“Um, you know, I haven’t really gotten any lately.” That’s not entirely true. I probably have a bunch, I just haven’t bothered to open my dating app in weeks.
“What’d you do? Close your accounts?”
Sort of.
“No, just busy. You know how it is.”
“So men just stopped sending dick pics to you?” Everly asks, her tone dubious as if I’m lying.
“POD’s! Everly, keep it classy.” I need her to stop focusing on me. “I think the POD thing caught on and they all realized how stupid it was to text their junk to random women.” I shrug.
“Really?” Her tone is dry. A quick glance at Sandra and Sophie tells me they’re not buying what I’m selling either.
“Yup. I bet there’s a group text. Between all the single guys in Philly. Agreeing that dick pics are stupid and banding together to stop sending them.” I do a little fist-pump into the air to accentuate this win for women.
And then my phone rings.
My phone which I pulled out when Sandra asked me what level I was on in Pokemon and then left lying on the table between me and Everly.
My phone which has Boyd’s phone number programmed into it.
My phone which is currently ringing, with an incoming call from Boyd lighting up the screen.
Why couldn’t his name have been Sam? I could have played off a Sam or an Alex as anyone.
I make a grab for the phone but I’m too late. Way too late.
Because I’ve also assigned the picture that Boyd and I took together on top of Vail Mountain to his contact in my phone. So that’s what’s showing on the screen, behind the text spelling out his name and phone number for anyone close enough to read it. Everly’s close enough to read it.
I hit the ignore call button but not before I catch the look of surprise on her face. At least there’s that. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to surprise her before. I enjoy that victory for the half a second she allows before she regains her composure and grins like that cat that ate the canary. Or the girl who’s just figured out that you might be up to something with that guy she spent close to a year trying to hook you up with while you refused. It’s pretty much the same grin.
“You’re dating Sophie’s brother.”
“No way!” Sophie bursts out. “No freaking way.”
“We’re not dating!” I object, turning the ringer off and stuffing the phone in my bag before it can betray me any further.
“So you just happen to have his number programmed into your phone?” Everly deadpans. “With a picture of the two of you?”
“A picture!” Sophie gasps and slaps a hand over her mouth in surprise.
“Yup, with mountains in the background,” Everly informs Sophie. “Which is weird. We don’t have any mountains in Philadelphia…” She trails off, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.
“Not dating.” I shake my head and tug on my left ear. My heart is starting to race.
“So why is he calling you?” Everly asks. But it’s Everly, so it’s really a demand for information posed as a question.
“Wait, how long has this been going on?” Sophie interjects. “Because I tried to set him up with you two weeks ago and he blew me off.”
“Um, thanks?” I say and fiddle with a sweetener packet while they all stare at me. I consider telling them that we met at the hospital the day Christine was born like they assume, but I end up confessing the entire story about meeting Boyd the day prior when my date was arrested at the stadium.
“So Boyd blackmailed you into being his date to a wedding,” Everly summarizes.
“Sort of, yeah. It was more of a favor.”
“Because someone like Boyd would have a hard time finding a date,” she adds, pinning me with a look that asks if I’m really this obtuse.
That point has always bothered me, but I tell them what he told me. “He didn’t want to bring a real date because she’d read into it. Think he was introducing her to his family and stuff. Expect things.”
“So he brought you instead. And introduced you to his family and stuff.”
“Yes,” I admit.
“At an out-of-town wedding.”
“Yeah.” I know what’s coming next.
“Did you sleep with him?”
Called that.
“Um, well…” I shred the sweetener packet before remembering that it’s full and end up with a pile of sugar on my hands. “Yes,” I admit. “But that part wasn’t a favor,” I add in a rush. Just in case there’s any confusion.
“Was it good sex?” Everly asks, leaning forward and tucking her hair behind her ear.
I nod, my face down, concentrating on pushing the sugar into a pile. Which is nearly impossible on a cloth table cover, by the way.
“And then what?” she presses. “The wedding was a month ago and he’s still calling you.”
“We hang out and stuff.” I shrug my shoulder and stab some eggs with my fork.
“Yeah, that’s called dating,” Everly deadpans.
“No, it’s not like that.” I take a bite but no one changes the subject while I chew. Clearly I’m not getting out of talking about this. Has it really been a month since the wedding? “It was like, I owed him a favor and then he owed me a favor.”
Sandra’s eyes widen and Everly murmurs, “Uh huh.” Sophie gives me an ‘are you serious’ raised eyebrow.
“Sometimes we grab something to eat together.”
“Also called a date.” Everly nods her head while I reply, “No,” and shake mine.
“Once he helped me drag home a bookcase I found at a garage sale. And we went to a flea market together. That kind of stuff.”
“That’s called a boyfriend,” Everly says, not blinking.
“No.” I shake my head again. “We’re just Chloe-and-Boyding.” Holy shit, that makes no sense. Why did it make sense when Boyd said it?
“Is he seeing anyone else?” This is from Sandra.
“What’d you do? Close your accounts?”
Sort of.
“No, just busy. You know how it is.”
“So men just stopped sending dick pics to you?” Everly asks, her tone dubious as if I’m lying.
“POD’s! Everly, keep it classy.” I need her to stop focusing on me. “I think the POD thing caught on and they all realized how stupid it was to text their junk to random women.” I shrug.
“Really?” Her tone is dry. A quick glance at Sandra and Sophie tells me they’re not buying what I’m selling either.
“Yup. I bet there’s a group text. Between all the single guys in Philly. Agreeing that dick pics are stupid and banding together to stop sending them.” I do a little fist-pump into the air to accentuate this win for women.
And then my phone rings.
My phone which I pulled out when Sandra asked me what level I was on in Pokemon and then left lying on the table between me and Everly.
My phone which has Boyd’s phone number programmed into it.
My phone which is currently ringing, with an incoming call from Boyd lighting up the screen.
Why couldn’t his name have been Sam? I could have played off a Sam or an Alex as anyone.
I make a grab for the phone but I’m too late. Way too late.
Because I’ve also assigned the picture that Boyd and I took together on top of Vail Mountain to his contact in my phone. So that’s what’s showing on the screen, behind the text spelling out his name and phone number for anyone close enough to read it. Everly’s close enough to read it.
I hit the ignore call button but not before I catch the look of surprise on her face. At least there’s that. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to surprise her before. I enjoy that victory for the half a second she allows before she regains her composure and grins like that cat that ate the canary. Or the girl who’s just figured out that you might be up to something with that guy she spent close to a year trying to hook you up with while you refused. It’s pretty much the same grin.
“You’re dating Sophie’s brother.”
“No way!” Sophie bursts out. “No freaking way.”
“We’re not dating!” I object, turning the ringer off and stuffing the phone in my bag before it can betray me any further.
“So you just happen to have his number programmed into your phone?” Everly deadpans. “With a picture of the two of you?”
“A picture!” Sophie gasps and slaps a hand over her mouth in surprise.
“Yup, with mountains in the background,” Everly informs Sophie. “Which is weird. We don’t have any mountains in Philadelphia…” She trails off, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.
“Not dating.” I shake my head and tug on my left ear. My heart is starting to race.
“So why is he calling you?” Everly asks. But it’s Everly, so it’s really a demand for information posed as a question.
“Wait, how long has this been going on?” Sophie interjects. “Because I tried to set him up with you two weeks ago and he blew me off.”
“Um, thanks?” I say and fiddle with a sweetener packet while they all stare at me. I consider telling them that we met at the hospital the day Christine was born like they assume, but I end up confessing the entire story about meeting Boyd the day prior when my date was arrested at the stadium.
“So Boyd blackmailed you into being his date to a wedding,” Everly summarizes.
“Sort of, yeah. It was more of a favor.”
“Because someone like Boyd would have a hard time finding a date,” she adds, pinning me with a look that asks if I’m really this obtuse.
That point has always bothered me, but I tell them what he told me. “He didn’t want to bring a real date because she’d read into it. Think he was introducing her to his family and stuff. Expect things.”
“So he brought you instead. And introduced you to his family and stuff.”
“Yes,” I admit.
“At an out-of-town wedding.”
“Yeah.” I know what’s coming next.
“Did you sleep with him?”
Called that.
“Um, well…” I shred the sweetener packet before remembering that it’s full and end up with a pile of sugar on my hands. “Yes,” I admit. “But that part wasn’t a favor,” I add in a rush. Just in case there’s any confusion.
“Was it good sex?” Everly asks, leaning forward and tucking her hair behind her ear.
I nod, my face down, concentrating on pushing the sugar into a pile. Which is nearly impossible on a cloth table cover, by the way.
“And then what?” she presses. “The wedding was a month ago and he’s still calling you.”
“We hang out and stuff.” I shrug my shoulder and stab some eggs with my fork.
“Yeah, that’s called dating,” Everly deadpans.
“No, it’s not like that.” I take a bite but no one changes the subject while I chew. Clearly I’m not getting out of talking about this. Has it really been a month since the wedding? “It was like, I owed him a favor and then he owed me a favor.”
Sandra’s eyes widen and Everly murmurs, “Uh huh.” Sophie gives me an ‘are you serious’ raised eyebrow.
“Sometimes we grab something to eat together.”
“Also called a date.” Everly nods her head while I reply, “No,” and shake mine.
“Once he helped me drag home a bookcase I found at a garage sale. And we went to a flea market together. That kind of stuff.”
“That’s called a boyfriend,” Everly says, not blinking.
“No.” I shake my head again. “We’re just Chloe-and-Boyding.” Holy shit, that makes no sense. Why did it make sense when Boyd said it?
“Is he seeing anyone else?” This is from Sandra.
