Why Not Tonight
Page 62

She tried to focus on work, but that wasn’t happening, so she found a Big Bang Theory marathon on one of the cable channels and settled in to be distracted by the antics of Leonard and Sheldon. Somewhere close to nine o’clock, there was a knock on her door.
Natalie’s heart immediately started pounding. She told herself that it wasn’t going to be Ronan, that she shouldn’t get her hopes up. But she couldn’t help wishing and praying all the way to the door.
He stood on the landing, looking tired and confused. His expression was weary, his shoulders slumped.
“Is it okay that I’m here?” he asked.
She took his hand and pulled him inside, then wrapped her arms around him and hung on tight.
She told herself that he was here as a friend and that she shouldn’t read too much into his visit. She promised that she wouldn’t say or do anything cringe-worthy. That she would remember she was his friend first, and the woman who loved him second.
He hugged her back, his strong arms holding her so tight she could barely breathe. God, that felt good. All warm and safe and just like she remembered. If only he would never let go.
But he did, stepping back. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
“It’s fine.”
She led him into the kitchen, then began pulling out leftover take-out containers. Since her confession, she’d been living on Chinese, Thai and Italian, with a little Mexican thrown in. When there was a problem with her life, carbs and cheese were always the answer.
“What are you doing?” he asked, leaning against the counter.
“You haven’t eaten in at least twenty-four hours. You’ll feel better with food in your stomach.”
His eyebrows drew together. “How do you know I haven’t eaten?”
“Have you?”
“No.”
She turned on the oven, then dumped fried rice, Thai basil chicken and a cheese enchilada on a plate and stuck it in the microwave. While they heated she put two slices of pizza and three egg rolls onto a cookie sheet. They could be his second course.
She poured a large glass of water and handed it to him. He took a drink. After setting the table, she opened a beer and set it by the place mat, then put the small cookie sheet in the oven and pulled the plate from the microwave. She set it in front of him.
“Eat.”
He picked up his fork. “Are you sure you don’t want some of this?”
“I already had plenty. Don’t worry about talking. Just eat. We’ll talk after.”
She softened the words by putting her hand on his shoulder, then stuck her phone into a small docking station so she could put on some music. Once he’d started on his impromptu meal, she made herself some herbal tea. By then his plate was clean and the pizza slices and egg rolls were warm.
“I was starving,” he admitted as she took the seat across from him. “I didn’t realize. Thanks, Natalie.”
“No problem.” She smiled. “Think of my place as the international buffet of leftovers.”
“It’s more than that.”
She told herself not to read anything into his words. He was here and for now that was enough. Yes, her heart was broken, but she was dealing. Just being around Ronan made her feel better. Maybe they could figure out how to get back to being friends. They’d started out as friends, and now that she knew him better, she liked him even more. Not having him as the man in her life was awful, but to lose him in every way was unthinkable. Unless she quit her job and left town, they were going to see each other all the time. Wouldn’t it be better to stay friends instead?
But first, his past.
She waited while he finished eating, then drank about half the beer. Only then did he lean back in his chair and look at her.
“You heard what happened.”
A statement, not a question, she thought. “Nick and Mathias told me about your birth mother.”
“I didn’t know if she was alive or not.” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe it. She was...nice. Nothing like I expected. She told me about her relationship with my dad.” His mouth twisted. “Not something I want to think about. He’s such a jerk.”
“To you, not to her. Plus, it was a long time ago. I’m sure in his time, he was...different.”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “I’m sure he was, too. Especially around other women. She talked about meeting him and what it had been like to fall for him.” He leaned forward and wrapped his hands around the beer bottle.
“She was just a kid. Nineteen. She was from some small town. He played her.”
“I’m glad you’re not mad at her for what happened.”
“How could I be? She wasn’t ready for the likes of him. I’ve known him my whole life and he still pushes my buttons. He doesn’t believe in rules, so he nearly always wins.”
He closed his eyes for a second, then looked at her. “My head hurts. I’ve been going over it and over it. All she told me about herself... She’s married, with a couple of kids. I guess they’re my half siblings, as well. She left me a letter saying she would like to stay in touch, if I’m interested.”
“Are you?”
“Hell if I know.”
“It’s a lot to take in.”
She wanted to reach across the table and touch him to offer support and reassurance. She wanted to take him to her bed and help heal him that way. Only she couldn’t do either. Things were different now. Her confession stood between them—a giant elephant neither of them would acknowledge.
“Nick called Elaine,” he told her.
“What?”
“Nick told her what happened with you and me and asked if she knew how to get in touch with Pippa. Nick set the whole thing in motion.”
Natalie remembered Nick promising her he would fix things. She’d thought he’d meant that he would talk to Ronan. “Are you mad at him?”
“No. Why would I be? He had no idea if Elaine knew Pippa. She never said anything about her to me, but they’ve been communicating all this time.” He looked at Natalie. “Elaine called Pippa and told her there was a problem and within twenty-four hours she was here. What does that mean?”
“That they both care about you, Ronan. They’ve always cared. I guess they were just waiting for permission to help.”
He swore under his breath. She wasn’t sure why, but told herself to keep quiet. That he had to work through it all.
She wanted to hope, wanted to believe that now everything would be all right. He would start to see that there was more in him than Ceallach, that he had a light side to counteract the darkness. Maybe then he would realize how much he needed her in his life. Maybe, just maybe, he would fall desperately in love with her and they could live happily ever after.
Or maybe not. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling. While she appreciated that he’d sought her out, she didn’t know what it meant.
“It was Elaine’s decision to take me in,” he said unexpectedly. “I thought my old man forced me on her, but it was her choice. He didn’t even know. Once I found out the truth about my past, I assumed she’d been coerced and that acting as though I was her favorite was her way of overcompensating. I thought she’d been lying to me.”
“But it wasn’t like that,” Natalie whispered.
“It wasn’t. All the times she made me crazy, siding with Ceallach over her sons, that was part of it. The heart that allowed her to take in her husband’s bastard was the same heart that couldn’t help loving him that much. Loving all of us, I guess.”