“Give us a minute?” Juliet asks Brit over my head.
I try and protest through the tears, but Brit sends me a sympathetic smile “I’ll go make sure the guys haven’t rolled in the snow,” she say, quietly closing the door behind her. Finally, we’re alone.
I sniffle, feeling like the worst kind of buzz-kill. This is her special day, and me and my ugly sobs are ruining it. Juliet finds a box of tissues on the dresser, then sits beside me on the bed, carefully smoothing out her dress. “What’s going on, Lace?” she asks softly, taking my hand.
“Nothing,” I shake my head, tears still streaming down my face. “I promise. I’m fine.”
“Sure you are. This is what you always look like when you’re deliriously happy.” Juliet smiles at me softly.
I choke out a laugh, but I can’t tell her, I just can’t. BFF exes are off-limits, it’s like one of the most sacred girl-code rules there is, and I not only went and broke it, I danced around on the smashed pieces like there was no tomorrow.
Juliet rubs my back gently and waits. “Is it about Daniel?” she finally asks.
My head snaps up in shock. “How did you …?” I trail off, realizing too late that I’m totally busted.
Juliet gives me a smile. “I had a hunch. The way you two were trying so hard not to look at each other …” she lets out a breath, cautious. “Did something happen?”
I nod, miserable. “I’m sorry,” I say again, “I know I’m the worst friend in the world. We were snowed in, and we started doing shots, and one thing led to another …”
I stop.
“No, that’s not the truth,” I say quietly. If I’m going to be honest, I need to come clean — about everything. “The truth is, I’ve always liked him. Even when you guys were dating. And when we wound up together last night … I couldn’t help it. I know I should have stopped, but, I wanted him too much.”
I brace myself, waiting for Juliet’s confusion and disappointment. But nothing comes. The silence stretches. I finally break, forcing myself to peek over at her. I catch my breath: she doesn’t look mad. “Do you hate me?” I ask in a small voice.
“No!” Juliet exclaims, looking thoughtful. “I just … I never knew, that’s all.” She pauses again, processing. “So last night …?”
“I thought it might mean something, to him too. I know it was stupid,” I add quickly, “And this is probably, like, my karmic punishment, but, I couldn’t help it. It’s him, Jules,” I say, miserable. “It’s always been him.”
“Aww, babe.” Juliet hugs me again, and I fall against her, my heart aching in my chest. Admitting it out loud makes it all real somehow. I love Daniel, and now I’ll never have him. That one night was all I’ll get; hell, now I’ll probably never see him again.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, because I am: for letting her down, and for getting my own foolish hopes up, for thinking that anything real could happen. For making any part of this day about me.
“Don’t be,” Juliet says firmly. She looks at me intently, “I mean it, I just want you to be happy. Both of you, and if it’s with each other—”
“That’s never going to happen.” I cut her off. “He couldn’t have made it clearer. This was just a stupid one night thing. He doesn’t want to be with me. Why would he?”
“Don’t even say that.” Juliet orders. “You’re amazing, you know that, and if he’s too dumb to see it, that’s his problem.” She looks so fierce that for a moment, I think she’s going to go marching off through the snow in her wedding dress to give Daniel a piece of her mind.
I manage a laugh. “I love you,” I tell her.
“And I love you too,” Juliet smiles, looking anxious. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, I really am.”
“It’s OK, I’ll live.” I give her a weak smile. “Now, enough sitting around, being miserable. Are you going to help me get fixed up for the wedding of the year— no, make that, the century?”
Juliet makes that sympathetic face again.
“Don’t look at me like that!” I exclaim quickly. “I feel great. Awesome! Ready to get you down the aisle. But first, this pretty face of mine is going to need serious work.”
“Dunk your head in cold water,” Juliet advises me. “I’ll call the others up. Don’t worry, she adds softly, “You’ll be just fine.”
My heart catches. I nod, “I know.”
But know it’s a lie. I won’t be fine, not without him. And he’s not mine to have. He never was.
“Come on, babe,” I swallow back the pain, and put my best face on. “Let’s get you married.”
***
I make it as far as the gas station by the freeway entrance before I have to pull over. It’s crazy. I need to keep driving, and make it to the airport to catch a flight home, but every instinct in my body is screaming to turn around and go right back to Beachwood Bay.
To Lacey.
Damn.
I hit the steering wheel in frustration. What the hell am I doing? It was one night, just one night I spent with her.
One night that changed everything.
I sink back and close my eyes with a sigh. Right away, I see her: running for the flight, hair shimmering in the neon lights, her smile, so wide and breathless. Her body, like a goddamn miracle.
I try and protest through the tears, but Brit sends me a sympathetic smile “I’ll go make sure the guys haven’t rolled in the snow,” she say, quietly closing the door behind her. Finally, we’re alone.
I sniffle, feeling like the worst kind of buzz-kill. This is her special day, and me and my ugly sobs are ruining it. Juliet finds a box of tissues on the dresser, then sits beside me on the bed, carefully smoothing out her dress. “What’s going on, Lace?” she asks softly, taking my hand.
“Nothing,” I shake my head, tears still streaming down my face. “I promise. I’m fine.”
“Sure you are. This is what you always look like when you’re deliriously happy.” Juliet smiles at me softly.
I choke out a laugh, but I can’t tell her, I just can’t. BFF exes are off-limits, it’s like one of the most sacred girl-code rules there is, and I not only went and broke it, I danced around on the smashed pieces like there was no tomorrow.
Juliet rubs my back gently and waits. “Is it about Daniel?” she finally asks.
My head snaps up in shock. “How did you …?” I trail off, realizing too late that I’m totally busted.
Juliet gives me a smile. “I had a hunch. The way you two were trying so hard not to look at each other …” she lets out a breath, cautious. “Did something happen?”
I nod, miserable. “I’m sorry,” I say again, “I know I’m the worst friend in the world. We were snowed in, and we started doing shots, and one thing led to another …”
I stop.
“No, that’s not the truth,” I say quietly. If I’m going to be honest, I need to come clean — about everything. “The truth is, I’ve always liked him. Even when you guys were dating. And when we wound up together last night … I couldn’t help it. I know I should have stopped, but, I wanted him too much.”
I brace myself, waiting for Juliet’s confusion and disappointment. But nothing comes. The silence stretches. I finally break, forcing myself to peek over at her. I catch my breath: she doesn’t look mad. “Do you hate me?” I ask in a small voice.
“No!” Juliet exclaims, looking thoughtful. “I just … I never knew, that’s all.” She pauses again, processing. “So last night …?”
“I thought it might mean something, to him too. I know it was stupid,” I add quickly, “And this is probably, like, my karmic punishment, but, I couldn’t help it. It’s him, Jules,” I say, miserable. “It’s always been him.”
“Aww, babe.” Juliet hugs me again, and I fall against her, my heart aching in my chest. Admitting it out loud makes it all real somehow. I love Daniel, and now I’ll never have him. That one night was all I’ll get; hell, now I’ll probably never see him again.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, because I am: for letting her down, and for getting my own foolish hopes up, for thinking that anything real could happen. For making any part of this day about me.
“Don’t be,” Juliet says firmly. She looks at me intently, “I mean it, I just want you to be happy. Both of you, and if it’s with each other—”
“That’s never going to happen.” I cut her off. “He couldn’t have made it clearer. This was just a stupid one night thing. He doesn’t want to be with me. Why would he?”
“Don’t even say that.” Juliet orders. “You’re amazing, you know that, and if he’s too dumb to see it, that’s his problem.” She looks so fierce that for a moment, I think she’s going to go marching off through the snow in her wedding dress to give Daniel a piece of her mind.
I manage a laugh. “I love you,” I tell her.
“And I love you too,” Juliet smiles, looking anxious. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, I really am.”
“It’s OK, I’ll live.” I give her a weak smile. “Now, enough sitting around, being miserable. Are you going to help me get fixed up for the wedding of the year— no, make that, the century?”
Juliet makes that sympathetic face again.
“Don’t look at me like that!” I exclaim quickly. “I feel great. Awesome! Ready to get you down the aisle. But first, this pretty face of mine is going to need serious work.”
“Dunk your head in cold water,” Juliet advises me. “I’ll call the others up. Don’t worry, she adds softly, “You’ll be just fine.”
My heart catches. I nod, “I know.”
But know it’s a lie. I won’t be fine, not without him. And he’s not mine to have. He never was.
“Come on, babe,” I swallow back the pain, and put my best face on. “Let’s get you married.”
***
I make it as far as the gas station by the freeway entrance before I have to pull over. It’s crazy. I need to keep driving, and make it to the airport to catch a flight home, but every instinct in my body is screaming to turn around and go right back to Beachwood Bay.
To Lacey.
Damn.
I hit the steering wheel in frustration. What the hell am I doing? It was one night, just one night I spent with her.
One night that changed everything.
I sink back and close my eyes with a sigh. Right away, I see her: running for the flight, hair shimmering in the neon lights, her smile, so wide and breathless. Her body, like a goddamn miracle.
