What's Left of Me
Page 57

Just before I came to Rochester, I sat outside with him, listening to the sound of the crickets and junebugs flying around. We talked about our family vacations and our home away from home, St. Thomas, in the Virgin Islands. “I’m not scared of death, Dad,” I told him. “I’m scared of not living. I don’t want to die with any regrets that I didn’t get to do the things in life that I’ve always wanted.” He listened when I told him everything I wanted to do and would do when I beat cancer. I’d travel the world, go on a safari, ride The Wild Thing at Valley Fair, go white water rafting, solve a Rubik’s Cube, and maybe float around in the Dead Sea.
That was the first night I saw my dad cry.
Veronica, the older nurse who set me up for my first two treatments, doesn’t work Mondays, so the young nurse that drew my blood last Wednesday is my nurse for the morning. I learn her name is Britney. She always speaks in a soft, soothing voice to the others. It’s sweet, and she’s nice, but it’s annoying. We’re not dead yet, so don’t talk to us like we’re about to be.
“Okay, hon. Counts are really good. I’m going to hook you up now. This should take about four hours. When the machine shuts off it’ll beep once followed by three short beeps. Let me know if you need anything by pressing the call button.”
“Thanks,” I say at the same time as my mom.
Genna went to volunteer at the local library. She hasn’t volunteered since I’ve been home, so I told her to get in some Genna time now that our parents are here.
Once I’m hooked up, my mom tells me about how she’s keeping up with her multiple jobs, as well as the small town gossip: who is sleeping with whom, local burglaries, and who wore what to church. I swear, she must spend every free minute at the hair salon because the things she learns about people’s personal lives are astonishing.
I laugh at the comments and eye rolls my dad gives as he listens to her stories. I decide to change the subject. “Dad, how’s work going for you?”
“Same shit, different day.” He wishes he could retire, or quit. I think he’d be happier working at a hardware store instead of the factory where he has spent the last twenty-five years. It pays well, but it’s stressful.
“How many more days?”
“Thirty-five hundred,” he laughs, shrugging.
It’s good spending time with my parents, even if it’s like this. We catch up, reminisce, and even make plans for me to come home and visit.
When the beeps begin, Britney comes over and turns the machine off. Taking the plastic catheter out of my vein from my port, she tapes a gauze bandage on me for the ride home.
“Thanks,” I say to her as I get up from the chair and make my way out with my parents.
Just as we’re exiting down the hallway to the elevators I hear my name being called.
“Aundrea?”
I turn to see Parker standing there.
“Hi,” I say, trying to seem happy and surprised to see him. What is he doing here?
“Hey, what are you doing here?” he asks, coming over to give me a hug.
“Oh, we came to visit a family friend.” I scramble to find the words, hoping they sound convincing.
I zip my fleece jacket all the way up, hoping to cover up the gauze tapped to my chest.
The elevator dings, but we miss it thanks to my mom. “Hi, I’m Donna, Aundrea’s mom, and this is Jay, my husband,” she says, pointing to my dad.
They greet each other with handshakes and smiles.
“It’s great to meet you. Aundrea has told me a lot about you two.”
“Funny, she hasn’t mentio—”
“Dad, this is Parker,” I say, giving him a stern look. Please be nice!
“Parker!” My mom practically pushes me out of the way to get closer to him, bringing him into a hug. “I’ve heard so much about you. Not just from Dre, but from Genna and Jason too. It’s so good to finally meet you.”
“Yeah, just great,” my dad says under his breath. I let out a little giggle at his tough guy act. He hasn’t really had to play the big, bad, scary dad role with me and I can tell he’s trying to show Parker just who the boss is.
Releasing my mom, Parker smiles down at her. My mom is shorter than me, but still tall at five foot eight. “All good things, I hope,” he says, giving me a wink as he looks back to my mom.
“Of course, of course!”
The three of them exchange some small talk about the clinic while I stand there awkwardly off to the side.
Taking advantage of a small pause to their conversation, I ask, “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, one of the doctors here came to the benefit. I was dropping of some things he won in the silent auction.”
“Oh.”
“Have you all eaten? We could go get some lunch?” He looks at me and takes my hand.
Both my parents look at me, leaving it up to me to decide.
I think about it for a second. I can’t think of any reasons why not, and know I won’t be able to see him for a few days when I’m sick, so I agree.
Piling into the elevator, Parker stands behind me, giving my hand a quick squeeze. I squeeze his back, twice.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers into my hair.
I don’t feel beautiful. My hair is pinned back, and I have jean capris on with a gray sweater. I didn’t think I would need makeup today, so I have none on.
We agree to go to the cafeteria because we’re already here. To my surprise, the hospital has a really good selection. It’s not my usual experience of hospital food.