Uncivilized
Page 97

I think maybe because they make me feel closer to Moira, knowing she bought them for me, and knowing that clothing is part of the culture that I had at one time thought I would become a permanent member of. Much like I tried to cling to my old ways when I first got to the States, here I am clinging to some of the new ways I recently learned.
Movement from the corner of my eyes catches my attention, and Tukaba walks up to me, her eyes lowered to the ground. She holds out a banana leaf filled with meats and fruit.
I take it from her and say, “Thank you.”
She starts to turn away, but then turns back. With eyes still lowered, she asks, “Is there anything else you need?”
“No thank you,” I tell her with a soft smile. “This is plenty. You should get something to eat.”
Dropping to her knees in front of me, she looks me directly in the eye, which is something new, and says, “You haven’t touched me since you returned. I am available for your needs.”
To my surprise, Tukaba turns her body so her ass is facing me and starts to lower her cheek to the ground.
Her body is still beautiful to me, dark caramel colored with shiny, black hair that now falls forward around her face. Her pu**y is bared to me, and I even see it glistening in the moonlight through the patch of pubic hair covering it. My c**k doesn’t even stir an inch.
Because f**king Moira owns it.
“I’m sorry, Tukaba,” I tell her. “Please stand up.”
She immediately scrambles to her feet and turns to face me. “I don’t understand. You always wanted me before.”
“I know,” I tell her softly. “But I’ve changed since I’ve been gone. There is another I want.”
I think in most circumstances, some may consider those words to be cruel, but our society isn’t like that. Tukaba had no notions of anything more than being a vessel for my release, as our norms didn’t provide for dating and seducing. Women were there for the taking. That was their job. If a man wanted to bring a woman into the marriage fold, he took her there. If not, she was happy with satisfying the other tribe members.
It was really very simple.
So much more simple than what I left behind with Moira. That was utterly complex, confusing, and overwhelming. And I missed those feelings terribly.
Tukaba gives me an understanding, if not accepting, smile, and then walks away from me. I watch her for a moment, and then look down at the food in my hands. Picking up a piece of roasted wild pig, I plop it in my mouth and chew on it thoughtfully. I look around the village and see that everyone is happy. Happy to have their sons and daughters back, and happy they won’t be losing any more lives to the Matica. They are fulfilled, and I realize with sudden clarity, that fulfills me as well.
Fulfills me as much as possible because there’s still a gaping hole in my heart that unfortunately, can only be filled by one woman.
“I see you spurned Tukaba’s advances again,” Paraila says as he sits in the dirt beside me.
I ignore his comment and nod toward his shoulder. “How is it feeling?”
“It aches, but nothing I can’t handle. This old man has a lot of years left in him.”
We’re silent as we sit and listen to the women singing. I shove the banana leaf filled with food toward him, and Paraila takes some of the fruit and chews on it.
“When are you going back?” he asks me, sage wisdom and surety in his words.
I turn to him in surprise, and he just stares at me knowingly. He gives me a smile filled with happiness and understanding.
“As soon as possible,” I say, not even knowing myself that I had made the decision to go back to Moira until he just asked. It seems that Paraila is always one step ahead of me.
“So, tell me about her,” he prods.
“What makes you think it’s a woman?” I ask mischievously.
Paraila snorts and says, “Because I know you, my son. I know you.”
We share my food by the fire, and I tell Paraila all about Moira. I tell him all the reasons why I have to follow my heart, and I tell him how much I am going to miss him and my family here. We talk long into the night because it’s our last one together.
I’m leaving in the morning… back to civilization. Back to Moira.
Chapter 30
Moira
I’m so exhausted that I doubt I’ll make it to my room to collapse on my bed. Yes… my couch would do just fine if I can make the few steps there. If not, the floor is fine too. I want to do nothing but sink down into sleep and not return for maybe…oh, say four or five years.
The cab has just dropped me off at my house. I heft my backpack up and open my mailbox to see if there’s anything in there. Kelly had agreed to check it every few days, and she must have come today because it’s empty.
My trip to Caraica was an absolute waste of time. Once I finally got over my sadness and grief, I realized that Lisa was right. The unknown was killing me, and I had to make the journey to make sure Zach was safe.
Except I couldn’t find him. The guide I had hired after my charter flight ended said he knew exactly where the Caraican village was. We made it in a day and a half of hard river paddling and hiking, just a total of four and a half days after I left the States.
When we emerged into the clearing, I was stunned to see it deserted. My heart was slamming against my ribs as I looked at the charred remains of the longhouses and the crops overgrown with weeds.
I had no clue where the tribe went… or even if they existed. Fear permeated every cell in my body as I considered the worst possible scenario. That they had all been slaughtered in a revenge raid.