All I could think as Casey was forcing himself on me was that I was going to be raped my first time. I know it happens to women all the time, and I hate that more than I can ever express, but I always pictured my first time, like every other girl, all romantic and sweet with the man I love. Or even hot and passionate, in the back of my long-time boyfriend’s car, because we didn’t have anywhere to go since both our parents were home. I never got that though. I never really did anything wrong. I was always the perfect daughter. I’m not saying I want to start doing crazy shit, but I just want to stop feeling like my life has been nothing up to this point.
Because I know it hasn’t. I cared and loved my mother until her dying breath. I was and still am a straight A student. I know how to run a household and I know how to love, because I watched two of the most unbelievable people in the world do it. I just hate that I let myself get in the position I did last night and more than anything, I hate that I pushed Declan away today.
I should have told him about Casey, maybe not all of what happened, but I just couldn’t. I am so embarrassed, and I’m positive he’d think I am as stupid as I feel. A stupid, naïve girl that isn’t worth his time. It was bad enough that I turned him down despite my gut feeling not to, but now I put myself in a position with Casey. One I don’t like. I mean, I get that flowers are a good things to send when you need to apologize, but I am sure that Kane’s message was clear when he told him to stay the hell away from me. I guess that Casey didn’t fully understand that.
Instead, he spent money of a beautiful bouquet of yellow daisies and wrote me a note that he really shouldn’t have because I do not intend to speak to him ever again. Even though I threw the flowers and card away, I’ll never forget the words he messily wrote to me.
Amberlyn,
I am sorry for the way I acted last night. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel that I forced you into something you did not want. I assumed you felt for me what I feel for you and acted on the feelings. I hope that we can move on from this and maybe you will consider giving me another chance. I know that we just met but I just feel this insane attraction to you, and I hope you feel the same.
Casey.
I still can’t believe he actually thinks I want to have anything to do with him. He scared the living shit out of me, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to be with him alone. I don’t know if I believe the stories that I have heard since. Of course, it is still only a rumor, but I was there to feel him dig his nails in my face and that alone has me not wanting to be anywhere near him. The mere thought has me physically shaking as I fill my regular’s pint.
“You all right?”
I look up at Fiona. “Sure. Just super tired.”
She moves around me, filling her own pints. As she does, she leans in and whispers, “I heard you crying, Amberlyn. I know you’re not. You can talk to me.”
I move around her to pass a pint before grabbing another. “I know I can, but not now. I’m fine.”
She looks around, cupping my shoulder in a loving way. “All right, we won’t be busy much longer.”
“I hope not.” I sigh as I put a fake smile on my face when my favorite college guy comes to the bar.
“I love you, Amberlyn. Marry me?”
I smile. “Sorry Brian, I’m not in the marrying mood tonight.”
He looks deflated for only a second before he asks, “Mrs. Maclaster, are you and your husband still together?”
My aunt Shelia laughs loudly from where she is working the register. “Of course, we are, Brian. Go on before I call your gran!”
Brian’s eyes widen before he scurries off with the pint I filled. He is always here for a good laugh, but tonight I just don’t feel like laughing. Letting out a sigh, I reach for the plates my uncle placed on the food counter and serve them to table nine. My patrons are all grinning and thanking me but then, suddenly, they fall silent and their heads turn towards the door. Weird. I look around and see that everyone is doing the same thing, which can only mean one thing.
Turning, I find Declan standing in the middle of the door, breathing heavily, with his face red. He looks around the pub and when his eyes fall on me, meeting my gaze, I can’t catch a breath to save my life. Honestly. His blue eyes are flaring with anger, his brows meeting together, and his sweet mouth is in a straight line. Instantly, my heart speeds up and a weird feeling settles in my stomach.
He knows.
“I need to talk to you, right now,” he says in a very steady, but forceful voice.
I raise an eyebrow as everyone’s eyes shift to me. “Okay?”
“Now.”
I scoff. “Well, you’re gonna have to give me a minute, I have to finish serving these tables.”
“No, I need to talk to you this instant. Please.”
I roll my eyes as I walk past him to get the plates I forgot. “Like I said, it’s gonna be a minute.”
“Amberlyn,” my aunt scolds as I reach for the plates. “Declan would like to speak with you.”
“Okay?” I ask. “I have tables to serve.”
“We can take care of that,” she says, pushing Fiona towards me, but I shake my head, holding the plates out of Fiona’s reach.
“But I can,” I say, taking the plates. “He can wait.”
“No, he cannot,” she urges me, her eyes wide.
But I stand my ground. I have to work and I don’t answer to Declan’s beck and call, unlike everyone else in the damn town. “Yes, he can,” I say, passing by him and setting the plates down. I know I have mixed everyone’s orders, but I doubt they even notice. They are all just as shocked as my aunt.
“Anything else?”
No one says anything, and I roll my eyes before glaring at Declan. “Fine, you’ve rendered the pub speechless. I guess we can go outside. Might as well do it in here though, since I can guarantee you everyone will be listening.”
Declan crosses his arms across his chest, his eyes burning into mine. “I’d like to speak to you in private, please.”
I pass by him and go out the door he left open. When I hear it shut behind me, I know he followed. I start for the field by the parking lot so that Declan can have the privacy he asked for, since I am going nowhere near the alley I was in with Casey last night. When a gorgeous, white and black horse comes into view, my mouth drops.
Because I know it hasn’t. I cared and loved my mother until her dying breath. I was and still am a straight A student. I know how to run a household and I know how to love, because I watched two of the most unbelievable people in the world do it. I just hate that I let myself get in the position I did last night and more than anything, I hate that I pushed Declan away today.
I should have told him about Casey, maybe not all of what happened, but I just couldn’t. I am so embarrassed, and I’m positive he’d think I am as stupid as I feel. A stupid, naïve girl that isn’t worth his time. It was bad enough that I turned him down despite my gut feeling not to, but now I put myself in a position with Casey. One I don’t like. I mean, I get that flowers are a good things to send when you need to apologize, but I am sure that Kane’s message was clear when he told him to stay the hell away from me. I guess that Casey didn’t fully understand that.
Instead, he spent money of a beautiful bouquet of yellow daisies and wrote me a note that he really shouldn’t have because I do not intend to speak to him ever again. Even though I threw the flowers and card away, I’ll never forget the words he messily wrote to me.
Amberlyn,
I am sorry for the way I acted last night. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel that I forced you into something you did not want. I assumed you felt for me what I feel for you and acted on the feelings. I hope that we can move on from this and maybe you will consider giving me another chance. I know that we just met but I just feel this insane attraction to you, and I hope you feel the same.
Casey.
I still can’t believe he actually thinks I want to have anything to do with him. He scared the living shit out of me, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to be with him alone. I don’t know if I believe the stories that I have heard since. Of course, it is still only a rumor, but I was there to feel him dig his nails in my face and that alone has me not wanting to be anywhere near him. The mere thought has me physically shaking as I fill my regular’s pint.
“You all right?”
I look up at Fiona. “Sure. Just super tired.”
She moves around me, filling her own pints. As she does, she leans in and whispers, “I heard you crying, Amberlyn. I know you’re not. You can talk to me.”
I move around her to pass a pint before grabbing another. “I know I can, but not now. I’m fine.”
She looks around, cupping my shoulder in a loving way. “All right, we won’t be busy much longer.”
“I hope not.” I sigh as I put a fake smile on my face when my favorite college guy comes to the bar.
“I love you, Amberlyn. Marry me?”
I smile. “Sorry Brian, I’m not in the marrying mood tonight.”
He looks deflated for only a second before he asks, “Mrs. Maclaster, are you and your husband still together?”
My aunt Shelia laughs loudly from where she is working the register. “Of course, we are, Brian. Go on before I call your gran!”
Brian’s eyes widen before he scurries off with the pint I filled. He is always here for a good laugh, but tonight I just don’t feel like laughing. Letting out a sigh, I reach for the plates my uncle placed on the food counter and serve them to table nine. My patrons are all grinning and thanking me but then, suddenly, they fall silent and their heads turn towards the door. Weird. I look around and see that everyone is doing the same thing, which can only mean one thing.
Turning, I find Declan standing in the middle of the door, breathing heavily, with his face red. He looks around the pub and when his eyes fall on me, meeting my gaze, I can’t catch a breath to save my life. Honestly. His blue eyes are flaring with anger, his brows meeting together, and his sweet mouth is in a straight line. Instantly, my heart speeds up and a weird feeling settles in my stomach.
He knows.
“I need to talk to you, right now,” he says in a very steady, but forceful voice.
I raise an eyebrow as everyone’s eyes shift to me. “Okay?”
“Now.”
I scoff. “Well, you’re gonna have to give me a minute, I have to finish serving these tables.”
“No, I need to talk to you this instant. Please.”
I roll my eyes as I walk past him to get the plates I forgot. “Like I said, it’s gonna be a minute.”
“Amberlyn,” my aunt scolds as I reach for the plates. “Declan would like to speak with you.”
“Okay?” I ask. “I have tables to serve.”
“We can take care of that,” she says, pushing Fiona towards me, but I shake my head, holding the plates out of Fiona’s reach.
“But I can,” I say, taking the plates. “He can wait.”
“No, he cannot,” she urges me, her eyes wide.
But I stand my ground. I have to work and I don’t answer to Declan’s beck and call, unlike everyone else in the damn town. “Yes, he can,” I say, passing by him and setting the plates down. I know I have mixed everyone’s orders, but I doubt they even notice. They are all just as shocked as my aunt.
“Anything else?”
No one says anything, and I roll my eyes before glaring at Declan. “Fine, you’ve rendered the pub speechless. I guess we can go outside. Might as well do it in here though, since I can guarantee you everyone will be listening.”
Declan crosses his arms across his chest, his eyes burning into mine. “I’d like to speak to you in private, please.”
I pass by him and go out the door he left open. When I hear it shut behind me, I know he followed. I start for the field by the parking lot so that Declan can have the privacy he asked for, since I am going nowhere near the alley I was in with Casey last night. When a gorgeous, white and black horse comes into view, my mouth drops.
