Rhodes and I did eventually make it to the gym that Sunday for my weigh-in, after staying in bed all afternoon and evening. I was officially down thirty pounds, and I’d lost another two inches off my hips and three off my waist since my last measurement three weeks ago. It was a huge milestone, and we celebrated, though Rhodes warned me that it would be more difficult to lose from that point on.
It was surreal to me. In six weeks, I’d lost more weight than I thought I was even capable of. More than that, I’d gained muscle and strength — in more ways than one. At the beginning of the summer, I’d felt like I was floating. I was trying to find a purpose, a drive, a passion, but I kept coming up short. The more my body changed, the more I let myself see the beauty in my life and my choices. Maybe I wasn’t on the traditional path that society had lined up for me. Did that really mean I wouldn’t find my own way?
After our session, I drove straight to Willow’s to spend her last night in town together, though it was extremely difficult to say goodbye to Rhodes. I knew he had made the decision to not fight whatever we had anymore, but still, something inside me knew what we had was fleeting. When we were apart, he had the chance to think — and when he had time to think, he thought about all the reasons we couldn’t be together. I had a constant ache in my chest that told me not to hold on too tight, but it only made me squeeze my fists harder.
Willow was completely packed and ready to go when I showed up, so I took a quick shower and we fell onto her couch to watch a string of movies we’d seen a thousand times before. We hadn’t even made it through the credits of 10 Things I Hate About You when Willow turned to me, popping a sour gummy worm in her mouth.
“Okay, now that we have background noise, I need to know every detail of your night after you left last night.”
I chuckled. “I already told you. Rhodes and I talked, then we went back to my place.”
“And?” She dragged the word out, spinning the worm in her hand. I laughed.
“And,” I exaggerated. “None of your business.”
“Boo!” Willow tossed her half-eaten worm at me, the sugar crystals flying all over my sweatpants. “You’re the worst. You can’t bone the bad boy of Poxton High and not tell your best friend how big his wang is.”
“His wang, Lo? Really?”
“Yes, really!”
I laughed, retrieving the airborne worm and biting off its tail. “Fine. Let’s just say I’m still sore… and not from the squats today.”
“SHUT UP.”
“Okay, stop.” I blushed, sitting up straighter. “That’s all you get. Did people freak out when I left?”
I could tell Willow wanted to ask more, but she conceded. “Oh, of course.”
“I’m sure they’re still talking,” I groaned.
“Whatever. People are always going to talk, might as well give them something to yap about. And believe me, you and Rhodes are definitely gossip-worthy.”
“I just feel like we’re already so complicated, the last thing we need is everyone else in our business. But I know that’s how it’ll be.” I could feel how fragile our relationship was, and I wondered if Rhodes felt the same. He was always more confident than I was, but I wasn’t sure if that applied to us or just my training. “And what if they’re right? I mean, what do you think? Did I make a mistake choosing Rhodes? Am I just too naïve to see the signs of something that’s going to end up crushing me? I mean, look at him.” I gestured toward the door and then back to my own body. “And look at me.”
Willow popped up from the couch and skipped over to a large shopping bag leaning against the fireplace. Falling back down into the cushions, she shoved it toward me. “Forget what they think. Or what they say. You walked out that door because you knew in your heart it was the right thing to do, right?”
I nodded. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my entire life.”
She shook her head, her dark eyes sincere, a small smile reaching her lips. “We only have so much time to be, Natalie. So be wild, be crazy, be spontaneous, and be passionate. Never be sorry. And when someone tells you you’ll regret your choice later, be confident in the fact that you won’t.”
I pulled a smooth, red scrap of fabric from the bag. It was the top to a swim suit. Which meant there was a bottom. Which meant it was two pieces, not one.
Willow smiled wider, pointing at the string dangling from my fingers. “And this weekend, when you’re celebrating the Fourth of July with Rhodes, be sexy as fuck.”
I choked out a laugh. “I can’t wear this. It’s a two-piece.”
“And you’re a fox. I mean it,” she said, lowering her head to meet my gaze. “Just promise me you’ll try it on. Please?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Even though the thought terrified me, maybe it was time to start finding comfort in my new skin. Willow’s words played over and over in my head, growing in volume each time. I didn’t know if what I had with Rhodes would last. I could end up in a blissful heaven or I could fall to the floor and break into a million tiny pieces. Either way, I wasn’t going to waste any of the moments I did have with him.
Pulling Willow in for a long hug, I let my eyes brim with tears knowing she was leaving in just twelve short hours. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’ll do without you here.”
“Don’t sweat it,” she said, squeezing me in return. “And something tells me Rhodes and his wang will keep you busy.”
“Don’t say wang ever again.”
“No promises.”
The first days of July flew by in a heated frenzy. Rhodes trained me harder during the days and loved me longer through the nights. If I thought the heat I felt from him was dangerous before, I was practically jumping into a volcano at this point. But I craved the burn.
Standing in front of my full-length mirror in nothing but a tiny swim suit on the Fourth of July, I felt particularly sweaty. Rubbing my palms against the tops of my thighs, I turned to the left, inspecting my exposed skin. The cherry red top and bright white bottoms blazed against my tan, though my stomach was a few shades lighter. I was far from being able to walk without jiggling, but at the same time, my curves were more defined than before. My waist was smaller, the skin around my hips more taut — I felt like maybe I could pull it off.
It was surreal to me. In six weeks, I’d lost more weight than I thought I was even capable of. More than that, I’d gained muscle and strength — in more ways than one. At the beginning of the summer, I’d felt like I was floating. I was trying to find a purpose, a drive, a passion, but I kept coming up short. The more my body changed, the more I let myself see the beauty in my life and my choices. Maybe I wasn’t on the traditional path that society had lined up for me. Did that really mean I wouldn’t find my own way?
After our session, I drove straight to Willow’s to spend her last night in town together, though it was extremely difficult to say goodbye to Rhodes. I knew he had made the decision to not fight whatever we had anymore, but still, something inside me knew what we had was fleeting. When we were apart, he had the chance to think — and when he had time to think, he thought about all the reasons we couldn’t be together. I had a constant ache in my chest that told me not to hold on too tight, but it only made me squeeze my fists harder.
Willow was completely packed and ready to go when I showed up, so I took a quick shower and we fell onto her couch to watch a string of movies we’d seen a thousand times before. We hadn’t even made it through the credits of 10 Things I Hate About You when Willow turned to me, popping a sour gummy worm in her mouth.
“Okay, now that we have background noise, I need to know every detail of your night after you left last night.”
I chuckled. “I already told you. Rhodes and I talked, then we went back to my place.”
“And?” She dragged the word out, spinning the worm in her hand. I laughed.
“And,” I exaggerated. “None of your business.”
“Boo!” Willow tossed her half-eaten worm at me, the sugar crystals flying all over my sweatpants. “You’re the worst. You can’t bone the bad boy of Poxton High and not tell your best friend how big his wang is.”
“His wang, Lo? Really?”
“Yes, really!”
I laughed, retrieving the airborne worm and biting off its tail. “Fine. Let’s just say I’m still sore… and not from the squats today.”
“SHUT UP.”
“Okay, stop.” I blushed, sitting up straighter. “That’s all you get. Did people freak out when I left?”
I could tell Willow wanted to ask more, but she conceded. “Oh, of course.”
“I’m sure they’re still talking,” I groaned.
“Whatever. People are always going to talk, might as well give them something to yap about. And believe me, you and Rhodes are definitely gossip-worthy.”
“I just feel like we’re already so complicated, the last thing we need is everyone else in our business. But I know that’s how it’ll be.” I could feel how fragile our relationship was, and I wondered if Rhodes felt the same. He was always more confident than I was, but I wasn’t sure if that applied to us or just my training. “And what if they’re right? I mean, what do you think? Did I make a mistake choosing Rhodes? Am I just too naïve to see the signs of something that’s going to end up crushing me? I mean, look at him.” I gestured toward the door and then back to my own body. “And look at me.”
Willow popped up from the couch and skipped over to a large shopping bag leaning against the fireplace. Falling back down into the cushions, she shoved it toward me. “Forget what they think. Or what they say. You walked out that door because you knew in your heart it was the right thing to do, right?”
I nodded. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my entire life.”
She shook her head, her dark eyes sincere, a small smile reaching her lips. “We only have so much time to be, Natalie. So be wild, be crazy, be spontaneous, and be passionate. Never be sorry. And when someone tells you you’ll regret your choice later, be confident in the fact that you won’t.”
I pulled a smooth, red scrap of fabric from the bag. It was the top to a swim suit. Which meant there was a bottom. Which meant it was two pieces, not one.
Willow smiled wider, pointing at the string dangling from my fingers. “And this weekend, when you’re celebrating the Fourth of July with Rhodes, be sexy as fuck.”
I choked out a laugh. “I can’t wear this. It’s a two-piece.”
“And you’re a fox. I mean it,” she said, lowering her head to meet my gaze. “Just promise me you’ll try it on. Please?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Even though the thought terrified me, maybe it was time to start finding comfort in my new skin. Willow’s words played over and over in my head, growing in volume each time. I didn’t know if what I had with Rhodes would last. I could end up in a blissful heaven or I could fall to the floor and break into a million tiny pieces. Either way, I wasn’t going to waste any of the moments I did have with him.
Pulling Willow in for a long hug, I let my eyes brim with tears knowing she was leaving in just twelve short hours. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’ll do without you here.”
“Don’t sweat it,” she said, squeezing me in return. “And something tells me Rhodes and his wang will keep you busy.”
“Don’t say wang ever again.”
“No promises.”
The first days of July flew by in a heated frenzy. Rhodes trained me harder during the days and loved me longer through the nights. If I thought the heat I felt from him was dangerous before, I was practically jumping into a volcano at this point. But I craved the burn.
Standing in front of my full-length mirror in nothing but a tiny swim suit on the Fourth of July, I felt particularly sweaty. Rubbing my palms against the tops of my thighs, I turned to the left, inspecting my exposed skin. The cherry red top and bright white bottoms blazed against my tan, though my stomach was a few shades lighter. I was far from being able to walk without jiggling, but at the same time, my curves were more defined than before. My waist was smaller, the skin around my hips more taut — I felt like maybe I could pull it off.
