Vampire Brat
Chapter Four THE HEARSE PARTY

    I made it down to the front door at the same time as Aunt Tabby--in fact I bumped into her as she was climbing back inside through the dome thingy that leads onto the roof. She was dripping wet and not in a good mood. We raced all the way down to the hall and it was a dead heat, although as Aunt Tabby has longer arms than me she reached the door handle first.
    There was no sign of Brenda, who usually races Aunt Tabby to the door, so I guessed she was still hiding under the kitchen table with wimpy Wanda. Aunt Tabby threw open the huge old front door to Spookie House and went kind of pale. Her mouth opened but she did not say any- thing, which was very unlike Aunt Tabby, who always has something to say even when you wish she hadn't. All four of the strangers just stood out there in the rain staring at Aunt Tabby and me. They did not smile or say anything. They had deathly white faces and narrow eyes that bored right through you and out to the other side. I felt like one of those turret steps that the woodworm had eaten. It was weird. Aunt Tabby made a kind of cough/croak noise, which could have meant almost anything at all.
    None of the hearse party replied. A strange yellow light came from the distant lightning flashes and all the time the rain pelted down. It ran down the silent people's Q faces and dripped off the ends of their noses. Suddenly Aunt Tabby woke up. She shook herself and yelled in a kind of panicky voice, "Drac! Drac! Your mother's here!" Wow! I had no idea that Uncle Drac had a mother. I did not think that Aunt Tabby was being very polite, as she always says you should not yell for someone, you should go and find them and ask them nicely, Araminta. And also she had not even asked the visitors in, and one of them was her mother-in-law, which meant that she was my great-aunt, so I decided to be polite and show Aunt Tabby what you should do.
    "Good afternoon, Great-aunt, " I said, since I did not know her name. "Welcome to Spookie House. Please come in. " Then I stepped back right onto Aunt Tabby's toes and Aunt Tabby yelped. But I must have said the right thing because the old lady strode into the house. She was scary--but what was even scarier was a double-headed dead ferret that she wore around her neck, which stared at me with its four glass eyes as she swept by. The driver shook the umbrella out, carefully placed it in the monster umbrella stand by the door, and went back to the car. The little kid, who looked like a drowned rat, trotted in next, and he was followed by the almost grown-up girl. She was wearing black lacy socks and cute little black boots.
    I smiled at her and she kind of half smiled back--I think. They all stood lined up in the hall and said nothing. The only sound you could hear was water dripping onto the floor. There was another crash of thunder and the front door suddenly slammed shut. Bang! Aunt Tabby and I jumped about three feet in the air. And then Uncle Drac's mother spoke. "Well, Tabitha, " she said in a scratchy kind of voice. "We meet again. " She did not exactly sound pleased about it, I thought. Aunt Tabby gulped like one of Barry's frogs and then she hissed in my ear, "Where is Drac? Go and fetch him, Araminta. Quick!" I didn't really want to go because I thought the creepy relatives were really interesting, but I could see that Aunt Tabby needed help and fast, so I raced up the big stairs and along -46- the landing until I found the little red door to Uncle Drac's turret. Uncle Drac generally sleeps in the day because he does not like the light very much. On the other side of Spookie House from the haunted turret there is a really tall turret--this is where Uncle Drac keeps his bats. Aunt Tabby has been trying to make Uncle Drac get rid of all the bats since Barry does not sell enough bat poo and it keeps piling up inside the turret. But Uncle Drac loves his bats. Last month Aunt Tabby told him that he had to decide between her and the bats, but Uncle Drac took so long trying to make up his mind that Aunt Tabby decided to forget that she had said anything and the bats stayed--and so did she. I like going to see Uncle Drac in his turret since I am not really allowed there because it is very dangerous.
    There are no floors to stand on--Uncle Drac took them all out so that the bats can fly around as much as they like and pretend that they are in a really big bat cave. I carefully pushed open the little red door and peered in. Uncle Drac was fast asleep in his big flowery sleeping bag. You may be wondering where Uncle Drac puts his sleeping bag if there aren't any floors, although you have probably guessed--he hangs it from the rafters. "Hellooo . . . "
    I called very quietly, as it is not a good idea to wake up Uncle Drac very suddenly because he can jump out of his sleeping bag if he gets a shock, which hap- pened once when Big Bat landed on his head. Uncle Drac broke both his legs, but they are okay now. "Hellooo . . . " I called again. "Wake up, Uncle Drac. " Uncle Drac stirred. "WharrisitMinty?" he muttered. "Your mother's here, Uncle Drac. " "What?" Uncle Drac's eyes slammed open and he nearly leaped right out of his sleep- ing bag.  "Careful!" I said. It was okay--just. Uncle Drac kind of slid back down into his sleeping bag and groaned. "Mother . . . Here?" "Yes. She's come to see you. Isn't that nice?" "Nice?" asked Uncle Drac, sounding puzzled. And then he said in a really worried voice, "Oh my goodness, where's Tabby?" "She's downstairs, Uncle Drac. " "With Mother?" "Yes. " As soon as I said that, Uncle Drac clam- bered out of his sleeping bag, swung himself up onto the rafter, and walked like a tightrope walker to the door and squeezed through. "Come on, Minty, " he said, grabbing hold of my hand, "we can't leave Tabby alone with -50- Mother a moment longer, " and we ran down the stairs to the hall. Q It was empty. Everyone had disappeared. There was nothing left but a great big steam- ing puddle of water. This was getting better and better. Every- one had vaporized!