Uncivilized
Page 16
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Sure enough, there were several, and he spent a few minutes watching the videos with curious eyes. He even laughed… a beautiful sound truly… when we watched one video of an exuberant German guy apparently explaining all the ways he kisses his girlfriend. We had no clue what he was actually saying, but he was having a good time, no doubt.
Then Zach was lost to the chocolate chip cookies. I busied myself with checking my email while he ate an entire plate, actually sighing with pleasure at the first bite. I just smiled to myself and kept my eyes glued to my computer screen.
Now Zach sits on one of my couches, his long legs sprawled out in front of him. The sun is just setting outside my windows, and the late afternoon light washes him in a soft glow. He is such a beautiful-looking man, and I never tire of looking at him. I am thankful, however, that he seems to have forgotten, for the moment at least, of his “no clothes in the house” policy. I seriously don’t think I can sit on the opposite end of the couch and watch an entire movie if he were nude.
I have a hard enough time paying attention to the movie as it is. I slide my gaze over to Zach every once in a while, and he seems absorbed with what he’s watching, but only in the way in which I’ve noticed he carefully observes everything.
Today, I’ve made some amazing progress with Zach. I’m not sure if it was buying the Cocoa Puffs for him, or maybe it’s the fact he is finally seeing that this world may hold a slight bit of interest to him, but he is nowhere near as defensive or withdrawn as he has been. I can only hope that we continue on the same path, and that he will continue to be open to experiencing this new life.
The movie finally gets to the scene where Noah and Allie kiss on the dock in the pouring rain, and I slide my eyes back toward Zach. He’s in the same position, legs stretched long in front of him with his hands resting over his taut stomach. He doesn’t move, doesn’t acknowledge anything about the kiss. The scene changes, and Noah and Allie are in his house, kissing passionately while he pins her up against the door. Zach just continues to placidly watch the scene before him, moving not a muscle, making not a sound.
Noah carries Allie up the stairs, and then they are making love on the bed while they kiss each other with hungry passion. Zach wanted to know what type of kissing was involved in sex, and now he has his answer. Although he seems completely unaffected by the sensuality on the screen before us, I unfortunately can’t help but imagine what it would be like if Zach kissed me that way. Would he find pleasure in it? The buildup… the foreplay? Or is he a man that only needs to mount a woman from behind to seek his relief, not caring a bit if the woman is ultimately satisfied as well?
Those thoughts have me slightly squirming in my seat, but I make myself sit there and watch the rest of the movie while dirty notions run through my mind.
When the credits finally roll, I stand up, grab the remote, and turn the TV off. Turning to Zach, I ask, “Well… what did you think of the movie?”
“It was boring,” he says.
I laugh in response and tell him, “Congratulations. You have suffered through your first chick-flick.”
“Chick-flick? What does that mean?”
“It’s just a term we call movies that are specifically designed to appeal to a woman, and not a man.”
He nods in understanding. “I remember seeing a movie with my parents once. I don’t remember the name of it, but it was about a little boy that played some type of game with this little girl, and he was sucked away into the game, where he was transported to a jungle. He lived there for many years and grew to become a man. Later, some other children found the game and played it, and the man was brought back out of the jungle… back to the modern world.”
My jaw drops as I stare at Zach, completely shocked over this memory and the irony of the one movie he remembers from his childhood. “I remember that movie… it was called Jumanji. It starred Robin Williams who was a brilliant actor… my favorite actually.”
Zach shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t remember the name, but I remember I liked it as a child. Do you have that movie?”
Shaking my head but with a hoarse voice filled with raw sadness for Zach, I tell him, “No. But we can get it for you to watch.”
Zach gives another shrug of his shoulders, as if he really couldn’t care about the prospect, and stands from the couch. “I’m going to bed.”
“Okay,” I say quietly, wanting to engage with him further on this memory, because I know the frightening similarity of the movie memory to his real life has to be weighing on him at this moment.
Instead, I stay quiet and watch as he walks toward the hallway that leads to the bedrooms.
Just before he disappears from my sight, he turns and says, “The kissing part was interesting… in that movie we just watched.”
“Do you understand now how kissing can play a role in sex?” I ask in my best teaching voice.
“I saw it, but I don’t really understand it. But as you said… I’ll have to experience some things for myself to truly learn, right?”
“I suppose,” I hedge a little.
“Then I look forward to learning about that type of kissing… with someone that can truly teach me,” he says with absolutely sincerity and turns away from me again.
Chapter 5
Zach
In the week since I’ve been at Moira’s house, she’s not left me alone once.
Until now.
And I’m taking advantage it.
Then Zach was lost to the chocolate chip cookies. I busied myself with checking my email while he ate an entire plate, actually sighing with pleasure at the first bite. I just smiled to myself and kept my eyes glued to my computer screen.
Now Zach sits on one of my couches, his long legs sprawled out in front of him. The sun is just setting outside my windows, and the late afternoon light washes him in a soft glow. He is such a beautiful-looking man, and I never tire of looking at him. I am thankful, however, that he seems to have forgotten, for the moment at least, of his “no clothes in the house” policy. I seriously don’t think I can sit on the opposite end of the couch and watch an entire movie if he were nude.
I have a hard enough time paying attention to the movie as it is. I slide my gaze over to Zach every once in a while, and he seems absorbed with what he’s watching, but only in the way in which I’ve noticed he carefully observes everything.
Today, I’ve made some amazing progress with Zach. I’m not sure if it was buying the Cocoa Puffs for him, or maybe it’s the fact he is finally seeing that this world may hold a slight bit of interest to him, but he is nowhere near as defensive or withdrawn as he has been. I can only hope that we continue on the same path, and that he will continue to be open to experiencing this new life.
The movie finally gets to the scene where Noah and Allie kiss on the dock in the pouring rain, and I slide my eyes back toward Zach. He’s in the same position, legs stretched long in front of him with his hands resting over his taut stomach. He doesn’t move, doesn’t acknowledge anything about the kiss. The scene changes, and Noah and Allie are in his house, kissing passionately while he pins her up against the door. Zach just continues to placidly watch the scene before him, moving not a muscle, making not a sound.
Noah carries Allie up the stairs, and then they are making love on the bed while they kiss each other with hungry passion. Zach wanted to know what type of kissing was involved in sex, and now he has his answer. Although he seems completely unaffected by the sensuality on the screen before us, I unfortunately can’t help but imagine what it would be like if Zach kissed me that way. Would he find pleasure in it? The buildup… the foreplay? Or is he a man that only needs to mount a woman from behind to seek his relief, not caring a bit if the woman is ultimately satisfied as well?
Those thoughts have me slightly squirming in my seat, but I make myself sit there and watch the rest of the movie while dirty notions run through my mind.
When the credits finally roll, I stand up, grab the remote, and turn the TV off. Turning to Zach, I ask, “Well… what did you think of the movie?”
“It was boring,” he says.
I laugh in response and tell him, “Congratulations. You have suffered through your first chick-flick.”
“Chick-flick? What does that mean?”
“It’s just a term we call movies that are specifically designed to appeal to a woman, and not a man.”
He nods in understanding. “I remember seeing a movie with my parents once. I don’t remember the name of it, but it was about a little boy that played some type of game with this little girl, and he was sucked away into the game, where he was transported to a jungle. He lived there for many years and grew to become a man. Later, some other children found the game and played it, and the man was brought back out of the jungle… back to the modern world.”
My jaw drops as I stare at Zach, completely shocked over this memory and the irony of the one movie he remembers from his childhood. “I remember that movie… it was called Jumanji. It starred Robin Williams who was a brilliant actor… my favorite actually.”
Zach shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t remember the name, but I remember I liked it as a child. Do you have that movie?”
Shaking my head but with a hoarse voice filled with raw sadness for Zach, I tell him, “No. But we can get it for you to watch.”
Zach gives another shrug of his shoulders, as if he really couldn’t care about the prospect, and stands from the couch. “I’m going to bed.”
“Okay,” I say quietly, wanting to engage with him further on this memory, because I know the frightening similarity of the movie memory to his real life has to be weighing on him at this moment.
Instead, I stay quiet and watch as he walks toward the hallway that leads to the bedrooms.
Just before he disappears from my sight, he turns and says, “The kissing part was interesting… in that movie we just watched.”
“Do you understand now how kissing can play a role in sex?” I ask in my best teaching voice.
“I saw it, but I don’t really understand it. But as you said… I’ll have to experience some things for myself to truly learn, right?”
“I suppose,” I hedge a little.
“Then I look forward to learning about that type of kissing… with someone that can truly teach me,” he says with absolutely sincerity and turns away from me again.
Chapter 5
Zach
In the week since I’ve been at Moira’s house, she’s not left me alone once.
Until now.
And I’m taking advantage it.
