Last night weighs heavy on my mind.
I hate that I worried the people I love most in the world. Zoey, my brothers… They’re still walking on eggshells, uncertain if this recovery of mine is permanent, or just a good stretch before I tumble into the abyss. I wish I could find a way to show them that I’m never going back to that dark place again.
Running off in the middle of the night isn’t exactly the best way to show you’re in control…
I sigh. Part of me wishes they wouldn’t overreact, but I can’t blame them. They love me, they’re concerned, and if I’m going to live my own life again without their calls and supervision, I have to prove I can be stable and responsible. No more late night disappearing acts without telling anyone where I’m heading. From now on, I need to act like an adult, instead of just asking to be treated like one.
I take a shower and dress in jeans and a light sweater before heading downstairs. Zoey is sitting on the back steps overlooking the beach, her hands wrapped around a mug of herbal tea.
“When do you have to head back to the airport?” I ask, feeling awkward. I still hate that I worried her—worried all of them.
She looks up. “Not until this afternoon.” Her face lightens in a mischievous grin. “Which means you have plenty of time to tell me exactly what you and Mr. Mechanic got up to last night.”
I laugh, relieved to break the tension. “Well…” I begin, taking a seat beside her. “Let’s just say it was plenty distracting.”
“C’mon, don’t I deserve more info than that?” Zoey elbows me lightly. “After what I went through, I need a play by play, at the very least.”
I stop laughing. “You know I’m so, so sorry,” I tell her quietly. “I didn’t think, it was stupid and irresponsible.”
She gives me a tight smile. “I know. And I was probably overreacting, calling everyone up like that, but…I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. If I missed the signs again…” Zoey looks so distressed, I put my arm around her and squeeze.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I tell her, meaning every word. “And it won’t happen again.”
She swallows, and gives me a small nod. “So, does Ryland know?”
I nod. “I told him everything. And he didn’t judge me, Zoey, not once. He understands.”
“I like him already.”
“I wish you were sticking around longer,” I say, giving her shoulders another hug. “I want you to get to know him too.”
She laughs. “And be the third wheel to your starry-eyed love affair? No thanks. Besides, I’m in the home stretch. Just another few months of my internship; I should be back for good by Christmas.”
“You don’t want to stay in Europe?” I ask. “It looks like you’re having so much fun over there. All your photos are so glamorous, backstage at fashion shoots and shopping on the Champs-Élysées.”
Zoey gives me quiet smile. “You know that stuff’s all for show, right? My way to say ‘fuck you’ to all those bitches from high school. The truth is, I’m getting pretty homesick. I miss you guys.”
I pause. Zoey was bullied pretty badly before I joined the school, and I know she still carries that with her, even now that she’s living a fabulous new life. “Well, nothing says fuck you like Paris!” I comfort her.
“Or, je m’en fou, as the French put it,” Zoey agrees with a laugh. “Did you get everything settled with your brothers?” she asks, changing the subject.
I make a face. “Yes. Just about. Luckily Dex is still overseas, and Ash is in the middle of a big redevelopment project in Atlanta, otherwise they’d both be here right now, marching me back to Pinecrest.”
“They’re just looking out for you, we all are,” Zoey adds. She pauses. “What about Blake?”
“He was halfway to the airport when I called.” I feel another surge of guilt. “He wanted to come anyway, but I talked him out of it. He’s in the middle of filming a new movie, he can’t take the time away.”
“How’s that going?” Zoey asks, staring out at the ocean. Her voice sounds casual, but I could swear her cheeks turn pink as she asks.
“Fine, I guess.” I shrug, watching her. “He’s dating some starlet from a TV show, they’re all over the tabloids right now.”
“Oh.” Zoey looks down and takes another sip of her tea. “I didn’t know that.”
“You know Blake,” I crack, “he has a new girlfriend every other week, it’s hard to keep track.”
“I remember,” Zoey agrees quietly. “He never brought a girl home twice.”
My stomach suddenly make a loud rumbling noise. I laugh, and get up. “Want to go for one last breakfast at the diner before you hit the road? There might still be some carbs in that place you haven’t inhaled.”
Zoey grins, and leaps to her feet. “Challenge accepted!”
We have a final breakfast, and then I see her off, waving until her car disappears around the bend heading for the highway. I’m sad to see her go, but I’m glad she was able to make the trip. I miss having someone to hang with—to share all the little details and gossip, the way only a true girlfriend can.
Not that I shared everything with Zoey. She begged me for details about what happened with Ryland, but for some reason, I want to keep them to myself. What we shared was so intimate, so sexy, I’m not ready to talk about it just yet. Even now, just remembering his hands pinning me down on the porch and his mouth moving lower over my burning skin makes my cheeks flush and my stomach twist in delicious knots.
I hate that I worried the people I love most in the world. Zoey, my brothers… They’re still walking on eggshells, uncertain if this recovery of mine is permanent, or just a good stretch before I tumble into the abyss. I wish I could find a way to show them that I’m never going back to that dark place again.
Running off in the middle of the night isn’t exactly the best way to show you’re in control…
I sigh. Part of me wishes they wouldn’t overreact, but I can’t blame them. They love me, they’re concerned, and if I’m going to live my own life again without their calls and supervision, I have to prove I can be stable and responsible. No more late night disappearing acts without telling anyone where I’m heading. From now on, I need to act like an adult, instead of just asking to be treated like one.
I take a shower and dress in jeans and a light sweater before heading downstairs. Zoey is sitting on the back steps overlooking the beach, her hands wrapped around a mug of herbal tea.
“When do you have to head back to the airport?” I ask, feeling awkward. I still hate that I worried her—worried all of them.
She looks up. “Not until this afternoon.” Her face lightens in a mischievous grin. “Which means you have plenty of time to tell me exactly what you and Mr. Mechanic got up to last night.”
I laugh, relieved to break the tension. “Well…” I begin, taking a seat beside her. “Let’s just say it was plenty distracting.”
“C’mon, don’t I deserve more info than that?” Zoey elbows me lightly. “After what I went through, I need a play by play, at the very least.”
I stop laughing. “You know I’m so, so sorry,” I tell her quietly. “I didn’t think, it was stupid and irresponsible.”
She gives me a tight smile. “I know. And I was probably overreacting, calling everyone up like that, but…I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. If I missed the signs again…” Zoey looks so distressed, I put my arm around her and squeeze.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I tell her, meaning every word. “And it won’t happen again.”
She swallows, and gives me a small nod. “So, does Ryland know?”
I nod. “I told him everything. And he didn’t judge me, Zoey, not once. He understands.”
“I like him already.”
“I wish you were sticking around longer,” I say, giving her shoulders another hug. “I want you to get to know him too.”
She laughs. “And be the third wheel to your starry-eyed love affair? No thanks. Besides, I’m in the home stretch. Just another few months of my internship; I should be back for good by Christmas.”
“You don’t want to stay in Europe?” I ask. “It looks like you’re having so much fun over there. All your photos are so glamorous, backstage at fashion shoots and shopping on the Champs-Élysées.”
Zoey gives me quiet smile. “You know that stuff’s all for show, right? My way to say ‘fuck you’ to all those bitches from high school. The truth is, I’m getting pretty homesick. I miss you guys.”
I pause. Zoey was bullied pretty badly before I joined the school, and I know she still carries that with her, even now that she’s living a fabulous new life. “Well, nothing says fuck you like Paris!” I comfort her.
“Or, je m’en fou, as the French put it,” Zoey agrees with a laugh. “Did you get everything settled with your brothers?” she asks, changing the subject.
I make a face. “Yes. Just about. Luckily Dex is still overseas, and Ash is in the middle of a big redevelopment project in Atlanta, otherwise they’d both be here right now, marching me back to Pinecrest.”
“They’re just looking out for you, we all are,” Zoey adds. She pauses. “What about Blake?”
“He was halfway to the airport when I called.” I feel another surge of guilt. “He wanted to come anyway, but I talked him out of it. He’s in the middle of filming a new movie, he can’t take the time away.”
“How’s that going?” Zoey asks, staring out at the ocean. Her voice sounds casual, but I could swear her cheeks turn pink as she asks.
“Fine, I guess.” I shrug, watching her. “He’s dating some starlet from a TV show, they’re all over the tabloids right now.”
“Oh.” Zoey looks down and takes another sip of her tea. “I didn’t know that.”
“You know Blake,” I crack, “he has a new girlfriend every other week, it’s hard to keep track.”
“I remember,” Zoey agrees quietly. “He never brought a girl home twice.”
My stomach suddenly make a loud rumbling noise. I laugh, and get up. “Want to go for one last breakfast at the diner before you hit the road? There might still be some carbs in that place you haven’t inhaled.”
Zoey grins, and leaps to her feet. “Challenge accepted!”
We have a final breakfast, and then I see her off, waving until her car disappears around the bend heading for the highway. I’m sad to see her go, but I’m glad she was able to make the trip. I miss having someone to hang with—to share all the little details and gossip, the way only a true girlfriend can.
Not that I shared everything with Zoey. She begged me for details about what happened with Ryland, but for some reason, I want to keep them to myself. What we shared was so intimate, so sexy, I’m not ready to talk about it just yet. Even now, just remembering his hands pinning me down on the porch and his mouth moving lower over my burning skin makes my cheeks flush and my stomach twist in delicious knots.
