1.
DEX
A few months ago...
I pace back and forth in the narrow back alleyway, flipping an unlit cigarette back and forth between my fingers. I’ve quit a hundred times over, but somehow I always go back to them in the end.
Old habits die hard.
I take a long breath, trying to calm the hell down. It’s just a private party, barely a couple of hundred people. I’ve sold out stadiums before; played to thousands of screaming fans without a flinch. Hell, I even played the Grammys drunk out of my mind—the only thing I remember from that night is the three blonde backup dancers I took back to the hotel for a very special after-party.
This should be a breeze.
Except I haven’t played in public since that night in London, over a year ago. The night I’d rather forget, the one that haunts me through every waking moment and sleepless night. After that, I swore I was done with music for good. The label begged me, threatened all kinds of legal bullshit. I had a contract, I couldn’t just quit in the middle of a sold-out world tour. I didn’t care—I walked away from the band and left it all behind without a second thought. I left LA, bought a house on the beach away from the clubs and paparazzi, and turned off my cellphone for the first time since this whole whirlwind began. Ready to start a new life, away from the madness and fucked-up world that had become normal to me.
Until the cravings started. My urge, my own private drug.
Music.
The rush of performing. The power of the spotlight. It’s a high like no other, and hell, I would know. I’ve spent the past year trying desperately to replace it, and nothing has even come close.
Old habits die hard.
I could feel it creeping back again, the itch getting stronger. My old manager could tell: he started calling round the clock, offering new shows, a small tour, an EP on an indie label. If I didn’t want the major label scene, then we’d do it differently this time: my rules, my way.
He doesn’t understand the real reason I can’t go back to that life.
The back door of the restaurant opens. A guy pokes his head out, Garrett, his name is. The bartender from the place in Beachwood. “Hey, Dex,” Garrett calls back to me. “We’ll be ready in like, ten minutes?”
“Sure, great.” I nod, jittery.
The guy pauses. “I really appreciate you doing this.”
“No problem,” I wave the thanks away. “I owe you, man.”
Garrett nods. “Whenever you’re ready.”
The door shuts. I throw the cigarette down on the ground, unlit, and grind it with my heel. I can’t bail now—I agreed to play this opening to make up for leaving them in the lurch back in the spring.
It’s what you wanted: a hit of the spotlight again. So what’s your damn problem?
The problem is, I know, just one hit can never be enough. My whole life has been a parade of reckless excess: too much booze, too many girls, too many damn regrets. I’ve clawed my way out of the viper’s nest one time, but I can tell, I’m right back on the edge again.
Your favorite place: one step from oblivion, two steps from the end.
The back door crashes open again, interrupting my black thoughts. I look up in time to see a woman fly out, tears streaming down her face. She doesn’t see me back here in the shadows, and I watch as she leans back against the wall, trying like hell to pull herself together.
She’s too pretty to be crying, that’s for sure. Her red hair is pinned back, too tight, and she’s wearing a simple black dress that’s cut way too low on the leg and high on the chest for my liking. Still, there’s something innocent in her expression that draws me in, a heartache in her gaze that’s just about the most real, honest thing I’ve seen in years.
I need a distraction, and here the universe just handed her up on a plate.
I stroll out of the dark. “You look like you could use a cigarette,” I drawl.
She startles. “You scared me!” she manages to say, quickly wiping at her face. Her eyes flick over me, and I wait for the look of recognition: that moment when it all clicks into place, and women turn on their flirtatious smiles, angling for a night with the famous rock star they can boast about to their friends—and the tabloids, come morning light.
But her face doesn’t change. She shakes her head, a lock of that red hair slipping free around her face. “No, thank you,” she murmurs politely. “I don’t smoke.”
“Neither do I.” I give a twisted grin. “Don’t you know these things will kill you?”
Her brow knits, quizzical. “So why do it?”
“Why do we do anything that’s bad for us?” I counter, teasing. “Because we like how it feels, living life on the edge.”
“Speak for yourself,” the woman sighs. “I like it safe. Predictable. Easy.”
Now I’ll be damned if that doesn’t sound like an invitation. I close the distance between us. “That’s a shame,” I murmur, reaching out and brushing the stray lock from her cheek. “Danger would sure look good on you.”
Her mouth drops open at the boldness of my gesture. Our eyes lock, and I see the emotions skitter, clear as day, across her face. Shock, confusion, and then—the tell-tale flush of desire. She catches her breath, her chest rising under the cage of black silk, and God, I feel a bolt of lust strike through me. Her lips are perfect, pink: just begging to be kissed.
“What are you doing?” she whispers, but she doesn’t move away. Her eyes are still fixed on me, golden brown, flecked with hazel. I can feel the heat of her breath; my thumb strays to her lip, rubbing gently over their pillowy softness.
DEX
A few months ago...
I pace back and forth in the narrow back alleyway, flipping an unlit cigarette back and forth between my fingers. I’ve quit a hundred times over, but somehow I always go back to them in the end.
Old habits die hard.
I take a long breath, trying to calm the hell down. It’s just a private party, barely a couple of hundred people. I’ve sold out stadiums before; played to thousands of screaming fans without a flinch. Hell, I even played the Grammys drunk out of my mind—the only thing I remember from that night is the three blonde backup dancers I took back to the hotel for a very special after-party.
This should be a breeze.
Except I haven’t played in public since that night in London, over a year ago. The night I’d rather forget, the one that haunts me through every waking moment and sleepless night. After that, I swore I was done with music for good. The label begged me, threatened all kinds of legal bullshit. I had a contract, I couldn’t just quit in the middle of a sold-out world tour. I didn’t care—I walked away from the band and left it all behind without a second thought. I left LA, bought a house on the beach away from the clubs and paparazzi, and turned off my cellphone for the first time since this whole whirlwind began. Ready to start a new life, away from the madness and fucked-up world that had become normal to me.
Until the cravings started. My urge, my own private drug.
Music.
The rush of performing. The power of the spotlight. It’s a high like no other, and hell, I would know. I’ve spent the past year trying desperately to replace it, and nothing has even come close.
Old habits die hard.
I could feel it creeping back again, the itch getting stronger. My old manager could tell: he started calling round the clock, offering new shows, a small tour, an EP on an indie label. If I didn’t want the major label scene, then we’d do it differently this time: my rules, my way.
He doesn’t understand the real reason I can’t go back to that life.
The back door of the restaurant opens. A guy pokes his head out, Garrett, his name is. The bartender from the place in Beachwood. “Hey, Dex,” Garrett calls back to me. “We’ll be ready in like, ten minutes?”
“Sure, great.” I nod, jittery.
The guy pauses. “I really appreciate you doing this.”
“No problem,” I wave the thanks away. “I owe you, man.”
Garrett nods. “Whenever you’re ready.”
The door shuts. I throw the cigarette down on the ground, unlit, and grind it with my heel. I can’t bail now—I agreed to play this opening to make up for leaving them in the lurch back in the spring.
It’s what you wanted: a hit of the spotlight again. So what’s your damn problem?
The problem is, I know, just one hit can never be enough. My whole life has been a parade of reckless excess: too much booze, too many girls, too many damn regrets. I’ve clawed my way out of the viper’s nest one time, but I can tell, I’m right back on the edge again.
Your favorite place: one step from oblivion, two steps from the end.
The back door crashes open again, interrupting my black thoughts. I look up in time to see a woman fly out, tears streaming down her face. She doesn’t see me back here in the shadows, and I watch as she leans back against the wall, trying like hell to pull herself together.
She’s too pretty to be crying, that’s for sure. Her red hair is pinned back, too tight, and she’s wearing a simple black dress that’s cut way too low on the leg and high on the chest for my liking. Still, there’s something innocent in her expression that draws me in, a heartache in her gaze that’s just about the most real, honest thing I’ve seen in years.
I need a distraction, and here the universe just handed her up on a plate.
I stroll out of the dark. “You look like you could use a cigarette,” I drawl.
She startles. “You scared me!” she manages to say, quickly wiping at her face. Her eyes flick over me, and I wait for the look of recognition: that moment when it all clicks into place, and women turn on their flirtatious smiles, angling for a night with the famous rock star they can boast about to their friends—and the tabloids, come morning light.
But her face doesn’t change. She shakes her head, a lock of that red hair slipping free around her face. “No, thank you,” she murmurs politely. “I don’t smoke.”
“Neither do I.” I give a twisted grin. “Don’t you know these things will kill you?”
Her brow knits, quizzical. “So why do it?”
“Why do we do anything that’s bad for us?” I counter, teasing. “Because we like how it feels, living life on the edge.”
“Speak for yourself,” the woman sighs. “I like it safe. Predictable. Easy.”
Now I’ll be damned if that doesn’t sound like an invitation. I close the distance between us. “That’s a shame,” I murmur, reaching out and brushing the stray lock from her cheek. “Danger would sure look good on you.”
Her mouth drops open at the boldness of my gesture. Our eyes lock, and I see the emotions skitter, clear as day, across her face. Shock, confusion, and then—the tell-tale flush of desire. She catches her breath, her chest rising under the cage of black silk, and God, I feel a bolt of lust strike through me. Her lips are perfect, pink: just begging to be kissed.
“What are you doing?” she whispers, but she doesn’t move away. Her eyes are still fixed on me, golden brown, flecked with hazel. I can feel the heat of her breath; my thumb strays to her lip, rubbing gently over their pillowy softness.
