With All My Soul
Page 31
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I guess not. Traci sank into her seat again, but she couldnt stop staring at Emma. You look so different. Except your eyes...
Emma glanced at me with her brows arched. Oh, now she notices my eyes.
Girls, I truly wish we had time for the reunion this moment deserves. But were running out of time on this dose. She gestured to Tracis empty teacup. And Id rather not risk Traci still being under the influence of a second dose when her mother comes home. Id hate for her to forget something she needs to remember.
So, Im really not going to remember any of this? I wont remember about Emma?
Im afraid not. However, you may subconsciously remember that shes alive, and that could make it easier for you to move on, even if you still believe on the surface that your sister is dead.
Traci nodded, and I privately wondered how many good uses I could find for a vial of Netherworld forget-me water if I had one.
But as sorry as I am for everything youve been through, Harmony continued, we really need to get back to the matter at hand. Do you understand what weve been telling you?
I think so. Tracis eyes narrowed in thought. My sisters still alive, but my babys going to die. Or else I will.
No. Youre not going to die. Harmony looked...heartbroken. She leaned toward Traci on the couch to emphasize the importance of what she was saying. We came here to tell you the truth, so you can do what needs to be done. To save your life.
Well, I wont do it. Traci leaned back against the cushion, one hand on her small belly, as if the matter was already decided. Im not going to kill my baby.
Traci... Em said, but her sister shook her head firmly.
No. Hes sharing my soul. My soul, Emma. That means hes part of me. How am I supposed to kill part of myself? I cant live with myself, knowing his death was the price for my life.
A storm of horror and empathy collided within me, trapping me between that figurative rock and hard place. The decision was Tracis to makebut I wasnt sure she fully understood the choice she was making. Or the consequences of letting an incubus baby live.
But, Trace, hes probably going to die anyway! Emma insisted. You cant carry him, and if you try, youll both die. Youre already sick, and its still your first trimester!
Theres another problem, Traci, I said quietly, and Harmonys attention settled on me like a comforting hand on my back, silently encouraging me to say what had to be said, even as waves of nausea rolled over me at the very thought. I took a deep breath.When I was sure I had Tracis full attention, I continued, Your son isnt human. The male offspring of an incubus is always an incubus, so...you need to understand that even if you could carry and deliver this baby, and even if you both survived, you wouldnt be raising a normal little boy. Youd be raising a predator.
Her uncertain frown deepened. What does that mean, exactly?
When your son reaches puberty, hell develop an appetitea needto feed on lust, in any form. If he doesnt, hell starve to death, just like he would without food. I scooted forward in my chair. I could practically feel her taking in every word I said, studying them for truth and, beyond that, for meaning. Your son will grow up to do to other girls what Beck did to you. He will bowl them over with a desire he exudesand wont be able to control without practicethen hell take what he needs, when he needs it, from whoever is convenient at the time. Like you were convenient for Beck. At best, hell try and fail to control his appetite, unintentionally victimizing girls who dont even know theyre victims. Girls who wont understand why they slept with a strange boy and might think of themselves as sluts because of something they had no control over. I can only imagine how damaging that kind of self-image will be for the rest of their lives. At worst, your son will be a flat-out rapist and murderer, like his father.
I could see her horror growing with every word I said, but I continued because she needed to know all of it. She needed to understand.
Either way, he will be the most dangerous thing on the middle school playground, and that will only get worse the older he gets. Hell be a sexual predator, Traci. Theres nothing any of us can do to change that. Thats what incubi are. Its how they survive, and their survival is in direct opposition to the free will of every woman in their path. You know that even better than we do.
Tracis hands started to shake in her lap, and her gaze lost focus beneath the tears now standing in her eyes.
And itll be even worse than that when he feels the need to...reproduce, about once a century, Harmony added. During each of those spawning periodsfor lack of a better termup to a dozen young girls could die trying to carry his child. Which is the same risk youre facing now. Do you understand?
Please, please let her understand. Somehow, telling Traci that her child would grow up to be a monster was even harder than telling her that the conception was a crime of convenience committed against both her mind and her body. I hated myself for having to tell her either of those things, and suddenly I understood why some people might be inclined to shoot the messenger.
Emma glanced at me with her brows arched. Oh, now she notices my eyes.
Girls, I truly wish we had time for the reunion this moment deserves. But were running out of time on this dose. She gestured to Tracis empty teacup. And Id rather not risk Traci still being under the influence of a second dose when her mother comes home. Id hate for her to forget something she needs to remember.
So, Im really not going to remember any of this? I wont remember about Emma?
Im afraid not. However, you may subconsciously remember that shes alive, and that could make it easier for you to move on, even if you still believe on the surface that your sister is dead.
Traci nodded, and I privately wondered how many good uses I could find for a vial of Netherworld forget-me water if I had one.
But as sorry as I am for everything youve been through, Harmony continued, we really need to get back to the matter at hand. Do you understand what weve been telling you?
I think so. Tracis eyes narrowed in thought. My sisters still alive, but my babys going to die. Or else I will.
No. Youre not going to die. Harmony looked...heartbroken. She leaned toward Traci on the couch to emphasize the importance of what she was saying. We came here to tell you the truth, so you can do what needs to be done. To save your life.
Well, I wont do it. Traci leaned back against the cushion, one hand on her small belly, as if the matter was already decided. Im not going to kill my baby.
Traci... Em said, but her sister shook her head firmly.
No. Hes sharing my soul. My soul, Emma. That means hes part of me. How am I supposed to kill part of myself? I cant live with myself, knowing his death was the price for my life.
A storm of horror and empathy collided within me, trapping me between that figurative rock and hard place. The decision was Tracis to makebut I wasnt sure she fully understood the choice she was making. Or the consequences of letting an incubus baby live.
But, Trace, hes probably going to die anyway! Emma insisted. You cant carry him, and if you try, youll both die. Youre already sick, and its still your first trimester!
Theres another problem, Traci, I said quietly, and Harmonys attention settled on me like a comforting hand on my back, silently encouraging me to say what had to be said, even as waves of nausea rolled over me at the very thought. I took a deep breath.When I was sure I had Tracis full attention, I continued, Your son isnt human. The male offspring of an incubus is always an incubus, so...you need to understand that even if you could carry and deliver this baby, and even if you both survived, you wouldnt be raising a normal little boy. Youd be raising a predator.
Her uncertain frown deepened. What does that mean, exactly?
When your son reaches puberty, hell develop an appetitea needto feed on lust, in any form. If he doesnt, hell starve to death, just like he would without food. I scooted forward in my chair. I could practically feel her taking in every word I said, studying them for truth and, beyond that, for meaning. Your son will grow up to do to other girls what Beck did to you. He will bowl them over with a desire he exudesand wont be able to control without practicethen hell take what he needs, when he needs it, from whoever is convenient at the time. Like you were convenient for Beck. At best, hell try and fail to control his appetite, unintentionally victimizing girls who dont even know theyre victims. Girls who wont understand why they slept with a strange boy and might think of themselves as sluts because of something they had no control over. I can only imagine how damaging that kind of self-image will be for the rest of their lives. At worst, your son will be a flat-out rapist and murderer, like his father.
I could see her horror growing with every word I said, but I continued because she needed to know all of it. She needed to understand.
Either way, he will be the most dangerous thing on the middle school playground, and that will only get worse the older he gets. Hell be a sexual predator, Traci. Theres nothing any of us can do to change that. Thats what incubi are. Its how they survive, and their survival is in direct opposition to the free will of every woman in their path. You know that even better than we do.
Tracis hands started to shake in her lap, and her gaze lost focus beneath the tears now standing in her eyes.
And itll be even worse than that when he feels the need to...reproduce, about once a century, Harmony added. During each of those spawning periodsfor lack of a better termup to a dozen young girls could die trying to carry his child. Which is the same risk youre facing now. Do you understand?
Please, please let her understand. Somehow, telling Traci that her child would grow up to be a monster was even harder than telling her that the conception was a crime of convenience committed against both her mind and her body. I hated myself for having to tell her either of those things, and suddenly I understood why some people might be inclined to shoot the messenger.
