With All My Soul
Page 20

Here. I passed out lattes, and Em snatched a napkin dispenser from an empty table.
Whats the occasion? Sabine looked suspicious. I couldnt blame her. Wed reached an understandingshe could have Nash, and I could never again touch him, for any reason whatsoever, so long as we both shall live. Which isnt as bad as it sounds. Nash and I had made serious strides toward actual friendship, which was more than I could say for him and his brother. Sabine and I would never be like sisters, but we had definitely reached something akin to friendship.
And that was good, considering that the alternative always seemed to involve her trying to kill me, with little regard for the fact that I was already dead.
I need some information. I took the lid off my cup and blew over the top of my latte. From Nash.
Whats up? He dumped a packet of sugar into his open cup, then realized he had nothing to stir with.
I need you to make a list of everyone you know who tried frost, back when Doug was, um, distributing to your teammates.
Emma flinched at the mention of her ex, and I felt guilty all over again. Both of her most recent boyfriends had died because of me and my otherworldly complications.
I dont have a list. Nash scowled at the powder that refused to mix with the foam on top of his coffee. In fact, I dont know a single name for sure. I didnt even know Doug was using, until that party. The night he hit your car.
You dont have a single name? Seriously? Not even an educated guess?
He shrugged and put the lid back on his cup. I can tell you who I saw him with at that last party, when his dealer showed up.
Was Marco Gutierrez one of them?
Yeah.
Good enough. I pulled a notepad from my bag and pushed it across the table toward him. Em added a pen. Write down all you can remember. Please.
Is this about what happened with Marco yesterday? Sabine sipped from her cup while Nash scribbled on the notepad.
Yeah. He was just possessed, so it was pretty easy to get rid of Avari, but Id like to avoid a repetition. Or at least see it coming ahead of time.
So, where do we stand with Sophie and the liquid envy? Em cradled her cup in both hands.
Sabines smile looked almost euphoric. Which kinda scared me. I gave her the first dose this morning, in her coffee. Had to dump in extra sugar to cover the taste.
Half a drop? Em said. Because Kaylee went bat-shit crazy on a full drop.
I did not
Yeah. Half a drop, as instructed. Sabine spoke over me. But Im telling you, this whole thing would be much more entertainingand would go a lot fasterif youd let me really dose her.
No. Iknow you enjoy your work, but the object isnt to drive her nuts.
Sabine huffed. Speak for yourself. Then she shrugged. At least Im getting a decent bedtime snack out of this. Because she was feeding from Sophies relevant fears as part of the process.
Em chuckled, staring into her cup. I cant believe you put real sugar in her coffee. Shed kill you if she knew it wasnt calorie-free sweetener.
Here. Nash slid the notepad back to me. Thats all I can remember.
I glanced at the list. Thats only three names.
He shrugged and sipped his coffee. If I had more, Id give them to you.
Thanks. I turned to Em. What about you? Did you see Doug hang out with anyone in particular?
Yeah. She shrugged. Half the school. But I never even saw him with a balloon. Which is what theyd used to store frost in. Which was kind of...my idea. Though Id never intended to contribute to the ease of drug trafficking when Id thought of it.
Hey, Kaylee, can I talk to you for a minute? I twisted in my chair to see Chelsea Simms holding a green paper folder.
Sure. I shoved the notepad into my bag, picked up my coffee, and stood. Ill see you guys at lunch. Sabine, Nash, and Emma nodded, and I followed Chelsea into the hall.
She opened the folder as we walked in the general direction of our first-period math class, then pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to me. I just wanted to show you this. It was a screen print from some kind of layout program. Its for her memorial page in the yearbook.
In the center was a candid shot of Emma at a football game, from the fall semester. Her cheeks were red from the cold and she wore a green scarf; her thick, golden hair was flying over her shoulder in the wind. She looked happy.
She looked alive.
In that moment, I understood what Emma had lost, beyond her family, her clothes, her car, and the future shed always assumed shed have. Shed lost herself.
Id met Emma in the third grade, and in all the time Id known her, I couldnt remember her ever lacking confidence or self-esteem before Id exposed her to truths about the world no human should have to deal with. Shed always known who she was and where she fit into the world. Shed known what she wanted to do with her lifeeven if that changed on a monthly basisand exactly what she was capable of.
She had none of that now, and even if I spent my entire afterlife trying to make that up to her, I could never give her back what shed lost. Ever. The best I could do was help her adjust to the life she had now. Show her that she still had her friends, and that this new life could still be a good one.