“Wait, Natalie,” he pleaded, grabbing both of my hands in his own. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and that guy, but you have to know your options before you make your next move.” He swallowed and I internally freaked out. “I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out what’s missing with Shay, and seeing you tonight, I know now what it is. It’s you. It’s us. It’s our friendship and our once in a lifetime love that I stupidly threw away.” He squeezed my hands in his and stepped closer. “I want our movie nights and our long drives around town. I want our family cookouts and days at the beach. I want to kiss you whenever I feel like it.” Mason inched even closer and I stepped back. “I want you, Natalie. I want you back.”
My eyes flicked to Rhodes, and even from the distance I could see his jaw tensed. His hand was gripping the cup he was holding with more force than necessary, the pink plastic warping from the force. I needed to say something, but I had no idea what.
I looked back to Mason, who smiled softly. “Please, say you feel the same.” His hands cupped my face and he slowly brought my lips toward his. My breath hitched, everything stopped, and my insides were screaming for me to react but I couldn’t.
“Mason, wait.”
“I’ve been waiting all night to say this,” he said, his lips dangerously close to me. “I’m not waiting any longer.”
He was drunk, I could smell the liquor on his breath, but that wasn’t why I didn’t want him to kiss me. I should have wanted him, that was always the plan, but I just didn’t. I tried to find the words to explain, but I couldn’t.
Or should I say, I didn’t have the chance.
Just before our lips met, Mason’s hands ripped from where they were cradling my face as a fist crashed into the side of his. In an instant, he was on the ground, curled into fetal position, crying out in agony. His hands flew up quickly to cover the wound but the blood poured through them. I snapped my eyes up to the force responsible and was met with Rhodes’ hard glare. His nose was flared, his eyes wild, and he glanced once at Mason on the floor before turning and rushing toward the door.
“Oh my God!” Willow sprang into action, dropping to the floor where Mason was still crying out. Dustin quickly followed and the rest of the room crowded around us. My eyes found Mason before searching out Rhodes again in the crowd. My heart was racing. My fingers were icy cold.
“Natalie,” Mason groaned, reaching out for me. I stared at his hand, but then looked toward the door. When I looked back once more, Mason’s eyes were wide. He dropped the hand covering his face and I winced at the sight of his eye and cheekbone. They were both already swollen, his brow was busted open and blood was leaking down the side of his face. “Don’t go. Did you see what he just did? He punched me. He almost hit you, Nat. The guy’s a monster!”
I swallowed, searching my heart for the right answer. Mason had almost kissed me, and the me who existed just one month ago would have been cherishing that. She would have fallen to the ground with him, held him, told him it would be alright. She would have taken him back. But the new me, the me that existed in this moment, standing in Willow’s living room with everyone crowded around, didn’t feel any of those desires. I didn’t want Mason back.
I wanted Rhodes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my eyes moving from Mason to Willow. I was apologizing to both of them, but really I wasn’t sorry at all. Willow’s brows bent, but only in a way that warned me to be careful. I knew she would support me no matter what.
The rest of the room would do the exact opposite.
Still, I left.
I parted the crowd with Mason calling after me. Pushing through the front door, my eyes searched in the darkness for Rhodes. He was almost to his bike, so I kicked off my heels and ran. I knew he felt me coming. He heard as I called out his name, but he didn’t stop — not until I reached out and yanked his arm so he would face me. His eyes were still wild.
“Go back inside, Natalie.”
“No.”
“Natalie.”
“Don’t,” I warned. “What was that about?”
He shrugged me off, striding more purposefully toward his bike. “Nothing. Go back inside. You heard your little boyfriend. He wants you back.”
“I don’t care. I want you. I choose you.”
He laughed. “Wrong decision.”
Tears pricked my eyes my chest surged with a familiar ache. “Stop this, Rhodes!” He kept walking with me right on his heels. “One minute you’re kissing me, the next you’re telling me I’m nothing to you. Now you’re here.” Desperation sparked through me. “Why won’t you just let me in?” I choked.
Rhodes spun around, the veins in his neck on full display.
“Because you can’t fucking fix me, Natalie!”
“But you fixed me!”
The pain broke free from my chest and wrapped itself around my entire body, forcing the tears down my cheeks. Rhodes swallowed, his eyes fixed on mine, his face screwed up in a mixture of pain and confusion. He was looking at me as if he had no idea how I could possibly care for him. I stared back wondering how he could be so blind to not see it himself.
“You came here for a reason tonight, Rhodes. Why? Why are you here?”
His jaw ticked. “I came to apologize.”
He wasn’t walking away anymore, so I took a confident step toward him. “So, apologize then.”
“I didn’t have… I didn’t go home with that woman. From the club.”
“I know.”
Rhodes blanched. “You know?”
Nodding, I moved forward again, this time invading his space to the point of nearly touching him. “I knew you wouldn’t do that to me. I knew you were hurting, and you just wouldn’t tell me why. That’s what you don’t get, Rhodes. You may not want to let me in, but I’m still going to be here, pushing, and prodding, and picking at every single lock until you finally do.”
“I don’t deserve that, Bug.” He swallowed, but my heart thumped hard against my rib cage at the mention of my nickname. “Do you not see me? Do you not see the kind of person I am?”
And I knew in that moment that I should have let him go. Every nerve was at attention, as if I were in the presence of a ghost. Maybe it was the ghosts in his eyes, the ones of his past, or maybe it was the ghost of a future I knew we couldn’t have. I should have run. But I reached for him, instead.
My eyes flicked to Rhodes, and even from the distance I could see his jaw tensed. His hand was gripping the cup he was holding with more force than necessary, the pink plastic warping from the force. I needed to say something, but I had no idea what.
I looked back to Mason, who smiled softly. “Please, say you feel the same.” His hands cupped my face and he slowly brought my lips toward his. My breath hitched, everything stopped, and my insides were screaming for me to react but I couldn’t.
“Mason, wait.”
“I’ve been waiting all night to say this,” he said, his lips dangerously close to me. “I’m not waiting any longer.”
He was drunk, I could smell the liquor on his breath, but that wasn’t why I didn’t want him to kiss me. I should have wanted him, that was always the plan, but I just didn’t. I tried to find the words to explain, but I couldn’t.
Or should I say, I didn’t have the chance.
Just before our lips met, Mason’s hands ripped from where they were cradling my face as a fist crashed into the side of his. In an instant, he was on the ground, curled into fetal position, crying out in agony. His hands flew up quickly to cover the wound but the blood poured through them. I snapped my eyes up to the force responsible and was met with Rhodes’ hard glare. His nose was flared, his eyes wild, and he glanced once at Mason on the floor before turning and rushing toward the door.
“Oh my God!” Willow sprang into action, dropping to the floor where Mason was still crying out. Dustin quickly followed and the rest of the room crowded around us. My eyes found Mason before searching out Rhodes again in the crowd. My heart was racing. My fingers were icy cold.
“Natalie,” Mason groaned, reaching out for me. I stared at his hand, but then looked toward the door. When I looked back once more, Mason’s eyes were wide. He dropped the hand covering his face and I winced at the sight of his eye and cheekbone. They were both already swollen, his brow was busted open and blood was leaking down the side of his face. “Don’t go. Did you see what he just did? He punched me. He almost hit you, Nat. The guy’s a monster!”
I swallowed, searching my heart for the right answer. Mason had almost kissed me, and the me who existed just one month ago would have been cherishing that. She would have fallen to the ground with him, held him, told him it would be alright. She would have taken him back. But the new me, the me that existed in this moment, standing in Willow’s living room with everyone crowded around, didn’t feel any of those desires. I didn’t want Mason back.
I wanted Rhodes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my eyes moving from Mason to Willow. I was apologizing to both of them, but really I wasn’t sorry at all. Willow’s brows bent, but only in a way that warned me to be careful. I knew she would support me no matter what.
The rest of the room would do the exact opposite.
Still, I left.
I parted the crowd with Mason calling after me. Pushing through the front door, my eyes searched in the darkness for Rhodes. He was almost to his bike, so I kicked off my heels and ran. I knew he felt me coming. He heard as I called out his name, but he didn’t stop — not until I reached out and yanked his arm so he would face me. His eyes were still wild.
“Go back inside, Natalie.”
“No.”
“Natalie.”
“Don’t,” I warned. “What was that about?”
He shrugged me off, striding more purposefully toward his bike. “Nothing. Go back inside. You heard your little boyfriend. He wants you back.”
“I don’t care. I want you. I choose you.”
He laughed. “Wrong decision.”
Tears pricked my eyes my chest surged with a familiar ache. “Stop this, Rhodes!” He kept walking with me right on his heels. “One minute you’re kissing me, the next you’re telling me I’m nothing to you. Now you’re here.” Desperation sparked through me. “Why won’t you just let me in?” I choked.
Rhodes spun around, the veins in his neck on full display.
“Because you can’t fucking fix me, Natalie!”
“But you fixed me!”
The pain broke free from my chest and wrapped itself around my entire body, forcing the tears down my cheeks. Rhodes swallowed, his eyes fixed on mine, his face screwed up in a mixture of pain and confusion. He was looking at me as if he had no idea how I could possibly care for him. I stared back wondering how he could be so blind to not see it himself.
“You came here for a reason tonight, Rhodes. Why? Why are you here?”
His jaw ticked. “I came to apologize.”
He wasn’t walking away anymore, so I took a confident step toward him. “So, apologize then.”
“I didn’t have… I didn’t go home with that woman. From the club.”
“I know.”
Rhodes blanched. “You know?”
Nodding, I moved forward again, this time invading his space to the point of nearly touching him. “I knew you wouldn’t do that to me. I knew you were hurting, and you just wouldn’t tell me why. That’s what you don’t get, Rhodes. You may not want to let me in, but I’m still going to be here, pushing, and prodding, and picking at every single lock until you finally do.”
“I don’t deserve that, Bug.” He swallowed, but my heart thumped hard against my rib cage at the mention of my nickname. “Do you not see me? Do you not see the kind of person I am?”
And I knew in that moment that I should have let him go. Every nerve was at attention, as if I were in the presence of a ghost. Maybe it was the ghosts in his eyes, the ones of his past, or maybe it was the ghost of a future I knew we couldn’t have. I should have run. But I reached for him, instead.
