Unconditional
Page 34
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He swallowed hard.
“I used condoms with you because you’re my mate.”
She blinked several times and gulped more of her tea before sitting up and putting the mug down. “What?” She stood and began to pace. “You used a condom because you didn’t want this supposed joy with me? You wanted it with the other one from Tracy’s house? Because I’m not a wolf is that it?”
He jumped up and moved to her. “No.” He took her upper arms to halt her in her tracks. “I wanted it from the first moment we hugged in that elevator and I breathed you in. When I tasted you when we kissed that first time. But you’re under so much stress and pressure, and I didn’t want to spring it on you. I wanted to wait until this thing had settled. Until I’d had some time to woo you a little. I’m messing this up but I want you. So much I don’t even know how to put it into words. That after these years, my mate comes into my life and it’s someone I’ve known for so long and already loved?” He tipped her chin up and brushed his lips over hers. “You’re my mate. And it is a joy.
“And in the interests of full disclosure, when the bond is created there’s a need for an anchor bond. For us, wolves I mean, it’s part of the process, but you’re not a wolf so it’s not something you’d have grown up with, or even know about. An anchor is like the third leg on a stool. The power of the bond between a mate pair is such that should one die it could drag the other into death or a mental break they couldn’t come back from. So for as long as our history has been passed down, we’ve had the tri-bond.”
“Which is?”
“After the two seal their bond, within two days it’s necessary for the female in the pair to have a sort of mating bond with another single male of equal or higher rank to the male in the pair.”
Her brows flew up. He knew how it sounded to outsiders, but he wanted, no he needed her to understand at least on some level how important and honored a situation it was.
“Every mated pair does it their own way. Sometimes all three people are there. Other times it’s just the female and the anchor. The anchor holds an important place in the lives of that couple. Not a romantic place,” he amended quickly. “I know you saw Tracy and Nick and Gabe and you might wonder. But what they have is exceptionally rare. Most of the time the anchor is like a best friend to the couple. A godfather to their kids. He comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas and the big holidays. And when that anchor mates himself, it’s generally hoped that the bonded pair opens up their family to the new mate. I know it’s a lot. Like I said, I’ve been wanting to tell you all this at a better time.”
“So I’d have sex with another dude. And you’d be down with that?”
“Admittedly, the idea is difficult to imagine now that it’s a reality. I’ve always held it to be a respected tradition and I see it all the time. It works. And it would protect you, which means everything. I know it’s shocking and maybe, most likely, outside of what you’d think was okay sexually. But it’s a beautiful thing and I’d be with you during the whole thing.”
Chapter Nine
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’m sorry this has to be sprung on you like this. I wanted to wait at least a few weeks before I told you. I know you have a lot going on in your head. A lot of stress and pressure. You’re it for me. I want you any way I can have you. Nothing has changed. Take the time you need to think on it.”
He knew deep down that she wasn’t going anywhere. When he’d seen her face as Esme had been touching him, the way she reacted had made his wolf preen. She was pissed off. A pissed-off woman was a magnificent thing to behold. At a distance sometimes. But her being jealous that way meant she felt it too.
Esme had understood it right then and had apologized before she left. Tracy had only smiled and patted his shoulder while telling him they’d work it out.
He’d tell Michelle all that. One day. In months or maybe a year.
Michelle licked her lips, absolutely floored by what he’d said. “I’m pretty sure that test you take for stress factors, you know the one, like moving or getting married or divorced adds points? I’m pretty sure this last week has killed that test dead.”
He let go of her upper arms and ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek. She leaned into his touch and felt better. The barest, rawest truth was that when she was with him she was not alone. When she’d been with Gina and Rhonda and they’d used magick and had shown her some things to defend herself, when Owen had hooked her up with the guy who’d teach her defensive and battle magicks, she hadn’t been alone.
There was a whole world there in Portland just waiting for her to be part of. A world where she didn’t have to be lonely. A world with a man who loved her and wanted to be with her for always. And she didn’t doubt what he’d told her. She knew enough to understand the mating stuff. The extra-guy thing was a little unexpected. But…well, it could be okay if she had a choice. Even hot maybe.
“I grew up in a house without a dad. My mom, well, she had a series of boyfriends because she has no real identity unless she’s with someone. But her choices, my God. I guess, when I realized it was because she hated herself, hated her magick and that she was a witch so she punished herself with men who weren’t good enough for her, I realized that I would never let myself be ashamed of that part of myself.”
“I used condoms with you because you’re my mate.”
She blinked several times and gulped more of her tea before sitting up and putting the mug down. “What?” She stood and began to pace. “You used a condom because you didn’t want this supposed joy with me? You wanted it with the other one from Tracy’s house? Because I’m not a wolf is that it?”
He jumped up and moved to her. “No.” He took her upper arms to halt her in her tracks. “I wanted it from the first moment we hugged in that elevator and I breathed you in. When I tasted you when we kissed that first time. But you’re under so much stress and pressure, and I didn’t want to spring it on you. I wanted to wait until this thing had settled. Until I’d had some time to woo you a little. I’m messing this up but I want you. So much I don’t even know how to put it into words. That after these years, my mate comes into my life and it’s someone I’ve known for so long and already loved?” He tipped her chin up and brushed his lips over hers. “You’re my mate. And it is a joy.
“And in the interests of full disclosure, when the bond is created there’s a need for an anchor bond. For us, wolves I mean, it’s part of the process, but you’re not a wolf so it’s not something you’d have grown up with, or even know about. An anchor is like the third leg on a stool. The power of the bond between a mate pair is such that should one die it could drag the other into death or a mental break they couldn’t come back from. So for as long as our history has been passed down, we’ve had the tri-bond.”
“Which is?”
“After the two seal their bond, within two days it’s necessary for the female in the pair to have a sort of mating bond with another single male of equal or higher rank to the male in the pair.”
Her brows flew up. He knew how it sounded to outsiders, but he wanted, no he needed her to understand at least on some level how important and honored a situation it was.
“Every mated pair does it their own way. Sometimes all three people are there. Other times it’s just the female and the anchor. The anchor holds an important place in the lives of that couple. Not a romantic place,” he amended quickly. “I know you saw Tracy and Nick and Gabe and you might wonder. But what they have is exceptionally rare. Most of the time the anchor is like a best friend to the couple. A godfather to their kids. He comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas and the big holidays. And when that anchor mates himself, it’s generally hoped that the bonded pair opens up their family to the new mate. I know it’s a lot. Like I said, I’ve been wanting to tell you all this at a better time.”
“So I’d have sex with another dude. And you’d be down with that?”
“Admittedly, the idea is difficult to imagine now that it’s a reality. I’ve always held it to be a respected tradition and I see it all the time. It works. And it would protect you, which means everything. I know it’s shocking and maybe, most likely, outside of what you’d think was okay sexually. But it’s a beautiful thing and I’d be with you during the whole thing.”
Chapter Nine
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’m sorry this has to be sprung on you like this. I wanted to wait at least a few weeks before I told you. I know you have a lot going on in your head. A lot of stress and pressure. You’re it for me. I want you any way I can have you. Nothing has changed. Take the time you need to think on it.”
He knew deep down that she wasn’t going anywhere. When he’d seen her face as Esme had been touching him, the way she reacted had made his wolf preen. She was pissed off. A pissed-off woman was a magnificent thing to behold. At a distance sometimes. But her being jealous that way meant she felt it too.
Esme had understood it right then and had apologized before she left. Tracy had only smiled and patted his shoulder while telling him they’d work it out.
He’d tell Michelle all that. One day. In months or maybe a year.
Michelle licked her lips, absolutely floored by what he’d said. “I’m pretty sure that test you take for stress factors, you know the one, like moving or getting married or divorced adds points? I’m pretty sure this last week has killed that test dead.”
He let go of her upper arms and ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek. She leaned into his touch and felt better. The barest, rawest truth was that when she was with him she was not alone. When she’d been with Gina and Rhonda and they’d used magick and had shown her some things to defend herself, when Owen had hooked her up with the guy who’d teach her defensive and battle magicks, she hadn’t been alone.
There was a whole world there in Portland just waiting for her to be part of. A world where she didn’t have to be lonely. A world with a man who loved her and wanted to be with her for always. And she didn’t doubt what he’d told her. She knew enough to understand the mating stuff. The extra-guy thing was a little unexpected. But…well, it could be okay if she had a choice. Even hot maybe.
“I grew up in a house without a dad. My mom, well, she had a series of boyfriends because she has no real identity unless she’s with someone. But her choices, my God. I guess, when I realized it was because she hated herself, hated her magick and that she was a witch so she punished herself with men who weren’t good enough for her, I realized that I would never let myself be ashamed of that part of myself.”
