Ugh. I want to die right now, and I'm not even naked yet.
Antoine doesn't speak a lick of English as we get ready, he talks only to Ronin and Ronin repeats everything he says in English for the rest of us. They start shooting right away and Ronin stays out of the picture for most of these. Then he stands behind me, tells me to move this way or that, and then kneels down in front of the swing, parts my thighs and lays his head along my leg. He's got a perfect view of all my goods and I just want to die all over again.
His hands reach under my ass and he turns his head up. "Look at me, Gidge. Antoine wants you to look at me."
I do as I'm told and I have to admit, it was a lot easier to do this when we were flirting with the possibility of a relationship.
"He wants you to be angry with me, but you already are, so I guess that's not a problem, is it?"
I just stare down at Ronin, my mind going a mile a minute.
"You mind telling me what I did?"
"I saw you," I say, as the cameras keep clicking.
"Saw me do what?"
"I saw you downstairs, in that apartment with Clare."
"Oh, f**k."
"Yeah, oh, f**k."
Antoine barks out an order to Ronin. "Get up," Ronin repeats after Antoine.
I do, and his hands are immediately around me, tugging me towards the tree. He leans back and pulls me into his chest. The cameras are clicking and Antoine continues to talk as Ronin's hands wrap around my ass and start to cup my breast. "It's not what you think, Rook," he whispers into my neck as his lips begin to kiss me.
I move away from his kiss and Antoine growls out something unfriendly.
"I have to, Rook, it's part of the shot. So just try and forget about all that stuff for now."
I keep my mouth shut and try to act like this is OK, but then he's unzipping my dress and pretty soon he's got one of my arms out, exposing my breast.
"You can say stop, you know," he reminds me.
"I know," I whisper. "But it's got to get done, right? So just go, just get it over with."
He continues with the other arm, slowly dragging the dress down until it falls to the ground and the tears are starting to build from the humiliation I feel.
"What the hell is on your back?"
Ronin's sharp words bring me back from the edge and I cover myself with my arms and turn away from Antoine. "The painting Spencer did yesterday."
Now Antoine is up next to me as Ronin spins me around so they can take a good long look at my body art. They both talk like I'm not there. And it's not even in French this time.
"Ah, f**k, Ronin! What the f**k is this?" Antoine growls.
"I didn't see it, she had clothes on at the scale!" Ronin retorts.
"Well, how the f**k are we going to shoot her with this paint all over her back? Huh?"
"We'll just have to wash it off."
"It will make her skin red!"
"You guys do realize you're speaking English, right?" I ask. "I mean, I'm right f**king here!"
They switch to French and Elise brings me a robe so I don't have to stand there naked. "Come on, Rook, this shoot is over. We'll do it another day."
"But—"
"I'll still pay you half today, you can leave if you want, but we need to wash that paint off and this shoot is a disaster, so I'm calling stop."
That one word is all it takes. The crew begins packing up immediately, Antoine stops yelling, and Ronin grabs my hand and leads me back into the studio. He bypasses the dressing room and tugs me up the stairs, and before I can even string together a valid argument on why I should not be going into his apartment with him, I'm already there, sitting on the couch almost in tears.
Chapter Thirty-Nine- RONIN
I sit down on the chair opposite Rook in the living room and let out a long sigh as I drop my head into my hands, scrub my face and then look back up. "Tell me something," I ask, trying not to look at her in that make-up, "why do you think I weigh the girls? I mean, you've hinted that I'm some sort of control freak, so is this why you think I do it? So I can control you?"
Rook wraps her arms around herself. She's still naked under the robe and I take a minute to go get her a blanket from the hall closet. I offer it to her and she squeaks out a barely audible "Thank you," then pulls it up to her neck.
"You think I'm—what? Looking for girls who gain weight so I can fire them?"
"Aren't you?" she asks.
I laugh and shake my head. "Holy shit! No! I'm not looking to fire anyone for gaining weight, Rook. I told you, I don't care how much you weigh, I only care if you lose weight."
"You never said that, you said you were looking for a weight change."
"Right, not weight gain." I stop again and lean back in the chair so I can look up at the ceiling as the guilt comes back. The guilt always comes back, and it always comes back to the same girl.
"There was a model who came through here a few years back. Mardee." I look over to see what Rook thinks about this, but she has her knees drawn up to her chest and her face is hidden in the blanket. "Mardee and I dated, I was only nineteen and she was just barely eighteen. Too young, really, like you, to be taking her clothes off for Antoine's camera. But like you, she did it anyway. And she was good at it.
"She got a lot of offers and pretty soon there were agencies and clients calling, she dumped me and started dating older guys, she got herself mixed up in a lot of bad shit and the worst of it was the drugs. In case you haven't noticed, this neighborhood is not the best. Sure, it's family friendly during the day and when there's a game in the stadium, but the reality of these streets is just half a block away. So she met some of the locals, all people I've known since elementary school, so you know, I was at the very least hesitant to tell her they were all a bunch of losers."
Antoine doesn't speak a lick of English as we get ready, he talks only to Ronin and Ronin repeats everything he says in English for the rest of us. They start shooting right away and Ronin stays out of the picture for most of these. Then he stands behind me, tells me to move this way or that, and then kneels down in front of the swing, parts my thighs and lays his head along my leg. He's got a perfect view of all my goods and I just want to die all over again.
His hands reach under my ass and he turns his head up. "Look at me, Gidge. Antoine wants you to look at me."
I do as I'm told and I have to admit, it was a lot easier to do this when we were flirting with the possibility of a relationship.
"He wants you to be angry with me, but you already are, so I guess that's not a problem, is it?"
I just stare down at Ronin, my mind going a mile a minute.
"You mind telling me what I did?"
"I saw you," I say, as the cameras keep clicking.
"Saw me do what?"
"I saw you downstairs, in that apartment with Clare."
"Oh, f**k."
"Yeah, oh, f**k."
Antoine barks out an order to Ronin. "Get up," Ronin repeats after Antoine.
I do, and his hands are immediately around me, tugging me towards the tree. He leans back and pulls me into his chest. The cameras are clicking and Antoine continues to talk as Ronin's hands wrap around my ass and start to cup my breast. "It's not what you think, Rook," he whispers into my neck as his lips begin to kiss me.
I move away from his kiss and Antoine growls out something unfriendly.
"I have to, Rook, it's part of the shot. So just try and forget about all that stuff for now."
I keep my mouth shut and try to act like this is OK, but then he's unzipping my dress and pretty soon he's got one of my arms out, exposing my breast.
"You can say stop, you know," he reminds me.
"I know," I whisper. "But it's got to get done, right? So just go, just get it over with."
He continues with the other arm, slowly dragging the dress down until it falls to the ground and the tears are starting to build from the humiliation I feel.
"What the hell is on your back?"
Ronin's sharp words bring me back from the edge and I cover myself with my arms and turn away from Antoine. "The painting Spencer did yesterday."
Now Antoine is up next to me as Ronin spins me around so they can take a good long look at my body art. They both talk like I'm not there. And it's not even in French this time.
"Ah, f**k, Ronin! What the f**k is this?" Antoine growls.
"I didn't see it, she had clothes on at the scale!" Ronin retorts.
"Well, how the f**k are we going to shoot her with this paint all over her back? Huh?"
"We'll just have to wash it off."
"It will make her skin red!"
"You guys do realize you're speaking English, right?" I ask. "I mean, I'm right f**king here!"
They switch to French and Elise brings me a robe so I don't have to stand there naked. "Come on, Rook, this shoot is over. We'll do it another day."
"But—"
"I'll still pay you half today, you can leave if you want, but we need to wash that paint off and this shoot is a disaster, so I'm calling stop."
That one word is all it takes. The crew begins packing up immediately, Antoine stops yelling, and Ronin grabs my hand and leads me back into the studio. He bypasses the dressing room and tugs me up the stairs, and before I can even string together a valid argument on why I should not be going into his apartment with him, I'm already there, sitting on the couch almost in tears.
Chapter Thirty-Nine- RONIN
I sit down on the chair opposite Rook in the living room and let out a long sigh as I drop my head into my hands, scrub my face and then look back up. "Tell me something," I ask, trying not to look at her in that make-up, "why do you think I weigh the girls? I mean, you've hinted that I'm some sort of control freak, so is this why you think I do it? So I can control you?"
Rook wraps her arms around herself. She's still naked under the robe and I take a minute to go get her a blanket from the hall closet. I offer it to her and she squeaks out a barely audible "Thank you," then pulls it up to her neck.
"You think I'm—what? Looking for girls who gain weight so I can fire them?"
"Aren't you?" she asks.
I laugh and shake my head. "Holy shit! No! I'm not looking to fire anyone for gaining weight, Rook. I told you, I don't care how much you weigh, I only care if you lose weight."
"You never said that, you said you were looking for a weight change."
"Right, not weight gain." I stop again and lean back in the chair so I can look up at the ceiling as the guilt comes back. The guilt always comes back, and it always comes back to the same girl.
"There was a model who came through here a few years back. Mardee." I look over to see what Rook thinks about this, but she has her knees drawn up to her chest and her face is hidden in the blanket. "Mardee and I dated, I was only nineteen and she was just barely eighteen. Too young, really, like you, to be taking her clothes off for Antoine's camera. But like you, she did it anyway. And she was good at it.
"She got a lot of offers and pretty soon there were agencies and clients calling, she dumped me and started dating older guys, she got herself mixed up in a lot of bad shit and the worst of it was the drugs. In case you haven't noticed, this neighborhood is not the best. Sure, it's family friendly during the day and when there's a game in the stadium, but the reality of these streets is just half a block away. So she met some of the locals, all people I've known since elementary school, so you know, I was at the very least hesitant to tell her they were all a bunch of losers."
