I shook my head. “Logan—”
“Go back to your date, Georgia.”
My date. The reminder hit me with a pang. I had forgotten about him again.
“Logan,” I repeated, reaching for his arm, but he pulled it away.
“I primed you. Maybe he can finish you off tonight. Just don’t expect him to fuck you like I would.”
I flinched and without thinking my hand lashed out, slapping him soundly across the cheek.
His face gave the barest turn from the force before righting to look me over, his deep blue eyes drilling me. “Nice, Pearls.” He fingered his cheek. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
I stared, horrified. I don’t. I don’t have it in me, I wanted to say.
And yet it was a hard thing to argue when I had just in fact slapped him.
I had never struck another person. As in ever. Not even Amber when she overfed my hamster and killed it. It was just another first, courtesy of Logan Mulvaney. What would be next if I continued to do whatever it was I was doing with him?
A heavy pause full of wild emotions I couldn’t even name pulsed like a heartbeat between us. Crazy as it sounded, I still wanted him. More than ever. I wanted him to grab me and pin me to the wall again. God, I was messed up. He’d insulted me. I’d slapped him. These were not normal things two people who liked each other did. And then I understood. Liking had nothing to do with it. This was wanting. Desire. Lust.
He turned away then, his big body striding down the hall, his steps thudding over the wood flooring.
“Great,” I muttered, standing there for a moment, wishing I could call him back and erase that last couple minutes. Wishing I could explain the real reason I didn’t want Reece to know. That I was only looking out for Logan. Well, partly. True, I wanted to spare him an ass-ripping by Reece. Partly. But there was a part of me that was embarrassed, too. I could pretend and lie to him but not myself.
After a few more moments, I headed down the hall, not wanting to face Emerson again when she emerged from the bathroom. She probably hadn’t heard the slap or she would have flung that door open and followed up with a slap of her own. I eased back into the crowd halfheartedly, searching for my date. At least pretending to. Really, my gaze sought Logan, skipping over faces. I didn’t see him anywhere—or Rachel for that matter. Had they left?
I located Connor sitting on a barstool, talking to one of Pepper’s coworkers from the daycare where she worked part-time. He smiled brightly when I arrived at his side, and I felt yet another pang of guilt.
I wished I hadn’t brought him. It felt so wrong. Especially now. I had just made out with Logan in the bathroom while Connor sat out here eating fajitas and queso, oblivious to the fact of what I was doing . . . and that we had no future. At least romantically. We were colleagues. Plain and simple. I needed to set the record straight with him tonight.
I fixed a plate and picked at my food, feeling Emerson’s stare on me from where she stood with Shaw. My appetite had fled, but I attempted to put on a good show. I joined in the toasts celebrating Pepper and Reece’s new house. No one (except for Emerson) seemed aware that I was quieter than normal.
When Pepper came to stand beside me, I casually managed to mention Logan. I couldn’t help it. Standing there, parts of me still throbbing and tingling from the things he did to my body, I couldn’t hold it in.
“Reece’s brother leave?”
“Yeah, he and Rachel had another thing to go to.”
“What’s the story with Rachel?” I was fishing. I had Logan’s explanation of their relationship but I wanted another version.
“She’s his best friend. Ever since they were kids. Her brother died when she was twelve. They just gravitated toward each other after that. I think Logan got what she was going through and she attached herself to him like coral on rock. Honestly, I’m surprised he’s leaving her behind for college.”
“She’s attending school locally?”
“If at all. Her parents don’t care what she does with her life.”
“Then I’m glad she has Logan.”
Pepper looked at me and I realized that must have sounded more invested than just someone making casual inquiries.
“Their friendship has been a good thing for the most part, it served them both . . . Reece hasn’t always been there for Logan. First he went away to school, and then took over the bar. And God knows their father hasn’t been an ideal parent. Reece regrets that. He feels like he failed Logan . . . left him to raise himself. But it’s time for Logan to stop saving everyone else. His dad. Rachel. He needs to follow his own path.” She sighed then.
I didn’t miss how she said their friendship was good for the most part. “Why do I feel like there’s a but in there somewhere?”
She winced and gave a quick nod. “Rachel is a bit of a wild child. Boys, booze. When they were fourteen, Logan found her after she swallowed a bunch of pills. He called an ambulance and then made her puke, trying to get her to empty her stomach.” Pepper shook her head with a shudder. “No one should have to do that. Can you imagine being fourteen and walking in on that? Her parents weren’t around as usual. Logan showed up because she had missed school. Thank God for her he did.”
I released a shaky breath, imagining a young Logan bent over Rachel, shaking her to life, making her puke. It was just another picture at odds with the Logan I thought I knew. I spread them all out in front of me like snapshots—jock, teacher, writer. Hero.
“Hey.” Pepper nudged me. “Don’t share that with anyone, okay? Not that you would, but Reece told me that and I doubt Logan wants people knowing that about Rachel.” She released a small puff of laughter. “He works so hard putting up a front that everything’s great.”
I nodded. “Of course.” I knew something about putting up fronts. I wasn’t going to advertise that I knew Rachel had tried to kill herself. The girl might not like me, but I wouldn’t do that.
Pepper gulped her glass. “Okay. I didn’t mean to turn into Debbie Downer with all this heavy talk. This is supposed to be a happy night.”
I forced a grin and tried to shake thoughts of Logan. Yeah, he intrigued me, but I’m pretty sure that his encouraging me to bang Connor, followed with my slapping him in the face, destroyed whatever it was we had going.
I reached for a second margarita, deciding that a good buzz was in definite order.
“Go back to your date, Georgia.”
My date. The reminder hit me with a pang. I had forgotten about him again.
“Logan,” I repeated, reaching for his arm, but he pulled it away.
“I primed you. Maybe he can finish you off tonight. Just don’t expect him to fuck you like I would.”
I flinched and without thinking my hand lashed out, slapping him soundly across the cheek.
His face gave the barest turn from the force before righting to look me over, his deep blue eyes drilling me. “Nice, Pearls.” He fingered his cheek. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
I stared, horrified. I don’t. I don’t have it in me, I wanted to say.
And yet it was a hard thing to argue when I had just in fact slapped him.
I had never struck another person. As in ever. Not even Amber when she overfed my hamster and killed it. It was just another first, courtesy of Logan Mulvaney. What would be next if I continued to do whatever it was I was doing with him?
A heavy pause full of wild emotions I couldn’t even name pulsed like a heartbeat between us. Crazy as it sounded, I still wanted him. More than ever. I wanted him to grab me and pin me to the wall again. God, I was messed up. He’d insulted me. I’d slapped him. These were not normal things two people who liked each other did. And then I understood. Liking had nothing to do with it. This was wanting. Desire. Lust.
He turned away then, his big body striding down the hall, his steps thudding over the wood flooring.
“Great,” I muttered, standing there for a moment, wishing I could call him back and erase that last couple minutes. Wishing I could explain the real reason I didn’t want Reece to know. That I was only looking out for Logan. Well, partly. True, I wanted to spare him an ass-ripping by Reece. Partly. But there was a part of me that was embarrassed, too. I could pretend and lie to him but not myself.
After a few more moments, I headed down the hall, not wanting to face Emerson again when she emerged from the bathroom. She probably hadn’t heard the slap or she would have flung that door open and followed up with a slap of her own. I eased back into the crowd halfheartedly, searching for my date. At least pretending to. Really, my gaze sought Logan, skipping over faces. I didn’t see him anywhere—or Rachel for that matter. Had they left?
I located Connor sitting on a barstool, talking to one of Pepper’s coworkers from the daycare where she worked part-time. He smiled brightly when I arrived at his side, and I felt yet another pang of guilt.
I wished I hadn’t brought him. It felt so wrong. Especially now. I had just made out with Logan in the bathroom while Connor sat out here eating fajitas and queso, oblivious to the fact of what I was doing . . . and that we had no future. At least romantically. We were colleagues. Plain and simple. I needed to set the record straight with him tonight.
I fixed a plate and picked at my food, feeling Emerson’s stare on me from where she stood with Shaw. My appetite had fled, but I attempted to put on a good show. I joined in the toasts celebrating Pepper and Reece’s new house. No one (except for Emerson) seemed aware that I was quieter than normal.
When Pepper came to stand beside me, I casually managed to mention Logan. I couldn’t help it. Standing there, parts of me still throbbing and tingling from the things he did to my body, I couldn’t hold it in.
“Reece’s brother leave?”
“Yeah, he and Rachel had another thing to go to.”
“What’s the story with Rachel?” I was fishing. I had Logan’s explanation of their relationship but I wanted another version.
“She’s his best friend. Ever since they were kids. Her brother died when she was twelve. They just gravitated toward each other after that. I think Logan got what she was going through and she attached herself to him like coral on rock. Honestly, I’m surprised he’s leaving her behind for college.”
“She’s attending school locally?”
“If at all. Her parents don’t care what she does with her life.”
“Then I’m glad she has Logan.”
Pepper looked at me and I realized that must have sounded more invested than just someone making casual inquiries.
“Their friendship has been a good thing for the most part, it served them both . . . Reece hasn’t always been there for Logan. First he went away to school, and then took over the bar. And God knows their father hasn’t been an ideal parent. Reece regrets that. He feels like he failed Logan . . . left him to raise himself. But it’s time for Logan to stop saving everyone else. His dad. Rachel. He needs to follow his own path.” She sighed then.
I didn’t miss how she said their friendship was good for the most part. “Why do I feel like there’s a but in there somewhere?”
She winced and gave a quick nod. “Rachel is a bit of a wild child. Boys, booze. When they were fourteen, Logan found her after she swallowed a bunch of pills. He called an ambulance and then made her puke, trying to get her to empty her stomach.” Pepper shook her head with a shudder. “No one should have to do that. Can you imagine being fourteen and walking in on that? Her parents weren’t around as usual. Logan showed up because she had missed school. Thank God for her he did.”
I released a shaky breath, imagining a young Logan bent over Rachel, shaking her to life, making her puke. It was just another picture at odds with the Logan I thought I knew. I spread them all out in front of me like snapshots—jock, teacher, writer. Hero.
“Hey.” Pepper nudged me. “Don’t share that with anyone, okay? Not that you would, but Reece told me that and I doubt Logan wants people knowing that about Rachel.” She released a small puff of laughter. “He works so hard putting up a front that everything’s great.”
I nodded. “Of course.” I knew something about putting up fronts. I wasn’t going to advertise that I knew Rachel had tried to kill herself. The girl might not like me, but I wouldn’t do that.
Pepper gulped her glass. “Okay. I didn’t mean to turn into Debbie Downer with all this heavy talk. This is supposed to be a happy night.”
I forced a grin and tried to shake thoughts of Logan. Yeah, he intrigued me, but I’m pretty sure that his encouraging me to bang Connor, followed with my slapping him in the face, destroyed whatever it was we had going.
I reached for a second margarita, deciding that a good buzz was in definite order.
