Dawn looks blank.
“As long as you keep asking, he’ll keep trying,” I tell her. “You have to decide if that’s the life you want for him. If he doesn’t deserve better.”
Dawn’s face crumbles. “I know. I just… I try. I really try.” She takes a long breath, and then raises her teary eyes to me. “You take care of him for me, OK?”
I nod, feeling a sting in the back of my throat. “I promise.”
I walk back to the car with a heavy heart. I understand Ryland even more now, I see the war he fights within himself. Wanting to save her, but feeling like he fails, every time.
I only hope that I can help him make a new life, and never feel that insecurity again.
I look at the new address, and feel my determination grow.
I’m coming for you, I whisper. Hold on. Please, hold on.
31.
RYLAND
The French Quarter is rowdy on a Friday night, sticky with drunk tourists. Music blasts from every bar, and there’s a fevered heat in the air, humid and thick.
Driskell barely glances at the chaos as he slides out of the air-conditioned car. He adjusts his cold cufflinks as I close the door behind him and hurry ahead to step inside the club. He likes me to enter first, make sure it’s safe, he says, but we both know it’s all for show. Driskell’s muscle, clearing the way, making sure heads are turned awaiting his arrival.
I’m a prop, a puppet, a dog on a leash again. And the invisible chain chokes me with every fucking step.
“Get me a drink,” Driskell says, once we’re inside. “Mexican Coke, no ice, none of this generic bullshit.”
I grit my teeth and nod.
“And find that girl from last night, whatshername, Candy something,” he adds with a leer. “I’ll be in the back.”
“Yes, boss,” I reply. He looks sharply to see if I’m being sarcastic, but I just stare back, even and obedient.
He nods. “Don’t take too long. I want you with me when Kolchock arrives.”
I melt away into the crowd as Driskell heads to the VIP room in back. Usually, he’d have three or four of us guys around for a meeting like this, but it’s a sign of respect to come with just the one. Kolchock is the next shark up the food chain, the only man I’ve ever seen Driskell take orders from. He doesn’t realize Driskell’s been skimming off the top for years. The day he figures it out, it won’t be pretty. And knowing my luck, I’ll be standing right in front to take that bullet.
I clench my fists at my sides and run the same calculation that burns in me, every hour of every day.
How far could I get if I ran? How long would it take Driskell to hurt Brit, or Emerson, or Tegan if I did?
How the hell am I ever going to break free?
Driskell barely blinked that day last month when I walked through the door again and threw my duffel on the floor. “Good to have you back,” he nodded, as if I had a choice about returning. But from the way he chatted, filling me in about all the bullshit I’d missed when I was gone, I’d almost think he missed me.
Sick bastard.
I go to the bar and get Driskell’s coke, and a shot of whiskey for me too. It burns going down, and I feel the bitter pain well up in me again. It’s past midnight in Beachwood Bay right now; I wonder if Tegan is still awake. Sitting in that music room, maybe, picking out the chords to a new melody, or curled up under the covers, her dark hair fanning out across the white. I wonder if she entered that contest in the end, if she even stuck around in town at all.
I wonder if she’ll ever forgive me for leaving like that.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
The voice comes from behind me. I freeze.
It can’t be.
I turn, blood pounding in my ears, and then I can’t believe my eyes.
She’s here.
“Tegan.” I stare at her, totally numb. She’s wearing the same outfit as the night we met, a simple black dress that hugs her petite curves and makes every man in the bar turn his head to watch. She pauses, biting her lip. I can see the nerves, the excitement in her dark eyes. Emotion crashes over me, a war between fear and hope and relief so sharp it makes my blood sing.
God, I’ve missed her so bad.
“Surprise.” She gives me a faint smile, and it breaks my heart all over again.
“You can’t be here!” I snap out of it, shooting a panicked look at the bar room. “Tegan, please, you don’t understand, I’m trying to keep you safe.”
I grab her arm and try to hustle her out, even as the touch of her—the scent of her shampoo drifting over me—makes my legs go weak.
Fuck, she’s more beautiful than my dreams. Flesh and blood, heat and softness.
Tegan stands still, refusing to move.
“I’m not leaving,” she says, her jaw clenched in determination. “I didn’t come this far to just walk away.”
“Tegan—”
She presses her hand to my chest. My heart catches at the touch. “I said, I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving you again.”
My heart twists. Damn. Doesn’t she realize this is the only way?
Tegan looks up at me. A flicker of insecurity shows. “Unless…” She pauses. “Unless you don’t want me anymore.”
The words stick in my throat. I should tell her no, and make sure she never looks for me again, but I can’t lie.
I can’t betray what I feel in my heart. Consuming every part of me.
“You know I love you,” I whisper, and the admission seals my fate.
“As long as you keep asking, he’ll keep trying,” I tell her. “You have to decide if that’s the life you want for him. If he doesn’t deserve better.”
Dawn’s face crumbles. “I know. I just… I try. I really try.” She takes a long breath, and then raises her teary eyes to me. “You take care of him for me, OK?”
I nod, feeling a sting in the back of my throat. “I promise.”
I walk back to the car with a heavy heart. I understand Ryland even more now, I see the war he fights within himself. Wanting to save her, but feeling like he fails, every time.
I only hope that I can help him make a new life, and never feel that insecurity again.
I look at the new address, and feel my determination grow.
I’m coming for you, I whisper. Hold on. Please, hold on.
31.
RYLAND
The French Quarter is rowdy on a Friday night, sticky with drunk tourists. Music blasts from every bar, and there’s a fevered heat in the air, humid and thick.
Driskell barely glances at the chaos as he slides out of the air-conditioned car. He adjusts his cold cufflinks as I close the door behind him and hurry ahead to step inside the club. He likes me to enter first, make sure it’s safe, he says, but we both know it’s all for show. Driskell’s muscle, clearing the way, making sure heads are turned awaiting his arrival.
I’m a prop, a puppet, a dog on a leash again. And the invisible chain chokes me with every fucking step.
“Get me a drink,” Driskell says, once we’re inside. “Mexican Coke, no ice, none of this generic bullshit.”
I grit my teeth and nod.
“And find that girl from last night, whatshername, Candy something,” he adds with a leer. “I’ll be in the back.”
“Yes, boss,” I reply. He looks sharply to see if I’m being sarcastic, but I just stare back, even and obedient.
He nods. “Don’t take too long. I want you with me when Kolchock arrives.”
I melt away into the crowd as Driskell heads to the VIP room in back. Usually, he’d have three or four of us guys around for a meeting like this, but it’s a sign of respect to come with just the one. Kolchock is the next shark up the food chain, the only man I’ve ever seen Driskell take orders from. He doesn’t realize Driskell’s been skimming off the top for years. The day he figures it out, it won’t be pretty. And knowing my luck, I’ll be standing right in front to take that bullet.
I clench my fists at my sides and run the same calculation that burns in me, every hour of every day.
How far could I get if I ran? How long would it take Driskell to hurt Brit, or Emerson, or Tegan if I did?
How the hell am I ever going to break free?
Driskell barely blinked that day last month when I walked through the door again and threw my duffel on the floor. “Good to have you back,” he nodded, as if I had a choice about returning. But from the way he chatted, filling me in about all the bullshit I’d missed when I was gone, I’d almost think he missed me.
Sick bastard.
I go to the bar and get Driskell’s coke, and a shot of whiskey for me too. It burns going down, and I feel the bitter pain well up in me again. It’s past midnight in Beachwood Bay right now; I wonder if Tegan is still awake. Sitting in that music room, maybe, picking out the chords to a new melody, or curled up under the covers, her dark hair fanning out across the white. I wonder if she entered that contest in the end, if she even stuck around in town at all.
I wonder if she’ll ever forgive me for leaving like that.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
The voice comes from behind me. I freeze.
It can’t be.
I turn, blood pounding in my ears, and then I can’t believe my eyes.
She’s here.
“Tegan.” I stare at her, totally numb. She’s wearing the same outfit as the night we met, a simple black dress that hugs her petite curves and makes every man in the bar turn his head to watch. She pauses, biting her lip. I can see the nerves, the excitement in her dark eyes. Emotion crashes over me, a war between fear and hope and relief so sharp it makes my blood sing.
God, I’ve missed her so bad.
“Surprise.” She gives me a faint smile, and it breaks my heart all over again.
“You can’t be here!” I snap out of it, shooting a panicked look at the bar room. “Tegan, please, you don’t understand, I’m trying to keep you safe.”
I grab her arm and try to hustle her out, even as the touch of her—the scent of her shampoo drifting over me—makes my legs go weak.
Fuck, she’s more beautiful than my dreams. Flesh and blood, heat and softness.
Tegan stands still, refusing to move.
“I’m not leaving,” she says, her jaw clenched in determination. “I didn’t come this far to just walk away.”
“Tegan—”
She presses her hand to my chest. My heart catches at the touch. “I said, I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving you again.”
My heart twists. Damn. Doesn’t she realize this is the only way?
Tegan looks up at me. A flicker of insecurity shows. “Unless…” She pauses. “Unless you don’t want me anymore.”
The words stick in my throat. I should tell her no, and make sure she never looks for me again, but I can’t lie.
I can’t betray what I feel in my heart. Consuming every part of me.
“You know I love you,” I whisper, and the admission seals my fate.
