She was in a hospital bed two weeks. This guy f**ked her up and this guy was f**kin’
whacked. When I got him and we finally got his DNA, it showed Bree was his fifth or at least she was the fifth who reported it.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered and he nodded.
“Compulsion,” Brock told me. “Uncontrollable. That was why he f**ked up and went after family. In interrogation, they broke him. He’d had his eye on her for f**kin’ years, beat it back, that night, whatever broke in him broke and he couldn’t beat it back anymore.”
“So,” I said hesitantly, “you got him?”
He nodded. “Wasn’t my case ‘cause I didn’t have cases. I was still in uniform. Levi and me went to go see her, took some time ‘cause her f**kin’ jaw was wired shut, but she finally got out the basics of what went down and I took leave because he’d gone to ground and they couldn’t find him. He knew he f**ked up. He was in hiding, preparin’ to bolt. I hunted him down and we’ll just say when I found him, I did not exactly follow procedure.”
Damn.
“You hurt him,” I whispered.
“Remember what I said to you about what I wanted to do with Heller?”
I nodded.
“I did that to him and I did it in a way I know he still hasn’t forgotten me. And the DPD
frowned on that. I was suspended and it was investigated. I didn’t f**kin’ care. It was worth it to me then and it’s worth more to me now even though, then and now, I knew I f**ked up.”
“They didn’t fire you,” I noted.
“No, don’t know why, they should have. What I did weakened their case. What I did made it so his case mighta been thrown out and it was iron tight with his DNA matching multiple samples and women making solid IDs. What I did f**ked those cases too. But they didn’t can my ass and the case didn’t get tossed because it didn’t go to trial. Family pressure, he confessed to all five. His confession swung good my way and since the case didn’t get f**ked, with me, they said extenuating circumstances. I had a good record, I was a good cop and my captain had taken to me, saw in me that I’d have a good career so he took my back and so did some brothers on The Force. And everyone knew who she was to me and they knew what he did to her and, right or wrong, all of them, someplace inside them, knew the same thing happened to someone they gave a shit about, they’d either do what I did or consider it. They still gave me shit work, put me at a desk and this is why I know desk work is not for me. I worked my way outta that shit and back on the beat. Then to detective.
Through this, Bree went off the rails and then she went down. He**in. OD. Everyone, including me, tried to pull her outta that shit. We couldn’t. Watchin’ her descend into that world was like a form of torture, not only watchin’ her but watchin’ her Mom and Dad and sisters watch her while bustin’ their asses and failin’ to get her straight. Don’t know how many times I was called in ‘cause she was in a holding cell, strung out, dazed, not even knowin’ where the f**k she was and that she was pulled in for solicitation on a sweep. Too f**ked up even to be smart enough to avoid getting arrested no matter how many times it happened. Suckin’ cock for twenty dollars so her pimp would keep her supplied. The last time I saw her breathing, I barely recognized her.”
Oh God, God.
“Honey,” I said gently.
“It was f**ked, Tess.”
“Yes, it was, baby,” I whispered. “So you decided to do something about it and moved to the DEA?” I ventured cautiously.
He closed his eyes and drew breath in his nose.
I waited.
Then he opened his eyes.
“She was my first,” he said quietly, his voice thick and I pressed closer. “I still loved her, Tess. Not the same as when we started but she was a big part of my life. Does somethin’ to a man to have that kind of person in his life, to be able to laugh with her about shit that went down when you were fifteen and have her end like that. She was the first to go down on me, to take my c**k and to think she sold the beauty she had to give for dope burned out my insides. She was the first woman to tell me she loved me. She shared her dreams with me, Tess. What she wanted to do, where she wanted to go, how many kids she wanted to have. At one time in our lives, we talked about those things in a way we thought we’d be sharin’ them.
So, yeah, I was driven to do something about it. But Levi was wrong; he didn’t see her in a holding cell. He didn’t see all she turned out to be. I knew she was gone before she was gone and I let her go way before that and I did that for my own peace of mind because I already nearly lost my career and f**ked over four other girls who needed justice gettin’ too tied to what happened to her and not makin’ smart decisions. I didn’t do what I did on a crusade to bring her back. I did what I did because Bree isn’t the only girl out there with family who loves them and old boyfriends who give a shit facin’ that life and someone had to help them and I decided that someone would be me.”
At that, it swelled inside me, so huge and so fast, I couldn’t stop myself from blurting, “I love you.”
“I know,” he replied.
“No,” I shook my head and got close, “I love you, Brock Lucas.”
His eyes lost that darkness and his hand in my hair slid down and curled around my neck.
“Baby,” he murmured.
“What you did, you saved a lot of girls,” I whispered fiercely.
“I know.”
“That’s beautiful,” I told him.
“Tess –”
“And that’s her legacy as well as yours,” I stated.
He stared at me.
I kept talking. “You cared about her that much to do what you did for others, it was you doing it, putting yourself out there but it was how you felt about her that pushed you to do it and she was the kind of person who made you feel that deeply so she gets that part. She died tragically but her death meant something to the futures of a lot of other people and that’s beautiful.”
“I never thought of it like that,” he said quietly.
“Well, start,” I ordered.
He looked into my eyes a moment then started chuckling.
“Shit, babe, when’d you start gettin’ bossy?”
“Christmas. It does shit to people,” I answered and his chuckling got louder.
Then he asked, “We done pourin’ out our hearts?”
whacked. When I got him and we finally got his DNA, it showed Bree was his fifth or at least she was the fifth who reported it.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered and he nodded.
“Compulsion,” Brock told me. “Uncontrollable. That was why he f**ked up and went after family. In interrogation, they broke him. He’d had his eye on her for f**kin’ years, beat it back, that night, whatever broke in him broke and he couldn’t beat it back anymore.”
“So,” I said hesitantly, “you got him?”
He nodded. “Wasn’t my case ‘cause I didn’t have cases. I was still in uniform. Levi and me went to go see her, took some time ‘cause her f**kin’ jaw was wired shut, but she finally got out the basics of what went down and I took leave because he’d gone to ground and they couldn’t find him. He knew he f**ked up. He was in hiding, preparin’ to bolt. I hunted him down and we’ll just say when I found him, I did not exactly follow procedure.”
Damn.
“You hurt him,” I whispered.
“Remember what I said to you about what I wanted to do with Heller?”
I nodded.
“I did that to him and I did it in a way I know he still hasn’t forgotten me. And the DPD
frowned on that. I was suspended and it was investigated. I didn’t f**kin’ care. It was worth it to me then and it’s worth more to me now even though, then and now, I knew I f**ked up.”
“They didn’t fire you,” I noted.
“No, don’t know why, they should have. What I did weakened their case. What I did made it so his case mighta been thrown out and it was iron tight with his DNA matching multiple samples and women making solid IDs. What I did f**ked those cases too. But they didn’t can my ass and the case didn’t get tossed because it didn’t go to trial. Family pressure, he confessed to all five. His confession swung good my way and since the case didn’t get f**ked, with me, they said extenuating circumstances. I had a good record, I was a good cop and my captain had taken to me, saw in me that I’d have a good career so he took my back and so did some brothers on The Force. And everyone knew who she was to me and they knew what he did to her and, right or wrong, all of them, someplace inside them, knew the same thing happened to someone they gave a shit about, they’d either do what I did or consider it. They still gave me shit work, put me at a desk and this is why I know desk work is not for me. I worked my way outta that shit and back on the beat. Then to detective.
Through this, Bree went off the rails and then she went down. He**in. OD. Everyone, including me, tried to pull her outta that shit. We couldn’t. Watchin’ her descend into that world was like a form of torture, not only watchin’ her but watchin’ her Mom and Dad and sisters watch her while bustin’ their asses and failin’ to get her straight. Don’t know how many times I was called in ‘cause she was in a holding cell, strung out, dazed, not even knowin’ where the f**k she was and that she was pulled in for solicitation on a sweep. Too f**ked up even to be smart enough to avoid getting arrested no matter how many times it happened. Suckin’ cock for twenty dollars so her pimp would keep her supplied. The last time I saw her breathing, I barely recognized her.”
Oh God, God.
“Honey,” I said gently.
“It was f**ked, Tess.”
“Yes, it was, baby,” I whispered. “So you decided to do something about it and moved to the DEA?” I ventured cautiously.
He closed his eyes and drew breath in his nose.
I waited.
Then he opened his eyes.
“She was my first,” he said quietly, his voice thick and I pressed closer. “I still loved her, Tess. Not the same as when we started but she was a big part of my life. Does somethin’ to a man to have that kind of person in his life, to be able to laugh with her about shit that went down when you were fifteen and have her end like that. She was the first to go down on me, to take my c**k and to think she sold the beauty she had to give for dope burned out my insides. She was the first woman to tell me she loved me. She shared her dreams with me, Tess. What she wanted to do, where she wanted to go, how many kids she wanted to have. At one time in our lives, we talked about those things in a way we thought we’d be sharin’ them.
So, yeah, I was driven to do something about it. But Levi was wrong; he didn’t see her in a holding cell. He didn’t see all she turned out to be. I knew she was gone before she was gone and I let her go way before that and I did that for my own peace of mind because I already nearly lost my career and f**ked over four other girls who needed justice gettin’ too tied to what happened to her and not makin’ smart decisions. I didn’t do what I did on a crusade to bring her back. I did what I did because Bree isn’t the only girl out there with family who loves them and old boyfriends who give a shit facin’ that life and someone had to help them and I decided that someone would be me.”
At that, it swelled inside me, so huge and so fast, I couldn’t stop myself from blurting, “I love you.”
“I know,” he replied.
“No,” I shook my head and got close, “I love you, Brock Lucas.”
His eyes lost that darkness and his hand in my hair slid down and curled around my neck.
“Baby,” he murmured.
“What you did, you saved a lot of girls,” I whispered fiercely.
“I know.”
“That’s beautiful,” I told him.
“Tess –”
“And that’s her legacy as well as yours,” I stated.
He stared at me.
I kept talking. “You cared about her that much to do what you did for others, it was you doing it, putting yourself out there but it was how you felt about her that pushed you to do it and she was the kind of person who made you feel that deeply so she gets that part. She died tragically but her death meant something to the futures of a lot of other people and that’s beautiful.”
“I never thought of it like that,” he said quietly.
“Well, start,” I ordered.
He looked into my eyes a moment then started chuckling.
“Shit, babe, when’d you start gettin’ bossy?”
“Christmas. It does shit to people,” I answered and his chuckling got louder.
Then he asked, “We done pourin’ out our hearts?”
