Under the Lights
Page 55

She didn’t know the Gunner I knew, but she had been around him more than I had. She had watched him grow, and she’d seen all his troubles. Maybe she was right. He hadn’t told me he loved me, and he’d used my love against me to get his way. Was that the only way he knew how to accept love? Could I let him take a piece of my heart and not know how to protect it? I didn’t have much left. Poppy and Quinn had already taken a large chunk.
“There’s a girls Catholic school about two hours from here on the north side of Nashville. My friend Bernadette is the headmaster there. I’ve known her since she was a girl. We can’t afford to pay the tuition, but you could get in on scholarship if you worked hours in the office every week before school and after school. Bernadette will let you stay in her guest bedroom and feed you if you’ll do daily chores and then deep-clean on the weekend. It won’t be easy, but it’ll keep you busy and out of trouble.”
I had already heard most of this when she’d been talking on the phone. This sounded very lonely, and my heart ached to think of leaving here again. I would miss Nonna, and Gunner and Brady. Coming back here had been my hope for healing, if that was even possible. I’d barely been here, and I was already being shipped out. When my mother had kicked me out, I’d begged her to let me stay. I had been scared. She’d ignored me. I couldn’t beg again. That hurt too much.
“Okay” was all I said. Why say more?
Nonna frowned and walked over to me. When she put her hand on my shoulder, I tried not to flinch. Because even though I knew this was out of love, it still was too similar to what had just happened with my mother.
“But that idea makes me sad. I like having you here. I can’t get a good feeling about sending you away, even though I know Bernadette would take care of you. So here’s my other offer. Stay here with me and homeschool. I’ve got the Internet, and I’ll get you a computer. Don’t socialize with those boys and study hard. Could be that you graduate early. Get that diploma, and then we will focus on college. You’ve got a big world out there, Willa, and I don’t want you to miss it with one mistake.”
I could hear what she was saying, but I was afraid to believe her. Was this real? She was giving me an option to stay here. Even if it was basically house arrest. I wouldn’t have to go to some strange place and readjust again. I could stay in my room and work here. Prove to Nonna I was as smart as she thought I was.
This meant no more Gunner, but after last night I wasn’t sure there would be anyway. Loving Gunner wouldn’t save him. It hadn’t changed him. He was self-destructive and angry. And loving him didn’t mean I could sacrifice any more of my life for him. I had my own past to overcome.
“I want to stay here,” I said. “I’ll work very hard and make you proud.”
She smiled and pulled me into her arms. A place I had always found peace as a child. “You already do, Willa. You already do.”
She Wasn’t Anything Like Willa.
CHAPTER 46
BRADY
Last night Gunner and Willa hadn’t returned. I wasn’t sure what was up with Rhett, but Gunner hadn’t seemed surprised by his behavior. Neither had Willa, which was odd. Gunner had wanted her help too. It was almost like she knew a secret.
Pulling my truck into the Lawtons’ large circular drive that went in front of the house, I noticed Gunner sitting on the top step. What the hell? I killed the engine and jumped out to go check on him. He looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep. Was Rhett on drugs or something?
“Hey, you okay?” I called out as I climbed the steps to where he was sitting. As I got closer, I noticed he was eating a bowl of cereal and had a cup of coffee beside him.
“Fucking fantastic. How are you?” was his snide response.
“Seriously, Gunner, you didn’t come back last night. What happened with Rhett?”
He took a drink of his coffee, then stared up at me. “He’s a selfish bastard just like his father. How’s your family?” He still sounded snappy.
Most people got annoyed with him when he did this and left him alone. But I’d seen the shit inside that house and I got it. He might have all the money in the world and the power of the Lawton name, but it wasn’t as easy as all that. His family was screwed up.
“Did you get any sleep?” I asked him, ignoring his question about my family.
He chuckled. “Don’t I look like it?”
His hair was messy, and he had dark circles under his eyes. “Not particularly. No.”
Again he laughed, then ate some more of his cereal. “Ever think of just running away from this place and not looking back?” Gunner asked.
No, I never thought of that. My parents were my biggest support system, and I had college football next year to look forward to. I shook my head no, but he already knew my response.
“Didn’t figure you did. But damn if I don’t want to run. Forget this town, my last name, these assholes who live in this house with me. Just leave it all.”
“College is in just a few months. Our senior year will be over before we know it. Then you can leave it all behind. Start new. Get a life without them in it.”
He nodded. “Yeah. That’s what Willa said too. But y’all don’t get how just one more day is hell. A few fucking months is a big deal. I want out now. I never want to see their faces again. Not one of them.”
“Not even Rhett?”
He glowered as he stared straight ahead. “Especially Rhett.”
There were things he wasn’t telling me. “What’s going on with Rhett? Y’all have always been close.”