“Let’s not and say we did. Really, I’ve had enough Oprah moments for the day. I’m all empowered now, I’m every woman. Woot!” Tegan said, sounding exhausted.
“Hey, that was pretty good, my young apprentice. Now, back to guilt. Under the circumstances you couldn’t have done anything else. You were at Ben’s house. He’s your mate. It was only natural you shared with him when you knew you were being watched.”
Nina’s voice was understanding.
“I should have gone out there alone. When I first felt him. I’ve put us all in danger now.”
“We were already in danger and you aren’t responsible for everything in the whole world, Tee. Your man is a cop, this won’t be the last time something like this comes up.
You have to let him do his thing too. You’re going to butt heads. A lot. It’s actually great for make up sex. I’m just sayin’. Lay doesn’t know because Sid is easygoing and he adores her and lets her have her way. But your brother is a pain in my ass every waking moment. Truly, it’s only the spectacular sex and the cookies alpha boy makes when he’s stressed that keep me here.”
Tegan shook her head and began to laugh. It was a rusty sort of sound at first. Not a casual laugh but the kind of laugh that came from deep inside and made your face hurt and your stomach ache. Tears rolled from her eyes and she threw herself back on the bed and let it come until the tears were no longer of joy but pain.
Layla snuggled up to one side and Nina got the other, both exchanging worried looks.
“You couldn’t have saved Lucas, Tegan,” Layla murmured. “This isn’t the same.
We’re all going to be okay.”
Tegan only cried harder. “I should have put my foot down on Ranger school. I should have kept him out of the Army altogether. But I didn’t. I let him go and he’s dead and I failed him. And now you’re all in danger because I let my pu**y get ahead of my job.”
Layla looked shocked and then laughed. “Oh sweetie, you’re giving your pu**y an awful lot of power. You’re a hot number but really, I think that’s pretty arrogant, even for a Warden. As for Lucas? You forget I grew up with him too. He lived and breathed the Army. He wanted it and you wanted it for him. You let him be what he needed to be. And he got killed and that sucks rocks but it was not your fault! I’m pissed off at you for even thinking that all these years. And Tee, if Ben gets hurt, or if someone in the Pack gets hurt, it’s not your fault either.”
“That’s why you gave us yourself twenty-four/seven! Man-oh-man, Tegan. I honestly thought I had the guilt thing down with Gabriel but you got me beat. Your mate gets killed in Afghanistan and you blame yourself. Cut yourself some slack. This guy who cased Ben’s house? Not your fault. Ben being a cop? Not your fault. He’s your mate.
Again, not your fault. But it is what it is and you have to deal. And you are not allowed to feel guilty about this. I’m Second and I say so. So there. You’ll let Ben stew because you know he will, he’s a man. And then he’ll come around.” Nina rolled her eyes.
“I’m starving. We’re going to eat dinner and you’re going to let your family pamper you.” Layla stood and pulled Tegan up.
Tegan felt lighter than she had in a very long time. Just having someone know how she felt, even if she wasn’t quite ready to let go of the guilt, made her feel better. Less burdened.
Chapter Eight
Five days went by and Ben tried to pretend nothing was wrong. But it was a losing battle. He saw Tegan in the fiery red leaves on the maple trees in his yard, he smelled her in his house, on his sheets.
He thought about her all the time. At first it was physical. A deep ache to touch her, to be inside her. But then it turned into something else. He wondered how she was feeling. Wondered if she was hurting and felt guilt at not trying to get in contact. She’d called and left a message on his voicemail a few days before but he hadn’t replied and she hadn’t called again. At first he’d battled that guilt with anger at her refusal to see him but as the days passed, he began to understand her more. He had to, he could only think about f**king her two-thirds of the time, the rest of the time ended up being about her as a person and her motivations.
He wondered how he’d have felt if he’d been in her place. At first he told himself it wouldn’t have been the same but he was beginning to have trouble believing that. He felt strongly about being a cop. He did it to protect people. If he was a cop for his family and she’d stepped in and put them in danger, how would he have reacted? He wouldn’t have done anything different necessarily but he could see why she was upset.
What he couldn’t see was her refusal to even talk to him that next night. He had to get her out of his head, that was it. Getting into his car, he headed to the club to work out some of his feelings and perhaps if he found himself a sweet human submissive, he’d be able to break his feelings for Tegan once and for all.
Except he sat in the parking lot for thirty minutes, remembering the time he’d been with her there. Gripping the steering wheel, he realized he needed Tegan Warden. Not just in his bed but in his life. Whether it was some werewolf mumbo jumbo or not, it was inescapable.
He pointed his car toward Cade’s place and swallowed his pride.
“She’s not here.” Cade looked down his nose at Ben.
“What? What do you mean?”
“She’s off shift. I made her go home. Nick and Tracy are here with some Pacific members, they’re out at Tee’s place. No, get that look off your face, she’s being watched and pretending she doesn’t know it. Pacific’s Enforcer, the one who took Nick’s place is also there. She’s fine. Pissed at you, but fine.”
“Hey, that was pretty good, my young apprentice. Now, back to guilt. Under the circumstances you couldn’t have done anything else. You were at Ben’s house. He’s your mate. It was only natural you shared with him when you knew you were being watched.”
Nina’s voice was understanding.
“I should have gone out there alone. When I first felt him. I’ve put us all in danger now.”
“We were already in danger and you aren’t responsible for everything in the whole world, Tee. Your man is a cop, this won’t be the last time something like this comes up.
You have to let him do his thing too. You’re going to butt heads. A lot. It’s actually great for make up sex. I’m just sayin’. Lay doesn’t know because Sid is easygoing and he adores her and lets her have her way. But your brother is a pain in my ass every waking moment. Truly, it’s only the spectacular sex and the cookies alpha boy makes when he’s stressed that keep me here.”
Tegan shook her head and began to laugh. It was a rusty sort of sound at first. Not a casual laugh but the kind of laugh that came from deep inside and made your face hurt and your stomach ache. Tears rolled from her eyes and she threw herself back on the bed and let it come until the tears were no longer of joy but pain.
Layla snuggled up to one side and Nina got the other, both exchanging worried looks.
“You couldn’t have saved Lucas, Tegan,” Layla murmured. “This isn’t the same.
We’re all going to be okay.”
Tegan only cried harder. “I should have put my foot down on Ranger school. I should have kept him out of the Army altogether. But I didn’t. I let him go and he’s dead and I failed him. And now you’re all in danger because I let my pu**y get ahead of my job.”
Layla looked shocked and then laughed. “Oh sweetie, you’re giving your pu**y an awful lot of power. You’re a hot number but really, I think that’s pretty arrogant, even for a Warden. As for Lucas? You forget I grew up with him too. He lived and breathed the Army. He wanted it and you wanted it for him. You let him be what he needed to be. And he got killed and that sucks rocks but it was not your fault! I’m pissed off at you for even thinking that all these years. And Tee, if Ben gets hurt, or if someone in the Pack gets hurt, it’s not your fault either.”
“That’s why you gave us yourself twenty-four/seven! Man-oh-man, Tegan. I honestly thought I had the guilt thing down with Gabriel but you got me beat. Your mate gets killed in Afghanistan and you blame yourself. Cut yourself some slack. This guy who cased Ben’s house? Not your fault. Ben being a cop? Not your fault. He’s your mate.
Again, not your fault. But it is what it is and you have to deal. And you are not allowed to feel guilty about this. I’m Second and I say so. So there. You’ll let Ben stew because you know he will, he’s a man. And then he’ll come around.” Nina rolled her eyes.
“I’m starving. We’re going to eat dinner and you’re going to let your family pamper you.” Layla stood and pulled Tegan up.
Tegan felt lighter than she had in a very long time. Just having someone know how she felt, even if she wasn’t quite ready to let go of the guilt, made her feel better. Less burdened.
Chapter Eight
Five days went by and Ben tried to pretend nothing was wrong. But it was a losing battle. He saw Tegan in the fiery red leaves on the maple trees in his yard, he smelled her in his house, on his sheets.
He thought about her all the time. At first it was physical. A deep ache to touch her, to be inside her. But then it turned into something else. He wondered how she was feeling. Wondered if she was hurting and felt guilt at not trying to get in contact. She’d called and left a message on his voicemail a few days before but he hadn’t replied and she hadn’t called again. At first he’d battled that guilt with anger at her refusal to see him but as the days passed, he began to understand her more. He had to, he could only think about f**king her two-thirds of the time, the rest of the time ended up being about her as a person and her motivations.
He wondered how he’d have felt if he’d been in her place. At first he told himself it wouldn’t have been the same but he was beginning to have trouble believing that. He felt strongly about being a cop. He did it to protect people. If he was a cop for his family and she’d stepped in and put them in danger, how would he have reacted? He wouldn’t have done anything different necessarily but he could see why she was upset.
What he couldn’t see was her refusal to even talk to him that next night. He had to get her out of his head, that was it. Getting into his car, he headed to the club to work out some of his feelings and perhaps if he found himself a sweet human submissive, he’d be able to break his feelings for Tegan once and for all.
Except he sat in the parking lot for thirty minutes, remembering the time he’d been with her there. Gripping the steering wheel, he realized he needed Tegan Warden. Not just in his bed but in his life. Whether it was some werewolf mumbo jumbo or not, it was inescapable.
He pointed his car toward Cade’s place and swallowed his pride.
“She’s not here.” Cade looked down his nose at Ben.
“What? What do you mean?”
“She’s off shift. I made her go home. Nick and Tracy are here with some Pacific members, they’re out at Tee’s place. No, get that look off your face, she’s being watched and pretending she doesn’t know it. Pacific’s Enforcer, the one who took Nick’s place is also there. She’s fine. Pissed at you, but fine.”
