Free to love.
It’s not the first touch I’ve noticed between them. Not the first long glance. They’re trying to hide it. From me. Maybe from themselves, too. But it’s there. While I was away, falling in love with Caden, they were falling for each other.
A whimsical smile plays on Sabine’s lips, and the color deepens in her cheeks. I search inside myself, probing for anger, jealousy. Nothing. There’s nothing there except envy that they’ve found this in each other, despite everything. And then I feel a stab of loss that I walked away from a chance for the same thing with Caden.
Suddenly I hear myself speak. Over their laughter and conversation, over the clink of beer bottles and scrape of silverware, I say what I’ve known for weeks now, even before the news from the States. “I’m going back.”
The smile slips from Sean’s face. The laughter dies. The clinking stops.
“What are you talking about, Davy?” Sabine demands, leaning across her plate.
My fingers tear at my bread, shredding it into bits. “I’m going back.”
“Home? To your family?” Gil asks. “Shouldn’t you send word first? It can’t be totally safe yet.”
“No,” I say. “Not home.”
“To that resistance group.” Sabine states this more than she asks, and I realize then that she knew something had happened to me there. That I had changed.
“To that underground bunker?” Gil asks, looking bewildered. “What for? They’ll be disbanding. We’ve won, Davy.”
I don’t feel like I’ve won. Not here. Not without Caden.
Then what he says sinks in. They’ll be disbanding. Of course. If they’re free to go anywhere, why would they stay hiding underground?
“I need to go,” I say faster, feeling slightly panicked. What if he’s gone when I get there? How will I find him?
“What are you talking about?” Gil shakes his head. “This is your home now.”
“No,” I say, pushing up from the table. “It’s yours. And Sabine’s and Sean’s. My home is there.” I swallow, looking down at all of them. “With him.”
The three of them fall silent, staring at me like I’ve sprouted a second head, and I guess this is some shock. Sabine might have realized something happened there, but I haven’t shared much about my time with the resistance group. I never mentioned any people. Nothing about Caden.
Sean is the first to speak. “You’re in love with someone.”
My gaze jerks between him and Sabine. “And you’re in love with Sabine.”
A gasp slips from her mouth. I smile at her and reach down for her hand, cover it with my own. “It’s okay.”
Her gaze darts to Sean. She looks almost afraid. Like he might say he doesn’t care about her. He smiles at her reassuringly and then looks back at me. “Let’s walk.” He pushes up to his feet, dropping a hand to her shoulder for a gentle squeeze. “We’ll be back.”
With a nod, she smiles, crossing her arms and hugging herself.
We leave the revelry behind, slipping into shadows as we move out of the bonfire’s glow. Our steps fall in a steady rhythm, crunching over the gravel path between temporary buildings.
“Guess a lot happened when we were apart,” he murmurs, breaking the silence.
“A lot happened when we were together.” At Mount Haven. The moment I shot that man. Everything turned in that instant.
“True.” He runs a hand through his shoulder-length hair. Stopping, he faces me. “I didn’t . . . Sabine and I were together so much. We didn’t mean for—”
“Sean, you don’t owe me any explanation.” Really. He doesn’t.
He drags his hand down around his jaw. “Yeah. Okay. But Davy, you’re sure? You really want to go? We still care about you. I care about you.”
“I know you do.” He stares down at me with his eyes so full of emotion, mute appeal for me to be more like the Davy he first met months ago. Months that feel like years. That Davy wouldn’t walk away from him. Not willingly. And if that Davy had been ripped from his arms, he would have waited for her. No female on earth would have tempted him. Not if I had given him something to wait for. His heart is loyal like that.
He reaches out and slides his knuckles down my cheek. “Is he worth it?”
My lips twitch ruefully. “It’s more like am I worthy of him?”
“I don’t have to know the guy to know you are.” He pulls me in for a hug, his hand tight around the back of my neck. “I’m going to miss you.”
I flatten my hands against his broad back. “I’m going to miss you, too.” One of my few friends through all of this, through everything. I bury my face in his chest, muffling the sob that cracks my voice.
He pulls back and drapes an arm over my shoulder. “C’mon. Let’s go eat some barbecue, and you can tell me about this guy.” His voice rings with humor, but there’s still that undercurrent of regret to it. I understand it. I feel a bit of it myself. A bit of sadness to leave my friends. But there are other feelings, too. Strange feelings. Excitement, determination, and anxiety to get to that place I was so desperate to leave.
“Hey,” Sean says near my ear like he can read my mind. “Life is a series of hellos and good-byes, right?”
I nod. That’s one way to look at it. “The guy who brought me here—”
It’s not the first touch I’ve noticed between them. Not the first long glance. They’re trying to hide it. From me. Maybe from themselves, too. But it’s there. While I was away, falling in love with Caden, they were falling for each other.
A whimsical smile plays on Sabine’s lips, and the color deepens in her cheeks. I search inside myself, probing for anger, jealousy. Nothing. There’s nothing there except envy that they’ve found this in each other, despite everything. And then I feel a stab of loss that I walked away from a chance for the same thing with Caden.
Suddenly I hear myself speak. Over their laughter and conversation, over the clink of beer bottles and scrape of silverware, I say what I’ve known for weeks now, even before the news from the States. “I’m going back.”
The smile slips from Sean’s face. The laughter dies. The clinking stops.
“What are you talking about, Davy?” Sabine demands, leaning across her plate.
My fingers tear at my bread, shredding it into bits. “I’m going back.”
“Home? To your family?” Gil asks. “Shouldn’t you send word first? It can’t be totally safe yet.”
“No,” I say. “Not home.”
“To that resistance group.” Sabine states this more than she asks, and I realize then that she knew something had happened to me there. That I had changed.
“To that underground bunker?” Gil asks, looking bewildered. “What for? They’ll be disbanding. We’ve won, Davy.”
I don’t feel like I’ve won. Not here. Not without Caden.
Then what he says sinks in. They’ll be disbanding. Of course. If they’re free to go anywhere, why would they stay hiding underground?
“I need to go,” I say faster, feeling slightly panicked. What if he’s gone when I get there? How will I find him?
“What are you talking about?” Gil shakes his head. “This is your home now.”
“No,” I say, pushing up from the table. “It’s yours. And Sabine’s and Sean’s. My home is there.” I swallow, looking down at all of them. “With him.”
The three of them fall silent, staring at me like I’ve sprouted a second head, and I guess this is some shock. Sabine might have realized something happened there, but I haven’t shared much about my time with the resistance group. I never mentioned any people. Nothing about Caden.
Sean is the first to speak. “You’re in love with someone.”
My gaze jerks between him and Sabine. “And you’re in love with Sabine.”
A gasp slips from her mouth. I smile at her and reach down for her hand, cover it with my own. “It’s okay.”
Her gaze darts to Sean. She looks almost afraid. Like he might say he doesn’t care about her. He smiles at her reassuringly and then looks back at me. “Let’s walk.” He pushes up to his feet, dropping a hand to her shoulder for a gentle squeeze. “We’ll be back.”
With a nod, she smiles, crossing her arms and hugging herself.
We leave the revelry behind, slipping into shadows as we move out of the bonfire’s glow. Our steps fall in a steady rhythm, crunching over the gravel path between temporary buildings.
“Guess a lot happened when we were apart,” he murmurs, breaking the silence.
“A lot happened when we were together.” At Mount Haven. The moment I shot that man. Everything turned in that instant.
“True.” He runs a hand through his shoulder-length hair. Stopping, he faces me. “I didn’t . . . Sabine and I were together so much. We didn’t mean for—”
“Sean, you don’t owe me any explanation.” Really. He doesn’t.
He drags his hand down around his jaw. “Yeah. Okay. But Davy, you’re sure? You really want to go? We still care about you. I care about you.”
“I know you do.” He stares down at me with his eyes so full of emotion, mute appeal for me to be more like the Davy he first met months ago. Months that feel like years. That Davy wouldn’t walk away from him. Not willingly. And if that Davy had been ripped from his arms, he would have waited for her. No female on earth would have tempted him. Not if I had given him something to wait for. His heart is loyal like that.
He reaches out and slides his knuckles down my cheek. “Is he worth it?”
My lips twitch ruefully. “It’s more like am I worthy of him?”
“I don’t have to know the guy to know you are.” He pulls me in for a hug, his hand tight around the back of my neck. “I’m going to miss you.”
I flatten my hands against his broad back. “I’m going to miss you, too.” One of my few friends through all of this, through everything. I bury my face in his chest, muffling the sob that cracks my voice.
He pulls back and drapes an arm over my shoulder. “C’mon. Let’s go eat some barbecue, and you can tell me about this guy.” His voice rings with humor, but there’s still that undercurrent of regret to it. I understand it. I feel a bit of it myself. A bit of sadness to leave my friends. But there are other feelings, too. Strange feelings. Excitement, determination, and anxiety to get to that place I was so desperate to leave.
“Hey,” Sean says near my ear like he can read my mind. “Life is a series of hellos and good-byes, right?”
I nod. That’s one way to look at it. “The guy who brought me here—”
