“Oh my God,” Sloan says, taking a seat on the bed. She drops her elbows to her knees and holds her head in her hands. “This is all my fault,” she whispers.
I reach over and pull her hand to mine. “Sloan, it’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I was the one on duty.” I look up at Ryan. “What about the fact that he tried to kill me? He shot me in the chest and that wasn’t self-defense. He’ll be charged with that, right?”
I can see the roll of Ryan’s throat as he swallows.
“You have to be fucking kidding me,” I whisper, dropping my head against the headboard.
“He’s claiming self-defense in that case, too,” Ryan says. “You both shot each other. Sloan was the only witness in the room. I can only testify to what I heard from outside the door.”
“He almost killed me, Ryan!”
Ryan and Tillie both glance at each other. Tillie clears her throat and then says, “The thing is, Luke…with the shit storm of that whole day, if the DA charges him with anything, chances are, you’ll be charged, too. And you’ll both go to trial.”
“I’ll be charged? What the fuck will I be charged with?”
“It depends on the judge. Felony assault…attempted murder. And without the department taking the case to court…it will look like you and Asa just had a standoff in a bedroom. The result of a love triangle gone wrong.”
I can hear Sloan crying now.
I can’t even force another question; my mind is going in all fucking directions now. “So you’re telling me that not only does this sick fucker have a chance at getting away with everything he did…I’m looking at facing charges?”
Ryan nods, slowly. “Unless…we work out some sort of a plea deal. His lawyers are pushing for it. They want us to agree to drop the charges in exchange for information on Jon and Kevin and a few other people in the investigation. Like I said, Luke. It all depends on the judge. And the District Attorney, of course. That’s a good thing, because the DA likes you. I don’t see him pushing for anything when it comes to charges against you, but if we push for charges to be brought against Asa, his lawyers are going to push back. So you need to think about that long and hard.”
I can’t even believe what I’m hearing right now.
“What about everything else he’s done?” Sloan asks. “All the times he forced himself on me? Can I not press charges against him for that?”
Tillie nods. “You can, but what exactly are you claiming? Rape? Did he rape you?”
Sloan glances at me, then back at Tillie. She shrugs. “I don’t even know,” she says quietly. “There were several times I…I was terrified he would hurt me so…I just let him.”
Tillie stands up and walks over to the bed, sitting next to Sloan. “Did you ever tell him no? Did you ever ask him to stop and he refused?”
Sloan pauses in thought, and then shakes her head. “No, I was too scared to say no. I pretended I was okay with it every time.”
Tillie tilts her head in sympathy and squeezes Sloan’s hand. “I’m afraid that won’t hold up in court,” she says. “All he has to do is claim he wasn’t aware that you didn’t want to have sex with him. If the accused is never told no and assumes you’re willing based on your actions…”
Sloan’s head falls back into her hands. Then she just leans toward me and collapses against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to her head.
“I’m sorry,” Tillie says. “There were several things that could have been handled differently to prepare for a solid case against him. Several things that prevent us from pursuing Asa like we wish we could.”
“You mean several things I messed up,” I interject.
Ryan stands. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Luke. I encouraged several of those mistakes. Sometimes cases are cut and dry. Sometimes we get everything we need before the end of an investigation. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those. This one was messy from beginning to end, and there isn’t much we can work with at this point. They found nothing in his house after Jon and Kevin cleared out with whatever would enable us to file charges. All they found was some unexplained cash and a stash of prescription pills. It’s not enough to go after him-not with the way Asa and his lawyers are going to fire back at us. Sometimes it’s just not worth the fight.”
I feel Sloan tense against me. She lifts up and glares at Ryan. “Not worth the fight?” she says. “He murdered someone! And he would have killed Luke if it weren’t for six fucking centimeters! Now you’re saying he’ll likely walk free? He’s going to be able to find me? To find Luke? Because he’s not giving up, Ryan! He won’t give up until Luke is dead and you know that!”
I reach over and pull her hand to mine. “Sloan, it’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I was the one on duty.” I look up at Ryan. “What about the fact that he tried to kill me? He shot me in the chest and that wasn’t self-defense. He’ll be charged with that, right?”
I can see the roll of Ryan’s throat as he swallows.
“You have to be fucking kidding me,” I whisper, dropping my head against the headboard.
“He’s claiming self-defense in that case, too,” Ryan says. “You both shot each other. Sloan was the only witness in the room. I can only testify to what I heard from outside the door.”
“He almost killed me, Ryan!”
Ryan and Tillie both glance at each other. Tillie clears her throat and then says, “The thing is, Luke…with the shit storm of that whole day, if the DA charges him with anything, chances are, you’ll be charged, too. And you’ll both go to trial.”
“I’ll be charged? What the fuck will I be charged with?”
“It depends on the judge. Felony assault…attempted murder. And without the department taking the case to court…it will look like you and Asa just had a standoff in a bedroom. The result of a love triangle gone wrong.”
I can hear Sloan crying now.
I can’t even force another question; my mind is going in all fucking directions now. “So you’re telling me that not only does this sick fucker have a chance at getting away with everything he did…I’m looking at facing charges?”
Ryan nods, slowly. “Unless…we work out some sort of a plea deal. His lawyers are pushing for it. They want us to agree to drop the charges in exchange for information on Jon and Kevin and a few other people in the investigation. Like I said, Luke. It all depends on the judge. And the District Attorney, of course. That’s a good thing, because the DA likes you. I don’t see him pushing for anything when it comes to charges against you, but if we push for charges to be brought against Asa, his lawyers are going to push back. So you need to think about that long and hard.”
I can’t even believe what I’m hearing right now.
“What about everything else he’s done?” Sloan asks. “All the times he forced himself on me? Can I not press charges against him for that?”
Tillie nods. “You can, but what exactly are you claiming? Rape? Did he rape you?”
Sloan glances at me, then back at Tillie. She shrugs. “I don’t even know,” she says quietly. “There were several times I…I was terrified he would hurt me so…I just let him.”
Tillie stands up and walks over to the bed, sitting next to Sloan. “Did you ever tell him no? Did you ever ask him to stop and he refused?”
Sloan pauses in thought, and then shakes her head. “No, I was too scared to say no. I pretended I was okay with it every time.”
Tillie tilts her head in sympathy and squeezes Sloan’s hand. “I’m afraid that won’t hold up in court,” she says. “All he has to do is claim he wasn’t aware that you didn’t want to have sex with him. If the accused is never told no and assumes you’re willing based on your actions…”
Sloan’s head falls back into her hands. Then she just leans toward me and collapses against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to her head.
“I’m sorry,” Tillie says. “There were several things that could have been handled differently to prepare for a solid case against him. Several things that prevent us from pursuing Asa like we wish we could.”
“You mean several things I messed up,” I interject.
Ryan stands. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Luke. I encouraged several of those mistakes. Sometimes cases are cut and dry. Sometimes we get everything we need before the end of an investigation. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those. This one was messy from beginning to end, and there isn’t much we can work with at this point. They found nothing in his house after Jon and Kevin cleared out with whatever would enable us to file charges. All they found was some unexplained cash and a stash of prescription pills. It’s not enough to go after him-not with the way Asa and his lawyers are going to fire back at us. Sometimes it’s just not worth the fight.”
I feel Sloan tense against me. She lifts up and glares at Ryan. “Not worth the fight?” she says. “He murdered someone! And he would have killed Luke if it weren’t for six fucking centimeters! Now you’re saying he’ll likely walk free? He’s going to be able to find me? To find Luke? Because he’s not giving up, Ryan! He won’t give up until Luke is dead and you know that!”
