Which I might be. Sometimes I feel like it.
As we strike out up the street, Gavin reaches over to take my bag strap off my shoulder. I offer him a small smile and let him have it.
“He’ll be fine, you know,” Gavin says quietly, his accent seemingly more pronounced in the dark.
“You can’t know that.”
“Actually, I can. He’s a sharp guy and he’s got a good plan. But even more than that, he’d go through hell and back to make sure you’re safe. And when he gets a bug up his ass like this, he’s like a pit bull. There’s just no stopping him.”
His words are bittersweet. It thrills me to hear that he thinks I’m that important to Cash. Cash must’ve said or done something to make him think that. Unless, of course, he’d be asshole enough to lie just to make me feel better. Even so, it just makes me feel sad and bereft that there’s a chance I might not ever get to tell Cash I’m in love with him.
Why the hell didn’t you tell him five minutes ago? When you had the chance? Oh, wait. I know. Because you’re a complete, proud idiot, that’s why.
My chest gets tight just thinking about my lost opportunity. I slow to a stop on the street, the urge to go back and throw myself into Cash’s arms is nearly overwhelming.
“Gavin, I need to go back. There’s something I have to tell him before he goes.”
Urgency is coursing through my veins like heroine.
Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod what have I done?
Panic, sheer panic is working a fine sheen of sweat onto my brow, despite the chilly temperature.
“It’s too late,” Gavin says gravely. I look into his handsome, sober face, and, just as I open my mouth to argue, a motorcycle zooms by. “He’s already gone.”
I feel the tears start afresh. “But there’s something I need to tell him, something I need him to know before he goes.”
Gavin puts his hand on my shoulder and leans down to look into my eyes. “He knows.”
“No, he doesn’t. He couldn’t possibly. I’ve been such a psycho lately, there’s no way he could know.”
Gavin grins. “Most women are, but that’s beside the point. Trust me, he knows. There’s no way he’d be doing all this for a girl who didn’t love him.”
If Gavin knows, maybe Cash does, too. Maybe he was going to confess his love to me before Gavin interrupted. Oh, if only we’d had a few more minutes…
For a second, I want to punch Gavin right in his pretty mouth.
“Damn you!” I rail at him, stomping my foot. “This is your fault! If you hadn’t come and knocked when you did—”
Gavin laughs. Laughs! The nerve! “I’m so sorry if my efforts to help save your life are untimely.”
I feel my lips tighten and my temper boil. His levity isn’t helping matters.
“Don’t change the subject. It’s not helping,” I say through gritted teeth.
Still smiling, Gavin starts walking away, up the street. “Fine. Blame me that you were too afraid to tell him how you feel. But you and I both know it’s not my fault.”
So smug. So exasperatingly, aggravatingly smug.
And so right.
It’s no one’s fault but my own.
I stand, rigid and angry, watching Gavin walk away. The further he walks, the more my irrational irritation drains away. I scurry up the sidewalk to catch him.
“Stop walking so fast, you crazy foreigner!” I mutter.
In front of me, Gavin tips his head back and loud whispers up into the night, “Walk faster, psycho sheila.”
I can’t help but smile at that.
********
Gavin drives an HT3, the Hummer with a tiny truck bed at the back. It’s solid black with deeply tinted windows.
“Good God, did you steal this from a drug dealer?”
“Watch it. This baby might well save your sweet ass before it’s over. She’s about as tactically equipped as they come.”
“So you did steal it from a drug dealer?”
Gavin rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Women,” he murmurs.
“I hope you don’t say things like that in front of your girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” By the look on his face, you’d think I suggested he was having sex with animals. “That’s trouble I don’t need. All that emotional shit just messes up great sex and someone to have a few laughs with.”
Of course, I draw a parallel. “Is that the way Cash thinks, too?”
Gavin glances over at me. There’s caution written in his eyes. “Maybe a little.”
“You wouldn’t tell me the truth even if that was the case, would you?”
“Look, Olivia. I’ll admit Cash and I are pretty similar. And as long as I’ve known him, he hasn’t ever wanted to get serious. That I know of anyway. Until now.”
“So you’re saying he wants to get serious with me?” Why do I find it hard to believe a word he’s saying.
“No, I’m not saying that.”
“That’s what it sounded like.”
“I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” He pauses and I hear his frustrated sigh. “Let me just put it this way. I’ve never seen him act like this over a woman before. Does that mean he wants to get serious? I don’t know. I think he does, but that’s just an opinion. Guys don’t sit around and talk about that girlie shit, you know?”
“No, I imagine they don’t.” I’m a little disappointed. I was so hoping he’d try to convince me or have some evidence to support his conjecture. But he doesn’t. Cash is just as much a mystery to him as he is to everyone else.
Time to change the subject before I let the hands of this depressing funk pull me down into oblivion. Before I can think of anything to say, Gavin speaks.
“So, where does this mother of yours live?”
Actually, she lives very near Carrollton, where I go to school. It’s only about an hour from here.”
“All right, west it is then.”
As he guides his enormous vehicle toward the interstate, I think of something else to talk about.
“So, of the many things you interrupted with your persistent knocking was the plan. Cash was just getting ready to tell me what he’s going to do. Mind cluing me in?”
Gavin eyes me suspiciously. “Uhhh…”
“Who am I gonna tell? My mother? Like she’d care, even if I did. Which I wouldn’t. I’m just concerned. That’s all.”
After another long pause, Gavin gives in. “He’s going to make a couple copies of the video and keep them with different people. He’s buying some ledgers that look like the books they want to take with him. Once he confirms the girl is alive and unharmed, he’s going to show them the video. He’ll explain that if they don’t hand over the girl and ensure the safety of you and his father, both the video and the books will go to the authorities.”
As we strike out up the street, Gavin reaches over to take my bag strap off my shoulder. I offer him a small smile and let him have it.
“He’ll be fine, you know,” Gavin says quietly, his accent seemingly more pronounced in the dark.
“You can’t know that.”
“Actually, I can. He’s a sharp guy and he’s got a good plan. But even more than that, he’d go through hell and back to make sure you’re safe. And when he gets a bug up his ass like this, he’s like a pit bull. There’s just no stopping him.”
His words are bittersweet. It thrills me to hear that he thinks I’m that important to Cash. Cash must’ve said or done something to make him think that. Unless, of course, he’d be asshole enough to lie just to make me feel better. Even so, it just makes me feel sad and bereft that there’s a chance I might not ever get to tell Cash I’m in love with him.
Why the hell didn’t you tell him five minutes ago? When you had the chance? Oh, wait. I know. Because you’re a complete, proud idiot, that’s why.
My chest gets tight just thinking about my lost opportunity. I slow to a stop on the street, the urge to go back and throw myself into Cash’s arms is nearly overwhelming.
“Gavin, I need to go back. There’s something I have to tell him before he goes.”
Urgency is coursing through my veins like heroine.
Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod what have I done?
Panic, sheer panic is working a fine sheen of sweat onto my brow, despite the chilly temperature.
“It’s too late,” Gavin says gravely. I look into his handsome, sober face, and, just as I open my mouth to argue, a motorcycle zooms by. “He’s already gone.”
I feel the tears start afresh. “But there’s something I need to tell him, something I need him to know before he goes.”
Gavin puts his hand on my shoulder and leans down to look into my eyes. “He knows.”
“No, he doesn’t. He couldn’t possibly. I’ve been such a psycho lately, there’s no way he could know.”
Gavin grins. “Most women are, but that’s beside the point. Trust me, he knows. There’s no way he’d be doing all this for a girl who didn’t love him.”
If Gavin knows, maybe Cash does, too. Maybe he was going to confess his love to me before Gavin interrupted. Oh, if only we’d had a few more minutes…
For a second, I want to punch Gavin right in his pretty mouth.
“Damn you!” I rail at him, stomping my foot. “This is your fault! If you hadn’t come and knocked when you did—”
Gavin laughs. Laughs! The nerve! “I’m so sorry if my efforts to help save your life are untimely.”
I feel my lips tighten and my temper boil. His levity isn’t helping matters.
“Don’t change the subject. It’s not helping,” I say through gritted teeth.
Still smiling, Gavin starts walking away, up the street. “Fine. Blame me that you were too afraid to tell him how you feel. But you and I both know it’s not my fault.”
So smug. So exasperatingly, aggravatingly smug.
And so right.
It’s no one’s fault but my own.
I stand, rigid and angry, watching Gavin walk away. The further he walks, the more my irrational irritation drains away. I scurry up the sidewalk to catch him.
“Stop walking so fast, you crazy foreigner!” I mutter.
In front of me, Gavin tips his head back and loud whispers up into the night, “Walk faster, psycho sheila.”
I can’t help but smile at that.
********
Gavin drives an HT3, the Hummer with a tiny truck bed at the back. It’s solid black with deeply tinted windows.
“Good God, did you steal this from a drug dealer?”
“Watch it. This baby might well save your sweet ass before it’s over. She’s about as tactically equipped as they come.”
“So you did steal it from a drug dealer?”
Gavin rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Women,” he murmurs.
“I hope you don’t say things like that in front of your girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” By the look on his face, you’d think I suggested he was having sex with animals. “That’s trouble I don’t need. All that emotional shit just messes up great sex and someone to have a few laughs with.”
Of course, I draw a parallel. “Is that the way Cash thinks, too?”
Gavin glances over at me. There’s caution written in his eyes. “Maybe a little.”
“You wouldn’t tell me the truth even if that was the case, would you?”
“Look, Olivia. I’ll admit Cash and I are pretty similar. And as long as I’ve known him, he hasn’t ever wanted to get serious. That I know of anyway. Until now.”
“So you’re saying he wants to get serious with me?” Why do I find it hard to believe a word he’s saying.
“No, I’m not saying that.”
“That’s what it sounded like.”
“I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” He pauses and I hear his frustrated sigh. “Let me just put it this way. I’ve never seen him act like this over a woman before. Does that mean he wants to get serious? I don’t know. I think he does, but that’s just an opinion. Guys don’t sit around and talk about that girlie shit, you know?”
“No, I imagine they don’t.” I’m a little disappointed. I was so hoping he’d try to convince me or have some evidence to support his conjecture. But he doesn’t. Cash is just as much a mystery to him as he is to everyone else.
Time to change the subject before I let the hands of this depressing funk pull me down into oblivion. Before I can think of anything to say, Gavin speaks.
“So, where does this mother of yours live?”
Actually, she lives very near Carrollton, where I go to school. It’s only about an hour from here.”
“All right, west it is then.”
As he guides his enormous vehicle toward the interstate, I think of something else to talk about.
“So, of the many things you interrupted with your persistent knocking was the plan. Cash was just getting ready to tell me what he’s going to do. Mind cluing me in?”
Gavin eyes me suspiciously. “Uhhh…”
“Who am I gonna tell? My mother? Like she’d care, even if I did. Which I wouldn’t. I’m just concerned. That’s all.”
After another long pause, Gavin gives in. “He’s going to make a couple copies of the video and keep them with different people. He’s buying some ledgers that look like the books they want to take with him. Once he confirms the girl is alive and unharmed, he’s going to show them the video. He’ll explain that if they don’t hand over the girl and ensure the safety of you and his father, both the video and the books will go to the authorities.”
