Worth Forgiving
Page 61
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“So you guaranteed a half million dollar loan personally to fix it?”
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want any more secrets between us. I was only trying to help. Now that Caden won’t be syphoning cash out, your cash flow will improve in no time and I’m sure the bank will really reconsider. Then they can cancel my guarantee and you can be totally free from me.”
Nothing in the world hurts more than the thought of his last few words. Being totally free of him. But I’m so drained at this moment, I can’t even think clearly.
“Thank you for doing that for me and Joe.”
He looks down, seeing the drawing I’m working on for the first time and looks me in the eyes. Something clicks inside of me and I suddenly feel like I might break. Break into a million little pieces right in front of this man. He’s so strong and balanced and I’m an emotional train wreck bearing down on a crash full speed ahead.
We both say nothing until he turns, grabbing the door and orders, “Lock the door behind me. Call a cab. Don’t walk tonight.”
***
Two hours later, my mind is still swirling but I know one thing. I’ll never be able to forget this man. I’m not sure what I’m going to say, but when I see the towering lights of the San Marco Hotel up ahead, I tell the driver to go straight instead of turning toward my apartment.
The elevator climbs painstakingly slowly to the thirty-third floor. I smile when I realize he’s staying in a regular room and not a suite. My knock on the door is so light, I’m surprised when the door opens.
Standing before me, a towel wrapped around his narrow waist, is the man I’m head over heels in love with. The one I have no choice but to forgive, because there’s no chance in hell I’m ever going to be able to forget. I just hope he’ll forgive me too.
We stand there staring for a long time, our eyes locked, my heart beating out of control, a connection sizzling between us more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced with another human being. “I can’t forget you,” I whisper.
Not surprisingly, he seems confused with my comment. “Come in.”
He closes the door behind him and turns to face me, goosebumps break out all over my body when he reaches his big hand down around my neck and takes a step closer to me. He squeezes my neck, forcing me to look up at him, and when I do he leans down and kisses my lips ever so gently. “I can’t forget you either,” he says, his nose just inches from mine.
“You were jealous of Liv? I was so pissed you thought so little of me that I would bring a woman to where I knew you’d be, I didn’t even stop to realize what it meant. If you’re jealous, it means you still have feelings for me. I was just showering and coming to you.”
“You were?”
“Were you jealous, Lily?”
So much so that I couldn’t even think straight. “Yes.”
“Why?” he takes a step closer. His chest is heaving and his breathing is as labored as mine.
“Because.”
“Because why, Lily?”
He wants to hear me say it. “Because the thought of you with anyone else causes me physical pain.”
He takes my hand and lifts it to his mouth, kissing the palm and then every finger. “Why does it hurt?”
“You know why.” My voice shakes out of me.
“No, I need you to tell me why. I need you to go first, because I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life and you keep running away from me.”
“You hurt me.”
“I know I did and I’m sorry. But I’ve never run away from what I feel about you. And I’ve been trying to show you for weeks, but you won’t give me a chance. Are you really going to give me a chance this time, Angel?”
“Yes.” I swallow the lump in my throat. I’ve been so self-consumed with how he hurt me, I never stopped to think about what I might be doing to him.
“I…” my words get stuck in my throat when I really see his chest for the first time. I’ve been standing here with him in a towel since he opened the door, how could I have not seen it sooner. It’s huge. The bruise covers half of his rib cage and it’s dark blue, almost black. Seeing it makes my heart feel like a huge hand has reached in and strangled it so tightly I can barely breathe. Remembering what he did the first time he saw the bruise on my neck Caden had left, I lean down and gently kiss it. First I trace every inch of the outline of it. Then I spend the next few minutes covering every inch of his beautiful skin that is blackened with whisper soft kisses. His chest tightens when I hit a certain spot and I know that must be where the break is. Tears burn my eyes thinking of the pain that Caden has caused him. Caused us. Physically and emotionally.
He looks down watching as I cover the last bit of bruised surface with kisses. His eyes are searching mine. He needs assurance as much as I do. This confident man, full of arrogance and sexy bravado, looks so vulnerable. So I open up my heart, taking a risk I know will crush me if it doesn’t work out, but it’s a risk I have no choice but to take. Taking a deep breath, I look up into his eyes as I finally confess, “I’m in love with you, Jax.”
His eyes close, and when he opens them again, something is different. He stares at me so intensely, I’m sure he can see through to my soul. It should scare me, but instead my heart wants to open and sing. His eyes travel around my face and then lock to mine, everything else in the universe fades away when he speaks and it’s only me and him. “I smell you when you’re nowhere near me. I feel you, without touching. When you walk into a room, I know you’re there even before I look up. Every time I see you smile, I smile. Your happiness has become my happiness. Either I’m in love with you, or you really are my very own angel. Either way, we were meant to be.”
Tears threaten to spill as he speaks. I hold them back for as long as I can. The first one falls when his voice cracks. “I’m sorry, Angel. I never meant to hurt you.” He wipes my tear with a soft brush of his thumb on my cheek. “Please give me a reason to wake up every morning and show you I’m worth forgiving.”
I smile even though tears begin to stream down my face. “I hate waking up without you next to me. I sleep on my side of the bed when you’re not there and every time I reach over, I’m reminded it’s empty. And it makes me feel empty.”
Jax smiles, his own eyes filling. He takes my face between his hands. “We’ll have to do something about that.” Softly, he kisses my lips. Pulling his head back to look at me, a devilish grin threatens at his serious face. “I can think of one way to make you feel less empty right now.” He arches an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want any more secrets between us. I was only trying to help. Now that Caden won’t be syphoning cash out, your cash flow will improve in no time and I’m sure the bank will really reconsider. Then they can cancel my guarantee and you can be totally free from me.”
Nothing in the world hurts more than the thought of his last few words. Being totally free of him. But I’m so drained at this moment, I can’t even think clearly.
“Thank you for doing that for me and Joe.”
He looks down, seeing the drawing I’m working on for the first time and looks me in the eyes. Something clicks inside of me and I suddenly feel like I might break. Break into a million little pieces right in front of this man. He’s so strong and balanced and I’m an emotional train wreck bearing down on a crash full speed ahead.
We both say nothing until he turns, grabbing the door and orders, “Lock the door behind me. Call a cab. Don’t walk tonight.”
***
Two hours later, my mind is still swirling but I know one thing. I’ll never be able to forget this man. I’m not sure what I’m going to say, but when I see the towering lights of the San Marco Hotel up ahead, I tell the driver to go straight instead of turning toward my apartment.
The elevator climbs painstakingly slowly to the thirty-third floor. I smile when I realize he’s staying in a regular room and not a suite. My knock on the door is so light, I’m surprised when the door opens.
Standing before me, a towel wrapped around his narrow waist, is the man I’m head over heels in love with. The one I have no choice but to forgive, because there’s no chance in hell I’m ever going to be able to forget. I just hope he’ll forgive me too.
We stand there staring for a long time, our eyes locked, my heart beating out of control, a connection sizzling between us more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced with another human being. “I can’t forget you,” I whisper.
Not surprisingly, he seems confused with my comment. “Come in.”
He closes the door behind him and turns to face me, goosebumps break out all over my body when he reaches his big hand down around my neck and takes a step closer to me. He squeezes my neck, forcing me to look up at him, and when I do he leans down and kisses my lips ever so gently. “I can’t forget you either,” he says, his nose just inches from mine.
“You were jealous of Liv? I was so pissed you thought so little of me that I would bring a woman to where I knew you’d be, I didn’t even stop to realize what it meant. If you’re jealous, it means you still have feelings for me. I was just showering and coming to you.”
“You were?”
“Were you jealous, Lily?”
So much so that I couldn’t even think straight. “Yes.”
“Why?” he takes a step closer. His chest is heaving and his breathing is as labored as mine.
“Because.”
“Because why, Lily?”
He wants to hear me say it. “Because the thought of you with anyone else causes me physical pain.”
He takes my hand and lifts it to his mouth, kissing the palm and then every finger. “Why does it hurt?”
“You know why.” My voice shakes out of me.
“No, I need you to tell me why. I need you to go first, because I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life and you keep running away from me.”
“You hurt me.”
“I know I did and I’m sorry. But I’ve never run away from what I feel about you. And I’ve been trying to show you for weeks, but you won’t give me a chance. Are you really going to give me a chance this time, Angel?”
“Yes.” I swallow the lump in my throat. I’ve been so self-consumed with how he hurt me, I never stopped to think about what I might be doing to him.
“I…” my words get stuck in my throat when I really see his chest for the first time. I’ve been standing here with him in a towel since he opened the door, how could I have not seen it sooner. It’s huge. The bruise covers half of his rib cage and it’s dark blue, almost black. Seeing it makes my heart feel like a huge hand has reached in and strangled it so tightly I can barely breathe. Remembering what he did the first time he saw the bruise on my neck Caden had left, I lean down and gently kiss it. First I trace every inch of the outline of it. Then I spend the next few minutes covering every inch of his beautiful skin that is blackened with whisper soft kisses. His chest tightens when I hit a certain spot and I know that must be where the break is. Tears burn my eyes thinking of the pain that Caden has caused him. Caused us. Physically and emotionally.
He looks down watching as I cover the last bit of bruised surface with kisses. His eyes are searching mine. He needs assurance as much as I do. This confident man, full of arrogance and sexy bravado, looks so vulnerable. So I open up my heart, taking a risk I know will crush me if it doesn’t work out, but it’s a risk I have no choice but to take. Taking a deep breath, I look up into his eyes as I finally confess, “I’m in love with you, Jax.”
His eyes close, and when he opens them again, something is different. He stares at me so intensely, I’m sure he can see through to my soul. It should scare me, but instead my heart wants to open and sing. His eyes travel around my face and then lock to mine, everything else in the universe fades away when he speaks and it’s only me and him. “I smell you when you’re nowhere near me. I feel you, without touching. When you walk into a room, I know you’re there even before I look up. Every time I see you smile, I smile. Your happiness has become my happiness. Either I’m in love with you, or you really are my very own angel. Either way, we were meant to be.”
Tears threaten to spill as he speaks. I hold them back for as long as I can. The first one falls when his voice cracks. “I’m sorry, Angel. I never meant to hurt you.” He wipes my tear with a soft brush of his thumb on my cheek. “Please give me a reason to wake up every morning and show you I’m worth forgiving.”
I smile even though tears begin to stream down my face. “I hate waking up without you next to me. I sleep on my side of the bed when you’re not there and every time I reach over, I’m reminded it’s empty. And it makes me feel empty.”
Jax smiles, his own eyes filling. He takes my face between his hands. “We’ll have to do something about that.” Softly, he kisses my lips. Pulling his head back to look at me, a devilish grin threatens at his serious face. “I can think of one way to make you feel less empty right now.” He arches an eyebrow.
