she looked up at the sky again. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” I confirmed. “A lot bigger.”
After looking at the night sky for a few more seconds, she brought her face back in front of mine. The serious look on her face caught me off guard, but before I could ask what was wrong, she said, “I can’t begin to imagine how far away they are if they look that small in comparison to the sun, and some are bigger. And you love me to them.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. “I do.”
“The years, my boyfriend and your girlfriend . . . how has it not all been too much?”
It blew my mind that after all this time she still didn’t understand exactly what she meant to me. “I knew within days of meeting you that I wanted you for the rest of my life. Waiting a few years isn’t a lot compared to what I’ll have with you after. The others? They were distractions to help get us here, and you and I both know they were bad ones. Otherwise the calls would’ve stopped and we would’ve grown apart—and that never happened. You said some people aren’t lucky enough to know our kind of love. For a lot of people, all that would’ve been too much. For us, it was just part of our story.”
Harlow’s blue eyes widened in awe, and for a few seconds, she just stared at me. “You . . .” She trailed off and shook her head. “You are such a charmer, Knox Alexander; always have been. Are you this romantic with every other girl?”
A short laugh burst from my chest. “Romantic,” I said, deadpan.
“Collin, please don’t—”
“Harlow,” he snapped, then collected himself again. “We’re doing the test. Now.”
Gripping my wrist in his hand, he led me back to our bathroom and bent down to get a test. The tears began forming once the foil-wrapped stick was in my hand, but I kept my eyes away from him so he wouldn’t see them. I’d thought I still had time. I was wrong. I suddenly wanted Knox’s phone. I was wondering why I hadn’t let him take me away, and why I knew even still that I wouldn’t.
Collin took the stick like he always did and set it on the counter before pulling me into his arms to wait. A couple of minutes later his breathing stopped, and I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself.
“Harlow!” he shouted, and my eyes shot open to look at the stick.
“What?” I choked out, and gripped the counter when it felt like I was going to faint. There were two lines instead of the normal one.
Collin turned me so I was facing him, and pulled me close to press his mouth to mine, and I cried through the kiss. I tried to play off the tears as something happy, but all I could think was that my world was crashing down around me, and I had already ruined this baby’s life by letting it have Collin as a father.
Chapter 9
Knox
Present Day—Richland
AS SOON AS we got back to the firehouse and got our stuff ready for the next call, I headed back to my room to relax for as long as possible. I knew it was how the job went, but given the situation, I hated that I’d had to hang up on Harlow. She’d barely come back into my life, but I knew each time I spoke to her that it could be the last. Grabbing up my phone, I saw there was a message from her, and couldn’t open it fast enough.
Harlow: To the stars . . .
My mouth twitched into a smile as I stared at her words, and for a few seconds it felt like I was nineteen again as I tapped out a response. But I wasn’t. And the girl sending me that message was married to an abusive prick.
Knox: Always
As soon as I pushed SEND, I put my phone on the end table and fell onto my bed to try to relax until our next call. But relaxing didn’t come easy these days, and soon my body was tense and I was crossing my arms over my chest to keep them from shaking. All I could see was the way Collin’s fingers dug into her arm, and the marks that were already bruising. I kept seeing flashes of how thin Harlow was now. She looked sick, and after seeing the way her husband treated her in public—and hearing that her family was in danger—it wasn’t hard to see why. I needed to help her; I needed to save her. But I couldn’t do that if she wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t force my way into her marriage. And then all I could think about was the fact that she’d chosen him over me.
The only thing I’d ever done to her was ask her to wait.
Summer 2010—Seattle
“HOW BIG DO you think they are?”
I slowly cracked open my eyes, and glanced over to where Harlow was lying next to me on the blanket. She was leaving for college in a couple of days. This was my last chance to be with her until she finally turned eighteen. My last chance to remind her of what she had waiting for her back home. She might not understand why I was about to do what I’d promised to do over the next few months . . . but hopefully one day she would realize it was all for her. Everything always had been.
We’d been out at a secluded spot for hours, and when just kissing hadn’t been enough, I’d rolled away from her and started counting the days until her birthday, over and over again to calm down. But her question about how big something was wasn’t helping.
“Hmm?”
Harlow gestured toward the sky with her eyes, then moved her body so she could face it. “How big do you think the stars are? They’re so far away, but they look so close. And if you said the closest star is the sun, then I want to know how big the others are.”
“I don’t know, Low.”
She elbowed my side and rolled back over so she was leaning over me. “You said you got an A in astronomy.”
I laughed and brushed away the hair hanging in front of her face. “I only paid attention in that class because it had to do with stars, which makes me think of you.”
She didn’t respond, just continued to look at me expectantly.
“I don’t know how big they are, but I know they vary. Some are really small, and some are bigger than the sun.”
Harlow’s head jerked back, and she looked up at the sky again. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” I confirmed. “A lot bigger.”
After looking at the night sky for a few more seconds, she brought her face back in front of mine. The serious look on her face caught me off guard, but before I could ask what was wrong, she said, “I can’t begin to imagine how far away they are if they look that small in comparison to the sun, and some are bigger. And you love me to them.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway. “I do.”
“The years, my boyfriend and your girlfriend . . . how has it not all been too much?”
It blew my mind that after all this time she still didn’t understand exactly what she meant to me. “I knew within days of meeting you that I wanted you for the rest of my life. Waiting a few years isn’t a lot compared to what I’ll have with you after. The others? They were distractions to help get us here, and you and I both know they were bad ones. Otherwise the calls would’ve stopped and we would’ve grown apart—and that never happened. You said some people aren’t lucky enough to know our kind of love. For a lot of people, all that would’ve been too much. For us, it was just part of our story.”
Harlow’s blue eyes widened in awe, and for a few seconds, she just stared at me. “You . . .” She trailed off and shook her head. “You are such a charmer, Knox Alexander; always have been. Are you this romantic with every other girl?”
A short laugh burst from my chest. “Romantic,” I said, deadpan.
