“So you’re alive.” Lacey says. She’s standing over me, her duffel bag in her hand and a concerned look on her face. So, she’s back from her adventure with Garrett the Bartender then.
I groan. “Barely.”
I roll over, and swing my legs to the floor. I spent the night on the living room couch, too exhausted to even make it to bed. Now, I’m regretting not making it those extra fifteen feet: I’ve got a crink in my neck, and my right arm is dead from being propped up on a cushion above my head for hours.
“You going to tell me why you look like such a mess?” Lacey prods me.
“Gee, thanks.” I mutter, trying to massage some blood flow back into my numb arm.
“Juliet?” Her voice has real concern in it, so I look up and sigh.
“I broke up with Daniel.” I tell her. The words feel foreign in my throat, and for a split-second, I wonder if it was all a dream. Is Daniel going to show up at the door to take me out for breakfast like nothing ever happened?
Then the memory of last night comes rushing back to me, in all its messy, painful, jagged glory.
Nope. That was so not a dream.
I look up again. Lacey’s mouth is wide open, and she looks like I just told her I’m getting my head shaved, or running off to join a cult. Like I’ve completely lost my mind.
“ Well, technically, we’re on a break,” I add, as the details slowly take shape in my memory. “Or taking some time, or whatever you call it.”
Lacey gapes at me another moment, so I slowly get up, and behind to tidy up: picking the quilt from the floor where I must have tossed it in the night, and straightening up the couch cushions.
I feel a tug on the quilt, so I turn. Lacey yanks it away from me.
“What the hell did you do?” Her voice goes up a level and I flinch. “Jules, we talked about this, I can’t believe you just threw it all away!”
“Lacey,” I try to stop her, but she’s on a rant here: pacing back and forth in our tiny, cluttered apartment.
“Are you crazy?” Lacey demands. “Did you seriously just lose your mind? What did I tell you? This Emerson thing is a blip, a nothing.” She snaps her fingers. “But Daniel, that guy is forever.” Lacey shakes her head. “I don’t understand you. He’s sweet, and kind, and fixes things! Remember, when our fuses all blew and he knew exactly what to do? Jesus, if I had a guy like that…” She trails off, and for a moment, I see something flicker in her expression. “But guys like that don’t pick girls like me. They choose you, and you don’t even realize how f**king lucky you are!”
“Lacey,” I frown, confused by her anger. “I can’t lie to him, I just can’t.”
“So work it out!” she yells. “Do something, apologize, it doesn’t matter, just fix it!”
“It’s not that simple!” I yell back. “I can’t pretend like everything’s OK with Daniel when I feel this way about Emerson!”
“Like you want to rip his clothes off?” Lacey rolls her eyes. “Big deal.”
“No, it’s not like that.” I protest. “And what’s with you? You’re my friend! You’re supposed to be on my side!”
Lacey catches her breath. “I’m trying to understand, Jules, I really am.” She tells me, anguished. “So Emerson is hot, and sexy as hell, and has this… hold over you. But he f**king broke your heart, remember? And you moved on.” She crosses the room to me. “You’ve spent all this time talking about how you need your life to be different, and how you can’t deal with being in love like that again. And now you’re just going right back to him? What happens next?” She demands loudly. “You’re going to just stay in that tiny town with him and live happily ever after until he decides to bail all over again? What happened to making it, the job, the apartment, everything?!”
What happens next?
It’s what my mom asked me, four years ago. It’s what she warned me about. Men like that, you can’t build a future with them. Love that fierce always burns out. She knew that better than anyone. She begged me to leave Cedar Cove and Emerson behind, and make a real life for myself, not to fall into the same mistakes she did. After Emerson proved her right, I told myself over and over again, I would be careful next time.
But look where that’s gotten me now.
“Jules?” Lacey prompts me, and I realize I’ve been standing there, not saying a word.
“I don’t know.” I hug myself. “I just know, I have to see, if there’s anything there to make work. I have to be true to myself. Can’t you understand that, even a little?”
Lacey looks torn. “I understand,” she says finally. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re making a gigantic, monumental, epic mistake.”
“Well, just as long as you’re clear about it.” I mutter. It breaks the tension. Lacey cracks a smile.
“You know I want what’s best for you, doll.” She pulls me into a hug. “I just think Daniel is the best. Seriously, you should see the way that guy looks at you: like you’re the most precious thing in the world.”
I let out a long sigh. “I know exactly how Daniel sees me. That’s the problem. He treats me like I’m special, and good, and pure.”
“Jules…”
“No, it’s true!” I protest. “Even when I came clean about making out with Emerson, he still acted like it was just a mistake, something that happened because I was stressed and confused. He could never believe I wanted it.”
I groan. “Barely.”
I roll over, and swing my legs to the floor. I spent the night on the living room couch, too exhausted to even make it to bed. Now, I’m regretting not making it those extra fifteen feet: I’ve got a crink in my neck, and my right arm is dead from being propped up on a cushion above my head for hours.
“You going to tell me why you look like such a mess?” Lacey prods me.
“Gee, thanks.” I mutter, trying to massage some blood flow back into my numb arm.
“Juliet?” Her voice has real concern in it, so I look up and sigh.
“I broke up with Daniel.” I tell her. The words feel foreign in my throat, and for a split-second, I wonder if it was all a dream. Is Daniel going to show up at the door to take me out for breakfast like nothing ever happened?
Then the memory of last night comes rushing back to me, in all its messy, painful, jagged glory.
Nope. That was so not a dream.
I look up again. Lacey’s mouth is wide open, and she looks like I just told her I’m getting my head shaved, or running off to join a cult. Like I’ve completely lost my mind.
“ Well, technically, we’re on a break,” I add, as the details slowly take shape in my memory. “Or taking some time, or whatever you call it.”
Lacey gapes at me another moment, so I slowly get up, and behind to tidy up: picking the quilt from the floor where I must have tossed it in the night, and straightening up the couch cushions.
I feel a tug on the quilt, so I turn. Lacey yanks it away from me.
“What the hell did you do?” Her voice goes up a level and I flinch. “Jules, we talked about this, I can’t believe you just threw it all away!”
“Lacey,” I try to stop her, but she’s on a rant here: pacing back and forth in our tiny, cluttered apartment.
“Are you crazy?” Lacey demands. “Did you seriously just lose your mind? What did I tell you? This Emerson thing is a blip, a nothing.” She snaps her fingers. “But Daniel, that guy is forever.” Lacey shakes her head. “I don’t understand you. He’s sweet, and kind, and fixes things! Remember, when our fuses all blew and he knew exactly what to do? Jesus, if I had a guy like that…” She trails off, and for a moment, I see something flicker in her expression. “But guys like that don’t pick girls like me. They choose you, and you don’t even realize how f**king lucky you are!”
“Lacey,” I frown, confused by her anger. “I can’t lie to him, I just can’t.”
“So work it out!” she yells. “Do something, apologize, it doesn’t matter, just fix it!”
“It’s not that simple!” I yell back. “I can’t pretend like everything’s OK with Daniel when I feel this way about Emerson!”
“Like you want to rip his clothes off?” Lacey rolls her eyes. “Big deal.”
“No, it’s not like that.” I protest. “And what’s with you? You’re my friend! You’re supposed to be on my side!”
Lacey catches her breath. “I’m trying to understand, Jules, I really am.” She tells me, anguished. “So Emerson is hot, and sexy as hell, and has this… hold over you. But he f**king broke your heart, remember? And you moved on.” She crosses the room to me. “You’ve spent all this time talking about how you need your life to be different, and how you can’t deal with being in love like that again. And now you’re just going right back to him? What happens next?” She demands loudly. “You’re going to just stay in that tiny town with him and live happily ever after until he decides to bail all over again? What happened to making it, the job, the apartment, everything?!”
What happens next?
It’s what my mom asked me, four years ago. It’s what she warned me about. Men like that, you can’t build a future with them. Love that fierce always burns out. She knew that better than anyone. She begged me to leave Cedar Cove and Emerson behind, and make a real life for myself, not to fall into the same mistakes she did. After Emerson proved her right, I told myself over and over again, I would be careful next time.
But look where that’s gotten me now.
“Jules?” Lacey prompts me, and I realize I’ve been standing there, not saying a word.
“I don’t know.” I hug myself. “I just know, I have to see, if there’s anything there to make work. I have to be true to myself. Can’t you understand that, even a little?”
Lacey looks torn. “I understand,” she says finally. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re making a gigantic, monumental, epic mistake.”
“Well, just as long as you’re clear about it.” I mutter. It breaks the tension. Lacey cracks a smile.
“You know I want what’s best for you, doll.” She pulls me into a hug. “I just think Daniel is the best. Seriously, you should see the way that guy looks at you: like you’re the most precious thing in the world.”
I let out a long sigh. “I know exactly how Daniel sees me. That’s the problem. He treats me like I’m special, and good, and pure.”
“Jules…”
“No, it’s true!” I protest. “Even when I came clean about making out with Emerson, he still acted like it was just a mistake, something that happened because I was stressed and confused. He could never believe I wanted it.”
