Until Friday Night
Page 17
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“Are you going after Maggie?”
I could lie, but that was pointless. “Yeah,” I replied.
“Not you, too,” he snarled. “Why the fuck can’t y’all leave her alone? She’s mute. She’s seen shit none of us can comprehend, and she isn’t a plaything for you. So go find someone else to chase after. My cousin is off. Limits.”
I couldn’t explain to him that I just wanted to talk to her again. He had no idea she’d talked to me. She wasn’t talking to anyone else. She’d only talked to me.
But even if she didn’t want to speak to me anymore, I didn’t want to stay away from her. Maggie made me feel stronger. She reminded me that I wasn’t alone in this world. That others had gone through this too. That I could be what my momma needed me to be . . . what my dad needed me to be.
“Fine. Whatever. I don’t have time for this shit,” I replied before stalking off the other way.
Out of nowhere, Raleigh stepped in front of me. “You didn’t call all weekend,” she said, sticking her bottom lip out and pouting.
I hadn’t called her because I hadn’t needed her to distract me. “You looked like you moved on Friday night,” I replied, shoving past her and walking toward my class.
“I was trying to make you jealous. You left me again, West. You never think about me. You just leave me.”
She was right that I didn’t think about her. She deserved more. I wasn’t able to be what Raleigh deserved. In the beginning I had been attracted to her. She was fun and exciting, and I didn’t think about my dad’s treatments when we were together. But that had only lasted a little while. Soon it just became about sex. I used her to forget for a moment. I felt guilty about it, but she’d seemed happy with things. She liked being my girlfriend.
What I knew now was that she deserved more than I was able to give her. It was time I cut her loose and let her go find a guy who could make her happy. All we did was fight.
“Then I’m not the guy for you. I’m never going to remember to check on you, Ray. I’m never going to be thinking about you. It’s not me. I don’t do that. So go find a guy who does. I sure as shit can’t make you happy.”
The look in her eyes wasn’t heartbreak. We weren’t in love. Although she liked to tell me she loved me often, I knew she didn’t. Who could love an asshole?
“I love you,” she said as if she’d read my thoughts.
I shook my head. “No, Ray, you don’t. I’m not lovable. Let’s stop this. You just get hurt with me, and that’ll never change. So this time, it really is over. Go find a guy who can be what you need. You deserve that. I can’t be that guy. Not for you. Not for anyone.”
I didn’t wait for her to reply before I turned and walked into first period.
I realized as I sat down that the words I’d just said to Raleigh were true. I couldn’t be mad at Brady for protecting Maggie from me. But maybe he’d let us be friends. I just needed a fucking friend right now. Not a girlfriend. How could I explain that to him?
Times Like These, I Was Glad I Wasn’t Expected to Say Something
CHAPTER 11
MAGGIE
I walked into the cafeteria. I was choosing not to starve my way through lunch in the library. After a week at school I felt safer. Like I knew how things worked and what to expect. I didn’t feel like all eyes were on me anymore.
Well, that wasn’t exactly the whole story. Truth was, I wanted to see West. He hadn’t been at his locker since this morning, and when I passed him in the hall, he looked right through me. Sure, I’d not spoken this morning, but I wasn’t sure I could. Would I have a meltdown if I weren’t trying to help him? Maybe speaking only worked when he needed me to speak. Maybe it was West’s pain that triggered my ability to speak without losing my grip.
In the days after my mother’s death I had sat in a corner and screamed when anyone came near me. I knew what I was doing was crazy, but I couldn’t stop myself. A helpless fear had consumed me. I was in so much agony, I couldn’t be spoken to or handle anyone getting close to me.
When I was finally able to coax myself out of the corner and stop reliving the nightmare over and over in my head, I managed to function. But I still wouldn’t speak. It was the one thing that saved me. I could deal if I didn’t hear the sound of my voice.
“So, about that date we discussed at the pep rally?”
I turned from my place in the food line to see Charlie grinning at me. “I looked for you after the game Friday night, but you were nowhere to be found.”
Yeah, because my aunt and uncle shipped me off with Brady.
“Since you don’t have a notebook at the moment, I’ll do all the talking,” he continued. “I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go to Nashville for the day. It’s only an hour drive away. There’s an excellent place I like to eat there, and then I have tickets to the Grand Ole Opry that night. Dierks Bentley is going to be there.”
I had no idea who Dierks Bentley was, but I knew what the Grand Ole Opry was. I was pretty sure everyone in the South knew what that was. But an entire day with Charlie . . . in Nashville? I wasn’t sure my aunt and uncle would be okay with that.
“Just think about it. I promise we’ll have fun. And I talk enough for both of us.”
I started to smile, when my gaze locked on a person looking directly at me. West.
He was sitting at the table were Brady sat, along with the other football players. They were all allowed to come in early and get their trays so they could leave earlier and head to the field house.
I could lie, but that was pointless. “Yeah,” I replied.
“Not you, too,” he snarled. “Why the fuck can’t y’all leave her alone? She’s mute. She’s seen shit none of us can comprehend, and she isn’t a plaything for you. So go find someone else to chase after. My cousin is off. Limits.”
I couldn’t explain to him that I just wanted to talk to her again. He had no idea she’d talked to me. She wasn’t talking to anyone else. She’d only talked to me.
But even if she didn’t want to speak to me anymore, I didn’t want to stay away from her. Maggie made me feel stronger. She reminded me that I wasn’t alone in this world. That others had gone through this too. That I could be what my momma needed me to be . . . what my dad needed me to be.
“Fine. Whatever. I don’t have time for this shit,” I replied before stalking off the other way.
Out of nowhere, Raleigh stepped in front of me. “You didn’t call all weekend,” she said, sticking her bottom lip out and pouting.
I hadn’t called her because I hadn’t needed her to distract me. “You looked like you moved on Friday night,” I replied, shoving past her and walking toward my class.
“I was trying to make you jealous. You left me again, West. You never think about me. You just leave me.”
She was right that I didn’t think about her. She deserved more. I wasn’t able to be what Raleigh deserved. In the beginning I had been attracted to her. She was fun and exciting, and I didn’t think about my dad’s treatments when we were together. But that had only lasted a little while. Soon it just became about sex. I used her to forget for a moment. I felt guilty about it, but she’d seemed happy with things. She liked being my girlfriend.
What I knew now was that she deserved more than I was able to give her. It was time I cut her loose and let her go find a guy who could make her happy. All we did was fight.
“Then I’m not the guy for you. I’m never going to remember to check on you, Ray. I’m never going to be thinking about you. It’s not me. I don’t do that. So go find a guy who does. I sure as shit can’t make you happy.”
The look in her eyes wasn’t heartbreak. We weren’t in love. Although she liked to tell me she loved me often, I knew she didn’t. Who could love an asshole?
“I love you,” she said as if she’d read my thoughts.
I shook my head. “No, Ray, you don’t. I’m not lovable. Let’s stop this. You just get hurt with me, and that’ll never change. So this time, it really is over. Go find a guy who can be what you need. You deserve that. I can’t be that guy. Not for you. Not for anyone.”
I didn’t wait for her to reply before I turned and walked into first period.
I realized as I sat down that the words I’d just said to Raleigh were true. I couldn’t be mad at Brady for protecting Maggie from me. But maybe he’d let us be friends. I just needed a fucking friend right now. Not a girlfriend. How could I explain that to him?
Times Like These, I Was Glad I Wasn’t Expected to Say Something
CHAPTER 11
MAGGIE
I walked into the cafeteria. I was choosing not to starve my way through lunch in the library. After a week at school I felt safer. Like I knew how things worked and what to expect. I didn’t feel like all eyes were on me anymore.
Well, that wasn’t exactly the whole story. Truth was, I wanted to see West. He hadn’t been at his locker since this morning, and when I passed him in the hall, he looked right through me. Sure, I’d not spoken this morning, but I wasn’t sure I could. Would I have a meltdown if I weren’t trying to help him? Maybe speaking only worked when he needed me to speak. Maybe it was West’s pain that triggered my ability to speak without losing my grip.
In the days after my mother’s death I had sat in a corner and screamed when anyone came near me. I knew what I was doing was crazy, but I couldn’t stop myself. A helpless fear had consumed me. I was in so much agony, I couldn’t be spoken to or handle anyone getting close to me.
When I was finally able to coax myself out of the corner and stop reliving the nightmare over and over in my head, I managed to function. But I still wouldn’t speak. It was the one thing that saved me. I could deal if I didn’t hear the sound of my voice.
“So, about that date we discussed at the pep rally?”
I turned from my place in the food line to see Charlie grinning at me. “I looked for you after the game Friday night, but you were nowhere to be found.”
Yeah, because my aunt and uncle shipped me off with Brady.
“Since you don’t have a notebook at the moment, I’ll do all the talking,” he continued. “I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go to Nashville for the day. It’s only an hour drive away. There’s an excellent place I like to eat there, and then I have tickets to the Grand Ole Opry that night. Dierks Bentley is going to be there.”
I had no idea who Dierks Bentley was, but I knew what the Grand Ole Opry was. I was pretty sure everyone in the South knew what that was. But an entire day with Charlie . . . in Nashville? I wasn’t sure my aunt and uncle would be okay with that.
“Just think about it. I promise we’ll have fun. And I talk enough for both of us.”
I started to smile, when my gaze locked on a person looking directly at me. West.
He was sitting at the table were Brady sat, along with the other football players. They were all allowed to come in early and get their trays so they could leave earlier and head to the field house.
