His hair was all wet and shiny and he had what looked like about twenty cartons of milk in front of him.
"Finally," he said when he saw me. "Well, did you enjoy that?"
"It was great," I told him.
167
"Glad you came?" he asked with a deadpan expression.
"Yes," I said, looking him in the eye.
"Good," he said, and started to laugh.
So did I.
Thank God! I was so relieved that he didn't seem to be annoyed with me anymore.
I got myself a cup of coffee and joined him. We were the only two people in the caf. It was a Friday evening, and I suppose most sensible people had better things to do. Going to the pub and getting drunk, I'd bet.
Suddenly things were very nice with Adam again. The tension was gone. We didn't talk about anything unpleasant or sensible. I didn't ask him if Helen was his girlfriend and he returned the favor by not asking me any- thing about James. I didn't ask him about his lectures and he very decently reciprocated by not asking me about my job.
He asked me what my favorite animal was.
And I asked him what his earliest memory was.
We talked about going to discos when we were fifteen.
And we discussed what one ability we would choose if we could choose anything.
"I'd like to be able to fly," he said.
"Well, why don't you learn?" I asked him.
"No, I wish I could fly," he said, laughing. "You know, without a plane or anything. And what about you, what would you like?"
"Sometimes I wish I could see into the future," I told him. "Not everything and not years ahead or anything. Maybe a couple of hours ahead."
"That'd be great," said Adam. "Think of all the money you could win on the horses."
I laughed.
"Or I wish I could be invisible. That would be great fun. I bet you can find out much more about a person when they don't think that you're there."
"You're right," he said.
There was a little pause.
"I'd love to be able to travel through time," he said after a while.
"Oh, that's a good one," I said, excited. "Imagine going
168
into the future. Or imagine going back to really exciting times, like ancient Egypt. Though knowing my luck I'd end up as some poor old gladiator."
"I'm not sure if there were any gladiators in ancient Egypt," he said. But in a nice way.
I suppose he's used to correcting Helen.
"Anyway," he continued, "I'm sure you'd be a princess. Maybe not Cleopatra. Your coloring is too fair," he said, lightly touching my hair. "But you'd definitely be a princess."
"Um, would I?" I mumbled.
Witty and gracious, that's me.
Sparkling and Repartee are my middle names.
"When would you like to travel back to?" I asked him, anxious for the conversation to return to a less intimate footing and for my breathing to return to normal.
"Well," he said, "sometimes I wish I could travel back in my own life. You know, go back to a time when I was really happy. Or go back and change things. Fix things that I did wrong. Or do things that I should have done and didn't."
I was absolutely intrigued. What had gone on in his life that sounded so traumatic? But before I could probe I suddenly noticed the time.
It was ten past seven.
"Jesus!" I said, jumping up in alarm. "Look at the time. I thought it was about five o'clock."
I picked up my bag and made for the door.
"I have to go. Thanks for bringing me. Bye."
"Wait," he said. "I'll walk you to your car."
"No, there's no need," I told him.
And off I ran.
I was in a total panic.
Where had the time gone?
How could I have neglected Kate like this? God would punish me. Something was bound to have happened to her.
I drove home at high speed, the roads clear of rush hour traffic because it was so late. Mum was tight-lipped and suspicious when I arrived. "What kind of time do you call this?" she demanded.
"Sorry," I gasped. "I lost track of the time."
"I've fed Kate," she told me.
169
(Thank God! That must mean that she's still alive!)
"Thanks, Mum."
"Five times."
"Thanks, Mum."
"And I've changed her."
"Thanks, Mum."
"Three times."
"Thanks, Mum."
"I hope you're grateful."
"Oh, I am, Mum."
"She's not my child, you know."
"I know, Mum."
"My childbearing days are over."
"I know, Mum."
Then she was really suspicious.
Why was I being so nice?
Hurriedly, I raised my voice at her.
"She's your flesh and blood too, you know," I told her.
But it was a poor effort.
I just couldn't concentrate on getting annoyed by her. I'd think to myself, "My God, but she's being particularly irritating," but just as I was getting myself worked up into a nice bit of a lather of annoyance my thoughts would slide Adam-ward, and I'd suddenly feel happy.
Well, happyish.
My head didn't know where it was. All manner of unusual behavior going on.
A large battalion of my thoughts was marching determinedly on its way to Annoyance but it was distracted and took a wrong turn at Adam and found, to its surprise, that it had ended up in the entirely different destin- ation of Dreamy Contentment.
Which caused no end of confusion and consternation amongst the ranks, I can tell you.
I rushed upstairs to see Kate.
She was in her bassinet, fed, changed and asleep.
The little angel.
She snuffled contentedly in her sleep, moving her fat pink little legs. With a shock I realized how lucky I was. This beauti-
170
ful miniature human being was my child. I gave birth to her. She was my daughter.
For the first time I realized--really realized--that my marriage was not a failure.
James and I might not be together but we had created this wonderful little person.
This living miracle.
I was not becursed.
I was not benighted.
I was very, very lucky.
171
"Finally," he said when he saw me. "Well, did you enjoy that?"
"It was great," I told him.
167
"Glad you came?" he asked with a deadpan expression.
"Yes," I said, looking him in the eye.
"Good," he said, and started to laugh.
So did I.
Thank God! I was so relieved that he didn't seem to be annoyed with me anymore.
I got myself a cup of coffee and joined him. We were the only two people in the caf. It was a Friday evening, and I suppose most sensible people had better things to do. Going to the pub and getting drunk, I'd bet.
Suddenly things were very nice with Adam again. The tension was gone. We didn't talk about anything unpleasant or sensible. I didn't ask him if Helen was his girlfriend and he returned the favor by not asking me any- thing about James. I didn't ask him about his lectures and he very decently reciprocated by not asking me about my job.
He asked me what my favorite animal was.
And I asked him what his earliest memory was.
We talked about going to discos when we were fifteen.
And we discussed what one ability we would choose if we could choose anything.
"I'd like to be able to fly," he said.
"Well, why don't you learn?" I asked him.
"No, I wish I could fly," he said, laughing. "You know, without a plane or anything. And what about you, what would you like?"
"Sometimes I wish I could see into the future," I told him. "Not everything and not years ahead or anything. Maybe a couple of hours ahead."
"That'd be great," said Adam. "Think of all the money you could win on the horses."
I laughed.
"Or I wish I could be invisible. That would be great fun. I bet you can find out much more about a person when they don't think that you're there."
"You're right," he said.
There was a little pause.
"I'd love to be able to travel through time," he said after a while.
"Oh, that's a good one," I said, excited. "Imagine going
168
into the future. Or imagine going back to really exciting times, like ancient Egypt. Though knowing my luck I'd end up as some poor old gladiator."
"I'm not sure if there were any gladiators in ancient Egypt," he said. But in a nice way.
I suppose he's used to correcting Helen.
"Anyway," he continued, "I'm sure you'd be a princess. Maybe not Cleopatra. Your coloring is too fair," he said, lightly touching my hair. "But you'd definitely be a princess."
"Um, would I?" I mumbled.
Witty and gracious, that's me.
Sparkling and Repartee are my middle names.
"When would you like to travel back to?" I asked him, anxious for the conversation to return to a less intimate footing and for my breathing to return to normal.
"Well," he said, "sometimes I wish I could travel back in my own life. You know, go back to a time when I was really happy. Or go back and change things. Fix things that I did wrong. Or do things that I should have done and didn't."
I was absolutely intrigued. What had gone on in his life that sounded so traumatic? But before I could probe I suddenly noticed the time.
It was ten past seven.
"Jesus!" I said, jumping up in alarm. "Look at the time. I thought it was about five o'clock."
I picked up my bag and made for the door.
"I have to go. Thanks for bringing me. Bye."
"Wait," he said. "I'll walk you to your car."
"No, there's no need," I told him.
And off I ran.
I was in a total panic.
Where had the time gone?
How could I have neglected Kate like this? God would punish me. Something was bound to have happened to her.
I drove home at high speed, the roads clear of rush hour traffic because it was so late. Mum was tight-lipped and suspicious when I arrived. "What kind of time do you call this?" she demanded.
"Sorry," I gasped. "I lost track of the time."
"I've fed Kate," she told me.
169
(Thank God! That must mean that she's still alive!)
"Thanks, Mum."
"Five times."
"Thanks, Mum."
"And I've changed her."
"Thanks, Mum."
"Three times."
"Thanks, Mum."
"I hope you're grateful."
"Oh, I am, Mum."
"She's not my child, you know."
"I know, Mum."
"My childbearing days are over."
"I know, Mum."
Then she was really suspicious.
Why was I being so nice?
Hurriedly, I raised my voice at her.
"She's your flesh and blood too, you know," I told her.
But it was a poor effort.
I just couldn't concentrate on getting annoyed by her. I'd think to myself, "My God, but she's being particularly irritating," but just as I was getting myself worked up into a nice bit of a lather of annoyance my thoughts would slide Adam-ward, and I'd suddenly feel happy.
Well, happyish.
My head didn't know where it was. All manner of unusual behavior going on.
A large battalion of my thoughts was marching determinedly on its way to Annoyance but it was distracted and took a wrong turn at Adam and found, to its surprise, that it had ended up in the entirely different destin- ation of Dreamy Contentment.
Which caused no end of confusion and consternation amongst the ranks, I can tell you.
I rushed upstairs to see Kate.
She was in her bassinet, fed, changed and asleep.
The little angel.
She snuffled contentedly in her sleep, moving her fat pink little legs. With a shock I realized how lucky I was. This beauti-
170
ful miniature human being was my child. I gave birth to her. She was my daughter.
For the first time I realized--really realized--that my marriage was not a failure.
James and I might not be together but we had created this wonderful little person.
This living miracle.
I was not becursed.
I was not benighted.
I was very, very lucky.
171
