Trusting Liam
Page 30
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“Why the fuck would you stay with him? And why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Because we were in love! Because I still love him!” she shot back defensively.
“That is not love, Kira, that’s—I don’t even know what that is. He was just using you to get laid whenever he felt like it!”
“That’s not true!”
“It’s not?” I asked incredulously. “You knew the second you found out you had to move away that he would cheat on you. You weren’t in love with him, you were scared of being alone!”
Kira sat up and stared down at me. “Oh, and suddenly you’re the love expert? You don’t even believe in love, Kennedy! You think it’s something people have made up to trick other people into marrying them. But then again, I guess you would know all about that, now, wouldn’t you? You would run screaming in the opposite direction now if anyone ever mentioned the idea of loving you. And why is that? Because of some bullshit relationship that you won’t even talk about anymore?”
I sat there in shock for a moment, then slid off the bed. Grabbing my shoes, I walked toward the door. “Fuck you, Kira.” Just before I was out of her room, I stopped, but didn’t turn to look at her. “Get ready for work and cheer up. I’m not going to cover for you again because you’re too upset to leave your room. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s tired of watching you bitch and complain over Zane—especially if it’s been over for him since we moved here. It’s been long enough, you need to get over it—you’re starting to look pathetic.”
I ignored her next screams, just went to my bathroom and took a quick shower to rinse off. A feeling close to panic mixed with a deep sorrow filled me as I slowly got ready for work, and by the time I was ready and we were leaving, it was consuming me.
Kira and I didn’t talk on the way to the gym, or after we were there. I knew I’d been harsh, and I should have been more caring about how upset she was, but I didn’t know how to be. Not now that I knew the real reason she was so obsessed with her relationship with Zane, not when she’d known about his cheating for months and hadn’t even been blindsided by it, and not when she’d kept something like that from me for years.
I wanted to apologize to her, but knew I wouldn’t because I was being childish. I was mad that she’d purposely used something against me to hurt me simply because she was hurting.
And, unfortunately for me, she was right. I didn’t believe in love anymore, and her words had me on the edge of panicking over my situation with Liam. I’d pushed him away for so many reasons in the beginning. Being afraid of getting involved with someone, afraid of the way I easily lost all control around him, and afraid of the way I couldn’t stay away from him. But now, after I’d finally given in to him, Kira’s words had slapped me with the reality of what I was doing—and now I didn’t know how to let the relationship continue when all I could remember was why I’d built walls between us in the first place.
July 17
Liam
I JOGGED UP to the girls’ door that evening and knocked, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever awaited me, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what was going on with either of them, and Kennedy hadn’t answered any of my calls or responded to my texts all day. Dad said Kira had walked out midshift, but both girls had been acting strange from the moment they’d come in.
After knocking for a second time with no answer, I pulled out my phone and started looking for Kennedy’s number when the door suddenly swung open.
“Hey, what—Kira,” I muttered when I noticed the way her eyes were watching me. No matter how identical she and her sister were, it was always clear in their eyes who was who. “What’s going on today? I can’t get ahold of Kennedy and Dad said you walked out of work.”
“Am I fired?” she asked in a dead tone.
“No . . . uh, he didn’t say that. He was worried I’d done something to upset you. What’s wrong?”
“Kennedy’s in her room. I think,” she called over her shoulder as she walked away from me.
I stared at her retreating figure until she was in her room and the door was shut, unable to figure out what had just happened. I cautiously walked inside and made my way to Kennedy’s room. With a deep breath in, I opened her door and looked inside. Kennedy was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling.
Her head rolled to the side to face me, and her lips curved up for a split second. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I responded hesitantly, and took a few steps in before leaning back against a wall. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on since Kira didn’t?”
After a few seconds passed, she blew out a heavy breath and looked back up at the ceiling. “Zane broke up with Kira. He was cheating on her for . . . I don’t know how long. Probably since we left.”
Of all the things I’d been thinking, that hadn’t been one of them. The girls were moving back to Florida—possible. Kennedy was going to suddenly go back to pushing me away for another unknown reason—too likely for my peace of mind. Someone in their family had died—once again, possible. All of those scenarios plus a few others had been running through my mind for the last five hours, but definitely not Kira losing her boyfriend. For a moment, my body sagged in relief until I realized I still didn’t know why Kennedy had been ignoring me all day.
Pushing away from the wall, I closed the distance to her bed, but didn’t get on it. Once her eyes were back on me, I asked softly, “And you?”
Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and she shook her head. “And me, what?”
“I haven’t heard from you all day. You haven’t answered my calls or returned my texts. I’m sorry for Kira, but right now I’m a little more worried about whatever is going on in that mind of yours.”
Kennedy’s face smoothed out, and she didn’t move or speak as she watched me for countless seconds. “I didn’t know what to say to you. Kira . . . she said some things to me this morning that left me wanting to run as far away from you as I could.”
“Kennedy, I’m not Zane. I’m not going to—”
“No,” she said, cutting me off. “No, I know you’re not him. I don’t think you’re going to be like him either. I guess Kira just reminded me of who I am. That’s the only way I can figure out how to put it.”
Folding my arms across my chest, I raised one eyebrow and studied her. “And who you are made you want to run from me . . . again? I think I proved you can’t do anything to make me want to give up on you.”
A bright smile briefly flashed across her face. “I know, Liam. That’s part of the reason why I haven’t talked to you today.” She pulled herself up into a sitting position and immediately began speaking again, this time without looking at me. “After Kira reminded me of my past this morning, I was so mad, but I knew she was right. And I knew that my initial reaction of wanting to run from you would just make what she said true. So I’ve spent practically the entire day thinking about it. I knew what I thought I had to do was just a knee-jerk reaction, and wasn’t what I actually wanted. But I knew if I talked to you, then I would go through with it—whatever it would end up being. But it wasn’t as simple as just needing time until I knew I wouldn’t push you away again. I told you that Kira reminded me of who I am; and I am—or I was—that way because of my past. And that past is such a huge part of me that it made me rethink everything I’m doing here . . . with you.”
“Because we were in love! Because I still love him!” she shot back defensively.
“That is not love, Kira, that’s—I don’t even know what that is. He was just using you to get laid whenever he felt like it!”
“That’s not true!”
“It’s not?” I asked incredulously. “You knew the second you found out you had to move away that he would cheat on you. You weren’t in love with him, you were scared of being alone!”
Kira sat up and stared down at me. “Oh, and suddenly you’re the love expert? You don’t even believe in love, Kennedy! You think it’s something people have made up to trick other people into marrying them. But then again, I guess you would know all about that, now, wouldn’t you? You would run screaming in the opposite direction now if anyone ever mentioned the idea of loving you. And why is that? Because of some bullshit relationship that you won’t even talk about anymore?”
I sat there in shock for a moment, then slid off the bed. Grabbing my shoes, I walked toward the door. “Fuck you, Kira.” Just before I was out of her room, I stopped, but didn’t turn to look at her. “Get ready for work and cheer up. I’m not going to cover for you again because you’re too upset to leave your room. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s tired of watching you bitch and complain over Zane—especially if it’s been over for him since we moved here. It’s been long enough, you need to get over it—you’re starting to look pathetic.”
I ignored her next screams, just went to my bathroom and took a quick shower to rinse off. A feeling close to panic mixed with a deep sorrow filled me as I slowly got ready for work, and by the time I was ready and we were leaving, it was consuming me.
Kira and I didn’t talk on the way to the gym, or after we were there. I knew I’d been harsh, and I should have been more caring about how upset she was, but I didn’t know how to be. Not now that I knew the real reason she was so obsessed with her relationship with Zane, not when she’d known about his cheating for months and hadn’t even been blindsided by it, and not when she’d kept something like that from me for years.
I wanted to apologize to her, but knew I wouldn’t because I was being childish. I was mad that she’d purposely used something against me to hurt me simply because she was hurting.
And, unfortunately for me, she was right. I didn’t believe in love anymore, and her words had me on the edge of panicking over my situation with Liam. I’d pushed him away for so many reasons in the beginning. Being afraid of getting involved with someone, afraid of the way I easily lost all control around him, and afraid of the way I couldn’t stay away from him. But now, after I’d finally given in to him, Kira’s words had slapped me with the reality of what I was doing—and now I didn’t know how to let the relationship continue when all I could remember was why I’d built walls between us in the first place.
July 17
Liam
I JOGGED UP to the girls’ door that evening and knocked, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever awaited me, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what was going on with either of them, and Kennedy hadn’t answered any of my calls or responded to my texts all day. Dad said Kira had walked out midshift, but both girls had been acting strange from the moment they’d come in.
After knocking for a second time with no answer, I pulled out my phone and started looking for Kennedy’s number when the door suddenly swung open.
“Hey, what—Kira,” I muttered when I noticed the way her eyes were watching me. No matter how identical she and her sister were, it was always clear in their eyes who was who. “What’s going on today? I can’t get ahold of Kennedy and Dad said you walked out of work.”
“Am I fired?” she asked in a dead tone.
“No . . . uh, he didn’t say that. He was worried I’d done something to upset you. What’s wrong?”
“Kennedy’s in her room. I think,” she called over her shoulder as she walked away from me.
I stared at her retreating figure until she was in her room and the door was shut, unable to figure out what had just happened. I cautiously walked inside and made my way to Kennedy’s room. With a deep breath in, I opened her door and looked inside. Kennedy was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling.
Her head rolled to the side to face me, and her lips curved up for a split second. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I responded hesitantly, and took a few steps in before leaning back against a wall. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on since Kira didn’t?”
After a few seconds passed, she blew out a heavy breath and looked back up at the ceiling. “Zane broke up with Kira. He was cheating on her for . . . I don’t know how long. Probably since we left.”
Of all the things I’d been thinking, that hadn’t been one of them. The girls were moving back to Florida—possible. Kennedy was going to suddenly go back to pushing me away for another unknown reason—too likely for my peace of mind. Someone in their family had died—once again, possible. All of those scenarios plus a few others had been running through my mind for the last five hours, but definitely not Kira losing her boyfriend. For a moment, my body sagged in relief until I realized I still didn’t know why Kennedy had been ignoring me all day.
Pushing away from the wall, I closed the distance to her bed, but didn’t get on it. Once her eyes were back on me, I asked softly, “And you?”
Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and she shook her head. “And me, what?”
“I haven’t heard from you all day. You haven’t answered my calls or returned my texts. I’m sorry for Kira, but right now I’m a little more worried about whatever is going on in that mind of yours.”
Kennedy’s face smoothed out, and she didn’t move or speak as she watched me for countless seconds. “I didn’t know what to say to you. Kira . . . she said some things to me this morning that left me wanting to run as far away from you as I could.”
“Kennedy, I’m not Zane. I’m not going to—”
“No,” she said, cutting me off. “No, I know you’re not him. I don’t think you’re going to be like him either. I guess Kira just reminded me of who I am. That’s the only way I can figure out how to put it.”
Folding my arms across my chest, I raised one eyebrow and studied her. “And who you are made you want to run from me . . . again? I think I proved you can’t do anything to make me want to give up on you.”
A bright smile briefly flashed across her face. “I know, Liam. That’s part of the reason why I haven’t talked to you today.” She pulled herself up into a sitting position and immediately began speaking again, this time without looking at me. “After Kira reminded me of my past this morning, I was so mad, but I knew she was right. And I knew that my initial reaction of wanting to run from you would just make what she said true. So I’ve spent practically the entire day thinking about it. I knew what I thought I had to do was just a knee-jerk reaction, and wasn’t what I actually wanted. But I knew if I talked to you, then I would go through with it—whatever it would end up being. But it wasn’t as simple as just needing time until I knew I wouldn’t push you away again. I told you that Kira reminded me of who I am; and I am—or I was—that way because of my past. And that past is such a huge part of me that it made me rethink everything I’m doing here . . . with you.”
