“Whoa, Fiona, stop,” he says, taking hold of her wrist to stop her. “We are seein’ each other. I never said we were going out!”
“Yeah, I forgot to tell my heart that.”
With that, she turns and gets in the car, slamming the door before jamming the key in the ignition. I reach over and wrap my arm around her shoulder, leaning into her as she takes in a deep breath, tears falling down her sweet cheeks. As the car takes off, I spare a glance at Kane to find him watching her; his face sullen and his lips parted. I look away just as his eyes meet mine, and I hate this. Nothing is coming to mind to say to her. I’ve never had my heart broken by a guy. I’ve never experienced the pain of rejection, so I have no clue what to say. Sitting up, I look at her profile, her nose red, her eyes swollen, and her lips wobbling as she sobs.
I want to make the pain stop, but I don’t know how.
“Fiona, I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head. “It’s no one’s fault but his. Or fuck, mine, for falling for someone that didn’t want what I did.”
“What can I do?”
She tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes as she takes my hand. “Just be here, ok?”
“Yes,” I promise.
“Grand.”
She drives faster than normal back to the house as her soft sobs fill the car, leaving me feeling helpless. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle are at the pub working, so we are able to hide in her room with ice cream, popcorn, and soda, watching horrible chick flicks in our PJs at two in the afternoon. With Fiona’s head in my lap, I braid her hair as we watch The Notebook. My nose is running from my tears but damn, this is one of the greatest love stories ever put out.
“I want a love like this,” she whispers, and I nod.
“Me too. I want the kind of love that you run across a field for. Like in Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Darcy beelines for Elizabeth.”
“That’s a good one. We should watch that next.”
I couldn’t agree more. Smiling, I say, “Sounds good.”
She moves her head to look up at me. “I would have run across the field for Kane. I thought that he was it. How stupid am I? It’s only been a month, and I almost fell for him! No one does that. No one falls in love that quickly. I am so naïve.”
“Why do you think that?” I ask.
She shakes her head, sitting up before wrapping the blanket around her. “Because love is complicated and hard. It doesn’t come easy. You have to work for it. My feelings were lust, and I confused them for something more.”
I pause for a second, and I know she doesn’t mean any of that. She is just trying to cover up her hurt. Knowing that, I ask, “Do you think that it’s lust for me? And Declan, I mean?”
Her brow comes up. “You’ve fallen for him?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think so, not yet, but I think I could.”
“Yeah, well, be careful. He is the first guy you’ve ever been with. You’ll sleep with him, everything will change, and you’ll think he is the one. The next thing you know, he’s sleeping with the fuckin’ bitch down the road! Love is stupid, Amberlyn. Don’t get caught up in the ridiculous notion of it all. It turns smart women into dumbasses who do stupid things. Just don’t do it.”
With that, she suddenly gets up and goes to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I am stunned by what just happened, but more than that, I’m worried. Even with knowing she is just saying all this because she is upset, I can’t help but wonder if she is right. What if what I’ve been feeling since meeting Declan is just lust? I mean, I’ve never slept with anyone in my life and maybe my body is like ‘hey, you might want to get us off and we are making you think you like this guy so you’ll do it’. My body knows that I won’t do anything like that unless I love the person. What if it is all a trick? Oh my God, have I lost my ever-loving mind? Am I actually sitting here thinking my body is trying to deceive me to get laid?
Really though, I need to remember that Fiona is heartbroken right now and not really speaking the truth. She’s hurting, and this thing with Declan is different. I’ve been dating him for two weeks now, and each day is something new and beautiful. He makes me feel alive, and I can’t stop smiling when I think of him. I like how easy it is around him and most of all, I like that when we talk, both of us listen, and we have real conversations. It’s not just small talk with us. We learn about each other. I like that. I like him.
When my phone sounds, I look down to see that it is Declan. Speak of the devil, I think with a grin as I read his text.
Haven’t heard from you today. Are we still on for tonight?
Not sure, I type sadly.
What do you mean?
Letting out a breath, I write back quickly. Fiona and Kane got into it and well, she is all heartbroken. I’m in my PJs, watching movies with her.
Oh shite. That sucks. I haven’t talked to Kane today. His friend is in town or something. I’m not sure.
Yeah, we saw them kiss.
I wait for his text back, but then the phone rings. “No way,” he says when I answer.
“Yeah.”
“Like what kind of a kiss? Because Ellen is a lesbian.”
Hmmmm… Before I can answer, he says, “She was his sister, Amy’s best friend in school. We lost Amy a couple years back and when Ellen comes in town, they always get together for old times’ sake. Surely, Fiona knows that, right?”
Oh, this is a crapshoot. Shaking my head, I say, “I’m not sure she does, but it’s more than that. He won’t commit to her.”
“What? Really? Every time I talk to him, he is all about her.”
“I don’t know. She is a pain in the hole,” I reply, mocking the way Fiona always says the angry sentiment.
He laughs. “I love it when you go all Irish on me. That’s hot.”
I smile as my heart flutters. “Well, thanks, but yeah, I don’t know, Declan. I’ll have to talk to her.”
“Talk to me about what?”
I look up to see Fiona. Her face is red, and she looks like hell ran over twice. Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I’ll call you back.”
“Of course, my love. Call me soon.”
Yup, heart is fluttering like crazy, as I say, “I will.”
Hanging up, I tuck my phone in my lap. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I forgot to tell my heart that.”
With that, she turns and gets in the car, slamming the door before jamming the key in the ignition. I reach over and wrap my arm around her shoulder, leaning into her as she takes in a deep breath, tears falling down her sweet cheeks. As the car takes off, I spare a glance at Kane to find him watching her; his face sullen and his lips parted. I look away just as his eyes meet mine, and I hate this. Nothing is coming to mind to say to her. I’ve never had my heart broken by a guy. I’ve never experienced the pain of rejection, so I have no clue what to say. Sitting up, I look at her profile, her nose red, her eyes swollen, and her lips wobbling as she sobs.
I want to make the pain stop, but I don’t know how.
“Fiona, I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head. “It’s no one’s fault but his. Or fuck, mine, for falling for someone that didn’t want what I did.”
“What can I do?”
She tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes as she takes my hand. “Just be here, ok?”
“Yes,” I promise.
“Grand.”
She drives faster than normal back to the house as her soft sobs fill the car, leaving me feeling helpless. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle are at the pub working, so we are able to hide in her room with ice cream, popcorn, and soda, watching horrible chick flicks in our PJs at two in the afternoon. With Fiona’s head in my lap, I braid her hair as we watch The Notebook. My nose is running from my tears but damn, this is one of the greatest love stories ever put out.
“I want a love like this,” she whispers, and I nod.
“Me too. I want the kind of love that you run across a field for. Like in Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Darcy beelines for Elizabeth.”
“That’s a good one. We should watch that next.”
I couldn’t agree more. Smiling, I say, “Sounds good.”
She moves her head to look up at me. “I would have run across the field for Kane. I thought that he was it. How stupid am I? It’s only been a month, and I almost fell for him! No one does that. No one falls in love that quickly. I am so naïve.”
“Why do you think that?” I ask.
She shakes her head, sitting up before wrapping the blanket around her. “Because love is complicated and hard. It doesn’t come easy. You have to work for it. My feelings were lust, and I confused them for something more.”
I pause for a second, and I know she doesn’t mean any of that. She is just trying to cover up her hurt. Knowing that, I ask, “Do you think that it’s lust for me? And Declan, I mean?”
Her brow comes up. “You’ve fallen for him?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think so, not yet, but I think I could.”
“Yeah, well, be careful. He is the first guy you’ve ever been with. You’ll sleep with him, everything will change, and you’ll think he is the one. The next thing you know, he’s sleeping with the fuckin’ bitch down the road! Love is stupid, Amberlyn. Don’t get caught up in the ridiculous notion of it all. It turns smart women into dumbasses who do stupid things. Just don’t do it.”
With that, she suddenly gets up and goes to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I am stunned by what just happened, but more than that, I’m worried. Even with knowing she is just saying all this because she is upset, I can’t help but wonder if she is right. What if what I’ve been feeling since meeting Declan is just lust? I mean, I’ve never slept with anyone in my life and maybe my body is like ‘hey, you might want to get us off and we are making you think you like this guy so you’ll do it’. My body knows that I won’t do anything like that unless I love the person. What if it is all a trick? Oh my God, have I lost my ever-loving mind? Am I actually sitting here thinking my body is trying to deceive me to get laid?
Really though, I need to remember that Fiona is heartbroken right now and not really speaking the truth. She’s hurting, and this thing with Declan is different. I’ve been dating him for two weeks now, and each day is something new and beautiful. He makes me feel alive, and I can’t stop smiling when I think of him. I like how easy it is around him and most of all, I like that when we talk, both of us listen, and we have real conversations. It’s not just small talk with us. We learn about each other. I like that. I like him.
When my phone sounds, I look down to see that it is Declan. Speak of the devil, I think with a grin as I read his text.
Haven’t heard from you today. Are we still on for tonight?
Not sure, I type sadly.
What do you mean?
Letting out a breath, I write back quickly. Fiona and Kane got into it and well, she is all heartbroken. I’m in my PJs, watching movies with her.
Oh shite. That sucks. I haven’t talked to Kane today. His friend is in town or something. I’m not sure.
Yeah, we saw them kiss.
I wait for his text back, but then the phone rings. “No way,” he says when I answer.
“Yeah.”
“Like what kind of a kiss? Because Ellen is a lesbian.”
Hmmmm… Before I can answer, he says, “She was his sister, Amy’s best friend in school. We lost Amy a couple years back and when Ellen comes in town, they always get together for old times’ sake. Surely, Fiona knows that, right?”
Oh, this is a crapshoot. Shaking my head, I say, “I’m not sure she does, but it’s more than that. He won’t commit to her.”
“What? Really? Every time I talk to him, he is all about her.”
“I don’t know. She is a pain in the hole,” I reply, mocking the way Fiona always says the angry sentiment.
He laughs. “I love it when you go all Irish on me. That’s hot.”
I smile as my heart flutters. “Well, thanks, but yeah, I don’t know, Declan. I’ll have to talk to her.”
“Talk to me about what?”
I look up to see Fiona. Her face is red, and she looks like hell ran over twice. Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I’ll call you back.”
“Of course, my love. Call me soon.”
Yup, heart is fluttering like crazy, as I say, “I will.”
Hanging up, I tuck my phone in my lap. “Everything okay?”
