No. I won’t run. I need to face this. I have to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life—and my heart—before any more time passes me by.
I just don’t know yet what the answer will be.
28.
Dex finds me on the terrace when he’s done with his calls.
“How are you feeling?” he lays a hand gently on my head, stroking my hair as he stands beside my chair.
“Better,” I tell him. “It was just a little heatstroke. What about you? What have all the calls been about?”
Dex gives a self-conscious smile. “Well…I’ve been talking it over with Eddy. I’m thinking about maybe getting back in the studio again.”
“Dex!” I leap up, throwing my arms around him in a hug. For a moment, my own troubles are forgotten, I’m so happy to see that spark in his eyes. “That’s great! When will it happen? What changed your mind?”
“You did.” Dex sets me down, gazing at me with a quiet look of gladness. “You, and Tegan, and Austin too, I guess. You all reminded me how much music means to me. Trying to shut it out of my life was a stupid mistake. I can’t just walk away.”
“I’m so happy for you,.” I hold his hand tightly. “I know it’ll be different this time.”
“I hope so.” Dex takes a deep breath. “I’m laying down the law: I need to do this my way. I’m not even signing back with the label just yet, I’m going to get some songs together, take my time. Maybe even see if the guys want to meet up again. I’m not saying we’ll reunite or anything, but…I miss them. It’s been tough without them.”
“This is amazing,” I beam, thrilled for him. “Whatever you choose, I know it’ll work out great. You can do this however you want,” I remind him. “It’s not like before.”
“A part of me still worries I’ll fuck everything up again,” he admits, looking down. “But maybe…Maybe I can do it right this time. Do Connor proud,” he adds in a quiet voice.
“I’m proud of you,” I tell him softly.
Dex still looks bashful. “So, you feel up to going out?” he asks, changing the subject. “That BBQ sounds like fun, and it would be good to celebrate.”
I gulp. “Sure, why not?” I answer weakly. This is such a big decision for him, of course Dex wants to mark the occasion—and I know, deep down, I can’t avoid seeing Hunter for long.
Maybe this will be good, I tell myself. Hunter and Dex, in the same place. Maybe it’ll make everything clear for me, and I’ll find I’ve been tying myself up in knots for nothing.
“Let’s go.”
**
Hunter’s ranch is just fifteen minutes away, in the country on the other side of town. After I shower and change into a pretty sundress, we hit the road—stopping to pick up some meat for the grill and flowers as a hostess gift for Brit.
“Such a good guest,” Dex teases me, as we park in the long gravel driveway. It’s already packed with cars. Hunter wasn’t kidding when he said everyone would be there.
“My mom always told me, you never show up empty-handed.” I feel a flush of guilt. My mom is a stickler for good manners, but even I don’t know the etiquette for going to an event with one man while I’m still torn up inside over another.
“Remind me to always take you to events.” Dex casually slings one arm over my shoulder as we head over to the ranch house. “I’m trying to imagine the look on my brothers’ faces if I ever showed up with more than a six-pack of beer. They’d probably have a heart attack,” he laughs.
They’re not the only ones at risk of collapsing. My heart is already racing as we approach the front door. There’s a note tacked up with an arrow pointing around the back of the house, so we follow the sound of music and laughter around to the back- yard.
The party is already well underway, with a couple of dozen guests hanging out on the lawn. The ranch is nestled in the middle of open country, so there’s a beautiful view to the hills and woods in the distance, bright under the clear blue skies. Beside the main house, there are stables and a big barn, and the paddock where a couple of horses are grazing.
“This is great,” Dex remarks, looking around. “Does Hunter train the horses himself?”
I nod. “He inherited the place from his grandfather. He spends part of the time in the city, helping out at the family firm, but he stays out here whenever he can.”
“I don’t blame him.” Dex deposits our offerings with the rest of the food, overflowing from some picnic tables. He finds a couple of beers, and opens one for me. “It’s the perfect retreat.”
“I don’t know…” I look around, “I’d miss the ocean, way out here.”
Dex smiles. “Getting used to the view back at home?” he teases, and with a shiver, I realize that I am. Dex’s beach- house is so perfect; I feel at home there, like I could wake up every morning gazing at that spectacular view.
And the ocean isn’t too bad either.
“It’s a pretty big crowd,” Dex remarks, looking around. “Is this some kind of special occasion?”
“I don’t think so,” I reply, spotting Garrett and a very pregnant Carina across the lawn. I wave, about to go over and say hi, when a piercing whistle cuts through the chatter.
We all turn. Hunter and Brit are standing on the back steps, motioning for silence. He’s wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and smart pants, and she’s in a floor-length summer dress. They look way too dressed up for a casual backyard get-together, I note absently, wondering what’s going on.
I just don’t know yet what the answer will be.
28.
Dex finds me on the terrace when he’s done with his calls.
“How are you feeling?” he lays a hand gently on my head, stroking my hair as he stands beside my chair.
“Better,” I tell him. “It was just a little heatstroke. What about you? What have all the calls been about?”
Dex gives a self-conscious smile. “Well…I’ve been talking it over with Eddy. I’m thinking about maybe getting back in the studio again.”
“Dex!” I leap up, throwing my arms around him in a hug. For a moment, my own troubles are forgotten, I’m so happy to see that spark in his eyes. “That’s great! When will it happen? What changed your mind?”
“You did.” Dex sets me down, gazing at me with a quiet look of gladness. “You, and Tegan, and Austin too, I guess. You all reminded me how much music means to me. Trying to shut it out of my life was a stupid mistake. I can’t just walk away.”
“I’m so happy for you,.” I hold his hand tightly. “I know it’ll be different this time.”
“I hope so.” Dex takes a deep breath. “I’m laying down the law: I need to do this my way. I’m not even signing back with the label just yet, I’m going to get some songs together, take my time. Maybe even see if the guys want to meet up again. I’m not saying we’ll reunite or anything, but…I miss them. It’s been tough without them.”
“This is amazing,” I beam, thrilled for him. “Whatever you choose, I know it’ll work out great. You can do this however you want,” I remind him. “It’s not like before.”
“A part of me still worries I’ll fuck everything up again,” he admits, looking down. “But maybe…Maybe I can do it right this time. Do Connor proud,” he adds in a quiet voice.
“I’m proud of you,” I tell him softly.
Dex still looks bashful. “So, you feel up to going out?” he asks, changing the subject. “That BBQ sounds like fun, and it would be good to celebrate.”
I gulp. “Sure, why not?” I answer weakly. This is such a big decision for him, of course Dex wants to mark the occasion—and I know, deep down, I can’t avoid seeing Hunter for long.
Maybe this will be good, I tell myself. Hunter and Dex, in the same place. Maybe it’ll make everything clear for me, and I’ll find I’ve been tying myself up in knots for nothing.
“Let’s go.”
**
Hunter’s ranch is just fifteen minutes away, in the country on the other side of town. After I shower and change into a pretty sundress, we hit the road—stopping to pick up some meat for the grill and flowers as a hostess gift for Brit.
“Such a good guest,” Dex teases me, as we park in the long gravel driveway. It’s already packed with cars. Hunter wasn’t kidding when he said everyone would be there.
“My mom always told me, you never show up empty-handed.” I feel a flush of guilt. My mom is a stickler for good manners, but even I don’t know the etiquette for going to an event with one man while I’m still torn up inside over another.
“Remind me to always take you to events.” Dex casually slings one arm over my shoulder as we head over to the ranch house. “I’m trying to imagine the look on my brothers’ faces if I ever showed up with more than a six-pack of beer. They’d probably have a heart attack,” he laughs.
They’re not the only ones at risk of collapsing. My heart is already racing as we approach the front door. There’s a note tacked up with an arrow pointing around the back of the house, so we follow the sound of music and laughter around to the back- yard.
The party is already well underway, with a couple of dozen guests hanging out on the lawn. The ranch is nestled in the middle of open country, so there’s a beautiful view to the hills and woods in the distance, bright under the clear blue skies. Beside the main house, there are stables and a big barn, and the paddock where a couple of horses are grazing.
“This is great,” Dex remarks, looking around. “Does Hunter train the horses himself?”
I nod. “He inherited the place from his grandfather. He spends part of the time in the city, helping out at the family firm, but he stays out here whenever he can.”
“I don’t blame him.” Dex deposits our offerings with the rest of the food, overflowing from some picnic tables. He finds a couple of beers, and opens one for me. “It’s the perfect retreat.”
“I don’t know…” I look around, “I’d miss the ocean, way out here.”
Dex smiles. “Getting used to the view back at home?” he teases, and with a shiver, I realize that I am. Dex’s beach- house is so perfect; I feel at home there, like I could wake up every morning gazing at that spectacular view.
And the ocean isn’t too bad either.
“It’s a pretty big crowd,” Dex remarks, looking around. “Is this some kind of special occasion?”
“I don’t think so,” I reply, spotting Garrett and a very pregnant Carina across the lawn. I wave, about to go over and say hi, when a piercing whistle cuts through the chatter.
We all turn. Hunter and Brit are standing on the back steps, motioning for silence. He’s wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and smart pants, and she’s in a floor-length summer dress. They look way too dressed up for a casual backyard get-together, I note absently, wondering what’s going on.
