Plus, I really did want to look good for Willow’s party. It would be the first time Mason and everyone else would see me since the fair, and I was anxious to see their reactions. Nervous, but curious, still. It wasn’t that I wanted Mason back anymore, because I didn’t, but I still wanted him to see that I was doing it, I was changing my lifestyle — for me, not for him.
Realizing her party was so near, I invited Willow to tag along with us. I missed my best friend, and soon, she’d be far enough away that I wouldn’t be able to cure missing her with just a phone call and a trip to the mall. I wanted to take advantage of it as much as I could.
“I can’t believe you waited until now to tell me all of this!” Willow whisper-yelled at me in the dressing room of a chic little dress boutique. I’d just filled her in on the Rhodes situation that had developed quickly in her absence, and she was pretty much losing her mind. “I mean honestly,” she added, pulling her small breasts to rest higher in the bright pink dress she was trying on. “This is insane. You. And Rhodes. Do you hear how weird that sounds?” She paused. “Does he even have a first name? I only know him as Rhodes.”
I giggled. “Actually, I don’t know. I only know him as Rhodes, too.” I made a mental note to ask him about that later. “And trust me, it may seem that way, but it’s not as strange as you’re making it out to be. We kind of… fit. We balance each other.”
“So are you dating him now?” She quirked a brow.
“No, not exactly.”
“What exactly does not exactly mean?”
“It means I don’t know what we are. We’re having fun, I guess.”
Willow groaned, whipping around and motioning for me to undo her zipper. “Don’t, Nat. Don’t let him play that game with you. If y’all don’t title it or give it some sort of definition, one of you is going to end up hurt.” She turned to face me once the zipper hit her lower back, shimmying out of the soft fabric. “My bet is on you.”
“Yeah, I get it,” I said, sighing. “Stop mothering me now and let me tell you about the mind-blowing orgasms.” I blushed at my own words and Willow’s mouth popped open.
Braiding her long dark hair to the side as we exited the dressing room, she gushed. “Spare no details, woman. I want them all.”
When Dale wasn’t around, we talked about Rhodes, which was more therapeutic than I thought. I hadn’t told anyone about him, and telling Willow what I’d been experiencing with him made it all feel real. She also made me talk about Mason, which solidified that I really didn’t have a desire to be back with him again. Still, she and I both wondered what it would be like for me the next time I saw him face-to-face, which would be at her party that weekend.
We found my outfit for the party almost three hours into our shopping trip. Surprisingly, Dale was patient with us the entire day, and he only pumped me full of encouraging praises each time I tried on something new. With every passing minute, I forgave him more, and I realized I wasn’t in any position to judge him when I had my own issues to deal with.
After we dropped Willow off at her place, Dale turned down the radio in the Vette. It was a hot day and the top was down, but the air was dry, and I knew that would fade the deeper we got into summer. Eventually, the air would be so sticky it’d be hard to breathe.
“I know I apologized this morning, but I wanted to say I’m sorry again. It can’t be easy seeing your mother cry and I hate that I’m the reason behind her tears.” I listened to him intently, my hands folded in my lap, but his eyes remained on the road. “I battle with a lot of inner addictions, Natalie, but I’m not a fiend. I have myself under control, and I’m working on handling the small parts of myself I may not have completely mastered yet. I think we all have demons, don’t you?”
He turned to me then, and his dark eyes were so sad, so torn, I knew what happened the night before was wearing down on him. I smiled, grabbing his hand with my own. “It’s all good, Dale. I know you love my mom, and she loves you. I’m sure you two will work out whatever is happening between you.”
Dale squeezed my hand once and I pulled away, looking out my window. I thought maybe Dale would say more, but he just reached to turn up the volume again. Before he did, I thanked him — for the day out of the house, for the new clothes, and for his honesty. He smiled, swallowed, and gave a curt nod.
There were still so many questions in my head — for Rhodes, for my parents, for life in general — but at the same time, I felt like I was finally finding some sort of footing. My body was changing, and it seemed it was morphing my mind, my goals, my expectations, and so much more right along with it. I didn’t know where the summer would end, but in that moment, I didn’t care. With the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair, I felt alive — adventurous, free, and maybe confident, too — even if just a little.
I missed my training session with Rhodes the day of the shopping trip, so I went for a long run instead. Running was becoming a sort of release for me. I would click on the voice recorder on my watch from time to time to talk through some of my struggles or just jot down random things I wanted to remember later, and I was getting better at remembering to turn it off at the end — though I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t drain another battery or two.
Rhodes cancelled our session on Tuesday, and his texts were few and far between. By the end of Wednesday, my day off, they had pretty much diminished altogether. Suddenly, the happiness I felt earlier in the week had faded right along with them. When I parked the Rover in front of the club on Thursday, I had to give myself a pep talk to walk inside.
I wanted to believe it would all be okay, but I knew better.
My first clue should have been the dark storm clouds rolling in. I didn’t think much of them, though — just pulled my light jacket tighter around me as I hustled inside. Three strikingly gorgeous women walking out of the training room caused me to slow my steps. They were all laughing, and the pack leader — a tall brunette with long legs and a nose job — clearly had the amusing story responsible for their giggles.
“It’s kind of fun pushing his buttons,” she said in a voice too nasally for my taste. “I mean honestly, he must know that his… services… are all he’s good for.”
I kept my eyes down, adjusting my bag on my shoulder, but I slowed down even more to catch the next part of the conversation.
Realizing her party was so near, I invited Willow to tag along with us. I missed my best friend, and soon, she’d be far enough away that I wouldn’t be able to cure missing her with just a phone call and a trip to the mall. I wanted to take advantage of it as much as I could.
“I can’t believe you waited until now to tell me all of this!” Willow whisper-yelled at me in the dressing room of a chic little dress boutique. I’d just filled her in on the Rhodes situation that had developed quickly in her absence, and she was pretty much losing her mind. “I mean honestly,” she added, pulling her small breasts to rest higher in the bright pink dress she was trying on. “This is insane. You. And Rhodes. Do you hear how weird that sounds?” She paused. “Does he even have a first name? I only know him as Rhodes.”
I giggled. “Actually, I don’t know. I only know him as Rhodes, too.” I made a mental note to ask him about that later. “And trust me, it may seem that way, but it’s not as strange as you’re making it out to be. We kind of… fit. We balance each other.”
“So are you dating him now?” She quirked a brow.
“No, not exactly.”
“What exactly does not exactly mean?”
“It means I don’t know what we are. We’re having fun, I guess.”
Willow groaned, whipping around and motioning for me to undo her zipper. “Don’t, Nat. Don’t let him play that game with you. If y’all don’t title it or give it some sort of definition, one of you is going to end up hurt.” She turned to face me once the zipper hit her lower back, shimmying out of the soft fabric. “My bet is on you.”
“Yeah, I get it,” I said, sighing. “Stop mothering me now and let me tell you about the mind-blowing orgasms.” I blushed at my own words and Willow’s mouth popped open.
Braiding her long dark hair to the side as we exited the dressing room, she gushed. “Spare no details, woman. I want them all.”
When Dale wasn’t around, we talked about Rhodes, which was more therapeutic than I thought. I hadn’t told anyone about him, and telling Willow what I’d been experiencing with him made it all feel real. She also made me talk about Mason, which solidified that I really didn’t have a desire to be back with him again. Still, she and I both wondered what it would be like for me the next time I saw him face-to-face, which would be at her party that weekend.
We found my outfit for the party almost three hours into our shopping trip. Surprisingly, Dale was patient with us the entire day, and he only pumped me full of encouraging praises each time I tried on something new. With every passing minute, I forgave him more, and I realized I wasn’t in any position to judge him when I had my own issues to deal with.
After we dropped Willow off at her place, Dale turned down the radio in the Vette. It was a hot day and the top was down, but the air was dry, and I knew that would fade the deeper we got into summer. Eventually, the air would be so sticky it’d be hard to breathe.
“I know I apologized this morning, but I wanted to say I’m sorry again. It can’t be easy seeing your mother cry and I hate that I’m the reason behind her tears.” I listened to him intently, my hands folded in my lap, but his eyes remained on the road. “I battle with a lot of inner addictions, Natalie, but I’m not a fiend. I have myself under control, and I’m working on handling the small parts of myself I may not have completely mastered yet. I think we all have demons, don’t you?”
He turned to me then, and his dark eyes were so sad, so torn, I knew what happened the night before was wearing down on him. I smiled, grabbing his hand with my own. “It’s all good, Dale. I know you love my mom, and she loves you. I’m sure you two will work out whatever is happening between you.”
Dale squeezed my hand once and I pulled away, looking out my window. I thought maybe Dale would say more, but he just reached to turn up the volume again. Before he did, I thanked him — for the day out of the house, for the new clothes, and for his honesty. He smiled, swallowed, and gave a curt nod.
There were still so many questions in my head — for Rhodes, for my parents, for life in general — but at the same time, I felt like I was finally finding some sort of footing. My body was changing, and it seemed it was morphing my mind, my goals, my expectations, and so much more right along with it. I didn’t know where the summer would end, but in that moment, I didn’t care. With the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair, I felt alive — adventurous, free, and maybe confident, too — even if just a little.
I missed my training session with Rhodes the day of the shopping trip, so I went for a long run instead. Running was becoming a sort of release for me. I would click on the voice recorder on my watch from time to time to talk through some of my struggles or just jot down random things I wanted to remember later, and I was getting better at remembering to turn it off at the end — though I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t drain another battery or two.
Rhodes cancelled our session on Tuesday, and his texts were few and far between. By the end of Wednesday, my day off, they had pretty much diminished altogether. Suddenly, the happiness I felt earlier in the week had faded right along with them. When I parked the Rover in front of the club on Thursday, I had to give myself a pep talk to walk inside.
I wanted to believe it would all be okay, but I knew better.
My first clue should have been the dark storm clouds rolling in. I didn’t think much of them, though — just pulled my light jacket tighter around me as I hustled inside. Three strikingly gorgeous women walking out of the training room caused me to slow my steps. They were all laughing, and the pack leader — a tall brunette with long legs and a nose job — clearly had the amusing story responsible for their giggles.
“It’s kind of fun pushing his buttons,” she said in a voice too nasally for my taste. “I mean honestly, he must know that his… services… are all he’s good for.”
I kept my eyes down, adjusting my bag on my shoulder, but I slowed down even more to catch the next part of the conversation.
