When I Surrender
Page 20
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“Tell me what you want to know,” he said, brushing the hair back from my face.
My stomach was coiled tight and nervous energy shot through my veins. Something was about to happen. I’d pushed him and now I needed to be sure I really was ready. “You seem so sure. And I don’t know what I’m doing. I just need to know that’s okay with you.”
“That’s a turn on, trust me. I can be a little dominating in the bedroom.”
Finally, we were discussing the elephant in the room. “A dominant? Like…you want a submissive?” My entire body was tingling. I had to know what I was signing up for.
“Mmm, not exactly.” His large palm curled around the back of my neck, his thumb stroking the skin there. “I just like taking charge. Nothing extreme, I promise.”
My belly tightened. “I’m not into pain, Knox.”
“That’s not my thing at all, angel. You’d never have to worry about me hurting you.” His voice was sincere, and his warm honey eyes were loving and kind, but that didn’t stop the uncertainty raging inside me.
“What do you want, then?”
“Control. To show you pleasure.”
His words sent a jab of lust straight between my thighs and I let out a whimper. Something about this man, his desire to bring me pleasure, lit me up from the inside out. If he had a trace of dominance, perhaps I had a trace of submissiveness.
“You like that, don’t you, angel?” he asked. I nodded slowly, biting my lip as I gazed up at him. “Soon,” he promised. “My self-control is almost non-existent where you’re concerned.”
“Everyone’s had you. But I can’t? How’s that fair?”
“I’m giving you everything.”
“By not giving me any?” I argued.
“Stop, McKenna. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do, though, that’s the thing. I want this with you. And not this pseudo friend-zone you’ve placed me in. I want everything. I want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel like a woman, your woman, not your little sister.”
“If you were my sister, I’d be put in jail for the things I want to do to you.”
My heart stuttered. He did want the same things as me, I could see it in his eyes. “If I’m pushing you – if this is about your addiction, or because I’m your counselor….”
“It’s not.” He stepped closer.
“Then what is it?”
“Brian told me.”
“He told you….” I paused. He needed to fill in the blank because I failed to see what Brian had to do with any of this.
Chapter Ten
Knox
McKenna was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to explain. Shit. “When I came to see you when you were sick, Brian pulled me aside. He wanted to know what my intentions were with you.”
A tiny crease formed across her forehead. “And…what are they?”
“I told him you were sick and I was simply there to take care of you. He thinks I’m a sexual sociopath. He was looking at me like I was going to shove my dick down your throat while you’re sick, and I assured him I could keep it in my pants.”
She chewed on her lip and waited. “What did he say?” she asked.
“He told me.” She waited, breathless, her eyes locked on mine. “McKenna, are you a virgin?”
She sucked in a shuddery breath and her gaze fell from mine. I didn’t want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed, and shit, I probably shouldn’t have just sprung this on her, but we needed to discuss this. It didn’t help that we were having this conversation dressed as we were – me in my underwear and her in just a T-shirt. But she needed to see that she wasn’t ready for me.
“Does it matter?” she asked, clenching her fists at her sides.
“It does to me.”
“So this is about my inexperience. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
She thought she was disappointing me, which made zero sense. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not disappointed. I’m f**king terrified. The thought of being the first to touch you, the first man to be inside you, to penetrate your tight pu**y, makes me insane, but I’m scared I can’t be what you need.”
“What do you mean?” Sapphire blue eyes, wide with curiosity, blinked up at mine. “What do you think I need?”
“You need someone to be gentle and careful with you, someone who’s soft and slow.”
“You could try….” she murmured.
“I don’t trust myself.”
“I trust you.” Those same eyes, now blazing with determination, stared into mine. “I’m here because I trust you.”
She looked so beautiful, so soft and sweet, standing there in my faded gray T-shirt, feet bare and toes painted pink. And hearing her confess that she trusted me with something so sacred tugged at something deep inside me. Confessing some of my background has been a scare tactic. But the look in her eyes didn’t match the expression of a scared little girl. She needed to understand how f**ked up I was. I couldn’t let myself tarnish her perfection. And I would. I would take every last bit of her innocence and obliterate it just to quench my own desire.
Exercising my last ounce of self-control, I closed the distance between us and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “I’m not budging on this. I don’t think you’re ready yet.” It was either walk away now or throw her down on my bed and have my way with her.
My stomach was coiled tight and nervous energy shot through my veins. Something was about to happen. I’d pushed him and now I needed to be sure I really was ready. “You seem so sure. And I don’t know what I’m doing. I just need to know that’s okay with you.”
“That’s a turn on, trust me. I can be a little dominating in the bedroom.”
Finally, we were discussing the elephant in the room. “A dominant? Like…you want a submissive?” My entire body was tingling. I had to know what I was signing up for.
“Mmm, not exactly.” His large palm curled around the back of my neck, his thumb stroking the skin there. “I just like taking charge. Nothing extreme, I promise.”
My belly tightened. “I’m not into pain, Knox.”
“That’s not my thing at all, angel. You’d never have to worry about me hurting you.” His voice was sincere, and his warm honey eyes were loving and kind, but that didn’t stop the uncertainty raging inside me.
“What do you want, then?”
“Control. To show you pleasure.”
His words sent a jab of lust straight between my thighs and I let out a whimper. Something about this man, his desire to bring me pleasure, lit me up from the inside out. If he had a trace of dominance, perhaps I had a trace of submissiveness.
“You like that, don’t you, angel?” he asked. I nodded slowly, biting my lip as I gazed up at him. “Soon,” he promised. “My self-control is almost non-existent where you’re concerned.”
“Everyone’s had you. But I can’t? How’s that fair?”
“I’m giving you everything.”
“By not giving me any?” I argued.
“Stop, McKenna. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do, though, that’s the thing. I want this with you. And not this pseudo friend-zone you’ve placed me in. I want everything. I want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel like a woman, your woman, not your little sister.”
“If you were my sister, I’d be put in jail for the things I want to do to you.”
My heart stuttered. He did want the same things as me, I could see it in his eyes. “If I’m pushing you – if this is about your addiction, or because I’m your counselor….”
“It’s not.” He stepped closer.
“Then what is it?”
“Brian told me.”
“He told you….” I paused. He needed to fill in the blank because I failed to see what Brian had to do with any of this.
Chapter Ten
Knox
McKenna was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to explain. Shit. “When I came to see you when you were sick, Brian pulled me aside. He wanted to know what my intentions were with you.”
A tiny crease formed across her forehead. “And…what are they?”
“I told him you were sick and I was simply there to take care of you. He thinks I’m a sexual sociopath. He was looking at me like I was going to shove my dick down your throat while you’re sick, and I assured him I could keep it in my pants.”
She chewed on her lip and waited. “What did he say?” she asked.
“He told me.” She waited, breathless, her eyes locked on mine. “McKenna, are you a virgin?”
She sucked in a shuddery breath and her gaze fell from mine. I didn’t want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed, and shit, I probably shouldn’t have just sprung this on her, but we needed to discuss this. It didn’t help that we were having this conversation dressed as we were – me in my underwear and her in just a T-shirt. But she needed to see that she wasn’t ready for me.
“Does it matter?” she asked, clenching her fists at her sides.
“It does to me.”
“So this is about my inexperience. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
She thought she was disappointing me, which made zero sense. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not disappointed. I’m f**king terrified. The thought of being the first to touch you, the first man to be inside you, to penetrate your tight pu**y, makes me insane, but I’m scared I can’t be what you need.”
“What do you mean?” Sapphire blue eyes, wide with curiosity, blinked up at mine. “What do you think I need?”
“You need someone to be gentle and careful with you, someone who’s soft and slow.”
“You could try….” she murmured.
“I don’t trust myself.”
“I trust you.” Those same eyes, now blazing with determination, stared into mine. “I’m here because I trust you.”
She looked so beautiful, so soft and sweet, standing there in my faded gray T-shirt, feet bare and toes painted pink. And hearing her confess that she trusted me with something so sacred tugged at something deep inside me. Confessing some of my background has been a scare tactic. But the look in her eyes didn’t match the expression of a scared little girl. She needed to understand how f**ked up I was. I couldn’t let myself tarnish her perfection. And I would. I would take every last bit of her innocence and obliterate it just to quench my own desire.
Exercising my last ounce of self-control, I closed the distance between us and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “I’m not budging on this. I don’t think you’re ready yet.” It was either walk away now or throw her down on my bed and have my way with her.
