Very Bad Things
Page 57

“Yes,” I said, swallowing. Most definitely.
“Thank you,” she whispered, giving me an unsure look, like she didn’t understand me. Yeah, well, I didn’t understand me either.
I watched her flip through the pages, her face relaxed with pleasure as she peered at the pictures. It felt good, seeing her smile again.
She tucked the book in her backpack and unlocked her car door, ready to leave me. She liked my gift, but she couldn’t wait to get away from me. I didn’t blame her.
I had to make her listen to me. “Nora, wait. I want you to know that I think about you . . . all the time. I tell you shit I’ve never told anyone. About my parents. You’re not like any girl I’ve ever met. You make me laugh, you’re smart, you’re beautiful . . .” I stopped, my voice drifting off. Fuck. This was all coming out wrong. I never meant to say any of that.
I reigned myself back in. “I want you around. I need you as my friend.”
“But that’s it, right?”
I nodded, reaching out to touch her hand, dying for just some small contact. The last time we’d touched had been our kiss and that had been days ago.
She moved her hand away from me. “I got your message loud and clear this weekend, friend. There’s no need to remind me.”
I groaned. What could I say? I couldn’t admit my feelings. If I came clean about everything, it would be disastrous for us. I’d fuck her, get scared, and then leave her. Or she’d leave me.
It would be best to let it go, to let her go.
“It’s hard to give up something when it’s everything you want.”
–Nora Blakely
THE NEXT DAY, I walked over to the gym for our first band practice. Everyone was there but Leo, and I wondered if he would show.
As we got ready, Teddy pulled out his camera and snapped pictures of us setting up the equipment. It made him happy. When he heard I’d bought the music to “Girl on Fire,” he turned his camera off and insisted on me playing it. I laid out the music, and we sat down together at the piano. Sebastian gave Vixen the drum music, grabbed his guitar and turned on the sound system.
“Are your ears on?” I asked Teddy.
He cocked his head awkwardly and spoke in his high voice, “Yes, my ears are on the side of my head.”
I grinned even though he wasn’t looking. “That was a joke. What I meant to say was . . . are you ready to listen to the song?”
He stared at my forehead. “Jokes are hard to get.”
“Yeah?”
“My sister says I annoy people. There was a girl at church I liked, but she told me I never shut up about music and pictures.”
“You don’t annoy me. You’re just different, Teddy, but I’m different, too.”
He thought for a moment. “How are you different?”
“I have a high IQ. I fixate on words. I count things. Lately, I’ve been breaking things. I get obsessed with things like piano, sewing, or people watching.” I leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t say anything, because it makes people uncomfortable, but in my head, I assign everyone an animal.” I tapped my temple. “I got a whole menagerie of people-animals running around up here.”
“Oh.”
“Hey, I got a problem.” I laughed.
“What animal am I?” he asked.
“An elephant,” I replied immediately since I’d lain awake for the past few nights thinking about it, “because you’re strong. And like me, you’re what I call quietly watchful which means you study people, but they don’t see it. They focus on the elephant’s large frame, or in your case, they see your autism.”
Teddy blinked. “You’re good.”
I grinned.
“Vixen?” he asked.
“A female fox, of course.”
“Sebastian?”
I chewed on my lip. “Still working on that one.”
“Leo?”
“Most days he’s a tiger, but sometimes he’s a stubborn rat.”
Teddy nodded, like he could totally see it.
I added seriously, “You know, sometimes I feel sad.”
“My sister makes me a grilled cheese when I’m sad. I like that. What do you do?” he asked.
“Well, I try to be brave.”
“How?” he said, his eyes studying the piano keys.
“By facing my fears. By admitting that something bad happened to me. I think that’s bravery.”
Our attention was abruptly taken by Leo as he stalked into the room and picked up his guitar. “Sorry, I’m late. Interviews went longer than I thought,” he told us.
Sebastian looked up from his sheet music. “Who’d you hire?”
“An office manager and two more personal trainers.”
Sebastian flicked his eyes at me. “Nora needs a job after school.”
My mouth opened at Sebastian’s words. I knew he meant well, but I couldn’t work here and be around Leo all the time. I glared at him with my eyes, telling him telepathically, When we are alone, I will kill you slowly by beating your guitar over your head.
Sebastian’s eyes said, Oh yeah? Bring it.
Leo flashed his eyes at me. “I asked you if you needed anything, and you said no. Why didn’t you tell me you needed money, Nora?” Leo said, his hands gripping his guitar. Like he was angry.
“I’m working at the bakery,” I said, giving Sebastian one more dark look.