I walk over to the railing, bend down a little, and rest my chin on my hands. The view of downtown Denver is stunning—the tall buildings are lit up and everything seems to twinkle. I have no idea what any of the buildings are, but I don't care either. They're pretty. It's amazing, when I think about it, how fast things can change. Three months ago I was an abused girlfriend, beaten to within an inch of her life. Three days ago I was a scared girl with very little money in a strange city and living in a homeless shelter.
And tonight, even though I'm still scared and I still have very little money, it's all flipped around. I'm in a fantastic apartment with a beautiful man. I'm wearing some pretty nice clothes that I'll probably regret asking for when I see how much they cost. And I might even have a job as a model for a photographer who is important enough to own an entire building and pay girls a hundred dollars an hour to sit for him.
I hear the soft footsteps but I don't turn.
"Find a movie you like?" he asks as he comes up behind me. He puts his hands on either side of the railing, my body between them, and then takes a chance and leans in to close the distance between us.
"Yes," I reply as his mouth dips down to my neck, sending a tingle all the way up my body.
"What're you thinking about, if you don't mind me asking?"
I sigh. "Just how funny life can be. How things can change in a moment and how you never know when that moment will come. It's occurred to me over the past few days that I'm not really in control of very much. I mean, I can make a decision to get on a bus and move to a new city completely alone. And I can make the decision to walk out of a job where I was being falsely accused of stealing. And I can make the decision to spend my last ten dollars on a coffee where a bunch of models fling a little white card at my face and I end up with an invitation to sit in front of Antoine Chaput."
I turn my body so I'm facing him. I wonder what he thinks of that little revelation? That I wasn't invited, but stole an opportunity to test for Antoine from another girl. He eases up to let me turn, but as soon as I'm settled he presses against me again, only this time his chest is touching my br**sts instead of my back, and his hands slip under my hair and begin to caress my neck. If he has an opinion on the invitation, he holds it back.
"But everything after that was luck," I continue. "I can't control other people. I couldn't make Elise take me into the studio, or Antoine like the way I look, or get offered a fake job shampooing hair just so I'd stick around."
He grins at that last remark.
"And I have no control over how you feel about me or why you want to let me stay here." I stare into his eyes and shrug. "I'm totally at the mercy of the universe for these parts. And it's a little bit scary not to be in control, don't you think?"
He pulls my face closer to his and my heart pounds with the thought of another kiss. But he doesn't kiss me, at least not where I expect him to. He brings his lips to my forehead and crushes himself to me, breathing in deeply. And his hands play with my hair, still stringy and damp from my shampoo.
"It's very scary," he whispers as his mouth travels down to my ear. "And I don't know the whole story with you but if you really did all that then I'm in awe of your courage, Rook."
"I think you overestimate me, Ronin. It wasn't courage, it was desperation and fear."
He pulls me all the way into him then, pressing me up against his chest, his hands wrapped tightly around my head and neck in a protective embrace. "Even so. You came up with a plan, and that is courage. Because if this guy you're running from did the things I think he did, then I know first-hand how scary that is."
I push back and stare up at him. "How?" I ask.
He smiles but it's sad. "Because my father used to beat the shit out of my mom back when Elise and I were kids. And one day he hit her with a baseball bat and she never got back up. Elise was eighteen and I was ten when they took my dad to prison. He's still there, I think. I have no idea really. When Antoine showed up and wanted to date Elise and take me in, we stopped being those tragic kids and just went back to being us again. It was scary as f**k those first few years, having to trust that Antoine was good and that he'd stick around. He and Elise never married and this bothered me for a very long time. I always felt that my new life was a rug that was about to be pulled out from under me at any moment. But then, slowly, things started to change. Antoine is a good guy, he loves Elise, and yeah, I'd like him to marry her and give her more security—but if what they have is good enough for Elise, then I just have to accept it."
It's my turn to wrap my hands around his neck and pull him close. I can't reach his forehead so I kiss his chin instead and he laughs. "Sorry," I say with a smile. "I can't reach your forehead but I wanted to kiss you."
He leans down and takes my lips this time, a soft, slow kiss that makes my toes feel warm. The heat climbs up my body as his mouth opens a little and I'm throbbing between my legs in seconds.
I pull back.
"Ronin Flynn, you might undo me."
"I'm already undone, Gidge. I'm just hoping you'll stick around long enough to put me back together."
Chapter Nineteen - RONIN
We go back inside and get our food. I got her another burger. Since I flapped my mouth about picking something she likes, and I know she likes burgers and salads with chicken on them, I got the burger again. She laughs and calls me a cheat, but eats every bite and this makes me so happy I can't stand it.
And tonight, even though I'm still scared and I still have very little money, it's all flipped around. I'm in a fantastic apartment with a beautiful man. I'm wearing some pretty nice clothes that I'll probably regret asking for when I see how much they cost. And I might even have a job as a model for a photographer who is important enough to own an entire building and pay girls a hundred dollars an hour to sit for him.
I hear the soft footsteps but I don't turn.
"Find a movie you like?" he asks as he comes up behind me. He puts his hands on either side of the railing, my body between them, and then takes a chance and leans in to close the distance between us.
"Yes," I reply as his mouth dips down to my neck, sending a tingle all the way up my body.
"What're you thinking about, if you don't mind me asking?"
I sigh. "Just how funny life can be. How things can change in a moment and how you never know when that moment will come. It's occurred to me over the past few days that I'm not really in control of very much. I mean, I can make a decision to get on a bus and move to a new city completely alone. And I can make the decision to walk out of a job where I was being falsely accused of stealing. And I can make the decision to spend my last ten dollars on a coffee where a bunch of models fling a little white card at my face and I end up with an invitation to sit in front of Antoine Chaput."
I turn my body so I'm facing him. I wonder what he thinks of that little revelation? That I wasn't invited, but stole an opportunity to test for Antoine from another girl. He eases up to let me turn, but as soon as I'm settled he presses against me again, only this time his chest is touching my br**sts instead of my back, and his hands slip under my hair and begin to caress my neck. If he has an opinion on the invitation, he holds it back.
"But everything after that was luck," I continue. "I can't control other people. I couldn't make Elise take me into the studio, or Antoine like the way I look, or get offered a fake job shampooing hair just so I'd stick around."
He grins at that last remark.
"And I have no control over how you feel about me or why you want to let me stay here." I stare into his eyes and shrug. "I'm totally at the mercy of the universe for these parts. And it's a little bit scary not to be in control, don't you think?"
He pulls my face closer to his and my heart pounds with the thought of another kiss. But he doesn't kiss me, at least not where I expect him to. He brings his lips to my forehead and crushes himself to me, breathing in deeply. And his hands play with my hair, still stringy and damp from my shampoo.
"It's very scary," he whispers as his mouth travels down to my ear. "And I don't know the whole story with you but if you really did all that then I'm in awe of your courage, Rook."
"I think you overestimate me, Ronin. It wasn't courage, it was desperation and fear."
He pulls me all the way into him then, pressing me up against his chest, his hands wrapped tightly around my head and neck in a protective embrace. "Even so. You came up with a plan, and that is courage. Because if this guy you're running from did the things I think he did, then I know first-hand how scary that is."
I push back and stare up at him. "How?" I ask.
He smiles but it's sad. "Because my father used to beat the shit out of my mom back when Elise and I were kids. And one day he hit her with a baseball bat and she never got back up. Elise was eighteen and I was ten when they took my dad to prison. He's still there, I think. I have no idea really. When Antoine showed up and wanted to date Elise and take me in, we stopped being those tragic kids and just went back to being us again. It was scary as f**k those first few years, having to trust that Antoine was good and that he'd stick around. He and Elise never married and this bothered me for a very long time. I always felt that my new life was a rug that was about to be pulled out from under me at any moment. But then, slowly, things started to change. Antoine is a good guy, he loves Elise, and yeah, I'd like him to marry her and give her more security—but if what they have is good enough for Elise, then I just have to accept it."
It's my turn to wrap my hands around his neck and pull him close. I can't reach his forehead so I kiss his chin instead and he laughs. "Sorry," I say with a smile. "I can't reach your forehead but I wanted to kiss you."
He leans down and takes my lips this time, a soft, slow kiss that makes my toes feel warm. The heat climbs up my body as his mouth opens a little and I'm throbbing between my legs in seconds.
I pull back.
"Ronin Flynn, you might undo me."
"I'm already undone, Gidge. I'm just hoping you'll stick around long enough to put me back together."
Chapter Nineteen - RONIN
We go back inside and get our food. I got her another burger. Since I flapped my mouth about picking something she likes, and I know she likes burgers and salads with chicken on them, I got the burger again. She laughs and calls me a cheat, but eats every bite and this makes me so happy I can't stand it.
