“Then we should start there,” Diego said, getting up. “Maybe we’ll find something that you missed.”
* * *
Cassidy and Diego rode alone up to the mountain roads that would take them to Reid’s rock cave. Cassidy was unusually silent—no laughter, no teasing. Was she that worried about Reid?
The red lights of Xavier’s pickup glided solidly in front of Diego’s car. Eric’s car, containing Peigi and Reid with Eric, rode in front of his. Xavier’s front seat was taken up with the bulk of Shane.
“Eric needs to be careful,” Diego said. “If he gets caught having Marlo fly your family around everywhere, life will get bad for all of you.”
“Eric knows what he’s doing.”
Cassidy sounded distracted, almost uninterested.
“What’s up, mi ja? Something worrying you?”
Cassidy turned from the window and looked at him. “Diego Escobar, I reject your mate-claim.”
Diego’s hands jerked on the steering wheel, then he quickly righted the car. “What?”
“I reject the mate-claim. I’ll make it public when we’re finished here tonight.”
“What the hell are you talking about? I thought you said you didn’t want to reject it.”
“I didn’t. But that was me being selfish.” Cassidy folded her arms, closing herself off. “I want you so much, Diego. I love the way you talk and how you move, and the way you don’t back down from any Shifter, not even Eric. I love the way you protect your mom and your brother. I want you with every piece of my heart.” She stopped, eyes soft. “But you’re not Shifter. It’s not fair to you.”
His chest felt tight. “Does it matter that I don’t give a damn?”
“No. The female’s decision is final.”
“Well, too bad. I’m not ready to accept that decision as final.”
Cassidy gave him an exasperated look. “Diego, humans who pair with Shifters are rejected by human society. I’ve seen it happen; I’ve lived a long time, and it’s always the same. The humans have to live with the Shifters, and they become neither one thing nor the other. Not accepted by humans and not truly accepted by Shifters.”
Diego clutched the wheel as Xavier took a hairpin turn in the dark. “You want to let me worry about that?”
“I’m trying to explain that it will be hard on you. Very few humans stay with Shifters, for a good reason.”
Diego sucked in a breath as Xavier swung around another corner, revealing a vast dark abyss beyond the road. No lights up here, and no guardrails.
Diego started to sweat. “Can we talk about this later?”
“I wanted to prepare you before I announced it.”
“Do me a favor and keep it to yourself awhile. Give me time to convince you to change your mind.”
“Diego, I’m not telling you this for the hell of it. I’ve thought this through. I want you to have your life, not one screwed up by Shifters. I care very much for you. That’s why I’m rejecting the claim.”
Diego kept his gaze riveted to the road. “You’re damn right it’s not fair to me. How about the way I feel about you? That it’s like all the light leaves the room when you walk out of it? That I wake up every morning just happy I know you?”
Cassidy had tears in her voice. “I mean that I don’t want to look at you every day and know that I destroyed your life.”
“Destroyed my life. Right.” Diego cranked around another bend and pressed his foot to the accelerator to make it up the next hill. “Let’s see, you helped me bring down the men who killed my partner after two years of me trying to find them. It was your contacts and resources that got me down to them to finish it. Not to mention, we’ve had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a good long while. How is that destroying my life?”
She gave him an anguished look. “I’m trying to get you to understand. I destroyed Donovan, which is why we’re out here tonight. I’m trying to make up for what I did to him, and I don’t want to have to do the same for you.”
Diego shook his head. “You only get so much guilt, Cass. If you’re saying that if you hadn’t become his mate, he’d still be alive, I don’t agree. You can’t know that. Those hunters might have found him anyway, no matter who he was mated to.”
“I can know that,” Cassidy said. “You don’t know the whole story of why he was up here that night. He came because we had a fight. Donovan lived for fun. Dangerous fun. He liked to tease humans, test how far he could push his boundaries. He’d go places he wasn’t supposed to, talk to people he wasn’t supposed to, see how far he could walk the edge.”
“A daredevil.”
“Exactly. He’d thought I was too, which is why we hooked up in the first place. But he started resenting me being dominant to him, resenting me asking him to be careful. He thought I was too much Eric’s second and not enough his mate, and he was probably right.”
“So that night, he basically said, Screw you, Cassidy, I’m going out alone?”
“The ban on hunting un-Collared Shifters had been lifted. Hunters were going out all excited, wanting to bag a Shifter. Eric and I told Donovan to stop going for his runs up here, that it was too dangerous. I begged him to stop, and when he wouldn’t, we commanded him, as his leaders.”
“Which I bet did not go over well.”
“No. That night, Donovan stormed out. He went out to a bar with some of his friends, and sometime later gave them the slip. I didn’t know anything about him not still being at the bar until Eric got a call from the human cops that one of our Shifters had been killed.” Cassidy dragged in a breath. “And the kicker was that the cops blamed Eric for letting Donovan run around loose.”
Stupid, stupid. Diego had read in the file that Eric had nearly been arrested, though he’d paid no attention to the incident at the time. Shifters hadn’t been his department, and he’d been wrapped up in Jobe’s death.
He understood Cassidy’s guilt, but he’d come to realize that everyone was responsible for what they did. Diego shouldn’t have led Jobe into the situation, but Jobe should have waited for backup, even if Diego died.
“You blame yourself,” he said. It was natural that she would.
* * *
Cassidy and Diego rode alone up to the mountain roads that would take them to Reid’s rock cave. Cassidy was unusually silent—no laughter, no teasing. Was she that worried about Reid?
The red lights of Xavier’s pickup glided solidly in front of Diego’s car. Eric’s car, containing Peigi and Reid with Eric, rode in front of his. Xavier’s front seat was taken up with the bulk of Shane.
“Eric needs to be careful,” Diego said. “If he gets caught having Marlo fly your family around everywhere, life will get bad for all of you.”
“Eric knows what he’s doing.”
Cassidy sounded distracted, almost uninterested.
“What’s up, mi ja? Something worrying you?”
Cassidy turned from the window and looked at him. “Diego Escobar, I reject your mate-claim.”
Diego’s hands jerked on the steering wheel, then he quickly righted the car. “What?”
“I reject the mate-claim. I’ll make it public when we’re finished here tonight.”
“What the hell are you talking about? I thought you said you didn’t want to reject it.”
“I didn’t. But that was me being selfish.” Cassidy folded her arms, closing herself off. “I want you so much, Diego. I love the way you talk and how you move, and the way you don’t back down from any Shifter, not even Eric. I love the way you protect your mom and your brother. I want you with every piece of my heart.” She stopped, eyes soft. “But you’re not Shifter. It’s not fair to you.”
His chest felt tight. “Does it matter that I don’t give a damn?”
“No. The female’s decision is final.”
“Well, too bad. I’m not ready to accept that decision as final.”
Cassidy gave him an exasperated look. “Diego, humans who pair with Shifters are rejected by human society. I’ve seen it happen; I’ve lived a long time, and it’s always the same. The humans have to live with the Shifters, and they become neither one thing nor the other. Not accepted by humans and not truly accepted by Shifters.”
Diego clutched the wheel as Xavier took a hairpin turn in the dark. “You want to let me worry about that?”
“I’m trying to explain that it will be hard on you. Very few humans stay with Shifters, for a good reason.”
Diego sucked in a breath as Xavier swung around another corner, revealing a vast dark abyss beyond the road. No lights up here, and no guardrails.
Diego started to sweat. “Can we talk about this later?”
“I wanted to prepare you before I announced it.”
“Do me a favor and keep it to yourself awhile. Give me time to convince you to change your mind.”
“Diego, I’m not telling you this for the hell of it. I’ve thought this through. I want you to have your life, not one screwed up by Shifters. I care very much for you. That’s why I’m rejecting the claim.”
Diego kept his gaze riveted to the road. “You’re damn right it’s not fair to me. How about the way I feel about you? That it’s like all the light leaves the room when you walk out of it? That I wake up every morning just happy I know you?”
Cassidy had tears in her voice. “I mean that I don’t want to look at you every day and know that I destroyed your life.”
“Destroyed my life. Right.” Diego cranked around another bend and pressed his foot to the accelerator to make it up the next hill. “Let’s see, you helped me bring down the men who killed my partner after two years of me trying to find them. It was your contacts and resources that got me down to them to finish it. Not to mention, we’ve had the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a good long while. How is that destroying my life?”
She gave him an anguished look. “I’m trying to get you to understand. I destroyed Donovan, which is why we’re out here tonight. I’m trying to make up for what I did to him, and I don’t want to have to do the same for you.”
Diego shook his head. “You only get so much guilt, Cass. If you’re saying that if you hadn’t become his mate, he’d still be alive, I don’t agree. You can’t know that. Those hunters might have found him anyway, no matter who he was mated to.”
“I can know that,” Cassidy said. “You don’t know the whole story of why he was up here that night. He came because we had a fight. Donovan lived for fun. Dangerous fun. He liked to tease humans, test how far he could push his boundaries. He’d go places he wasn’t supposed to, talk to people he wasn’t supposed to, see how far he could walk the edge.”
“A daredevil.”
“Exactly. He’d thought I was too, which is why we hooked up in the first place. But he started resenting me being dominant to him, resenting me asking him to be careful. He thought I was too much Eric’s second and not enough his mate, and he was probably right.”
“So that night, he basically said, Screw you, Cassidy, I’m going out alone?”
“The ban on hunting un-Collared Shifters had been lifted. Hunters were going out all excited, wanting to bag a Shifter. Eric and I told Donovan to stop going for his runs up here, that it was too dangerous. I begged him to stop, and when he wouldn’t, we commanded him, as his leaders.”
“Which I bet did not go over well.”
“No. That night, Donovan stormed out. He went out to a bar with some of his friends, and sometime later gave them the slip. I didn’t know anything about him not still being at the bar until Eric got a call from the human cops that one of our Shifters had been killed.” Cassidy dragged in a breath. “And the kicker was that the cops blamed Eric for letting Donovan run around loose.”
Stupid, stupid. Diego had read in the file that Eric had nearly been arrested, though he’d paid no attention to the incident at the time. Shifters hadn’t been his department, and he’d been wrapped up in Jobe’s death.
He understood Cassidy’s guilt, but he’d come to realize that everyone was responsible for what they did. Diego shouldn’t have led Jobe into the situation, but Jobe should have waited for backup, even if Diego died.
“You blame yourself,” he said. It was natural that she would.
