White Trash Beautiful
Page 29
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I was glad the band was able to stay together after all we’d put them through. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’d destroyed all of their dreams. I am still not able to listen to their music, but I know it is only a matter of time before I am able to hear him without thinking of our past. He is Tucker, the rock star, now, not my Tucker, and I need to get used to that.
I slipped on a white sundress with purple flowers that was identical to the one Tucker had bought me that Jax had destroyed. I pulled my heart locket up to my lips and kissed it before slipping on my sandals.
The air was cool as winter began to creep in. I made my way to the City Market to grab a coffee before my shift started at Scarlett’s. Horse-drawn carriages lined the streets, preparing for their next tours. I rubbed a horse on the nose as I walked by them on my way to Vinnie Van Go-Go’s. I loved to sit at one of their bistro tables and remember my time with Tucker. Yeah, I was doing a great job of moving on, I thought with a sigh.
“I hear this place is amazing.” Tucker’s voice sent a chill over my body as I turned to see if he was really there. The imaginary world I had built for myself without him crumbled around me instantly.
“Sometimes we don’t know what we’re missing until we find it.” I echoed his words from our last visit here. I stood on shaky legs just feet from him. The pain of seeing him nearly doubled me over. God, how I’d missed him.
“I knew what I was missing the moment I lost you.” His voice shook as he took a step closer to me. “I thought you went out to find us a place so we could start our new life together. I waited for hours. When I found your phone, I knew you had left me for good.”
“I’m sorry, Tucker.”
“Jesus, Cass. Do you know what I went through? I went back to that f**king hellhole looking for you. I went back to that trailer.” He swallowed hard, trying not to break down.
“I didn’t think you would look for me.”
“You didn’t think I would look for you? I spent all night outside of the diner waiting for you to show up. I had no idea where else you would go. Chris and Terry had to physically remove me. I never stopped looking for you.”
My hand subconsciously covered my heart, trying to shield it from the pain.
“Why did you do it, Cass? Why did you leave me like that?”
“I was ruining your life. You had a dream and you were going to give it up for me. I couldn’t let you do that. I had hurt you enough already.” My voice began to shake.
“Hurt me? You nearly killed me when you took off. I was so worried.”
“You have nothing to worry about. Jax is long gone.”
“If I know you at all, you have been killing yourself with the guilt of everything that had happened.”
“How did your find me?” I asked, as I’d known this moment would eventually come.
Tucker smiled. “Larry is very loyal to you. I’ve been calling him every day for the last six weeks. He convinced me you had moved to Ohio with some aunt. I searched the state, but you were nowhere. As soon as I had some downtime, I flew in and demanded the truth. I guess he liked that I was fighting for you. He finally admitted that you were living in the city under your mother’s name.”
I had talked to Larry at least once a week since I had left, and he had never mentioned to me that Tucker had contacted him.
“Tucker, I—”
He put his finger to my lips to stop me from talking. “The only thing I ever wanted out of my life was someone to share it with.” His blue eyes searched mine.
“I’ve heard you found that.” I shrugged and looked down at my toes. This is what you wanted for him, I reminded myself.
He took his fingers and tilted my chin up again gently. “Yes, Cass, I am very much in love.”
My heart twisted in my chest. I deserved to hear his words. I deserved whatever he wanted to put me through. I’d left like a coward. I could at least have stayed and explained to him he would be better off, but instead, I ran away.
“I’m happy for you.” My voice cracked as I blinked back my tears.
He smiled and ran the pad of his thumb along my jaw. “I love you, Cass, or Anne, who whoever the hell you want to be. I have never ever wanted anyone else. I told you—money, fame, fans . . . none of it really means anything. It doesn’t make you happy. If you don’t have someone to share that stuff with, you will still be lonely. I’m lonely without you, Cass. I need you in my life.”
“I love you, too,” I admitted on a shaky sob.
His arms flew around me and he lifted me off the ground as he squeezed me so hard I could barely breathe. “It won’t always be rainbows and butterflies, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Cass. Just don’t ever leave me again. Promise me,” he whispered in my ear.
“I promise.”
I slipped on a white sundress with purple flowers that was identical to the one Tucker had bought me that Jax had destroyed. I pulled my heart locket up to my lips and kissed it before slipping on my sandals.
The air was cool as winter began to creep in. I made my way to the City Market to grab a coffee before my shift started at Scarlett’s. Horse-drawn carriages lined the streets, preparing for their next tours. I rubbed a horse on the nose as I walked by them on my way to Vinnie Van Go-Go’s. I loved to sit at one of their bistro tables and remember my time with Tucker. Yeah, I was doing a great job of moving on, I thought with a sigh.
“I hear this place is amazing.” Tucker’s voice sent a chill over my body as I turned to see if he was really there. The imaginary world I had built for myself without him crumbled around me instantly.
“Sometimes we don’t know what we’re missing until we find it.” I echoed his words from our last visit here. I stood on shaky legs just feet from him. The pain of seeing him nearly doubled me over. God, how I’d missed him.
“I knew what I was missing the moment I lost you.” His voice shook as he took a step closer to me. “I thought you went out to find us a place so we could start our new life together. I waited for hours. When I found your phone, I knew you had left me for good.”
“I’m sorry, Tucker.”
“Jesus, Cass. Do you know what I went through? I went back to that f**king hellhole looking for you. I went back to that trailer.” He swallowed hard, trying not to break down.
“I didn’t think you would look for me.”
“You didn’t think I would look for you? I spent all night outside of the diner waiting for you to show up. I had no idea where else you would go. Chris and Terry had to physically remove me. I never stopped looking for you.”
My hand subconsciously covered my heart, trying to shield it from the pain.
“Why did you do it, Cass? Why did you leave me like that?”
“I was ruining your life. You had a dream and you were going to give it up for me. I couldn’t let you do that. I had hurt you enough already.” My voice began to shake.
“Hurt me? You nearly killed me when you took off. I was so worried.”
“You have nothing to worry about. Jax is long gone.”
“If I know you at all, you have been killing yourself with the guilt of everything that had happened.”
“How did your find me?” I asked, as I’d known this moment would eventually come.
Tucker smiled. “Larry is very loyal to you. I’ve been calling him every day for the last six weeks. He convinced me you had moved to Ohio with some aunt. I searched the state, but you were nowhere. As soon as I had some downtime, I flew in and demanded the truth. I guess he liked that I was fighting for you. He finally admitted that you were living in the city under your mother’s name.”
I had talked to Larry at least once a week since I had left, and he had never mentioned to me that Tucker had contacted him.
“Tucker, I—”
He put his finger to my lips to stop me from talking. “The only thing I ever wanted out of my life was someone to share it with.” His blue eyes searched mine.
“I’ve heard you found that.” I shrugged and looked down at my toes. This is what you wanted for him, I reminded myself.
He took his fingers and tilted my chin up again gently. “Yes, Cass, I am very much in love.”
My heart twisted in my chest. I deserved to hear his words. I deserved whatever he wanted to put me through. I’d left like a coward. I could at least have stayed and explained to him he would be better off, but instead, I ran away.
“I’m happy for you.” My voice cracked as I blinked back my tears.
He smiled and ran the pad of his thumb along my jaw. “I love you, Cass, or Anne, who whoever the hell you want to be. I have never ever wanted anyone else. I told you—money, fame, fans . . . none of it really means anything. It doesn’t make you happy. If you don’t have someone to share that stuff with, you will still be lonely. I’m lonely without you, Cass. I need you in my life.”
“I love you, too,” I admitted on a shaky sob.
His arms flew around me and he lifted me off the ground as he squeezed me so hard I could barely breathe. “It won’t always be rainbows and butterflies, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Cass. Just don’t ever leave me again. Promise me,” he whispered in my ear.
“I promise.”
